aaaaalrighht!

here’s to writing bad but doing it anyway! calm. confidence. twinkle.

[starinkd]

i miss you.

i almost had to sew my mouth shut today,

but even then,

i still would’ve made a sound

to fight for a chance

hell, to look like a fool doing it

just to say,

i miss you.

i really miss alex turner :(

[8nin]

“what’s stopping you from-“ listen i am so so sleepy

[starinkd]

me to me cus i be having the urge to dramatically change every aspect of myself every 3 am

[starinkd]

my contribution to this world is that i always hope everyone is having a better day than me

[starinkd]

there is so much love in my heart

wanting to be heard, needing to be seen

i try to show it through my words and my actions

“not enough! not enough!,” it utters

and so i pour out some more

somewhere between midnight and dawn

i ask — all in hushed silence

“why must i bleed out to show i have loved?”

“is pain the price of love or is love the prize of bearing pain?”

still time does not stop, even for the bled-out ones

the blood has dried and

the questions remain unanswered

i guess love, pain, and everything in between

is the price of being alive

[starinkd]

i feel like im in a coma where i feel everything all at once but i cannot physically move my body

[starinkd]

i miss my friends and yes, sometimes even the ones i no longer associate myself with. it’s hard to lose a friend but harder to stand your ground in cutting ties with people who do not value nor respect you. i have to constantly remind myself that i’d rather carry this grief than be disrespected and treated less than what i deserve. still, i miss them sometimes.

[starinkd]

i’ve been laying in bed a lot. ruminating. rotting away in my 20s is not a good way to enter adulthood. the hardest pill i have to swallow is that the only thing stopping me from a lot of things is myself. i am highly self-aware and yet i don’t do anything to fix it. i indulge in a lot of vices that i justify by saying i deserve it after all the suffering and life’s pains. it’s 3 am too and as ted mosby puts it, nothing good happens after 2 am

[starinkd]

i am in constant melancholy (i need to chill)

[starinkd]

to live and to try. to fail but try anyway.

[starinkd]

when quitting is not an option,

where is the temporary exit?

where do i park my sinking heart?

where do i go?

should i go?

[starinkd]

when you realize that your potential is limitless and most of the time, the only thing stopping you is yourself — that’s when this freeing sensation overcomes you. and when it does, i hope it overwhelms you so much that you are forced to recognize that you can do it. you can do it. there is nothing you cannot at least try to do. once we realize the power of trying. of setting foot to test the waters. of opening a door and peeking through it. try, try until you are the first one out of the gate.

[starinkd]

wednesdays are for bargaining

only a few days till the weekend

new beginnings await — but emptiness escapes

waking up to your absence

our bed, our room, i am alone

one thing i learned — time does not halt

[starinkd]

ive always been hungry,

a gourmand of sorts

many is too little

large is far too small

only the unimaginably big

nay, the wide, the tide, the vast

ever stood a chance

love — even just a fraction of it

you take one bite and its never enough

[starinkd]

i sleep a lot during the day,

not to mentjon i sleep a lot at night

it comes late but its still rings true

i sleep to die for a while

bargaining with my snooze button, i

sleep for five more minutes,

then two more,

and another ten

suddenly, i’ve been dead for three hours

i sleep a lot to practice death

it is what my two cents can afford

it is what my mother’s heart can endure

it is what my cowardice can accomplish

and it is what god seems to favor

i wake up anyway, much to my dismay

i sleep a lot to practice death

and in practicing death, i am kept alive

i live to see another day

just let me die for a little while

note: i know its horrible but i want to practice writing directly from the heart and mind - my mind is not a happy place. i dont write well but i will try. at least for myself. as alex turner puts it, “ i a napper”

[starinkd]

how do i wake up from this slumber

over mountains and seas of despair

slithering — desperate to remember

how you shone under the sun’s glare

i lose, i surrender to your laughter

[starinkd]

how do you go back to reality (work) when youve just finished reading the most soul-crushing fanfiction ever written

[starinkd]

i try to write all the time. i lay awake at 2 am, attempting to pour my heart out. i feel so little and insignificant. in a world where a prompt can create something objectively better that i could ever muster, i still try. i hope i touch someone’s heart but above all, i hope i heal mine.