A grumbly voice from the ether speaks, "The year: 4862. The now five distinct species of what was once man have been divided across five isolated and independent planets, sectors, by the ruling Council. All media has become super boring. Like really boring, believe me. The only remaining entertainment? The Zorn Ranger Polo League, a violent sport of multicolored heroes and their mechanical beasts culminating in..."
The screen flickers on, but it takes a moment for the color and sound to fade in. The screen fills with the shot of a newsdesk with large windows viewing a stadium as the backdrop. Two men in suits fill the seats.
"Ladies, gentlemen, and Nomen, thank you for joining us today, my name as always is Chip Atraxia-," the man on the right is cut off.
"And I'm Thorn Stapp, and welcome to the Council of Man Polo Network's coverage of the 11th Annual Zorn Polo Championship Pentagame," says the exceptionally hairy and bearded man on the left in his gravelly voice.
"This year's CMPN coverage is brought to you by the Council. Always trust the council," Chip grins into the camera.
"Now before we go to this year's lineup, Chip, how's about we take a look at the crowd?"
The screen cuts to a shot of the massive stadium, a gargantuan space station, the outer edge bleachers filled with millions of spectators. The arena in the center is miles across and in the shape of a pentagon, with a dome covering the entire stadium and a gigantic black cube mounted at its zenith. The arena itself was wide open, with dotted walls and structures in a five-part symmetry pattern indicating the team zones and giving various points of cover, ranging in size from the equivalent of a crate all the way to a skyscraper. The teams actual goals were placed square center along their respective sides of the pentagonal arena.
"Look at all the fans, Thorn. It's days like these that remind me why we," he looks directly into the camera, "always trust the Council."
The camera pans across the stands of all the intermingled cheering fans from the different sectors; the sexless Nomen, the classic Sapiens, the brutish and hairy Arboridians, the half machine Cybrons, and even the tall hairless Agruans with their aquatic respirators. Most of them just seem excited to be there, but as the camera pans there are a group of Arboridians starting a brawl with some Agruans. The camera cuts immediately back to the studio.
"Why don't we move on to the lineup, huh folks?!" Thorn asks with faux excitement.
Graphics fill up the screen as they go through the teams with stats and team members.
Chip introduces the first team, "First up we have the foursome Lone Hand Crew from the Cybron sector. Now these rangers like to go with nearly entirely metallic suits with just colored trim accents."
"Can you tell us anything about what we've been hearing? About each of them only having a left arm?"
"Actually Thorn, we've been told that this years team is comprised of nearly 75% machinery and that they have not come with separate zorns to pilot, but that their zorns are in fact built into their right arms. Next up, from your home sector?"
"Yes Chip, from Arboridia we have in our customary plaid variations the Splittercut Trio. They are in fact the first all female ranger squad out of Arboridia, and possibly the most savage."
"Now is it true that they've gone with a classic for their zorns this year?" asks Chip.
"Each of them will be piloting zorns based on our sector animal, the hyperbison, and I'm told each with its own flair."
"Now from the Noman sector, we have in seven shades of gray, Ranger Team," says Chip for once unenthused.
"Eleven years of the same team name, Chip, once again you own me thirty-six hundred cruts. Ha ha!"
"And from my home sector, the inheritors of the mantle from the original ranger team, the Power Squad. A classic team comprised of Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, and their Leader White. And finally, we come to"
Thorn picks up where he left off, "our returning champions from the Agruan sector, down to four after their loss last year and under the new team name of So Long & Thanks for All the Blood."
"Still cocky after last year's win, I see."
"I don't blame them after that display, Chip. We sent out several interns to interview the various teams, let's go to Vartal who's with the Splittercut Trio."
They cut to a shot of the locker room of the Splittercut Trio in their bulky plaid armor, but all they see is the three women devouring the body of the poor Agruan intern. Once again, they cut immediately back to the studio and the shocked and blank looks on the hosts faces.
"Whoever sent the Agruan to interview the Trio is fired," asserts Chip before about-facing to his cheery self, "And now to Natalie Atraxia with Sap Team Zero, over to you honey!"
The screen changes to a human woman standing next a person covered head to toe in a white, but sleak armored suit.
"Thanks, Chip, keep it professional. I'm here with team leader for the power squad. How do you feel about todays pentagame, White?"
"Well you know, Natalie, we were ready when the giant King Ratticus attacked the Sapien capital, and that was because we had me. We were ready when Professor Cybronix invaded our sector with his robot army, because we had me. And we were definitely ready when the MonstroSix simultaneously hit each of our largest cities at the same time, and why? Because we had me. So you want to know how I feel about today, Natalie? I feel like we're going to win. Because we have me, we're always ready."
Fast forwarding through the rest of the interviews and time fillers, the actual start of the game is nearly passed. Playback returns to normal just after the zenith cube drones to life illuminating a massive split hologram in the air above the arena showing a variety of zoomed in shots of the teams. The bottom face of the cube hisses open as the thundering horn blares signifying the start of the game, and a glowing pinkish white orb drops from the opening to the arena's center; the ball. At the same instant each team kicks into action pulling the activation poses for their respective zorns.
"Go Red Power!" screams the brutish Red and his bull zorn blows steam from its nose vents.
Followed by the thin Green, "Go Green Power!" and her gecko zorn opens its mouth.
The blue wolf zorn growls after Blue yells her, "Go Blue Power!"
"Go Yellow Power!" activates his tortoise's shell opening.
Finally, with the mightiest and most heroic of calls, "Go White Pow-ack"
White is impaled and killed instantly by one of the odd spider-like legs extending from a Lone Hand Crew member. His zorn a metallic black spider with neon green detailing. The jaws of the rest of the team only have a moment to drop before they all acrobatically making their way into their cockpits.
"Great Mothra Maria! Tell me you saw that, Thorn!" Chip yells excitedly.
"We'll have to check the books, but that might just be the quickest championship death on record. Let's go to the replay."
In slow motion White mouths 'White Pow-' and his eyes go wide as the leg slowly cracks through the front of his armor. At that moment the speed normalizes and the leg peirces through sticking him to the arena floor as blood sprays.
"Unbelievable!" says Thorn.
"Jesus, what do we do without White?!" Yellow...yells over comms.
"We don't need him," replies Red calmly.
The bull zorn scrapes its front hoof, snorts steam, and charges the Spider Cybron who is still trying to pry his leg from the chest of White. The bull's head tilts forward as the horns begin to glow orange and the Spider looks up, eyes widening as the bull slams into the legs and the orange light bursts from the horns. The bull keeps running as the Spider tumbles sideways, its legs burning as if being eaten away by an acid, his screams echoing around the nearby structures.
Green chimes in on the comms, "I'm going for the ball."
"Looks like once again the old feud took over, eh Thorn?" goads Chip as the screen shows the Splittercut Trio and the Agruan teams in an all out battle.
"Go fuck yourself, Chip."
The battle of the forest folk and the sea folk was a blur or pastels and plaid. Two of the hyperbison, the yellower and redder of the plaids, both charge at the pinkish starfish zorn laying on the arena floor. Just as they are about to crush it, the starfish rises up in a woosh causing the zorns to crash head on, sparks flying.
Behind them their third member, in bidep mode with the light-blue Agruan octopus zorn in hand, was smashing it over and over into the arena floor. The cockpit pops open and the Agruan inside frantically tries to pull it closed, but landing back on all fours the green plaid bison bites it off. That's when the hum starts from the head of the zorn, as the Agruan in the cockpit scurries up and out to try and get away. He's not fast enough as the bison opens its mouth wide, changing the hum to a loud metallic grinding, and closes in on him.
The fans in the stadium shot pull up a large shiny translucent sheet above themselves all at once as the sounds of shredding flesh and grinding metal precede the sprays of blood and gore.
"And that's why you pay extra for the splatter seats folks!"
"A glorious turn of events, Chip. I am proud to call myself an Arboridian."
The pastel green manta ray takes off in the direction of the arena's center while the starfish zorn spins like a frisbee directly at the green plaid bison zorn, charging up a light green energy at its points. The green plaid Arboridian, unaware of the attack, sprays out the last of her Agruan victim before the starfish impacts. In what turns out to be a kamikaze attack, both zorns explode in a fiery green blast.
The other two bison, recovered from their previous crash, charge at the remaining two Agruan team members. The red bison charges after the light yellow hammerhead zorn that was stalking around the nearby structures waiting to strike while. As the manta ray zooms towards the arena center, the yellow bison catches the tail with its teeth. Jerked back, the manta ray makes a mechanical groan while the yellow bison drags it backwards. In a tug of war the manta turns up the thrust and the bison is pulled forward as its hooves drag on the floor.
The whir of of a mechanism goes off as thick bolts shoot out of the hooves locking them down into the floor. Unable to drag the bison further, nor get away, the manta hovers for a moment with its thrust whining. After nearly a full second, there is a loud mechanical click and the sound of air rushing. The manta jolts, and after an instant, it releases from its tail shooting unstably toward the arena center. The yellow bison releases its legs, but before it can even react, the tail in its moutbh flashes a bright light and the entire zorn is reduced to a pile of yellow dust.
"The Agruan rangers will pay for their crimes," Thorn announces sternly.
"Calm down, Thorn, it's not personal."
Green on the comms, "I'm going for the ball."
Red's bull skids sideways to a stop after ramming through the Spider ranger, the head turning to face his other two team members.
"Follow me."
The bull runs in the direction opposite the Lone Hand Crew and towards Ranger Team, the Nomen, and with a growl Blue's wolf follows. The tracks on the tank-of-a-tortoise that Yellow pilots unfurls with the grinding of mechanics and his zorn rolls after them.
Rounding various structures they come upon the seven small Noman zorns, with their basic quadriped design, still within their zone slowly and awkwardly walking toward the center of the arena. The team hangs back behind a wall before moving in on the other Nomen.
"What's the plan?" asks Blue.
"We kill 'em."
"It's not that easy with these guys Red, we have to be smart," replies Yellow, "We're going to do a little bowling. On my mark."
"My pleasure."
The bull stamps and the nose vents steam.
"Blue, flank the back left. I'll take right."
Blue and Yellow work their ways around the various structures out of sight of the Nomen while Red waits for the signal. Seemingly unaware, the seven Noman zorns continue their stiff walks towards the arena center.
"Now!" screams Yellow.
Red charges immediately towards the middle of the group of Nomen from his hiding spot. Halfway across the gap, his zorn lifts off the ground from the back first, legs kicking in the air.
"Of course, their TK!" realizes Red.
At the same moment, coming from behind the Nomen on either side, both Blue and Yellow move in towards the Nomen. Yellow rolls on his tracks and the tortoise mouth slowly creaks open with a yellow glow. On the other side, Blue's wolf runs growling at the opponents, ready to snap its jaws around their zorns.
Both of their zorns begin to rise off the floor at the same time, but much slower than Red's.
"Shit, shit, shit!" curses Yellow.
Just as he yells, the Agruan manta zorn comes haphazardly flying through the Nomen's group, crashing through four of them and landing them all in a fiery ball of screams and horror. All three of the Power Squad's zorns drop to the floor as the three remaining Nomen get theirs back on their feet.
"I did not see that one coming, Thorn, and I was watching all the feeds!"
"This certainly is an eventful championship, and the ball is not even in play."
"I'm going for the ball."
Green's gecko scurries up one of the larger structures and around making it's way in the direction of ball. At the same time, the last three of the Lone Hand Crew are rushing their way in the same direction. One catches a glimpse of Green and separates from the other two, who continue toward the ball.
As both they and Green race towards the ball, the neon red trimmed mantis zorn stalks after her, waiting to strike. While the four close in on the ball, one of the smaller structures nearby is destroyed by a blast of light yellow light. As the smoke clears the pastel yellow hammerhead flies through the dust into the arena center followed by the remaining Splittercut bison.
The hammerhead goes for the ball as the two Lone Hand Crew make it to the center seeing the shark. Nearby Green's gecko crawls up and over a wall as the mantis sneaks behind. Just as it makes it around the wall, the head of Green's gecko pops out, tearing off the head of the mantis and tossing it against another structure.
"Now remember folks, the zorn is the ranger and the ranger is the zorn for the Lone Hand Crew. Green just ripped their head off and tossed it aside," explains Chip.
"Both brutal and beautiful, Chip."
A fair fight, three Sapiens versus three Nomen. Yellow's zorn rumbles and shakes, his target in sights trying to lift him. With a not-so-fast smile, he activates the tortoise cannon, and the mouth opens. The Noman's zorn waddles away in a panic before getting hit with the yellow energy, engulfing it entirely before crushing into a brick and red mist.
Both Blue and Red charge at their chosen victims who waddle backwards in fear. Red without a problem, but Blue being smaller actually rising slightly. Low enough to still kick the floor, she careens right for her target and snaps the wolf's jaws around its legs. As Red slams into and sends his target flying, Blue's zorn drops down and rolls onto its feet with the Noman still in its teeth.
Red's Noman floats himself out of the way from smacking a structure and darts into the jungle of walls. Red attempts to follow, but quickly loses him. In the meantime, Blue's zorn shakes the Noman's in its mouth like a dog with a toy until the joints and bolts begin to fall apart. Laughing with glee Blue continues to shake the Noman around like a madman when the cockpit pops open and the Noman ranger's limp body soars straight into the ball dispenser in the zenith cube, jammed.
"I...I think that's a Zorn Polo first, everyone. Say Thorn, they get extra points for a shot like that?"
"I do not believe there's anything in the rules about it. Let's hope that just comes right back out if circumstances deem it."
Back in the arena center the last Splittercut, the last Agruan, and the last two Lone Hand Crew all converge on the ball with Green in the distance. She hesitates to see how things will play out and watches the hammerhead swoop in and snatch it with its mouth. The Lone Hand Crew's neon blue scorpion and neon yellow centipede both latch onto the hammerhead, who just drags them along as it weaves through structures and towards the nearest side of the arena that was not its own, the Nomen's goal.
The plaid bison alters course to follow the flying mess of zorns and Green climbs up structures, following a little back to watch. She sees the hammerhead flying towards one of the gigantic open areas in front of a goal, fortunately not her own, with the two Lone Hand Crew still latching on. That's when the bison spraying molten plasma blasts through a structure into the open area with an overtaking speed.
She watches as the bison closes in on the group as they reach the last third of their distance to the goal. Then the bison hits, knocking the hammerhead forward, spewing plasma, the two Lone Hand Crew release, claw at the bison, and the scorpion gets a leg. All in that moment the two Lone Hand Crew free themselves, and send both the bison and the hammerhead flying into the goal in flames with the ball.
They pass into the goals opening, into the blackness, and then the flash comes. First the white, nearly pink, flash of the goal followed by the sizzle of the word GOAL blasting out from the opening. The last Noman darting through various structures suddenly explodes from its head outwards in pink white flames. The GOAL fades followed by the blast of molten plasma and flames and screaming flaming Arboridian stumbling from the goal. The billowing smoke of burning hair permeates the noses of the nearby spectators as she collapses, still burning.
"I have not seen a Goal Death as horrifying as this in many years, Chip."
"It truly is a night to remember."
The zenith cube drones again, grinds, and then whines. The corpse of the Noman jammed in the dispenser jostles slightly, but otherwise doesn't budge. The grinding continues for a moment before an abrupt halt following a puff of smoke.
"This is a night of firsts, folks. I'm- my producer is telling me that we are working on a solution to the problem now," explains Chip.
Below Green can hear both the failing dispenser and the commentary from the hosts in their studio, when the realization comes. She puts her gecko into high gear and scurries away from her perch above the goal. As the two Lone Hand Crew are picking themselves up they catch sight of Green moving in a hurry and give chase.
The rest of the Power Squad rush their ways back towards the center of the arena, all taking different paths. Green's gecko scurries right passed the center of the arena and towards the body of the mantis. She grabs the head of the mantis and books it towards the Lone Hand Crew goal.
"Chip, are you seeing this?"
Chip is looking off the side and holding his mic while speaking to a producer when he looks forward behind the cameras and his eyes widen. He pushes the producer out of the shot.
"Folks, if you're still watching, it looks like Green of the Power Squad is using the Lone Hand Crew Mantis head as the new game ball. If they can make a point with that, they will be the only team left living to do so this championship, and you all know what that will mean for the Lone Hand Crew."
Blue makes it to the center first and sees Green speeding by with the mantis head in her jaws. She is about to follow when she notices the last two Lone Hand Crew across moving towards them. At the same time from another direction Red enters with a direct line of sight to the Lone Hand Crew, who now seem to be climbing on top of one another.
"I can't believe it," says Chip shocked, "They're going to do it."
"Not since the second championship have we seen a team actually try this, citizens. The Lone Hand Crew appear to be attempting a Megazorn, an illegal move."
"Technically not in the championship, Thorn. As we all know, once the ranger teams enter the arena, all laws and rules are moot. Frowned upon yes, illegal no. But indeed, the Crew's scorpion zorn seems as though it's being lifted by the centipede."
Yellow rolls into the arena center behind Blue as she moves further in. He spies Green hurrying across, and then the Lone Hand Crew in the distance. As the centipede lifts the scorpion, their respective neon trims begin to glow brighter and brighter. The machinery of their zorns begins to shift and rearrange as the glow becomes nearly blinding and after a moment, they are transformed.
"My God, it's like a dismembered toddler trying to walk," sighs Thorn.
"It is certainly not a pretty sight."
As Green runs she barely pays attention to what's going on beyond her obstacles, until the glow. When the light fades, there's a new obstacle she can't ignore. Standing tremendously before her was the Lone Hand Crew Megazorn, or the thrown together mess of the remains of their team. Headless, and the waist and torso a combination of the scorpion's body and the entirety of the centipede. The two arms, extended versions of the scorpion claws and the tail, extended itself as a makeshift second leg.
The Megazorn steps forward with a wobble and must use a claw to hold itself as it moves. Green scans around the room for ideas when she sees Red in the distance stomping and steaming. The two Power Squad zorns nod at each other before Red charges.
"No, don't!" screams Yellow.
Blue, now running straight for the scorpion tail leg while Red charges the centipede leg, is already in close range. Yellow is not far behind, but has stopped while Green bursts forward with speed climbing up and around the centipede leg and up the torso.
Confused the Megazorn turns and swings itself, almost losing balance. Yellow kicks his tracks into gear, but reverse, while Green leaps off of the Megazorn onto a nearby structure. She runs along the tops of structures toward the Lone Hand Crew goal.
Blue leaps toward the scorpion tail leg and latches on with her wolf jaws swinging around while Red slams his bull horns into the other leg. The two squad members knock the Megazorn even more off balance and it begins to falter. Red backs off and Blue let's go, running back a bit. The Megazorn sways and tries regaining its footing, but unable begins to fall while groping toward nearby structures. As it falls, it slams into a nearby skyscraper sized structure, that manages to just barely keep it from falling. Yellow stops backing up no longer worried and stares up at the Megazorn along with Blue and Red.
Green runs to the Lone Hand Crew goal and let's herself slide sideways towards it while whipping the gecko jaws.
"This is for White."
The head whips toward the goal as she opens the jaws sending the mantis head flying into it. For a moment there's nothing, then in a blast of white-pink light with tinges of red, the word GOAL rushes out. Back at the arena center, a loud boom pops from the scorpion portion of the Megazorn rumbling it and the crowd goes absolutely wild.
"I don't know about you, Thorn, but that was one of the most exhilarating championship matches I have ever had the pleasure of watching."
"I would have to agree with you there, Chip. Now, to the new champions, the Power Squad. You four have won, have earned, the privilege of joining the Council. Are you ready?"
Back in the Arena Green is just walking into the center to meet the rest of the team when Thorn asks his question, the Megazorn creaking slightly. They all gather together in the center as a team to answer.
"As our late team leader would say, Thorn, we're always re-"
At that moment the Megazorn loses it's stability, and comes crashing down into the center of the arena right on top of the team, crushing them all instantly.
