a collection of cursed images from my desktop, 2018

Product Placement
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

Origami Around
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Sade Olutola
DEAR READER
wallacepolsom
taylor price
Cosimo Galluzzi
cherry valley forever
noise dept.

ellievsbear
Today's Document

tannertan36
ojovivo
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

Kaledo Art
NASA
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Show & Tell
seen from Malaysia
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@staceyteague
a collection of cursed images from my desktop, 2018
confident nobody looks at tumblr anymore, incl. me
feel nostalgic for past selves
books i read in 2016
waha / mouth by Hinemoana Baker Red Doc by Anne Carson Over The Line: An introduction to poetry comics - Edited by Chrissy Williams and Tom Humberstone Ariel by Sylvia Plath Lips Too Chilled by Bashō Women in Public by Elaine Kahn The Pulp Vs. The Throne by Carrie Lorig The Outrun by Amy Liptrot The Reckoning by Edith Wharton Ghost Gfs by Ctch Bsnss Happiness by Jack Underwood Come Close by Sappho A GLAZED WINDOW W/FAT BORDERS//[TAUT & DISCOLOURED] by Elena Gomez Things To Make and Break by May-Lan Tan I Bite My Nails To Manifest My Existence by Caroline Alice Lopez Ongoingness: The End of a Diary by Sarah Manguso Eraser Poems by Laura Theobald Truisms by Jenny Holzer Beautiful Out by Nick Sturm Poetry is not a Project by Dorothea Lasky Small Poems by Yuko Otomo Aquarius Rising by Ben Fama Different Streets/Snowflake by Eileen Myles Hatred of Women by Cassandra Troyan Activity Book by Kelly Schirmann Lighthouses by Rachel Hyman Common Heart by Anne Boyer Juliet by Sarah Certa The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson Boyfriend Mountain by Kelly Schirmann and Tyler Brewington Loud Idiots by Sarah Jean Alexander Waves by Lucy K Shaw The Book of Repulsive Women by Carrie Lorig Swan Feast by Natalie Eilbert All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks The Poems of Lesbia Harford ed. By Drusilla Modjeska and Marjorie Pizer Miss Brill by Katherine Mansfield Citizen by Claudia Rankin Faber New Poets 14 by Crispin Best Flood Blooms by Caroline Cabrera A Man Made Entirely of Bats by Patrick Lenton The Art Of Cruelty by Maggie Nelson Nostalgia Flower by Jon-Michael Frank Selfless by Zoe Dzunko Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde Hera Lindsay Bird by Hera Lindsay Bird Knocks by Emily Stewart Plainwater by Anne Carson Mysteries of Small Houses by Alice Notley A Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood Garments Against Women by Anne Boyer Girls of the Drift by Nina Powles A Bestiary by Lily Hoang The Best Thing Ever by Laura Theobald We Have Always Lived In The Castle by Shirley Jackson The Grief Performance by Emily Kendal-Frey Contemporary Australian Feminist Poetry ed by Jessica L Wilkinson and Bonny Cassidy Penguin Modern Poets 1: If I’m Scared We Can’t Win by Emily Berry, Anne Carson & Sophie Collins Envelope Poems by Emily Dickinson Works & Days by Bernadette Mayer A Field Guide To Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit Comfort Food by Ellen Van Neerven Parang by Omar Musa Last Sext by Melissa Broder Even Though I Don’t Miss You by Chelsea Martin And Again I Shall Be Virtuous by Natalie Eilbert Lunch Poems by Frank O'Hara Float by Anne Carson A Manual For Cleaning Women by Lucia Berlin
Total: 69
;) ;) ;)
screenshots on my desktop 05/08/16
from poem by joshua jennifer espinoza
from ‘the pulp vs the throne’ by carrie lorig
tweet by chloe caldwell
homer
photo from ‘nox’ by anne carson
from an interview with hera lindsay bird
shiba inu wearing fedora
sad homer
search ‘sux’ on my twitter acct
from poem by anne carson
read my new chapbook out via Ghost City Press
https://gumroad.com/l/casualsolitude
“our feelings were not meant to survive” - audre lorde
!!!!
notes on anne carson / zine
there is otherness
a gulf of human meaning
not a casual solitude
two islands that recognise each other but don’t touch anymore
poetry as physically enterable
i think about making a poem as making an object, visually and texturally real
you can lie in writing, not with a drawing, as soon as you put a mark, you’re there, it’s exposed, who you are (i think most people think opposite?)
a pile of pity
in solitude there are these margins and gutters, and out of those come writing
to construct a convincing surface of what life feels like… this capturing of the surface of emotional fact is useful for other people in that it jolts them into thinking, into doing their own act of understanding
there’s this idea of women as being — polluted
i wish anne carson was my mum
circa 2013
"sometimes i swear i'm real" - sarah certa
ongoingness
i’ve been reading ‘ongoingness: the end of a diary’ by sarah manguso, which is about keeping a journal. it’s made me think a lot about my journal-keeping habits. i’ve kept physical diaries since i was 12 until i was about 22, but i ended up throwing them all out in embarrassment. since then i write my dated entries in a textedit document. lately i’ve been looking at entries i made on the current date but from other years, and what i realised is that i will think and feel the same things forever, which actually was comforting to me. it is also helpful to look back and use things which you didn’t see any merit in at the time.
13th of March for the last 3 years:
13/3/2014
i am trying to ask things as nicely as possible
it would be easier if things got progressively worse
i am so tired from trying to be so strong all the time
i am calm and resilient. i will say this to myself, i will make it so.
i want new words for all the words i use
like skin, body, water
i want a departure, a return
i want to stay exactly as i am
but to keep going
what is the narrative here
13/3/15
every evening when i go for a walk i think about trying to make space
all i want to feel is the spaces between things
i want to know my own desire
and to be unashamed of it
i am afraid of love swallowing me whole when it is not right
13/3/16
it's like wanting to fall in love when you are already in love
it's like finding a voice you didn't know you had, and that voice saved you
"the secret of poetry is cruelty" - mary ruefle
sometimes you wake up clawing / your own face / something inside clicks / and then un-clicks / leaving you / is a tender process
Poppy Kural x Stacey Teague
my body beneath blankets, lying down on my back so that my breasts roll around to my sides. placing my hand on my breastbone, it is level and i feel my breath, but that is inside. there are bony hips and ribs, ready for dismantling. in the mornings, i have to hold my stomach to keep the fear from spilling out.
today my lips are cracked and i do nothing to repair them. we rely too heavily on balms and ointments, rubbing them into our skin like it’s a religion. instead i will rip off the dead skin until it is bloody and the blood fills up my bottom lip. dabbing at it with my tongue it tastes that strange metallic way that all blood tastes, and in fact i kind of like it. this is one of the small ways that you can distract yourself.
i think about the moon too often. i love how the cool light fills up my bedroom. its craters like lifelines, imprints in the skin. the cliche of it. i have important moon memories, i have moon stories to tell. every poem has a moon, even if it doesn’t explicitly say so. it hangs over the poem, and the poem turns silver.
i need a skin much thicker than this one, one that is resilient, less willing to compromise, possibly waterproof. my own skin is weak, sagging. i poke and prod at it, pulling at it hard between my thumb and fingers. after a while i realise that the skin i have is mine and can’t be altered. i try to smooth over the creases i have made. everything is a threat, but giving up is a luxury.
found text from ‘The Goldfinch’ by Donna Tartt she dug her hand her hand, in mine i caught her hand the flayed hand slid his hand through the skin is off the hand batted my hand clutched my hand hand on my head my hands were slick my hands were cut hand still in the pocket meaty hand uncertain hand hands flapping hands flustering hands in rock and glass hands off me our hands empty-handed
*
- follow ‘dear everybody collective’ on instagram for more
i did this collaboration with artist Poppy Kural a while ago :)
one month of selected notes
1/01/2016
less afraid, more ambitious
frugal, kind, powerful
more forgiving, more ruthless (balance)
relationships to other humans as vital
being resistant to things is good
love can be good
4/01/16
study of a word: dreams
dreamer of dreams
you had a vision
the body is tired
from nothing
to cause to dream
makes you powerful
a dreamy sound
a sobbing sound
do not pine
lie down inside
where you had forgotten your dream
5/1/16
maori warrior's book of dreams:
"I slept because of my sadness, and in my sleep I saw this sign above me: a reddish cloud, and a flock of little birds, and a big bird in the midst of them, flying in the direction of the great cloud. They settle on the cloud with their big friend. I awoke."
11/01
WORDS AREN'T SAD ENOUGH MUSIC ISN'T SAD ENOUGH - barr
18/01
we are all damaged little babes and i love us
it is not like england, it is never so cold as to see your own breath, and i miss my breath tangibly. it is happier here, though there is less atmosphere
19/1
why should women be responsible for male desire? - anne carson
"to feel anything deranges you" - a.c.
21/1
pretty sure i'm not a romantic
but i'm not not a romantic
"a far sea moves in my ear" - s.p.
25/1
i saw a lyrebird foraging in the undergrowth
felt my lungs expand and contract
spiderwebs, bleeding bark
28/1
i watch the birds and it keeps me calm
you move closer to me in the beer garden
my blood grows
1/02
woke up and told you two dreams i had
you say those things both happened last night when i was drunk
hardly ever let myself be impressed by anything
check your reflection in a car window
you are never yourself
i think there is rain coming in on the horizon
"am i full of nothingness? heavily so?" - carrie lorig
"i wrote this out of fear that made me flourish" c.l. (this is how i feel about writing my poems and why it is so important to me)
"i've discovered i'm something to fear" - c.l.
"u read something until it is there in u" - c.l.
books i read in 2015
The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton
Men Explain Things To Me by Rebecca Solnit
My Apologies Accepted by Bunny Rogers
Lion Attack! by Oliver Mol
Heroines by Kate Zambreno
Rome by Dorothea Lasky
Nobody is Ever Missing by Catherine Lacey
Pity The Animal by Chelsea Hodson
Dept. of Speculation by Jenny Offill
No Limit by Holly Childs
Can't or Won't by Lydia Davis
Wildlives by Sarah Jean Alexander
The Motion by LK Shaw
I Wanted To Be The Knife by Sara Sutterlin
Zirconia by Chelsea Minnis
Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng
You Are Not Dead by Wendy Xu
Birds Of America by Lorrie Moore
Between You & Me by Amber Fresh
Letters Home by Sylvia Plath
Ariel by Sylvia Plath
Birthday Letters by Ted Hughes
Bad Bad by Chelsey Minnis
Housekeeping By Marilynne Robinson
We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Women by Chloe Caldwell
Lover's Discourse by Roland Barthes
Beauty/Beauty by Rebecca Perry
Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson
Kim Kardashian's Marriage by Sam Riviere
The Door by Margaret Atwood
King Kong Theory by Virginie Despentes
All of the Men I Have Never Loved by Zoe Dzunko
The Thing Around Your Neck by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Legs Get Led Astray by Chloe Caldwell
Blue Horses by Mary Oliver
Some Planet by Jamie Mortara
Green Girl by Kate Zambreno
Welcome To Your New Life With You Being Happy by Rachel Bell
By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept by Elizabeth Smart
Naturalism by Wendy Xu
Autobiography of Red by Anne Carson
Coeur De Lion by Ariana Reines
Uptalk by Kimmy Walters
Bark by Lorrie Moore
Slouching Toward Bethlehem by Joan Didion
Sorrow Arrow by Emily Kendal Frey
The First Bad Man by Miranda July
Yr Various Hairlessnesses by Sara Woods
Baveuse by Sara Sutterlin
It's No Big Deal, I Don't Mind by Rhys Nixon
Magnum Ego by Anna Crews
Lunch Meat Emilia Batchelor
10:04 by Ben Lerner
My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante
The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison
Here’s some photos from our subbed in event on Saturday in Camperdown Park. Thank you to all the readers and attendees!!! We will put the videos up soon!
Keep your eyes and ears peeled for subbed in happenings in 2016 :)
the reading on sat, you beauts
curating my desktop 10/12/15
sara sutterlin’s ‘baveuse’, jenny holzer’s ‘truisms’, dog and duck, simps, madison avenue, squirtle squad, monica, chelsey minnis
nov ‘15
1/11/15
"i perform well my surface for you" - wendy xu, naturalism
3/11
"It is also about how love can change the world for worse, not better." - Emily Gould on 'I Love Dick' by Chris Kraus
4/11
"because the designs of women are as tangled and purposeful as webs" - anne carson
9/11
"a woman has to choose her own particular unhappiness carefully" - lorrie moore
11/11
"we are sort of hidden but sort of not" - l.m.
the study of a word: hidden
to take refuge
when it was heard that danger threatened, she was carried to a safe place
he knew intimately their secluded places
double up the blanket so that you are warm
he hid behind the pōhutukawa trees
nobody else knew about this place, it was a secret place
to take hold of with the hollow of the hand
i scooped up the albatross plume from the froth of the sea
the lightning reached their bodies
12/11
"she was helpless before the whole emotional project of him" l.m.
"milt had no one. and now he had no one but her. which is like having no one" l.m.
spring when it's meant to be autumn
something when it's meant to be nothing
13/11
"I thought my heart was expired but it was just really really working" - chelsea hodson
study of a word: heart
the hearts of nīkau palms
the valleys between
the heart of a crowd
intervening space
18/11
"we knew that we were all weird, all in this together, and that addressing our own suffering, while learning not to inflict it on others, is part of the work we’re all here to do" - rebecca solnit
23/11
"we have loved nothing, brutally" - lisa robertson
25/11
"i felt myself rising up to the challenge of heartache" - miranda july
30/11
trying to summon a little courage