Read & Cee

[stargazzer94]

You can always tell someone's true intentions not by what they say to you, but how they say it to you. You can learn how a person will treat you not based on how they treat you, but when they treat you certain ways. You learn a lot about a person's values not by how many things there are, but the measurements of them. You can learn about a person by the way they talk, talk to others, talk about others, and how they listen to others. It's up to you on how you perceive it all and only you have the power to use what you learn about this person and what comes of it. But just know, who thy are will never change but it doe have potential to grow.

[stargazzer94]

fucking bastard

You know what is extremely irritating? When the person you had once shared a connection with, whom you found admirable and valuation to extreme; has the audacity to behave as if their toxicity holds no value or their subliminally behaviors do not affect you. One person who held your heart was the same one who dropped it with no remorse.

[stargazzer94]

He was my fastest Hello, to my hardest Goodbye. This was real and I had felt home. Then reality came and there was an eviction notice.

[stargazzer94]

Find joy in the suffering

[spiritualseeker777]

[resqectable]

“Even if you know what’s coming, you’re never prepared for how it feels.”

— Natalie Standiford, How to Say Goodbye in Robot

[stargazzer94]

who/what is at war

When my mind wanders, it feels like endless pages of chapters flip through my brain like an open book in the middle of a tornado. My emotions cause chaos like prisoners broken lose from a prison. My body sweats like I finished a marathon. My heart races like it's still in the damn race. The voices are louder than when shouting in an amphitheater. All I want is peace of mind; easily gained with reassurance and affirmation of goodness in the war between my heart and mind.

[stargazzer94]

To cry in silence is to cry alone

It hurts, you can feel it tremble in each bone

You hide it so it can never be shown

The pain aches when you're little and even when you're grown

They hear cracks in your voice and even in your tone

Who you’d be today is forever unknown

My loved one missing every milestone

You’ve missed births and birthdays

And now every holiday

The misfortune is something I can not convey

I wish you were here and I could make you stay

Even talking to you, I wouldn’t know what to say

I know how I’d feel and that would be whole

I wish you were here and that was in my control

Losing grip of what is mine and what is not

Happens more often than even a thought

The emptiness of your loss runs heavy in my soul

The emptiness without you will never be whole

I hope I’m making you proud up there

I’d never want you to feel ashamed or any despair 

The strength I have because of you

Keeps me aware and pushing through

When my knees are weak and my heart aches

I remember the pieces I picked up so they’ll never break

The shivers of sadness that creep up my spine

Reminds me this is my pain and only mine

No one can help or make it all better

Only comfort and warmth from a sweater

I miss my loved one who was gone too soon

Our moments together were limited to few

I can’t wait to see you and be with you too

I Love You

[stargazzer94]

Rest

I feel like I'm in a crowded room, but still so alone. I feel like this big room is condensed down to a small cardboard box. I feel my lips form the word 'No', but 'Yes' always comes out. I feel like I have to hold everyone up as I am curled in a ball unable to stand. My knees are weak and buckle. My back waiting for the last straw to break it. I feel like every inch I step becomes a new mile marker I sprinted to. I feel like I have no time to look in the mirror I am staring at everyone else to remind them of their beauty. I feel the world rotating but I spin around it. I scream to max volume, and muted to everyone's ear drums. I am tired. I am tired of feeling at war with the world. I am tired and want rest.

[stargazzer94]

"If your path is more difficult, it is because your calling is more higher."

[stargazzer94]

Today I ran through memories. Memories not as ancient as most. Memories that are concreted in my hippocampus. Memories that often feel like deja vu. Memories that focused on others' happiness and not my own. Memories that proved there was no light at the end of that tunnel. Memories that make my stomach weak and eyes drown. I will always remember him and his boys, and the memories we created together.

[stargazzer94]

My Rescue

Her head is angled when something is amusing. She flattens to her stomach when she feels sheltered. Her long pink tongue stretches to lick when she wants to show affection. She sprints when the energy over flows through all four paws. Her ears are sky high. Her fine black hair has a tint of brown when caught in the right sun light. Her heart beats against mine when we lay together. I did not rescue her; she rescued me.

[stargazzer94]

My 6 month old Black Lab mix has been able to achieve commands including; Sit, Stay, Lay, and both paws!!

[stargazzer94]

Miss Understood

Don't we all feel mislead, mischaracterized, misguided, misinformed, misdiagnosed, misconducted, and misunderstood? I am constantly being guided into these misses. As often as I am pleasing the things I want and the means I know I am to make; some how the miss comes to meet. When someone tries to explain their wants and needs you try to comply and agree and and persevere with them, some things just do not add up. So when you're ready to meet their needs and expectations you suddenly find out that they don't meet yours. Or worse; they do not have any.

[followcb]

Counting Clouds

Slow down - don't we both

need to slow way, way down

take some time simply to be

together - the two of us . . .

Quietly dreaming beside the sea

dozing . . . drifting . . . sailing

daydreaming an incredible fantasy

☆☆☆☆☆

Busy lives - often forget to realize

happiness will be missed

if we don't give each minute

its grace and lust for living

We need to send every worry

away - and just breathe

the extent of every minute -

unfolding

☆☆☆☆☆

Seems we need to learn

how to do absolutely nothing

The art of being in the now -

together savoring

life's greatest offerings

Enjoying the passing of time

counting clouds as they float by

☆☆☆☆☆

Eyes full of sight - heart's opened wide

sweet rest the soul craves

The embrace of magic,

the kiss of all the colors of hope,

A horizon to dream by,

love dripping from every

corner of our lives

☆☆☆☆☆

©️ @followcb & @heartofmuse

June 22, 2022

Another impromptu collaboration - out of thin air. Thanks, Eva, for your keen sensibilities and gift with words. Chris

[heartofmuse]

Thank you, Chris, for always inspiring my soul to let loose.

[stargazzer94]

Come What May

I'm tired of being at a stand still in life. I have always been on the go and never been able to grasp the concept of allowing things to manifest on their own. I want something, I'm chasing it; I need something, I'm getting it. I want results, answers, reasons and achievements to happen NOW. I wish I could learn to sit back and allow the good to come.

[stargazzer94]

Remember as a child how picky we were with the food we wanted? Then as we grew our taste buds changed, so naturally the variety of food we chose to consume started to grow. This is similar to our risks in life. When we were younger we either thought we could do it all or nothing at all because we were scared and did not want to do something out of the ordinary or something we were not familiar with. As we grew we became more comfortable with new things and new people and places. Our bodies change and crave different tastes and new environments, just like our minds.