Stalwart Ignoramus

The Sword and The Pen

[stalwartignoramus]

Disco Elysium (Review)

Gameplay (8/10) Monsters out, dialogues in

(+2) Innovative take on the RPG genre. The gameplay, skill tree, and level progression of DE is a very fresh take on the classic RPG formula. Instead of traditional combat where you reduce an enemy’s hit points to 0, you need to pass skill checks that are based on your invested skill levels. Instead of gaining exp and leveling up by fighting monsters in an action RPG, you converse with the citizens of Martinaise and interact with the objects scattered around the district. You gain skillpoints when you level up and you invest them in different areas in order to represent what kind of detective you want Harry to portray: The thinker, the psychic, the muscle, or the specialist. It doesn’t play like your standard RPG, but it is built on the same foundations of character customization (you can even dress up Harry in whatever way you want.)

(+1) Failure is part of the game. To my knowledge, you’re not gonna be able to max out all skills so you have to focus on one area of expertise and leave out the rest. If you play as a logic-based detective you’ll probably be on the bottom end when it comes to physical prowess and hence fail a lot of the physical-based tasks. This however doesn’t necessarily mean a game over, as the game gives you many avenues to tackle a problem, some even require you to fail to get the more desirable outcome.

(=) There’s a lot of reading. A LOT. Disco Elysium is basically a more interactive version of a visual novel so 90% of the gameplay would be reading the many dialogues thrown your way. It’s the core gameplay loop of DE and the extensive amount of reading might turn people off or bore the people already playing it, while enticing the hardcore readers to get into it more.

Story (8/10) A journey of redemption or downward spiral

(+2) Decide Harry’s fate. You hold in your hands how Harry will deal with his situation. Will he become sober or stay an alcoholic? Will he solve the case or fail horribly? Will he do drugs or remain clean? Will you sleep in the inn or out on the street? Will you even remember your own name or how you look like or will it disappear into oblivion? All these different options mean that every playthrough of DE will be a unique experience depending on how you built Harry and the choices you make during interactions. If you’re not careful (or if you’re just purposefully diabolical), Harry may meet one of the game’s many game over screens depicted as newspaper headlines, or you may not see one at all throughout your playthrough if you’re really careful.

(+1) Lieutenant Kitsuragi. Enough said. The straight man to your crazy antics, Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi is the down-to-earth partner you need to keep you grounded when your mind floats to strange dimensions. He almost feels like a character being played by another player online. He is patient and understanding when it comes to dealing with Harry’s personal problems, but also knows when to be strict when Harry is going too far with his unorthodox methods.

(+1) Intricate world-building. The world is wonderfully laid out to the player through dialogues and environment design. You can see the extensive damage Martinaise has sustained and you can realize that it was a previous warzone even without asking any of the townsfolk. Conversations with different people reveal all the political struggles Martinaise underwent and the world beyond and how the pale is consuming everything. You can choose to know more about the world at large or just let it slip by you and go on with your investigation. Regardless of which you choose, you’ll still come across very obvious signs of political unrest, corruption, drug trade, and general poverty all over the district which tells you that this is not just the generic town littered with NPCs and interactions, this is a town inhabited and shaped by the people living in it. 

(=) Heavy political undertones. As mentioned in the previous statement, there’s a lot of political unrest going on in Martinaise aside from the Union’s strike. If you’re like me and don’t care that much about heavy political jargon, you might find this piece of the game quite undesirable. Nevertheless, you can choose to opt out of most political conversations and avoid all the confusing words they throw around here and there.

(-1) Underwhelming resolution. The ending was very lackluster to say the least. It all culminates in a final showdown with your police investigation unit where you present everything you’ve done throughout the game and depending on how you acted Lieutenant Kitsuragi will vouch for your actions. There’s no resolution as the game just ends after the conversation without knowing how it all went down for the characters after they’ve reported the case to their respective superiors. Not even a cliffhanger hint of a sequel. Arguably, this might tie into one of the game’s themes of not having closure but as a player it didn’t leave the best impression on me.

Visuals (9/10) Flamboyantly grotesque

(+3) Magnificent artwork. The crowning glory of Disco Elysium is the artwork. The drab watercolor-like aesthetic of the game reflects the game’s colorful and creative world plastered with grim filters of reality. It’s something that I think cannot be achieved by going for a hyperrealistic look where things appear as close as possible to real life counterparts, but rather through the lens of a rough and distorted perspective of an alcoholic detective with an abundance of internal struggles. It reminds you that there’s beauty in destruction, and destruction in beauty; as alluded to by one of the quotes found in-game. On top of that, the portraits for the thoughts are overwhelming in a mesmerizing way. Similar to how you just can’t understand what’s going on in an intricate stained glass art, or the thick black strokes of the inkwork on a tarot card, there’s just so much going on and it’s a lot to take in but you still get captivated by the imagery. You can take any still from any moment in the game and present it as a renaissance painting and I’d believe you just because the game’s artwork is that wonderfully made. Truly a testament to the talent of this generation’s artists.

(+1) War-torn Martinaise. This district has lots of stories to tell without even having a mouth to speak. The way Martinaise is presented is very organic. You can still see bullet holes and mortar damage from the war fought over the district many years ago, old arcade machines from a forgotten time litter the establishments, entire buildings with abandoned equipment of their former establishments, and repurposed infrastructures. This wasn’t just built as a place the player has to explore during their playthrough, this was a place with history and has lived way before the player step foot within its bounds.

Audio (7/10) It’s all in the voice

(+2) Superb voice acting. The voice acting gives life to the characters in Martinaise and it comes in all shapes and sizes. Every character has at least one voiced line so you can have an idea of how they sound like. Some of the more important characters have more than one voiced line, which reiterates their importance in the overall narrative. The character’s personalities and idiosyncrasies come alive in the voice acting, from the way they say certain words and their inflections, letting you know that Martinaise is home to more than one group of people as a result of the district’s history.

Final Score (8) Excellent  This is Disco, baby

Disco Elysium is more than just a game, it is art first, a visual novel second, and an RPG third. The game accomplishes something more than to entertain you for the few hours you’ll pick it up. It also attempts to educate you on political discourse and warn you on the adverse effects of drug and alcohol abuse, all while being enveloped by the game’s captivating art style. You’ll find yourself appreciating the scenery more than a few times while you scour Martinaise looking for any sort of lead that’ll help you with your case. 

(1-2) Terrible (3-4) Bad (5) Average (6-7) Good (8-9) Excellent (10) Masterpiece

[stalwartignoramus]

Celeste (Review)

Gameplay (9/10) One of the best platformers of all time

(+2) Relative difficulty. The game offers options for all kinds of players, from beginners to the hardcores. If you’re a beginner, you can access assist mode and tweak all kinds of settings like game speed and infinite stamina to make the game more enjoyable for you. If you’ve played platformers before, you can play the game normally and it’ll already prove to be quite a challenge especially if you want to collect all the berries and crystal hearts. Now if you really want a challenge that’ll put you among the best players out there, you can also play through the game’s B-sides and C-sides which are excruciatingly difficult.

(+1) Ease of navigation through checkpoints. If you’re someone like me, you probably went back through a completed level multiple times to look for that missing berry, cassette, or crystal heart. Luckily, the game helps you out by allowing you to start at a certain checkpoint so you don’t have to backtrack through the entire level. Also, the game shows you which checkpoints have missing berries so you don’t have to guess where you could’ve possibly missed that elusive collectible.

(+1) Amazing controls and level design. The core mechanics of the game are really solid and it shows in the excellent game design. Each new mechanic introduced is reflected in the earlier levels (double dash in a windy level, flight in a tight level, momentum jumps in a mechanical level) and the last level makes you use all you’ve learned and condenses it all into an arduous climb before the summit. You’ll find creative ways to combine Madeline’s skills in order to get through levels; an example being able to pull off a jump-dash-climb-momentum jump combo in quick successions.

Story (8/10) Climbing a mountain is really hard

(+2) Relevant theme. In this day and age, mental illnesses are addressed more often and accepted more openly due to the rise of social media; which will also play a part somewhere in the story. Celeste does a wonderful job of reflecting that idea in the game. Madeline faces off against her inner demons as she tries to do something that no one, not even herself, expects her to accomplish; climbing Celeste Mountain. It’s also not limited to Madeline, the characters she’ll meet on her journey are also going through something difficult and you’ll get to know more about their struggles as you progress through the story. The game perfectly portrayed how difficult it is for someone to do anything when they’re going against themselves.

(+1) Closure. Every single one of the problems that Madeline encounters, whether her own or not, are resolved at the end of the game. It gives off this really therapeutic feeling that all the hardships you had to endure during the climb paid off in a very kid’s show-esque manner where both friend and foe come together and make up in the end. 

Visuals (9/10) Vibrant and mystical

(+2) Beautiful character portraits. Throughout the game, character portraits show up during dialogues to make up for the faceless sprites. These portraits supply the emotion that the character is expressing and they’re very immersive, especially Madeline’s. You can also track the character’s development, or lack thereof, solely by looking at their character portrait. Some characters’ default expression changed at the end of the game and some stayed the same.

(+1) Vast selection of locales. You’d think for a mountain covered from top to bottom in snow that there wouldn’t be much variety in the levels but you’d be surprised. Different levels evoke different atmospheres. Cold and unforgiving? The outdoor levels got you covered. Dank and creepy? An abandoned mountainside hotel welcomes you with open arms. Weird and dreamlike? A certain sequence in the game gives you just that. You name it, Celeste has it.

(+1) Visual cues. Assuming that you don’t employ the help of assist mode, the game has a subtle way of letting you know certain things in the game. Madeline’s hair color changes depending on whether she has a dash available or not. Marks appear around her head depending on the amount of stamina she has. It’s a more intuitive and creative way to give feedback to the player instead of relying on a traditional HUD.

Audio (8/10) Builds you up and knocks you down

(+2) Hauntingly beautiful soundtrack. The BGM has a terrifying way of amplifying the resounding emotion of a scene. If specters, dark blobs, and wriggly tendrils don’t already scream creepy, the music definitely will. It makes the joyful scenes happier, the sullen scenes sadder, and the darker scenes gloomier. It plays with your emotions by cheering you up then bringing you down immediately after. There’s a scene where the music suddenly shifts out of nowhere and chills run down your spine as you realize you’re facing another hurdle, seemingly making the summit further out of reach.

(+1) Gibberish speaks louder than words. Most of the characters’ speech is substituted with a warped, muffled, gibberish that is similar to the ones used in The Sims. Instead of trivializing the dialogues, it actually adds another level of depth to the narrative. When a person is angry, only their grumbles and screams can be heard. When a person is scared, only squeaks and cries can be heard. It simplifies the intricacies of the scenario into a series of incomprehensible sounds without sacrificing the overall tone.

Final Score (8.5) Excellent A great platformer with a powerful message

Celeste is the result of a number of things coinciding. The rise of indie games, the resurgent popularity of platformers, the increasing awareness of mental illnesses, and the increasing demand for less casual and more difficult games. Celeste is more than just a game, it’s an experience that transcends through the society at large. It sticks with you for a long time after you’ve finished the game. You think about it when you go outside, you contemplate on your musings of it on the ride home, and you dream about it in your sleep. The game is gonna be all you’re gonna think of for a short while. When it does vacate your mind, it leaves behind a lasting impact that you’ll take with you to your grave. 

(1-2) Terrible (3-4) Bad (5) Average (6-7) Good (8-9) Excellent (10) Masterpiece

[stalwartignoramus]

Minit (Review)

Gameplay (6/10) Modern take on classic adventure puzzlers

(+1) Intuitive mechanics. Aside from the menu buttons, you only have 6 button inputs; the 4 directional buttons, an interact button, and a retry/forced death button. Most of the game is navigated solely by running around and pressing interact on stuff to progress. 

(=) Simple yet challenging puzzles. The game incorporates some of the most iconic puzzle mechanics like hidden pathways, lever switches, item collection, and other unique mechanics that are hinted by the game’s helpful ghosts. The puzzles' don’t overstay their welcome but are long enough to elicit a little thinking. 

Story (5/10) Point A to Point B to Point A again

(=) Just, adventuring. The story is pretty non-existent. MC picks up a weird, cursed sword that kills him every minute so he travels from screen to screen to rid himself of the curse. The game never really pretends to be anything else so players shouldn’t expect a compelling narrative too.

Visuals (5/10) Nothing of note

Audio (5/10) Nothing of note

Final Score (5.25) Average A good way to kill 2 hours

Minit is the kind of game for you if you’re looking for a short game that can be completed in one sitting. You probably won’t remember the game a week after finishing it, but it’s one that you’ll surely enjoy during the experience.

(1-2) Terrible (3-4) Bad (5) Average (6-7) Good (8-9) Excellent (10) Masterpiece

[stalwartignoramus]

Return of the Obra Dinn (Review)

Gameplay (8/10) Memento Mortem

(+2) Unique gameplay mechanic. The process of invading the dying memories of a corpse to investigate the circumstances surrounding their demise was a very innovative and clever way to explore the Obra Dinn.

(+1) Great pacing. The game progresses in two ways; either you discover new corpses to investigate or you correctly guess the fates of 3 crewmembers. Investigating new corpses gives you more evidence to pinpoint the identity of each crewmember, and correctly guessing their identity and fate narrows down the selection, making it easier to deduce the remaining crewmembers’ identities.

(+1) Intricate character detail. The crew and their relationship with each other really shines through the gameplay since you’ll be using any sort of clue in their interactions to correctly determine their fate and identity.

(=) Trial and Error works wonders. There are certain points in the game where you can make educated guesses based on the information you currently have. For example, if you narrowed down the identity of a crewmember to 2 possibilities, you can force the game to progress by guessing between the 2 possibilities and pairing it with 2 fates that you’re absolutely sure of. It surely isn’t the intended way to play the game, but it works if you don’t quite have the patience (like me) to look for the more subtle clues hidden in the game.

(-1) Traversal and exploration in the midgame can get tedious. In the middle of the game when you already have all the pieces but don’t know where they fit yet, you’re gonna do a lot of walking around, flipping through pages, and jumping from one corpse to another. The game’s lack of a sprint mechanic, or an easier way to navigate the pages of the book, or a way to go back and forth between corpses in a certain chapter really drags out the game and makes it extremely tedious.

Story (6/10) Standard Lovecraftian horror

(+1) Tried and tested narrative. While it doesn’t tell anything new (classic ancient relic stumbles upon a ship, misfortune descends upon the crew, sea monsters emerge to take back said relics, everyone dies), it fits the mold really well because of the gameplay mechanic. The story is the gameplay. The gameplay is the story. You can build up the narrative by discovering the subtle details in each memory and witness the downfall, the daily life, and the different activities that take place in the Obra Dinn through the player’s eyes.

(+1) The non-chronological structure of the game keeps the player guessing about what really happened aboard the Obra Dinn until the very last minutes. It also helps you in deducing the identities of the crew by observing their behavior before, during, and after a certain crewmember’s demise.   

(-1) Anti-climactic final chapter. The Bargain chapter was completely set up to be a major plot twist, and the first part it shows (Part 5) certainly supports this when the game makes us think a certain character did something mischievous behind the scenes. Instead, it fell flat on its face and ended in a very predictable manner which most players probably already knew.

Visuals (10/10) Less is more

(+2) Masterful use of illustration, shading, and negative space. The entirety of the game looks like an illustration from an old book come to life, which is what the game is. A Blues Clues-esque adventure that allows you to jump into a “picture” of the surroundings of a dying person. Every detail, carefully illustrated. The shading, well contrasted to give life to the environment. Negative space in places where the game doesn’t want you to focus on to give more emphasis to the relevant details. It all comes together to create a simple yet intricate portrayal of the Obra Dinn and its members.

(+2) Intricate character design. Every crewmember has a defining characteristic that separates them from their fellow crewmember and it is usually reflected in their character design. One crewmember has tattoos all over his body, some crewmembers share a similar hairstyle that stems from their cultural background, while the officers wearing hats are obvious tells to give the players a headstart in determining their identities. The illustration makes sure that there will always be something that separates one crewmember from another so that each one is a unique individual that can be discerned even from a seemingly similar crewmember.

(+1) Well-orchestrated death scenes that create a dramatic spectacle of the crewmember’s moment of death. Aside from being pleasing to the eye, it also offers the players all the information they need; victim, suspect, method of death, murder weapon, motive, etc. From a Kraken wrapping around the entirety of the ship, to an accidental death by cannon fire, to a cabin scuffle, the game never runs out of spectacles that are worthy of being portrayed in a masterpiece renaissance painting.

Audio (8/10) The terrifying and magnificent sounds of life on the sea

(+1) Ambient noise to Seafarer’s tunes. The background sounds switch depending on where you currently are. If the player is in the present time, they’ll hear nothing but the waves, the rain pelting the deck of the ship, their own footsteps, and the creaking of the doors as they get opened. If the players are inside a memory, a track plays depending on the overall mood of the memory. It varies from solemn to intense. It’s a wonderful juxtaposition of the present time and the past to remind the player that life was once bustling on the Obra Dinn but it is now lifeless and silent.

(+1) Voice acting plays a vital role. In all honesty I’m not at liberty to say that the voice acting was great since I’m not a native speaker of any of the languages spoken in the game, but they were distinct and detailed enough that I can tell roughly from which area their language/accent hails from.

(+1) SFX also plays a vital role. If the frozen scenario doesn’t give enough information regarding the circumstances of a crewmember’s death, the sound effects that play at the moment of their death might be a better tell. Gunshots indicates being shot by someone, blunt sounds indicated clubbing, gruesome squelching and tearing sounds accompanied by screaming means someone is most likely being torn apart. The plethora of sound effects littered throughout the game are just as helpful as the visuals when it comes to determining the fate and identities of the crewmembers.

Final Score (8) Excellent A game that defines the decade in gaming

This decade has seen the rise of indie gaming. More and more indie developers are coming up with excellent and fresh titles that can stand against the AAA games. They make up for the lack of sheer size, scale, and detail that a AAA provides by utilizing simplistic visuals and innovative gameplay mechanics. Return of the Obra Dinn will be remembered this decade alongside indie gems like Celeste, Shovel Knight, and Super Meat Boy as the games that defined indie gaming’s march to greatness. Simple yet intricate, short but sweet, hard and rewarding. Return of the Obra Dinn, a cult classic in the making.

(1-2) Terrible (3-4) Bad (5) Average (6-7) Good (8-9) Excellent (10) Masterpiece

[stalwartignoramus]

I Am Setsuna (Review)

Gameplay (5/10) Ups and downs

(+1) Fluxation and Momentum system adds a nice bit of depth to the otherwise basic nature of the gameplay loop. 

(=) The auto-movement can be very unpredictable, making AoE attacks hard to use since it is out of the player’s control.

(=) Monster behavior in the field is weird. Once they spot you, most of the time they’ll turn away from you, allowing you to preempt the battle. However, sometimes they’ll charge at you instead and there seems to be no reliable way to tell which one will happen.

(=) Difficulty is too easy, even if you play linearly, avoiding grinding, and not utilizing the game’s many cheese tactics. A well-built Endir can get you through most of the game with only his starter spritnites, Cyclone and Aura.

(-1) Monster drops have an unnecessary layer of acquisition. Certain loot can be acquired by killing monsters in different ways (exact kill, overkill, element kill, etc.) So if you need a specific loot from a certain monster you need to kill it in a specific way, which is honestly more tedious than unique.

Story (4/10) Cliche with forgettable cast

(+1) The overarching narrative is amazing, telling the darker side of fate. Even though the execution fell through during the middle parts, the story going full circle back to the stone monument was a nice touch to convey to the player a tale of inescapable fates.

(=) Very generic story. Party of x goes from town to town solving problems, making new friends along the way, and somehow winds up saving the world. 

(-1) Poor character writing. Every single one of the main characters are as stereotypical as they can get. Mysterious MC, Merciful Maiden, Old Warrior, etc. The dynamic between the party members is almost non-existent except for the 2 main characters, Endir and Setsuna. Party interaction consists mostly of side comments and the non-stop “Kid/Old man” bickering between Nidr and Kir. The group isn’t tightly knit and their resolve feels forced. The so-called sacrifice’s guards just get dragged around from left to right, adding another hesitant member as they pass through a new town. None of them really feel obligated to accompany Setsuna on her pilgrimage aside from Aeterna, they just owe a debt of gratitude and feel compelled to accompany her because it is the right thing to do even if it doesn’t make sense for their character. This would’ve been a better game if the narrative focused on the initial party of 3; Endir, Setsuna, and Aeterna.

(-1) Terrible pacing. It either feels too long or too short. They either should’ve, again, focused on the initial party of 3 instead of trying to make some half-assed narrative as to why this new party member will join the sacrifice’s guards or fleshed out the character arcs more by giving the members a more concrete reason to join the party.

Visuals (6/10) White everywhere that hides the underlying dark tones

(+1) Good blend of simplistic and nostalgic, which meshes well with the melancholic tone of the whole game.

(=) Level design feels uninspired, from the dungeons to the world map. The puzzles are also very basic and essentially just becomes busy work instead of being actual puzzles.

(=) Monster design is also very generic, even the bosses don’t stand out too much aside from being 5x bigger than the player.

Audio (7/10) The shining gem of this game

(+2) Melancholic and solitary piano soundtrack meshes well with the tone of the game, just like the visuals. The somber atmosphere the soundtrack emits reminds you of the fact that Setsuna, the sacrifice, is being sent out on a journey that ends in her demise. The game is worth playing for the soundtrack alone. 

(=) Some tracks were used too often, like when trouble suddenly hits the next unsuspecting town you happen to stumble into.

Final Score (5.5) Average Suited for nostalgic JRPG players

It did well for what it intended to be, a homage to old-school JRPGs. However, other than accomplishing that niche (and the beautiful soundtrack,) there really is nothing to write home about this game. 

(1-2) Terrible (3-4) Bad (5) Average (6-7) Good (8-9) Excellent (10) Masterpiece

[stalwartignoramus]

Try

Whatever I do is always just short of enough

How tall a task to meet expectations

Yet here I am again to try to be better

Amidst the darkness you were my saving light

Might be too bright at times when it demands

Incompetent and inept the ability to perform

No worth, no value, no life

Oh how I wish it was that easy

To just get up and do the things I ought to do

Get up and make everything right again

Only something keeps barring me

One thing that always holds me down

Disbelief of one’s self 

Even though I try, I know its not enough

Not enough for you, not enough for me

Overstated promises of a better tomorrow

Unfruitful outcome every single encounter 

Getting too tired, getting too sad

However I’ll give it just another try

[stalwartignoramus]

Motivation

April 20, 2016

“It’s always good to set a motivation as a driving force towards your goal as it helps you focus and keeps you from straying from your path.”

Motivations are powerful driving tools that keeps on reviving your spirit every time you feel down. It’s something to keep you in check while working yourself towards a goal so that you won’t get lost along the way. Motivations come disguised in many forms. They are the runway lights to a landing plane, the road signs to a travelling convoy, the walking stick to a blind man, the lover to another. They fuel your drive to continue living in order to fulfill your goals in life. Motivation can come from within or from an outside factor.

Motivation from within comes from self-esteem, self-actualization, acknowledgement of goals, and confidence in one’s abilities. When you recognize your worth, you will rarely feel demotivated because you recognize your role and purpose in the world and feel a sense of duty towards it that you have to fulfill every single day. This purpose gives you a set guideline on what to do with the life you’re living and how to further improve yourself and influence others at the same time. During this process you will set temporary and long-term goals that you will work towards for a duration of time. After which you will use your abilities to the fullest extent in order to fulfill this goal and move on to the next. 

Friends, family, lover, mentor. People who contribute to the outside factor of motivation. These people help you keep yourself in check by helping you achieve your own internal motivation. They help keep you in line and give you helpful tips on how to achieve a goal. Worries and doubts can be cleared once you set them as your motivation. Once you look into their lives and see how far they’ve come and how much they accomplished, it motivates you to have a similar sense of success. So it helps to have successful people as your motivation but they’re not the only sources of motivation. People who are seemingly unsuccessful can also be sources of motivation. You will be motivated by setting an example for them and influencing them to be productive and meaningful. 

Whatever form motivation may come in, it’s surely something that helps us achieve our goal. So it’s always important to keep your motivations in check and make sure you become a motivation yourself to others who are having a harder time than you are.

[stalwartignoramus]

Mark 7:15

In light of recent events, I turn to The Bible for related scriptures.

“There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man.”

It is true that no matter what evil may surround us, we remain protected and pure for they are things that are outside us and may not be within our control. The evil around us does not define us, it is our goodness and faith that will. However, the things that come out of us defile us for it comes from our heart and soul, and expresses to the world what grievances and anger our heart truly contains. Once bad things come out of you, you provide substantial proof that your heart and soul is wicked as it mirrors into your actions and words. 

We must learn not to give in to the wickedness around us, and keep the faith and goodness in our hearts alive by nurturing good and pure thoughts. 

[stalwartignoramus]

Impressions

April 19, 2016

“First impressions are only necessary when dealing with a person initially, subsequent encounters need further understanding of the person as a whole.”

First impressions come in handy during initial encounters with a person. Once you determine what kind of person they are from your impression, you interact with them accordingly. However, this may become a problem with subsequent encounters with said person. Given two scenarios:

A. Person gives you a bad impression

B. Person gives you a good impression

Scenario A:

When a person gives you a bad impression, you tend to have a negative perspective towards that person. Thus, every event or happening that involves them would immediately give off a negative vibe and you’ll become prejudiced towards the person. It won’t matter what good the person does, you will always see fault in their actions or you will refer to the person’s previous misdeeds to support your claim that he is bad. This negative outlook will pile on itself and may eventually lead to hate. It is important to recognize a person’s misdeeds as it will help you decide whether you should trust them or not. However, if you still haven’t proven them to be untrustworthy, learn how to avoid seeing them in a negative way as it clouds your judgement and may prevent you from seeing the good in seemingly bad people.

Scenario B:

When a person gives you a good impression, you tend to have a positive perspective towards that person. Thus, every event or happening that involves them would immediately give off a positive vibe and you’ll grow fond of that person. Everything this person does will be seen in a good light, so you will always see the kindness and goodness in their actions. This may pose a problem when said person commits a misdeed and you fail to see their fault because you consider them a good person. Also this fondness tends to build trust and you begin to hold them in high regards. So much that when you finally see their fault your trust will crumble down and you may see them in the same way you see a person in (Scenario A). Seeing the good in people is important as it gives off good vibes and you learn how to trust more. However, good people can also make mistakes, and you should learn how to weigh these mistakes in determining whether you still trust the person or not. A simple mistake should not be enough to destroy trust built on a solid foundation, neither should a solid foundation be reason enough not to fault a person for doing a terrible mistake.

Adjust your impressions accordingly and never convince yourself that you truly know a person. Claiming that you already know a person hinders growth and connection between the two of you. People change, and we need to be aware of these changes in dealing with them. Be patient and learn to be trustworthy, because knowing a person thoroughly may take as long as a lifetime.

[stalwartignoramus]

Enemy

April 18, 2016 

“You will never understand your enemy if you keep calling them your enemy."

Once you have set into your mind that someone is your enemy, it will taint every judgement you will ever have of them. It’s similar to wearing dark-tinted glasses, wherever you look you’ll see things darker than everyone else. If you call someone your enemy, every word they’ll utter and every action they’ll make will be at least somewhat wrong because you’ll find fault in it in whatever way you can. It will make you jump into conclusions without analyzing the situation to an extent. Prejudice will cloud your judgement and you will come to hate everything that person will do. 

[stalwartignoramus]

Still

Unfortunately, I’m still here.

Too unmotivated to live, too strong-willed to die.

Unsure of the simplest things, unable of the simplest actions.

Yet, I’m still here.

[stalwartignoramus]

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[stalwartignoramus]

Ang Siyang Nakaraan Na

.

Nakaupo magisa sa ating dating tagpuan

Inaalala ang mga sandaling nakalipas na

Mga panahon ng kasiyahan at walang humpay na kaligayahan

Habambuhay akong nagpapasalamat sa iyo sa mga memoryang iniwan mo

Ang laki ng iyong pinagbago sa loob ng isang taon at di na ako makahabol

Nagtatanong kung nagbago ka bang tunay o kung iyan ang tunay mong anyo

Ano man ang sagot alam kong wala na tayo

Kailangan na maghiwalay ng ating landas

.

Subalit ang ikaw na nasa aking mga pangarap ay hindi maglalaho

Ikaw na nagsorpresa sa aking kaarawan at binigyang kahulugan ito

Ikaw na umakap sakin nang ako’y umiyak muli makaraan ang maraming taon

Ikaw na pumayag na aking dalhin sa sayaw 

Ikaw na nakakaalam ng lahat ng problema ko

Ikaw na handa akong gawin ang kahit na ano

Ikaw na handa akong ibigay lahat ng oras ko

Ikaw na handa akong ibigay ang buhay ko

Ikaw na matatagpuan na lamang sa aking mga panaginip

Ikaw na ngayon ay naninirahan na lamang sa aking ala-ala

Ikaw na siyang nakaraan na

.

Hindi ko pinagsisisihan ang aking mga ginawa para sa’yo

Marami kang naituro sa maikling panahon na tayo’y nagsama

Sa aking pusong ito aking itatago ang iyong ala-ala

Ang iyong mapamihag na ngiti

Ang iyong matamis na boses

Ang iyong maamong hagkan

Ang mainit mong yakap

Ang iyong magandang titig

Ang iyong mapagmahal na mga kamay

Ang iyong isipan

Ang iyong katawan

Ang iyong kaluluwa

Lahat ng ito aking itinatago sa aking ala-ala

.

Lahat ng bagay ay hahantong sa katapusan

Sadyang maaga lang ang pagsapit ng atin

Lagi kitang mamahalin ng lubos

Ang ikaw na nasa aking ala-ala

[stalwartignoramus]

One Long Gone

.

Sitting alone at the place where we once were 

Remembering the times that were long past

Times of happiness and eternal bliss

Forever I am grateful for the memories you made with me

You changed so much within a year that I couldn’t keep up

Wondering if you really changed or if it’s who you really are

Regardless of the answer I know that we are now over

We have to go our own separate ways now

.

But the you that’s in my dreams will never fade away

The you that actually made my birthday memorable by surprising me

The you that held me when I cried for the first time in years

The you who gave me the chance to take you to dance

The you who I shared all my problems with

The you who I’d do pretty much anything for

The you who I’d sacrifice my time for

The you who I’d risk my life for

The you who’s now only found in my dreams

The you who’s now only living in my memories

The you who’s now long gone

.

I don’t regret everything I’ve done for you

You made me realize a lot of things in the short time we’ve been together

In this heart of mine I will always treasure the memory of you

Your captivating smile

Your sweet voice

Your gentle caress 

Your warm embrace

Your magnificent stare

Your loving hands

Your mind 

Your body

Your soul

All of those kept within my memories

.

All things come to an end

Ours just came too early

I will always love you 

The you from my memories

[stalwartignoramus]

Too much of him, too little of her

.

Too much of him, too little of her

A story of a love that died in their search for each other

For the people who accompanied us in our quest of happiness 

May not be the people we end up being happy with

.

He was much too intense in everything he does for her

Gifts, letters, attention, time, he gave her all of it and more

All major occasions must be complied with something special

But if everything is special then nothing is

Was it truly out of appreciation and dedication for her

Or was it a desperate cry for attention long sought after

Was it mere projection to make someone feel special

In order for someone to also make him feel special

Giving was second nature for him, he never hesitated to help

Receiving is a close third for he secretly expected reciprocation

.

She was a little too focused on her self in everything she does

Academics, ministry, organizations, she gave it her all for these

Every single event must be attended for her to be a part of them

But if she is everywhere then she is nowhere

Was it truly out of acquaintanceship that she sought for everything

Or was it to fill the loneliness she feels when she’s with him

Was it mere compensation for something he could not give

The freedom that she so longed for in a relationship

She always wanted to try new things and go on adventures

Part of her always hated him for being too inactive and anti social 

.

He was much too conservative and kept a closed mind

Skinship for him should only be shared between two intimate people

How someone dresses is a big issue for him

Often he judges someone as vain when they wear too showy outfits 

In turn he respects those who wear respectable clothes 

His demand was to be the only man who will ever see her beauty

To be the only one capable of admiring such a wonderful person

But part of her being a wonderful person is a fact he cannot bear

The fact that she’s outgoing and goes out with a lot of people who admire her

.

She was a little too liberal and kept an open mind

Physical contact does not mean anything unless she intends for it to

Clothing is not a big issue for her, as long as it looks good

She wears short and thin outfits when it gets too hot outside

And covers up in several jackets if the cold decides to come by

Always she cannot help but be admired by different people around her

Everyone sends glances and stares down her way to show appreciation

But her defenses may have been set a little too low 

For not everyone can limit themselves to simple glances and stares

.

Because he gave much too many of everything and anything

That she got used to the attention and demanded for more

Because she gave a little too less of everything and anything

That he felt unneeded and useless and not special

Because he was much too emotional and needy

That she could not handle all of his demands anymore

Because she was a little too insensitive and  distracted

That he could not get the attention he wanted from her

Because he was much too insecure of her beauty

That she may one day choose to leave him for someone else

Because she was a little too beautiful for him

That he may one day choose to give up and let go 

Because he was much too focused on her

That he was willing to do anything for her

Because she was little too focused on anyone but herself 

That she was going to do anything for her to develop

Because he was much too giving of himself

That he forgot to save some love for himself

Because she was a little too concerned of herself

That she forgot how to give time for others

Because he gave her too much of him

That she gave him a little of her

Because she gave him a little of her

That he decided to let it go

[stalwartignoramus]

To one who was once dearest

.

At the end of the day you’ll only have yourself

When the curtains are closed and the doors are locked

The only company then is your own heart and soul

Communicating through unnatural means 

A slight moment of reflection of the day past

Speaks more honest than any other medium

Slowly the mind reminds you of the events beforehand

Brothers close at heart stand together and proud

Seizing every moment that came down their paths

Pompous may be but feelings sincere 

After each has gone to their respective abodes by night

Every one of them was left a permanent mark on their minds

That the moment was there and wise enough that they savored it

Despite a honest and sincere human moment 

Come nighttime the thoughts crawl and creep into the mind

Deep within the soul knows how it truly feels

These honest and sincere human moments are there to distract

To tell the mind that it is not alone for it has company

Surely it cannot feel alone at all in the presence of wonderful people

But the heart knows every prickling pain piercing through

The soul knows every heavy burden that weighs it down

All these cover ups to hide a sad but undeniable fact

.

At the end of the day you’ll only have yourself

.

Temporary smiles etched unto faces while with peers

Permanently erased by harsh reality and crippling truth

Nobody around can truly understand

Yet it is not their fault at all and they are not to blame

For one chooses to shut himself to the world 

Distrustful and skeptical of every single person around

Every single moment spent with other people a lie

To cover up the creeping blackness that is loneliness

Every secret told grew shadows that hid deeper meanings

Each a cry for help to be rescued from isolation

Every memory created with a dearly beloved just phony

Even they as close as they are still cannot see inside

At the end of it all all one can do is utter nonsense and hope

.

Because

.

At the end of the day, only you can tell right from wrong

At the end of the day, only you can admit that something hurt you

At the end of the day, only you can say how you really feel

At the end of the day, only you can talk sense into yourself

At the end of the day, only you can decide what to do next

At the end of the day, only you can stop pretending and admit 

Admit that it hurts the very depths of your soul

For what’s worse than a love found and lost

Is a love that grew out of each other

The pain is unbearable but undeniably necessary 

For you cannot continue pretending to be okay

But both of you know it’s best to just part ways

Than to keep hurting each other and end up more broken

Sometimes things are just not meant to be together 

You have to accept the bitter reality

The cold and deadly truth that you keep ignoring

One that has always seated at the back of your mind

But simply dismissed as a sinking feeling

Words that you never wanted to be spoken

But always rung loud and clear in your head

Echoing and pounding on the walls of your heart

With each pulse breaking the soul further apart  

Scared yet strangely relieved you tell yourself

Something that you should have realized a long time ago

To have avoided all of the hurt it would cause if told now

.

Every little being of you slowly getting torn apart as you utter the words

“We are not meant for each other”

Only then would you have realized that there is no greater truth to the quote

At the end of the day, you’ll only have yourself

[stalwartignoramus]

Emptiness

.

As vague as its connotative root this word is

Mayhap a container void of contents

Or a sullen state of nothingness

Yet it is neither for it does not come into existence at all

.

Emptiness cannot be recognized without grounds to base it on

People acknowledge darkness as the absence of light

Cold for where heat is not found

Poor if wealth-ridden

Hate when love cannot be administered

Emptiness to define the absence of an entity

.

Defined yet still so vague this term is

Can emptiness be measured?

To what entity is emptiness acknowledged with?

Is emptiness even real?

.

Indeed it may be measured though difficult it may be

The intensity of lacking something essential

Something that is somehow necessary yet unknown

To what extent one longs for this unknown entity is the measurement of emptiness

.

Surrounded by company but abandoned by thoughts 

Even after seeking to fill the void through near fraternal bonds

The face smiles while the heart cries and laments in agony

No one can seem to identify what it is that’s missing

.

Family, friends, lovers, all tried but to no avail

They who could not lay sight to what troubles the mind

An egg can be considered perfectly fine as long as the shell is white

However at a single touch the barricades crumble revealing the rotting core

.

Nothing ever seems to be enough to be worth the trouble

Nothing too easy, nothing too hard

Nothing too exciting, nothing too dull

Nothing worth living for, nothing worth dying for

.

Is it thyself that is longing something?

Insufficient of self-respect and worth may it be?

Lack the motivation to accomplish any task?

Loss of faith in one’s ability to influence others?

.

Or maybe it is what others have that you are seeking?

The attention of your desensitized and emotionally distant parents?

Approval of peers who never really understood who you really are?

Affection of a lover who tried but could only read skin deep?

.

For all this talk of emptiness we do question its very existence

Is emptiness the process where the mind compensates for something unknown?

Or simply just the absence of an abstract figure?

Maybe nothing at all?

.

How can something come into existence?

Sometimes it can be seen naturally in nature to prove it exists

Other times, man breathes into life ideas by naming

So if man identifies the idea of nothing, does it even exist?

.

A day, a week, a month, a year, a decade, a lifetime

To spend all these in the quest of filling the void that is the emptiness

Will one succeed? will one falter?

I guess one will not know unless one does not try