Life is short

Stagg 𓃴 33

[staggilitis]

i don't know what to do ibdont know how to keep suffering i don't want to do this anymore

[staggilitis]

no matter what kind of water i drink it's given me the seizurey problems so that is very cool i love being punished for basic body maintenance

[staggilitis]

i decided to drink some cold water. that was a mistake!

[sparklingbog]

You need to respect the intellectually disabled and delayed I'm not fucking asking

[staggilitis]

i can't fucking feel my legs at all anymore. the numbness through my body is insane. i do not remember what it was like not to be like this. i vaguely remember being able to eat food without horrible things happening or them tasting correctly. everything is distant and horrible. memory is just non-existent. everything is stuck. time doesn't pass. nothing feels real

.

[staggilitis]

some ppl get better and it makes me so upset because I'm not. I've known since the first few months in that it was going to keep getting worse for me but not how. not this bad. not in under 2 years. not like this. i didn't think id literally lose my mind and body. i didn't think everything would hurt

i didn't know itd keep changing. i didn't know how awful the brain damage would get. and it's just a decline from here

[staggilitis]

i am guaranteed to get worse n not better j nobody fucking listens to that or understands for some reason and idk why my sister is still blaming it on an std from fucking 6 years ago. bitch i got treated for that i know what I'm going through stop projecting ur weird bs onto me

[staggilitis]

some ppl get better and it makes me so upset because I'm not. I've known since the first few months in that it was going to keep getting worse for me but not how. not this bad. not in under 2 years. not like this. i didn't think id literally lose my mind and body. i didn't think everything would hurt

i didn't know itd keep changing. i didn't know how awful the brain damage would get. and it's just a decline from here

[staggilitis]

just fucked up fucked up fucked up

[staggilitis]

the... wtfe is getting worse. the part where i can't understand my own body being attached to me. that thinking about my limbs or anything brushing against each other makes the brain really really bad

i don't want to keep doing this and some people suffer for years and years and years and i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to anymore.

i don't really want to do die but i really really really really don't want to do this anymore, every day, every second of my existence

i miss my system i miss my self i miss my emotions i miss my creativity i miss my personality i miss not being so fucking brain damaged. i miss not feeling like everything isn't real and is fucked up and it's really far away. o miss being able to take meds and get up. i miss feeling something when i see rain and weather i used to enjoy. i keep expecting to enjoy something then i look at it and i just don't. emotions fucked up. brain fucked up

[staggilitis]

man. just. lege sprawling so bad it lifts me off the bed. back arching and curling and i lose my breath because of my muscles clamping down so hard. eyes rolling back. it's triggered when i eat or drink anything. this started recently. i keep hoping it's temporary. so numb. waking up unable to move unable to think. so much discomfort.

i can't poison myself

i don't have the strength to do anything else

but i wish my body would give up the fucking fight already

[staggilitis]

every day is just like. I've lost so much. i continue to get worse. why can't i leave. what do i do. i can't access anything. i can't do anything. it's miserable. just so b miserable. all the time.

[staggilitis]

man. just. lege sprawling so bad it lifts me off the bed. back arching and curling and i lose my breath because of my muscles clamping down so hard. eyes rolling back. it's triggered when i eat or drink anything. this started recently. i keep hoping it's temporary. so numb. waking up unable to move unable to think. so much discomfort.

i can't poison myself

i don't have the strength to do anything else

but i wish my body would give up the fucking fight already

[staggilitis]

im acknowledgin the irony in missin Tumblr user @temporary-disposal but like come back friend

[tranen-eines-engels]

Remember. If you want to be close to someone, hang around them like a cat until they either block you or keep you.

[lostfawnblog]

i routinely hear of people with the same neglected chronic issues as me passing away from starvation or vague complications and i genuinely dont know where to put all this anger and grief, idek how to earnestly talk to people without this weight on their minds

it's just that i dont want to be the one to tell them, i dont want to hear their reactions, i can barely take care of my own complex feelings towards my illness, im too tired and i dont want to figure it out. i just wish sharing what we're going through would be enough for healthy people to be interested and curious and try to battle this reality for us, to help us, but thats clearly not the case

[hotdog-hd]

cat deer hybrid (ceer)

blehg

Edit: this is my reference i forgar

[staggilitis]

today on drink water have horrible full body spasms

that's the new symptom cuz this shit never quit!!!! my legs doing horrible things, back arching, curling in on myself, eyes rolling back. basically seizures while awake ???? idfk shit is miserable n it acts up every time i eat or drink soooo okie dokie :D

[mysins]

[dogheadedsaints]

Mother fucker I’m goddamn fucking 38