lanternmaker

✧ alisdair ✧ they/them ✧ xviii ✧ philosophy & music ✧ history student✧

[stainedlampshade]

i; without.

[stainedlampshade]

there is garbage in my heart, rot and junk, guck and gunk.

i did not ask to claim this funk.

it swallows me. it composts me. i am soil, dirt anew.

the worms eat me, o, how they do.

[stainedlampshade]

you think i am simple. i enjoy the way you see me as a beautiful, docile force of love. nothing more, no ulterior motives or thoughts. i am enamored with the way you watch me candy my apples and know that there is no poison inside, and you eat with me to enjoy the simple pleasures that are sugar and good company.

[stainedlampshade]

i feel like you've never heard yourself laugh.

if you had, you wouldn't be so convinced that you're evil.

it belies your kindness; it is my favorite sound.

[stainedlampshade]

i'd burn alexandria all over again just to read you once

[brokenbonedcrows]

and like the water lilies atop the slippery green pads, we bloomed.

[brokenbonedcrows]

youre everything's everything

[stainedlampshade]

a sharp knife you are, merciful in the way you pierce me; and, oh, how i love to bleed on you.

[stainedlampshade]

you're my wings and tail in a world of waters

[stainedlampshade]

everything you say feels like a love letter.

[stainedlampshade]

i stare out of this contraption humming, bullet speeds for hours down manmade roadways, staring and staring in a numb sort of rhythm as my brain shakes and fogs against the rattling window. and i dream, dream of you and your words, dream of sitting down in those far-off trees that seem so removed from the knowable world. i want to sit in this boundary with you, close to each other and far from existence. i wish to indulge in your immortal being.

[stainedlampshade]

am i crying happy tears in the hotel bathroom? maybe, possibly, in some lifetime where im not so dehydrated

[brokenbonedcrows]

you exist in all the cracks i cant fill

[deadpoet-skull]

school stress can seem overwhelming at the point whole life seems overwhelming , but remember: you can always turn to the woods, you still have seasons, coffee, people's love, you still have books and movies, animals and fresh air. you still have your beautiful mind. this is real life. not school, that's a part of your road in society, but society is not life. little things are life. love is life. nothing else matters.

[brokenbonedcrows]

sometimes fate does very very nice things for the people who deserve it, and i'd say we do

[brokenbonedcrows]

i am pulling my heart out and its killing me but i do it anyway because sometimes it feels strangely good to hurt

[stainedlampshade]

you are terrifying, and the fear keeps my blood pumping through my veins.