andy

hanpop written by han jisung

[starlostjisung]

you got me feeling star lost

baby, we’re the new romantics

the best people in life are free

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[starlostjisung]

the boy behind the mask

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: spider-han!au

wc: 3.9k

warnings: description of a panic attack

summary: if with great power comes great responsibility, then who takes responsibility for han jisung?

< previous part | next part >

jisung lets go of the doorknob and turns around. standing a few steps away is a boy around his age, his long and blond hair slightly messy, and a pair of warm brown eyes meet jisung’s immediately. 

the hallway’s dim lights catch the constellation of freckles scattered across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, making the smile he wears seem even brighter, and what a smile it is, open and friendly, the kind of smile that appears without hesitation, as though smiling at people is simply his second nature.

the boy lifts his hand in a small wave, “hi”

jisung blinks once, not knowing how to act or what to say, before he finally responds, “h-hi”

“sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you”, the blond says, laughing softly.

“it’s okay”

a brief silence settles between them and jisung is painfully aware that he’s still holding his key, that his bag is slipping off his shoulder and that he probably looks exhausted after everything that’s happened today but the stranger doesn’t seem bothered by the silence in the slightest.

instead, he steps forward with his easy smile, “i’m felix”, he offers his hand, “we just moved in”

jisung shifts the bag so it doesn’t slide off completely before accepting the handshake, felix’s grip being warm and confident.

“i’m jisung”

“nice to meet you, jisung”, he says, his smile growing impossibly wide.

“y-you too”

felix nods towards the mountain of cardboard boxes occupying half the hallway, “i’m sorry about all of… this”, he says as he gestures at the mess, “we’re still trying to figure out where everything goes”, jisung follows his gaze as felix continues with an embarrassed laugh, “it’s a bit chaotic”

“no, it’s…”, jisung shakes his head, “it’s fine”

“i promise we’ll clear all this”

“it’s okay, really”

felix smiles again, “i know, but i’d feel bad if our new neighbour had to climb over cardboard every time he wanted to get home”

jisung lets out a small laugh, “don’t worry”

for a moment, neither of them speaks, not because the conversation has become awkward, at least not for felix, he simply seems to be looking around as though remembering something.

“oh!”, his eyes brighten, “i almost forgot, we’re having a housewarming party tomorrow”, he says and then points over his shoulder towards the open apartment, “nothing huge, just some friends. you should come too”

jisung blinks, “me?”

“yeah”, felix says it so casually it almost sounds strange that jisung has to ask, “you’re our neighbour and it’s nice that you seem to be around our age”

“i…”, jisung says as he rubs the back of his neck, again not really sure of what he should say.

“you don’t have to stay all night or anything if you don’t want to”, felix adds quickly, mistaking the hesitation for uncertainty about the invitation itself, “just stop by if you feel like it”

jisung looks towards the open apartment again. he can hear movement inside, furniture scraping across the floor and someone humming a song he doesn’t recognise.

“i’ll…”, he starts again, “i-i’ll come if i can”

felix beams as though jisung has already promised to spend the entire evening there, “great!”

jisung offers a small, almost apologetic smile, “but i have some things to do, so…”

“no worries”, felix says, waving his hand dismissively, “just come… whenever you can”

another comfortable silence follows. comfortable for felix at least, because jisung spends it wondering if he should say something else but before he can decide, felix speaks first. 

“and, seriously…”, he glances once more at the hallway, “sorry about the mess”

jisung smiles again, a little more naturally this time, “don’t worry about it”

felix nods his head, “okay, so… see you tomorrow then”

jisung waves his hand, “yeah, see you tomorrow”

then, with one last cheerful wave, felix turns around and disappears back into his apartment and almost immediately, his voice drifts back into the hallway.

“hey! guess who i’ve just met? our neighbour!”

someone inside says something jisung can’t make out and he hears felix laughing loudly in response, the sound echoing through the otherwise quiet floor. jisung stands there for another second, watching the open doorway, and how that apartment already feels alive and warm, the complete opposite of his own.

eventually, he looks away and then, he unlocks his door, steps inside and closes it behind him, shutting out the laughter from across the hall as his apartment falls back into its familiar silence.

jisung doesn’t sleep much that night and for once, it’s not spider-man’s fault. he lies awake staring at the ceiling, his apartment almost completely dark and the distant rumble of the subway somewhere outside becoming the background of the night.

sleep doesn’t come at first because every time he closes his eyes, felix’s voice echoes inside his head. jisung turns onto his side then onto his back again and sighs for the thousandth time that night because his thoughts refuse to leave him alone.

should he go?

shouldn’t he?

he knows deep down that this isn’t really about the party. the party is just… people, conversation, friendship, possibility.

and that’s what scares him, because after everything that happened during the battle five years ago, after he lost his aunt may, he made himself a promise.

no more.

no more giving villains names to use against him.

no more risking someone else’s life just because they happen to care about han jisung.

he’s not completely alone, he still chats with his neighbours or with inspector lee, but all of those relationships have invisible limits. people know pieces of him, never all of him, never enough to truly matter. he makes sure that he keeps everyone at arm’s length, far enough that if something happens, if someone ever discovers who spider-man really is, there won’t be anyone left to lose.

he thinks it sounds responsible and safe, but deep down, he knows that humans aren’t meant to live like that.

there are some nights where he catches himself wondering what it would be like to have friends again, his old friends. but most nights, he wonders what it would be like to love someone without wondering whether loving them back means they have signed their death sentence. and tonight, those thoughts follow him until exhaustion eventually wins.

morning arrives far sooner than he’d like and jisung wakes up after barely a couple of hours of sleep, already tired. the day unfolds the same way most of his days do but every now and then, without meaning to, he catches himself wondering about the party but every time, he stops and scolds himself.

when he returns to his apartment after visiting his aunt’s grave, the sun has already begun sinking behind the skyline. his apartment welcomes him with silence, predictable and safe. he changes into an oversized hoodie, starts making himself something to eat and then tells himself, not for the first time since last night, that he isn’t going anywhere tonight.

he has plenty to do and he’s tired and it’s just a party. he repeats that over and over again, enough times that he almost believes it. then, a bass note vibrates through the wall followed by another - music, not loud enough to be obnoxious but still loud enough that he can hear it. a few seconds later, he hears a door opening and then laughter drifting through the hallway outside and then more voices join in as the apartment across the hall begins to fill.

jisung stills where he stands, a spoon forgotten in the pot full of pasta on the stove, and without realising it, he turns his head towards the wall separating his apartment from theirs.

the party has started. 

jisung tells himself he isn’t going one more time. he stirs the pasta again, watching the water bubble gently beneath the spoon. the music continues through the wall as well as the laughs and the voices of people greeting each other. he wonders how many people are there, felix knows a lot. 

he sighs, shakes his head and reaches for a plate, then stops and looks towards the wall again.

“... no”, he says out loud.

he isn’t going, the pasta is almost done anyway. he will stay home and eat dinner, then maybe watch something and go to bed early. then another burst of laughter echoes through the apartment and he sighs again.

five minutes later, he realises the stove isn’t on anymore, but he doesn’t remember turning it off. somehow, he’s standing in the middle of his apartment with one of his shoes already on. 

“seriously?”

his gaze drops to his feet, then to the pair of keys now resting in his hand and no, he doesn’t remember picking those up either. he slips on the other shoe and runs a hand through his messy hair. he looks down at his oversized hoodie, he looks good enough, he’s not trying to impress anyone, he’s just going next door for a little while, he has already admitted defeat. 

he grabs his phone from the counter before opening his apartment door. the hallway is noticeably livelier than it was yesterday, the music spilling from the other apartment, accompanied by overlapping conversations and loud laughs. 

jisung swallows, he suddenly feels very out of place, so much that he almost turns back but, he closes his own apartment door behind him and walks the few steps separating his apartment from felix’s.

the door is wide open, exactly as if everyone is welcome, which apparently they are. he sighs and then steps inside, the apartment already feeling completely different from his own, feeling warm and alive. the scent of pizza mixes with something sweet he can’t quite identify. people occupy nearly every corner and laughter bounces from room to room.

jisung instinctively starts counting, forty? maybe fifty people? definitely more than he had imagined. he slips further inside before anyone notices him standing awkwardly near the entrance. the kitchen catches his attention first, a stack of red plastic cups sitting beside several bottles of drinks and bowls filled with snacks.

he picks up one of the cups and takes a sip, then another one. he slowly wanders through the apartment, careful not to interrupt any ongoing conversations. every now and then someone smiles politely as they pass him and he smiles back, a bit forced on his end. he keeps looking around, trying to find somebody, until his attention catches on an open bedroom door near the end of the hallway.

something inside immediately stands out and his curiosity wins. jisung steps inside and he immediately walks towards one of the walls. 

nearly the entire thing has been transformed into a giant corkboard. there are photographs, printed screenshots, sticky notes, maps, red string connecting different pieces together, and right in the centre, a photograph of spider-man.

jisung walks closer before he can stop himself. the board is impressive, and mildly concerning if he has to be honest. there are newspaper headlines and printed photographs of him, well of spider-man. one of the corners of the corkboard is dedicated entirely to theories about him and some of them are surprisingly well thought out.

“excellent understanding of physics”

“must live somewhere in queens”

jisung takes half a step backwards as he keeps reading and looking at the corkboard. some of the theories are amazing, but others are absolutely ridiculous and he finds himself laughing at them.

“maybe he’s an off-duty firefighter. no, too short for that”

he laughs again and shakes his head, smiling to himself.

“so that’s your favourite one”

jisung startles so badly he nearly drops his drink and then turns around only to find felix standing in the doorway with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans and grinning at him.

“i’m happy you could make it”, he says as he walks towards jisung and the corkboard.

“i…”, jisung says as he glances back at the board and then clears his throat, “sorry”

“no!”, felix says, laughing, “don’t apologise, it’s fine. i’m glad someone else can see this too, it’s like… my little treasure”

he says it with such obvious affection that jisung looks back towards the board again, “you made all of this?”

“mmhm”, felix nods his head and scratches the back of his neck, looking almost sheepish for the first time since they met, “i know, it looks a little…”

“dedicated?”, jisung says, smiling at him.

“i was gonna say weird but i’ll take that one”, felix says as he laughs again before he looks up at the photographs covering the wall, “i’ve been collecting everything for years”

jisung studies him carefully, “you really like spider-man”

felix nods his head, “i really do”, they both laugh quietly and then felix’s smile softens as his eyes remain fixed on one of the photographs, “i know it’s probably strange but i just…”, he continues as he shrugs, “i’d really like to know who he is someday”

jisung’s fingers tighten almost imperceptibly around the plastic cup, “why?”

felix doesn’t even hesitate to answer, “because he saved me”, his voice is simple, matter of fact, “he saved my friend and me more than once back in high school. well, and during university too”, he says as he smiles faintly at the memories, "every time something went wrong… i don’t know… he was just there”

jisung keeps his expression carefully neutral and felix takes the opportunity to keep talking.

“i don’t wanna know who he is so i can tell people, no”, he says, shaking his head, “i would never do that. i just… i would like to tell him how thankful i am”

jisung finds himself staring at one of the photographs, a blurry picture taken years ago, spider-man carrying a little girl out of a burning apartment building. he remembers that day.

he looks at felix again, “i’m sure he already knows”

felix smiles, “i hope so”

a voice suddenly cuts through the peaceful silence from the doorway, “i don’t know… i still think it’s a little weird”

both of them turn towards the doorway. you’re standing there with a cardboard box balanced against your hip, one eyebrow raised as you look between felix and the spider-man corkboard and then a smile slowly spreads across your face.

“i mean…”, you continue, tilting your head as you take in the photographs and sticky notes for what is clearly not the first time, “i support your hobbies but-”

“i knew there was gonna be a but”, felix says as he folds his arms.

“but…”, you say again, unable to stop yourself from laughing, “this looks like the evidence board of someone who’s about five days away from being arrested”

felix lets out an exaggerated groan, “oh, come on”

you laugh again, “i’m just saying”

jisung barely hears the conversation because the moment he sees you, everything else fades, it completely disappears. for a split second, time simply stops. 

you.

that’s all he sees. 

his brain forgets how to function and his grip tightens around the red plastic cup. his heartbeat stumbles awkwardly before it speeds up instead.

say something.

but nothing comes. 

anything.

but still nothing, and he just… stares at you.

“it’s weird”, you say again, laughing as you step further into the room.

felix groans and rubs his face, “i regret moving in with you”

“no, you don’t”, you say as you grin. you crouch beside a stack of unpacked boxes and place the one you’ve been carrying on top with a quiet thud, “so this is where you disappeared to”

“i found our neighbour here, jisung”, felix says as he nods towards jisung.

“oh?”, you dust off your hands before finally looking properly at him and then you tilt your head, “hello”

jisung opens his mouth but still nothing comes out, his brain has apparently clocked out for the evening, “... h-hi”

excellent, very articulate, jisung.

felix, blissfully unaware of the silent catastrophe unfolding beside him, claps his hands together, “right!”, he points towards you, “this is y/n, my roommate”

you immediately gasp in mock offense, “your roommate? that’s all i am to you?”, you place a hand over your chest, “i’m hurt”

felix laughs, “you’ll survive”

“i thought i was your best friend”

“you are my best friend”

“i thought we’d built something special, lixie”

“mmhm”

“i thought we had history”

“we have too much history”, felix says as he rolls his eyes, “okay, this is y/n, my best friend and roommate”, he corrects.

“there you go”, you say, grinning triumphantly.

“happy?”

“ecstatic”

the two of you exchange matching grins before bursting into laughter and jisung just watches you, wishing he could be part of that. you turn back towards him and he realises, far too late for his own pride, that you’ve caught him looking at you.

you smile again, “i’m sorry”

he blinks, “w-why?”

“for yesterday, i mean… all the boxes”, you say as you gesture vaguely towards them, “and then the party today”

jisung shakes his head, “n-no, i mean… i-it’s okay”

you look around the room, clearly aware that it still looks like half a moving truck exploded inside it, “i thought we’d get the apartment organised first”

“i disagreed”, felix says and points proudly at himself, “i thought that if everyone came over before we cleaned it, then we would only have to clean and organise it once”

you stare at him for a second, “you know how much we’re gonna have to clean tomorrow? it’s gonna be a nightmare”

felix groans and then looks towards jisung, “back me up”

jisung, who has been mentally buffering since you walked into the room, startles slightly, “... what?”

felix sighs, “never mind”

you laugh again and without thinking, jisung finds himself smiling too. just then, another voice echoes from somewhere down the hallway.

“y/n!!”, a girl appears in the doorway looking directly at you and then points towards the living room, “we need more plates for the pizza”

you frown, “i left all of them in the kitchen”

“they aren’t there”

you sigh, “okay, i’m coming”, you shake your head before walking towards the door but halfway out the room, you stop. you turn around and your eyes meet jisung’s, “it was really nice meeting you, jisung”, you tell him, your smile just as warm as before, “i’ll see you around”

before he can think of a proper response or even remember how words work, you’re already gone, disappearing back into the noise and laughter of the party. jisung keeps looking long after you’ve disappeared into the crowd. the bedroom feels quieter and it’s not because the music outside has stopped, because it hasn’t, if anything, someone has turned it up. laughter still spills in from the living room and he can hear people cheering and laughing.

everything continues exactly as it was before yet something has shifted.

felix glances between the doorway and jisung before he speaks again,”so, what do you think?”

jisung blinks, pulling his eyes away, “a-about what?”

“the party”

“oh, right”, jisung says and then clears his throat, “it’s…”, he searches for a word, “nice”

“nice?”, felix laughs.

“yeah, i mean it”

“i know”, felix bumps his shoulder lightly, “i’m happy you could make it”

those words settle strangely in jisung’s chest, he can’t remember the last time someone seemed genuinely happy just because he showed up somewhere, but before he can answer, he hears your voice again.

“felix, where did you put the bottle opener?”

felix sighs, “i should probably go and help her before somebody tries opening bottles with a fork or something”

jisung lets out a quiet laugh, “probably”

felix starts backing towards the door, “seriously, though”, he smiles at him, “enjoy the party”

your voice echoes again, “felix!”

“i’m coming”, he says and then looks back at jisung one last time, “make yourself at home”, then he disappears into the hallway.

jisung stands alone in the bedroom and then something begins to twist inside his chest, a tiny knot, easy to ignore at first. his fingers feel colder than they did a minute ago and then he hears your laugh again, somewhere in the living room. his chest tightens and he swallows, but the knot becomes heavier and his mind begins moving faster.

he hears your laugh again, followed by felix saying something he can’t quite make out and the room feels smaller then, the air much warmer than before. his heartbeat picks up and his palms feel damp. he places the plastic cup down on a nearby desk and inhales slowly, then exhales, but it doesn’t help.

his gaze drifts back towards the spider-man board, then towards the doorway. the feeling inside him grows and a pressure settles beneath his ribs. his lungs refuse to take in enough air, no matter how deeply he breathes, it is not enough, it’s like the room has stolen all its oxygen.

leave.

the thought isn’t a suggestion, it’s instinct, almost an order. his body reacts before his mind catches up and then he’s moving, stepping into the hallway. somebody brushes past him and then someone else bumps against his shoulder and then apologises, but he just nods his head, not even looking. 

his ears begin ringing and the music feels louder now, too loud. the voices around him overlap until they become impossible to separate. his pulse pounds against his temples and then he reaches the open door of the apartment.

he hears your laugh again and the sound makes him freeze for a moment but then, he steps into the hallway, walking towards his own door, his breathing growing shallower and faster. he fumbles with his keys and drops them once, muttering a quiet curse under his breath before picking them back up with trembling fingers.

once the lock clicks, he practically stumbles inside his apartment before pushing the door shut behind him and then he leans back against it. he closes his eyes and tries to breathe but his heartbeat refuses to listen. he presses the heels of his hands against his eyes until colours bloom behind his eyelids. his chest hurts, it’s like something old has been ripped open without warning. 

eventually, he doesn’t know how long he stays like that, the panic eases enough for him to move. he walks towards his bed and then drops onto the edge of the mattress, the springs creaking beneath his weight. his breathing gradually steadies but still, his hands are shaking and his entire body is trembling. he sits there, staring at the floor for five minutes, maybe even more, he’s not sure. 

then, without thinking, or perhaps because he’s thought about this ever since he first saw felix the day before, he reaches towards the nightstand beside his bed. his fingers wrap around the handle of the top drawer and he slides it open. inside, beneath a notebook and an old phone that he no longer uses, rests a single photograph, its edges worn from being handled too many times. 

jisung picks it up with a tenderness he normally reserves for things that break easily and for a long moment, he simply looks at it.

it’s a picture of you and him together, back when he still believed he could have a life beyond the mask.

back when you were part of it.

the library

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[starlostjisung]

the boy behind the mask taglist: @i2-n8 @simpingshit24 @littleladyvoid @jut-dwae0811 @linocz @samwisebennet @yunahdoll

[starlostjisung]

the boy behind the mask

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: spider-han!au

wc: 3.9k

warnings: description of a panic attack

summary: if with great power comes great responsibility, then who takes responsibility for han jisung?

< previous part | next part >

jisung lets go of the doorknob and turns around. standing a few steps away is a boy around his age, his long and blond hair slightly messy, and a pair of warm brown eyes meet jisung’s immediately. 

the hallway’s dim lights catch the constellation of freckles scattered across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, making the smile he wears seem even brighter, and what a smile it is, open and friendly, the kind of smile that appears without hesitation, as though smiling at people is simply his second nature.

the boy lifts his hand in a small wave, “hi”

jisung blinks once, not knowing how to act or what to say, before he finally responds, “h-hi”

“sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you”, the blond says, laughing softly.

“it’s okay”

a brief silence settles between them and jisung is painfully aware that he’s still holding his key, that his bag is slipping off his shoulder and that he probably looks exhausted after everything that’s happened today but the stranger doesn’t seem bothered by the silence in the slightest.

instead, he steps forward with his easy smile, “i’m felix”, he offers his hand, “we just moved in”

jisung shifts the bag so it doesn’t slide off completely before accepting the handshake, felix’s grip being warm and confident.

“i’m jisung”

“nice to meet you, jisung”, he says, his smile growing impossibly wide.

“y-you too”

felix nods towards the mountain of cardboard boxes occupying half the hallway, “i’m sorry about all of… this”, he says as he gestures at the mess, “we’re still trying to figure out where everything goes”, jisung follows his gaze as felix continues with an embarrassed laugh, “it’s a bit chaotic”

“no, it’s…”, jisung shakes his head, “it’s fine”

“i promise we’ll clear all this”

“it’s okay, really”

felix smiles again, “i know, but i’d feel bad if our new neighbour had to climb over cardboard every time he wanted to get home”

jisung lets out a small laugh, “don’t worry”

for a moment, neither of them speaks, not because the conversation has become awkward, at least not for felix, he simply seems to be looking around as though remembering something.

“oh!”, his eyes brighten, “i almost forgot, we’re having a housewarming party tomorrow”, he says and then points over his shoulder towards the open apartment, “nothing huge, just some friends. you should come too”

jisung blinks, “me?”

“yeah”, felix says it so casually it almost sounds strange that jisung has to ask, “you’re our neighbour and it’s nice that you seem to be around our age”

“i…”, jisung says as he rubs the back of his neck, again not really sure of what he should say.

“you don’t have to stay all night or anything if you don’t want to”, felix adds quickly, mistaking the hesitation for uncertainty about the invitation itself, “just stop by if you feel like it”

jisung looks towards the open apartment again. he can hear movement inside, furniture scraping across the floor and someone humming a song he doesn’t recognise.

“i’ll…”, he starts again, “i-i’ll come if i can”

felix beams as though jisung has already promised to spend the entire evening there, “great!”

jisung offers a small, almost apologetic smile, “but i have some things to do, so…”

“no worries”, felix says, waving his hand dismissively, “just come… whenever you can”

another comfortable silence follows. comfortable for felix at least, because jisung spends it wondering if he should say something else but before he can decide, felix speaks first. 

“and, seriously…”, he glances once more at the hallway, “sorry about the mess”

jisung smiles again, a little more naturally this time, “don’t worry about it”

felix nods his head, “okay, so… see you tomorrow then”

jisung waves his hand, “yeah, see you tomorrow”

then, with one last cheerful wave, felix turns around and disappears back into his apartment and almost immediately, his voice drifts back into the hallway.

“hey! guess who i’ve just met? our neighbour!”

someone inside says something jisung can’t make out and he hears felix laughing loudly in response, the sound echoing through the otherwise quiet floor. jisung stands there for another second, watching the open doorway, and how that apartment already feels alive and warm, the complete opposite of his own.

eventually, he looks away and then, he unlocks his door, steps inside and closes it behind him, shutting out the laughter from across the hall as his apartment falls back into its familiar silence.

jisung doesn’t sleep much that night and for once, it’s not spider-man’s fault. he lies awake staring at the ceiling, his apartment almost completely dark and the distant rumble of the subway somewhere outside becoming the background of the night.

sleep doesn’t come at first because every time he closes his eyes, felix’s voice echoes inside his head. jisung turns onto his side then onto his back again and sighs for the thousandth time that night because his thoughts refuse to leave him alone.

should he go?

shouldn’t he?

he knows deep down that this isn’t really about the party. the party is just… people, conversation, friendship, possibility.

and that’s what scares him, because after everything that happened during the battle five years ago, after he lost his aunt may, he made himself a promise.

no more.

no more giving villains names to use against him.

no more risking someone else’s life just because they happen to care about han jisung.

he’s not completely alone, he still chats with his neighbours or with inspector lee, but all of those relationships have invisible limits. people know pieces of him, never all of him, never enough to truly matter. he makes sure that he keeps everyone at arm’s length, far enough that if something happens, if someone ever discovers who spider-man really is, there won’t be anyone left to lose.

he thinks it sounds responsible and safe, but deep down, he knows that humans aren’t meant to live like that.

there are some nights where he catches himself wondering what it would be like to have friends again, his old friends. but most nights, he wonders what it would be like to love someone without wondering whether loving them back means they have signed their death sentence. and tonight, those thoughts follow him until exhaustion eventually wins.

morning arrives far sooner than he’d like and jisung wakes up after barely a couple of hours of sleep, already tired. the day unfolds the same way most of his days do but every now and then, without meaning to, he catches himself wondering about the party but every time, he stops and scolds himself.

when he returns to his apartment after visiting his aunt’s grave, the sun has already begun sinking behind the skyline. his apartment welcomes him with silence, predictable and safe. he changes into an oversized hoodie, starts making himself something to eat and then tells himself, not for the first time since last night, that he isn’t going anywhere tonight.

he has plenty to do and he’s tired and it’s just a party. he repeats that over and over again, enough times that he almost believes it. then, a bass note vibrates through the wall followed by another - music, not loud enough to be obnoxious but still loud enough that he can hear it. a few seconds later, he hears a door opening and then laughter drifting through the hallway outside and then more voices join in as the apartment across the hall begins to fill.

jisung stills where he stands, a spoon forgotten in the pot full of pasta on the stove, and without realising it, he turns his head towards the wall separating his apartment from theirs.

the party has started. 

jisung tells himself he isn’t going one more time. he stirs the pasta again, watching the water bubble gently beneath the spoon. the music continues through the wall as well as the laughs and the voices of people greeting each other. he wonders how many people are there, felix knows a lot. 

he sighs, shakes his head and reaches for a plate, then stops and looks towards the wall again.

“... no”, he says out loud.

he isn’t going, the pasta is almost done anyway. he will stay home and eat dinner, then maybe watch something and go to bed early. then another burst of laughter echoes through the apartment and he sighs again.

five minutes later, he realises the stove isn’t on anymore, but he doesn’t remember turning it off. somehow, he’s standing in the middle of his apartment with one of his shoes already on. 

“seriously?”

his gaze drops to his feet, then to the pair of keys now resting in his hand and no, he doesn’t remember picking those up either. he slips on the other shoe and runs a hand through his messy hair. he looks down at his oversized hoodie, he looks good enough, he’s not trying to impress anyone, he’s just going next door for a little while, he has already admitted defeat. 

he grabs his phone from the counter before opening his apartment door. the hallway is noticeably livelier than it was yesterday, the music spilling from the other apartment, accompanied by overlapping conversations and loud laughs. 

jisung swallows, he suddenly feels very out of place, so much that he almost turns back but, he closes his own apartment door behind him and walks the few steps separating his apartment from felix’s.

the door is wide open, exactly as if everyone is welcome, which apparently they are. he sighs and then steps inside, the apartment already feeling completely different from his own, feeling warm and alive. the scent of pizza mixes with something sweet he can’t quite identify. people occupy nearly every corner and laughter bounces from room to room.

jisung instinctively starts counting, forty? maybe fifty people? definitely more than he had imagined. he slips further inside before anyone notices him standing awkwardly near the entrance. the kitchen catches his attention first, a stack of red plastic cups sitting beside several bottles of drinks and bowls filled with snacks.

he picks up one of the cups and takes a sip, then another one. he slowly wanders through the apartment, careful not to interrupt any ongoing conversations. every now and then someone smiles politely as they pass him and he smiles back, a bit forced on his end. he keeps looking around, trying to find somebody, until his attention catches on an open bedroom door near the end of the hallway.

something inside immediately stands out and his curiosity wins. jisung steps inside and he immediately walks towards one of the walls. 

nearly the entire thing has been transformed into a giant corkboard. there are photographs, printed screenshots, sticky notes, maps, red string connecting different pieces together, and right in the centre, a photograph of spider-man.

jisung walks closer before he can stop himself. the board is impressive, and mildly concerning if he has to be honest. there are newspaper headlines and printed photographs of him, well of spider-man. one of the corners of the corkboard is dedicated entirely to theories about him and some of them are surprisingly well thought out.

“excellent understanding of physics”

“must live somewhere in queens”

jisung takes half a step backwards as he keeps reading and looking at the corkboard. some of the theories are amazing, but others are absolutely ridiculous and he finds himself laughing at them.

“maybe he’s an off-duty firefighter. no, too short for that”

he laughs again and shakes his head, smiling to himself.

“so that’s your favourite one”

jisung startles so badly he nearly drops his drink and then turns around only to find felix standing in the doorway with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans and grinning at him.

“i’m happy you could make it”, he says as he walks towards jisung and the corkboard.

“i…”, jisung says as he glances back at the board and then clears his throat, “sorry”

“no!”, felix says, laughing, “don’t apologise, it’s fine. i’m glad someone else can see this too, it’s like… my little treasure”

he says it with such obvious affection that jisung looks back towards the board again, “you made all of this?”

“mmhm”, felix nods his head and scratches the back of his neck, looking almost sheepish for the first time since they met, “i know, it looks a little…”

“dedicated?”, jisung says, smiling at him.

“i was gonna say weird but i’ll take that one”, felix says as he laughs again before he looks up at the photographs covering the wall, “i’ve been collecting everything for years”

jisung studies him carefully, “you really like spider-man”

felix nods his head, “i really do”, they both laugh quietly and then felix’s smile softens as his eyes remain fixed on one of the photographs, “i know it’s probably strange but i just…”, he continues as he shrugs, “i’d really like to know who he is someday”

jisung’s fingers tighten almost imperceptibly around the plastic cup, “why?”

felix doesn’t even hesitate to answer, “because he saved me”, his voice is simple, matter of fact, “he saved my friend and me more than once back in high school. well, and during university too”, he says as he smiles faintly at the memories, "every time something went wrong… i don’t know… he was just there”

jisung keeps his expression carefully neutral and felix takes the opportunity to keep talking.

“i don’t wanna know who he is so i can tell people, no”, he says, shaking his head, “i would never do that. i just… i would like to tell him how thankful i am”

jisung finds himself staring at one of the photographs, a blurry picture taken years ago, spider-man carrying a little girl out of a burning apartment building. he remembers that day.

he looks at felix again, “i’m sure he already knows”

felix smiles, “i hope so”

a voice suddenly cuts through the peaceful silence from the doorway, “i don’t know… i still think it’s a little weird”

both of them turn towards the doorway. you’re standing there with a cardboard box balanced against your hip, one eyebrow raised as you look between felix and the spider-man corkboard and then a smile slowly spreads across your face.

“i mean…”, you continue, tilting your head as you take in the photographs and sticky notes for what is clearly not the first time, “i support your hobbies but-”

“i knew there was gonna be a but”, felix says as he folds his arms.

“but…”, you say again, unable to stop yourself from laughing, “this looks like the evidence board of someone who’s about five days away from being arrested”

felix lets out an exaggerated groan, “oh, come on”

you laugh again, “i’m just saying”

jisung barely hears the conversation because the moment he sees you, everything else fades, it completely disappears. for a split second, time simply stops. 

you.

that’s all he sees. 

his brain forgets how to function and his grip tightens around the red plastic cup. his heartbeat stumbles awkwardly before it speeds up instead.

say something.

but nothing comes. 

anything.

but still nothing, and he just… stares at you.

“it’s weird”, you say again, laughing as you step further into the room.

felix groans and rubs his face, “i regret moving in with you”

“no, you don’t”, you say as you grin. you crouch beside a stack of unpacked boxes and place the one you’ve been carrying on top with a quiet thud, “so this is where you disappeared to”

“i found our neighbour here, jisung”, felix says as he nods towards jisung.

“oh?”, you dust off your hands before finally looking properly at him and then you tilt your head, “hello”

jisung opens his mouth but still nothing comes out, his brain has apparently clocked out for the evening, “... h-hi”

excellent, very articulate, jisung.

felix, blissfully unaware of the silent catastrophe unfolding beside him, claps his hands together, “right!”, he points towards you, “this is y/n, my roommate”

you immediately gasp in mock offense, “your roommate? that’s all i am to you?”, you place a hand over your chest, “i’m hurt”

felix laughs, “you’ll survive”

“i thought i was your best friend”

“you are my best friend”

“i thought we’d built something special, lixie”

“mmhm”

“i thought we had history”

“we have too much history”, felix says as he rolls his eyes, “okay, this is y/n, my best friend and roommate”, he corrects.

“there you go”, you say, grinning triumphantly.

“happy?”

“ecstatic”

the two of you exchange matching grins before bursting into laughter and jisung just watches you, wishing he could be part of that. you turn back towards him and he realises, far too late for his own pride, that you’ve caught him looking at you.

you smile again, “i’m sorry”

he blinks, “w-why?”

“for yesterday, i mean… all the boxes”, you say as you gesture vaguely towards them, “and then the party today”

jisung shakes his head, “n-no, i mean… i-it’s okay”

you look around the room, clearly aware that it still looks like half a moving truck exploded inside it, “i thought we’d get the apartment organised first”

“i disagreed”, felix says and points proudly at himself, “i thought that if everyone came over before we cleaned it, then we would only have to clean and organise it once”

you stare at him for a second, “you know how much we’re gonna have to clean tomorrow? it’s gonna be a nightmare”

felix groans and then looks towards jisung, “back me up”

jisung, who has been mentally buffering since you walked into the room, startles slightly, “... what?”

felix sighs, “never mind”

you laugh again and without thinking, jisung finds himself smiling too. just then, another voice echoes from somewhere down the hallway.

“y/n!!”, a girl appears in the doorway looking directly at you and then points towards the living room, “we need more plates for the pizza”

you frown, “i left all of them in the kitchen”

“they aren’t there”

you sigh, “okay, i’m coming”, you shake your head before walking towards the door but halfway out the room, you stop. you turn around and your eyes meet jisung’s, “it was really nice meeting you, jisung”, you tell him, your smile just as warm as before, “i’ll see you around”

before he can think of a proper response or even remember how words work, you’re already gone, disappearing back into the noise and laughter of the party. jisung keeps looking long after you’ve disappeared into the crowd. the bedroom feels quieter and it’s not because the music outside has stopped, because it hasn’t, if anything, someone has turned it up. laughter still spills in from the living room and he can hear people cheering and laughing.

everything continues exactly as it was before yet something has shifted.

felix glances between the doorway and jisung before he speaks again,”so, what do you think?”

jisung blinks, pulling his eyes away, “a-about what?”

“the party”

“oh, right”, jisung says and then clears his throat, “it’s…”, he searches for a word, “nice”

“nice?”, felix laughs.

“yeah, i mean it”

“i know”, felix bumps his shoulder lightly, “i’m happy you could make it”

those words settle strangely in jisung’s chest, he can’t remember the last time someone seemed genuinely happy just because he showed up somewhere, but before he can answer, he hears your voice again.

“felix, where did you put the bottle opener?”

felix sighs, “i should probably go and help her before somebody tries opening bottles with a fork or something”

jisung lets out a quiet laugh, “probably”

felix starts backing towards the door, “seriously, though”, he smiles at him, “enjoy the party”

your voice echoes again, “felix!”

“i’m coming”, he says and then looks back at jisung one last time, “make yourself at home”, then he disappears into the hallway.

jisung stands alone in the bedroom and then something begins to twist inside his chest, a tiny knot, easy to ignore at first. his fingers feel colder than they did a minute ago and then he hears your laugh again, somewhere in the living room. his chest tightens and he swallows, but the knot becomes heavier and his mind begins moving faster.

he hears your laugh again, followed by felix saying something he can’t quite make out and the room feels smaller then, the air much warmer than before. his heartbeat picks up and his palms feel damp. he places the plastic cup down on a nearby desk and inhales slowly, then exhales, but it doesn’t help.

his gaze drifts back towards the spider-man board, then towards the doorway. the feeling inside him grows and a pressure settles beneath his ribs. his lungs refuse to take in enough air, no matter how deeply he breathes, it is not enough, it’s like the room has stolen all its oxygen.

leave.

the thought isn’t a suggestion, it’s instinct, almost an order. his body reacts before his mind catches up and then he’s moving, stepping into the hallway. somebody brushes past him and then someone else bumps against his shoulder and then apologises, but he just nods his head, not even looking. 

his ears begin ringing and the music feels louder now, too loud. the voices around him overlap until they become impossible to separate. his pulse pounds against his temples and then he reaches the open door of the apartment.

he hears your laugh again and the sound makes him freeze for a moment but then, he steps into the hallway, walking towards his own door, his breathing growing shallower and faster. he fumbles with his keys and drops them once, muttering a quiet curse under his breath before picking them back up with trembling fingers.

once the lock clicks, he practically stumbles inside his apartment before pushing the door shut behind him and then he leans back against it. he closes his eyes and tries to breathe but his heartbeat refuses to listen. he presses the heels of his hands against his eyes until colours bloom behind his eyelids. his chest hurts, it’s like something old has been ripped open without warning. 

eventually, he doesn’t know how long he stays like that, the panic eases enough for him to move. he walks towards his bed and then drops onto the edge of the mattress, the springs creaking beneath his weight. his breathing gradually steadies but still, his hands are shaking and his entire body is trembling. he sits there, staring at the floor for five minutes, maybe even more, he’s not sure. 

then, without thinking, or perhaps because he’s thought about this ever since he first saw felix the day before, he reaches towards the nightstand beside his bed. his fingers wrap around the handle of the top drawer and he slides it open. inside, beneath a notebook and an old phone that he no longer uses, rests a single photograph, its edges worn from being handled too many times. 

jisung picks it up with a tenderness he normally reserves for things that break easily and for a long moment, he simply looks at it.

it’s a picture of you and him together, back when he still believed he could have a life beyond the mask.

back when you were part of it.

the library

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[starlostjisung]

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[starlostjisung]

the boy behind the mask

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: spider-han!au

wc: 3.9k

warnings: description of a panic attack

summary: if with great power comes great responsibility, then who takes responsibility for han jisung?

< previous part | next part >

jisung lets go of the doorknob and turns around. standing a few steps away is a boy around his age, his long and blond hair slightly messy, and a pair of warm brown eyes meet jisung’s immediately. 

the hallway’s dim lights catch the constellation of freckles scattered across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, making the smile he wears seem even brighter, and what a smile it is, open and friendly, the kind of smile that appears without hesitation, as though smiling at people is simply his second nature.

the boy lifts his hand in a small wave, “hi”

jisung blinks once, not knowing how to act or what to say, before he finally responds, “h-hi”

“sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you”, the blond says, laughing softly.

“it’s okay”

a brief silence settles between them and jisung is painfully aware that he’s still holding his key, that his bag is slipping off his shoulder and that he probably looks exhausted after everything that’s happened today but the stranger doesn’t seem bothered by the silence in the slightest.

instead, he steps forward with his easy smile, “i’m felix”, he offers his hand, “we just moved in”

jisung shifts the bag so it doesn’t slide off completely before accepting the handshake, felix’s grip being warm and confident.

“i’m jisung”

“nice to meet you, jisung”, he says, his smile growing impossibly wide.

“y-you too”

felix nods towards the mountain of cardboard boxes occupying half the hallway, “i’m sorry about all of… this”, he says as he gestures at the mess, “we’re still trying to figure out where everything goes”, jisung follows his gaze as felix continues with an embarrassed laugh, “it’s a bit chaotic”

“no, it’s…”, jisung shakes his head, “it’s fine”

“i promise we’ll clear all this”

“it’s okay, really”

felix smiles again, “i know, but i’d feel bad if our new neighbour had to climb over cardboard every time he wanted to get home”

jisung lets out a small laugh, “don’t worry”

for a moment, neither of them speaks, not because the conversation has become awkward, at least not for felix, he simply seems to be looking around as though remembering something.

“oh!”, his eyes brighten, “i almost forgot, we’re having a housewarming party tomorrow”, he says and then points over his shoulder towards the open apartment, “nothing huge, just some friends. you should come too”

jisung blinks, “me?”

“yeah”, felix says it so casually it almost sounds strange that jisung has to ask, “you’re our neighbour and it’s nice that you seem to be around our age”

“i…”, jisung says as he rubs the back of his neck, again not really sure of what he should say.

“you don’t have to stay all night or anything if you don’t want to”, felix adds quickly, mistaking the hesitation for uncertainty about the invitation itself, “just stop by if you feel like it”

jisung looks towards the open apartment again. he can hear movement inside, furniture scraping across the floor and someone humming a song he doesn’t recognise.

“i’ll…”, he starts again, “i-i’ll come if i can”

felix beams as though jisung has already promised to spend the entire evening there, “great!”

jisung offers a small, almost apologetic smile, “but i have some things to do, so…”

“no worries”, felix says, waving his hand dismissively, “just come… whenever you can”

another comfortable silence follows. comfortable for felix at least, because jisung spends it wondering if he should say something else but before he can decide, felix speaks first. 

“and, seriously…”, he glances once more at the hallway, “sorry about the mess”

jisung smiles again, a little more naturally this time, “don’t worry about it”

felix nods his head, “okay, so… see you tomorrow then”

jisung waves his hand, “yeah, see you tomorrow”

then, with one last cheerful wave, felix turns around and disappears back into his apartment and almost immediately, his voice drifts back into the hallway.

“hey! guess who i’ve just met? our neighbour!”

someone inside says something jisung can’t make out and he hears felix laughing loudly in response, the sound echoing through the otherwise quiet floor. jisung stands there for another second, watching the open doorway, and how that apartment already feels alive and warm, the complete opposite of his own.

eventually, he looks away and then, he unlocks his door, steps inside and closes it behind him, shutting out the laughter from across the hall as his apartment falls back into its familiar silence.

jisung doesn’t sleep much that night and for once, it’s not spider-man’s fault. he lies awake staring at the ceiling, his apartment almost completely dark and the distant rumble of the subway somewhere outside becoming the background of the night.

sleep doesn’t come at first because every time he closes his eyes, felix’s voice echoes inside his head. jisung turns onto his side then onto his back again and sighs for the thousandth time that night because his thoughts refuse to leave him alone.

should he go?

shouldn’t he?

he knows deep down that this isn’t really about the party. the party is just… people, conversation, friendship, possibility.

and that’s what scares him, because after everything that happened during the battle five years ago, after he lost his aunt may, he made himself a promise.

no more.

no more giving villains names to use against him.

no more risking someone else’s life just because they happen to care about han jisung.

he’s not completely alone, he still chats with his neighbours or with inspector lee, but all of those relationships have invisible limits. people know pieces of him, never all of him, never enough to truly matter. he makes sure that he keeps everyone at arm’s length, far enough that if something happens, if someone ever discovers who spider-man really is, there won’t be anyone left to lose.

he thinks it sounds responsible and safe, but deep down, he knows that humans aren’t meant to live like that.

there are some nights where he catches himself wondering what it would be like to have friends again, his old friends. but most nights, he wonders what it would be like to love someone without wondering whether loving them back means they have signed their death sentence. and tonight, those thoughts follow him until exhaustion eventually wins.

morning arrives far sooner than he’d like and jisung wakes up after barely a couple of hours of sleep, already tired. the day unfolds the same way most of his days do but every now and then, without meaning to, he catches himself wondering about the party but every time, he stops and scolds himself.

when he returns to his apartment after visiting his aunt’s grave, the sun has already begun sinking behind the skyline. his apartment welcomes him with silence, predictable and safe. he changes into an oversized hoodie, starts making himself something to eat and then tells himself, not for the first time since last night, that he isn’t going anywhere tonight.

he has plenty to do and he’s tired and it’s just a party. he repeats that over and over again, enough times that he almost believes it. then, a bass note vibrates through the wall followed by another - music, not loud enough to be obnoxious but still loud enough that he can hear it. a few seconds later, he hears a door opening and then laughter drifting through the hallway outside and then more voices join in as the apartment across the hall begins to fill.

jisung stills where he stands, a spoon forgotten in the pot full of pasta on the stove, and without realising it, he turns his head towards the wall separating his apartment from theirs.

the party has started. 

jisung tells himself he isn’t going one more time. he stirs the pasta again, watching the water bubble gently beneath the spoon. the music continues through the wall as well as the laughs and the voices of people greeting each other. he wonders how many people are there, felix knows a lot. 

he sighs, shakes his head and reaches for a plate, then stops and looks towards the wall again.

“... no”, he says out loud.

he isn’t going, the pasta is almost done anyway. he will stay home and eat dinner, then maybe watch something and go to bed early. then another burst of laughter echoes through the apartment and he sighs again.

five minutes later, he realises the stove isn’t on anymore, but he doesn’t remember turning it off. somehow, he’s standing in the middle of his apartment with one of his shoes already on. 

“seriously?”

his gaze drops to his feet, then to the pair of keys now resting in his hand and no, he doesn’t remember picking those up either. he slips on the other shoe and runs a hand through his messy hair. he looks down at his oversized hoodie, he looks good enough, he’s not trying to impress anyone, he’s just going next door for a little while, he has already admitted defeat. 

he grabs his phone from the counter before opening his apartment door. the hallway is noticeably livelier than it was yesterday, the music spilling from the other apartment, accompanied by overlapping conversations and loud laughs. 

jisung swallows, he suddenly feels very out of place, so much that he almost turns back but, he closes his own apartment door behind him and walks the few steps separating his apartment from felix’s.

the door is wide open, exactly as if everyone is welcome, which apparently they are. he sighs and then steps inside, the apartment already feeling completely different from his own, feeling warm and alive. the scent of pizza mixes with something sweet he can’t quite identify. people occupy nearly every corner and laughter bounces from room to room.

jisung instinctively starts counting, forty? maybe fifty people? definitely more than he had imagined. he slips further inside before anyone notices him standing awkwardly near the entrance. the kitchen catches his attention first, a stack of red plastic cups sitting beside several bottles of drinks and bowls filled with snacks.

he picks up one of the cups and takes a sip, then another one. he slowly wanders through the apartment, careful not to interrupt any ongoing conversations. every now and then someone smiles politely as they pass him and he smiles back, a bit forced on his end. he keeps looking around, trying to find somebody, until his attention catches on an open bedroom door near the end of the hallway.

something inside immediately stands out and his curiosity wins. jisung steps inside and he immediately walks towards one of the walls. 

nearly the entire thing has been transformed into a giant corkboard. there are photographs, printed screenshots, sticky notes, maps, red string connecting different pieces together, and right in the centre, a photograph of spider-man.

jisung walks closer before he can stop himself. the board is impressive, and mildly concerning if he has to be honest. there are newspaper headlines and printed photographs of him, well of spider-man. one of the corners of the corkboard is dedicated entirely to theories about him and some of them are surprisingly well thought out.

“excellent understanding of physics”

“must live somewhere in queens”

jisung takes half a step backwards as he keeps reading and looking at the corkboard. some of the theories are amazing, but others are absolutely ridiculous and he finds himself laughing at them.

“maybe he’s an off-duty firefighter. no, too short for that”

he laughs again and shakes his head, smiling to himself.

“so that’s your favourite one”

jisung startles so badly he nearly drops his drink and then turns around only to find felix standing in the doorway with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans and grinning at him.

“i’m happy you could make it”, he says as he walks towards jisung and the corkboard.

“i…”, jisung says as he glances back at the board and then clears his throat, “sorry”

“no!”, felix says, laughing, “don’t apologise, it’s fine. i’m glad someone else can see this too, it’s like… my little treasure”

he says it with such obvious affection that jisung looks back towards the board again, “you made all of this?”

“mmhm”, felix nods his head and scratches the back of his neck, looking almost sheepish for the first time since they met, “i know, it looks a little…”

“dedicated?”, jisung says, smiling at him.

“i was gonna say weird but i’ll take that one”, felix says as he laughs again before he looks up at the photographs covering the wall, “i’ve been collecting everything for years”

jisung studies him carefully, “you really like spider-man”

felix nods his head, “i really do”, they both laugh quietly and then felix’s smile softens as his eyes remain fixed on one of the photographs, “i know it’s probably strange but i just…”, he continues as he shrugs, “i’d really like to know who he is someday”

jisung’s fingers tighten almost imperceptibly around the plastic cup, “why?”

felix doesn’t even hesitate to answer, “because he saved me”, his voice is simple, matter of fact, “he saved my friend and me more than once back in high school. well, and during university too”, he says as he smiles faintly at the memories, "every time something went wrong… i don’t know… he was just there”

jisung keeps his expression carefully neutral and felix takes the opportunity to keep talking.

“i don’t wanna know who he is so i can tell people, no”, he says, shaking his head, “i would never do that. i just… i would like to tell him how thankful i am”

jisung finds himself staring at one of the photographs, a blurry picture taken years ago, spider-man carrying a little girl out of a burning apartment building. he remembers that day.

he looks at felix again, “i’m sure he already knows”

felix smiles, “i hope so”

a voice suddenly cuts through the peaceful silence from the doorway, “i don’t know… i still think it’s a little weird”

both of them turn towards the doorway. you’re standing there with a cardboard box balanced against your hip, one eyebrow raised as you look between felix and the spider-man corkboard and then a smile slowly spreads across your face.

“i mean…”, you continue, tilting your head as you take in the photographs and sticky notes for what is clearly not the first time, “i support your hobbies but-”

“i knew there was gonna be a but”, felix says as he folds his arms.

“but…”, you say again, unable to stop yourself from laughing, “this looks like the evidence board of someone who’s about five days away from being arrested”

felix lets out an exaggerated groan, “oh, come on”

you laugh again, “i’m just saying”

jisung barely hears the conversation because the moment he sees you, everything else fades, it completely disappears. for a split second, time simply stops. 

you.

that’s all he sees. 

his brain forgets how to function and his grip tightens around the red plastic cup. his heartbeat stumbles awkwardly before it speeds up instead.

say something.

but nothing comes. 

anything.

but still nothing, and he just… stares at you.

“it’s weird”, you say again, laughing as you step further into the room.

felix groans and rubs his face, “i regret moving in with you”

“no, you don’t”, you say as you grin. you crouch beside a stack of unpacked boxes and place the one you’ve been carrying on top with a quiet thud, “so this is where you disappeared to”

“i found our neighbour here, jisung”, felix says as he nods towards jisung.

“oh?”, you dust off your hands before finally looking properly at him and then you tilt your head, “hello”

jisung opens his mouth but still nothing comes out, his brain has apparently clocked out for the evening, “... h-hi”

excellent, very articulate, jisung.

felix, blissfully unaware of the silent catastrophe unfolding beside him, claps his hands together, “right!”, he points towards you, “this is y/n, my roommate”

you immediately gasp in mock offense, “your roommate? that’s all i am to you?”, you place a hand over your chest, “i’m hurt”

felix laughs, “you’ll survive”

“i thought i was your best friend”

“you are my best friend”

“i thought we’d built something special, lixie”

“mmhm”

“i thought we had history”

“we have too much history”, felix says as he rolls his eyes, “okay, this is y/n, my best friend and roommate”, he corrects.

“there you go”, you say, grinning triumphantly.

“happy?”

“ecstatic”

the two of you exchange matching grins before bursting into laughter and jisung just watches you, wishing he could be part of that. you turn back towards him and he realises, far too late for his own pride, that you’ve caught him looking at you.

you smile again, “i’m sorry”

he blinks, “w-why?”

“for yesterday, i mean… all the boxes”, you say as you gesture vaguely towards them, “and then the party today”

jisung shakes his head, “n-no, i mean… i-it’s okay”

you look around the room, clearly aware that it still looks like half a moving truck exploded inside it, “i thought we’d get the apartment organised first”

“i disagreed”, felix says and points proudly at himself, “i thought that if everyone came over before we cleaned it, then we would only have to clean and organise it once”

you stare at him for a second, “you know how much we’re gonna have to clean tomorrow? it’s gonna be a nightmare”

felix groans and then looks towards jisung, “back me up”

jisung, who has been mentally buffering since you walked into the room, startles slightly, “... what?”

felix sighs, “never mind”

you laugh again and without thinking, jisung finds himself smiling too. just then, another voice echoes from somewhere down the hallway.

“y/n!!”, a girl appears in the doorway looking directly at you and then points towards the living room, “we need more plates for the pizza”

you frown, “i left all of them in the kitchen”

“they aren’t there”

you sigh, “okay, i’m coming”, you shake your head before walking towards the door but halfway out the room, you stop. you turn around and your eyes meet jisung’s, “it was really nice meeting you, jisung”, you tell him, your smile just as warm as before, “i’ll see you around”

before he can think of a proper response or even remember how words work, you’re already gone, disappearing back into the noise and laughter of the party. jisung keeps looking long after you’ve disappeared into the crowd. the bedroom feels quieter and it’s not because the music outside has stopped, because it hasn’t, if anything, someone has turned it up. laughter still spills in from the living room and he can hear people cheering and laughing.

everything continues exactly as it was before yet something has shifted.

felix glances between the doorway and jisung before he speaks again,”so, what do you think?”

jisung blinks, pulling his eyes away, “a-about what?”

“the party”

“oh, right”, jisung says and then clears his throat, “it’s…”, he searches for a word, “nice”

“nice?”, felix laughs.

“yeah, i mean it”

“i know”, felix bumps his shoulder lightly, “i’m happy you could make it”

those words settle strangely in jisung’s chest, he can’t remember the last time someone seemed genuinely happy just because he showed up somewhere, but before he can answer, he hears your voice again.

“felix, where did you put the bottle opener?”

felix sighs, “i should probably go and help her before somebody tries opening bottles with a fork or something”

jisung lets out a quiet laugh, “probably”

felix starts backing towards the door, “seriously, though”, he smiles at him, “enjoy the party”

your voice echoes again, “felix!”

“i’m coming”, he says and then looks back at jisung one last time, “make yourself at home”, then he disappears into the hallway.

jisung stands alone in the bedroom and then something begins to twist inside his chest, a tiny knot, easy to ignore at first. his fingers feel colder than they did a minute ago and then he hears your laugh again, somewhere in the living room. his chest tightens and he swallows, but the knot becomes heavier and his mind begins moving faster.

he hears your laugh again, followed by felix saying something he can’t quite make out and the room feels smaller then, the air much warmer than before. his heartbeat picks up and his palms feel damp. he places the plastic cup down on a nearby desk and inhales slowly, then exhales, but it doesn’t help.

his gaze drifts back towards the spider-man board, then towards the doorway. the feeling inside him grows and a pressure settles beneath his ribs. his lungs refuse to take in enough air, no matter how deeply he breathes, it is not enough, it’s like the room has stolen all its oxygen.

leave.

the thought isn’t a suggestion, it’s instinct, almost an order. his body reacts before his mind catches up and then he’s moving, stepping into the hallway. somebody brushes past him and then someone else bumps against his shoulder and then apologises, but he just nods his head, not even looking. 

his ears begin ringing and the music feels louder now, too loud. the voices around him overlap until they become impossible to separate. his pulse pounds against his temples and then he reaches the open door of the apartment.

he hears your laugh again and the sound makes him freeze for a moment but then, he steps into the hallway, walking towards his own door, his breathing growing shallower and faster. he fumbles with his keys and drops them once, muttering a quiet curse under his breath before picking them back up with trembling fingers.

once the lock clicks, he practically stumbles inside his apartment before pushing the door shut behind him and then he leans back against it. he closes his eyes and tries to breathe but his heartbeat refuses to listen. he presses the heels of his hands against his eyes until colours bloom behind his eyelids. his chest hurts, it’s like something old has been ripped open without warning. 

eventually, he doesn’t know how long he stays like that, the panic eases enough for him to move. he walks towards his bed and then drops onto the edge of the mattress, the springs creaking beneath his weight. his breathing gradually steadies but still, his hands are shaking and his entire body is trembling. he sits there, staring at the floor for five minutes, maybe even more, he’s not sure. 

then, without thinking, or perhaps because he’s thought about this ever since he first saw felix the day before, he reaches towards the nightstand beside his bed. his fingers wrap around the handle of the top drawer and he slides it open. inside, beneath a notebook and an old phone that he no longer uses, rests a single photograph, its edges worn from being handled too many times. 

jisung picks it up with a tenderness he normally reserves for things that break easily and for a long moment, he simply looks at it.

it’s a picture of you and him together, back when he still believed he could have a life beyond the mask.

back when you were part of it.

the library

likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated 🌟

if you want me to add you to the taglist of this series, please comment this post!

dividers by my darling @lariesographic 🩷

permanent taglist: @v3n7s @emmiesoverthemoon @kloversung @inniemeenymineymoe @hathoryan6868 @cherrycheolie @sheerfreesia007 @yessirfelix @hanjinology @luvvvivi @fantasy-addict354 @applesrpeak @lavunyan @channiesswift @skinnyjeans-tanktops @wonderlandforthelonley-blog @bellacj1 @karmaminho @hyunjinxxs @xallyouneedislovexx @niki-the-american @skzbyemmy @kpopishgirlie @daisylove3 @bunbunbl0gs @miniseungkimcami @geni-627 @bsk-brn @pvppymin @viisstrayy @ann-gell @mitsuri1221 @lost-in-the-stars03 @channlust @staygenesblog @persassyismysecrettwin @tsunderelino @minastronaut @minhocinema @staytinycassichu @nyaaa-cat @bangchansnipples @pinknymphkisses @wompwompgang @inlovewithstraykids @sturnsxbitvh @enchantedlov3r2 @certainstarfishmiracle @lixxstay

[starlostjisung]

my stray kids you’ve done it again that’s ALBUM OF THE YEAR

[starlostjisung]

CAPPUCCINO AND AMERICANO

I'LL TAKE THIS AND THAT

THIS AND THAT

i’m already OBSESSED with that part and the album isn’t even out!!!!!!!! I CAN’T WAIT I NEED IT NOW

[starlostjisung]

hi andy. i don’t have anyone to talk to about this but you seem like someone i can trust and i consider you my little internet friend. i swear im not random, ive been reading your stories for a minute now (since your series with seungmin and the dating show). i have been super overwhelmed lately but i havent noticed since i tend to bottle stuff up. i was being… intimate with my boyfriend today and midway i started sobbing. like, uncontrollably and i couldnt stop for like a good 5 minutes. i genuinely thought i was broken, or that something was wrong with me. i know this is odd and probably something you wouldnt expect from an anonymous reader and follower of yours but i figured i could let it out and hopefully find some comfort as if we were close friends in real life. anyway, ill probably be popping in every once in a while to talk skz or just check in. can i be your 💙 anon? thank you for listening and i wouldnt fault you if you didnt answer this

hi love 🩷

when we bottle things up for a long time, sometimes our emotions find their own way of coming out, even at moments when we least expect them, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with us!! i'm sure you're not broken love, this might be your body telling you that you've kept it together for too long and you need to rest a little bit, and like i said, there's nothing wrong with you

i'm sorry you've been feeling like this lately and i really hope you're able to be gentle with yourself instead of judging yourself for what happened, you truly deserve that kindness

this is a safe space for everyone, for whatever you want or need to talk about, you're always welcome here and i really hope you take care of yourself 💙

[starlostjisung]

will we get another part to my moot is dating who 🥹

i’m sorry but no, that series is finished 🥺 but i’m gonna write a han version tho, just don’t know when 🫣

[starlostjisung]

the boy behind the mask

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: spider-han!au

wc: 4.1k

warnings: mention of a character’s death; robbery; mention of weapons

summary: if with great power comes great responsibility, then who takes responsibility for han jisung?

next part >

a/n: this series is heavily inspired by tom holland’s spider-man movies (especially no way home and brand new day) so expect some very spider-man inspired feelings yay yay

han jisung is not the kind of person that people notice. it’s not because he is invisible, he simply has a habit of folding himself into the background, like he believes that the world works better when he takes up as little space as possible.

he lives in new york, in queens precisely, in an aging brick apartment building that has seen decades come and go. the lift only works when it feels like it and the pipes groan every morning as though they are stretching awake alongside the people living there. it isn’t glamorous, not by any means, but it is home, or at least, it has become one.

his apartment sits on the highest floor and the rooftop is only one flight of stairs above him. most of the people living in the building go up there to smoke or watch the fourth of july fireworks. jisung goes there because it is the only place in the city where the noise feels manageable. 

from the edge, new york stretches endlessly beneath him - fire escapes climb apartment buildings like ladders to nowhere, taxis buzz through the streets, the subway rattles overhead every few minutes, shaking loose tiny clouds of dust from nearby rooftops, and sometimes, he can hear children argue over a basketball game while an ice cream truck plays the same melody over and over again.

it is loud and messy and despite everything, jisung loves it.

his apartment looks exactly like what someone would expect from a nerd who spends more time building things than sleeping. there are circuit boards covering nearly every flat surface as well as screwdrivers and soldering irons that only he seems capable of using. there are sticky notes plastered along the walls with reminders written in his rushed handwriting, some of them crossed out and others forgotten entirely. 

the apartment isn’t large enough to separate his bedroom from his workspace, so everything blends together into one organised chaos that only he can navigate. to anyone else, his apartment would look cluttered, but to jisung, everything is exactly where it belongs. 

every morning, almost without fail, jisung leaves the building with a bag slung over one shoulder and his headphones resting around his neck rather than over his ears. he likes hearing the city, the familiar chatter from the corner shop owner greeting his customers, the cars and the bikes, the children running and the dogs barking. 

mrs. kim, who’s lived in the building longer than anyone can remember, often catches him on his way out.

“morning, sweetheart”

he immediately straightens up when he hears her, “morning, mrs. kim”

“you eating enough?”, every morning the same question.

“... i’m trying”

she narrows her eyes, “that means no”, she sighs before disappearing back inside her apartment, only to return a few seconds later with a foil-wrapped sandwich she’s undoubtedly made herself, “here, take it”

“you don’t have to-”

“i know”

he smiles sheepishly at her, “thank you”, and then he finally leaves the building.

he always smiles, always thanks people, always holds doors open, always helps carry groceries upstairs if someone looks like they are struggling. 

when mr. seo on the second floor complained about his television not working, jisung spent an entire saturday fixing it despite insisting he wasn’t really an expert. 

when mrs. kim’s grandson needed help with his science project, jisung stayed up until midnight helping him finish the prototype. 

he never asks for anything in return, never expects anyone to notice. he just does things, quietly and kindly. everyone knows him as the sweet kid upstairs, the one who smiles with his eyes crinkling before ducking his head like he’s embarrassed by the attention. 

“the nicest boy you’ll ever meet”, mrs. kim would often tell newcomers.

“too nice”, mr. seo would add.

people like him, but they don’t really know him, because once conversations move beyond polite greetings, jisung becomes difficult to read. he’s not shy, he can speak and joke, and sometimes he’ll even ramble excitedly about programming languages or robotics if someone accidentally stumbles onto one of his favourite topics.

but those moments are rare. more often than not, he listens instead of talking, he laughs instead of telling stories. there is always the strange feeling that every conversation stops just before reaching who han jisung really is, as if there is a wall no one quite knows how to climb.

most people assume he is a harmless nerd with messy dark hair, oversized hoodies and permanent eye bags from staying awake too late building whatever impossible invention currently occupies his desk. and maybe they are right, maybe that is all he is, a quiet boy from queens and a tech genius who spends more time talking to machines than people.

but if someone looked closely, really closely, they might notice something lingering beneath his gentle smiles, something heavy and dark.

his laughter always seems to end a second too soon and his eyes always linger on couples and families walking together just a little longer than necessary. every now and then, when he thinks no one is watching, his expression falls completely, and it’s replaced by a loneliness so profound it almost looks out of place on someone barely in his mid-twenties.

it disappears the instant someone calls his name, when a smile returns and his shoulders straighten. he becomes han jisung again, kind and helpful jisung, as though sadness is simply another thing he carries in his bag every day, hidden where no one would ever think to look.

there’s a part of jisung that exists in complete isolation, a part no one knows, a part that remains hidden in his bag and then shoved beneath his bed, between unfinished inventions, rolls of reinforced fabric, mechanical web shooters, cracked goggles and a suit that has been stitched together more times than he cares to count. a part of him that belongs to someone else entirely.

spider-man. 

it has been years since a genetically modified spider crawled somewhere it shouldn’t have and sunk its tiny fangs into the back of his hand. years since he woke up convinced he was sick, only to realise his body wasn’t the same anymore. his reflexes had become impossibly fast and his strength had grown too. walls stopped being obstacles and gravity became more of a suggestion than a rule to him.

it terrified him at first but then, it fascinated him until eventually, it became his responsibility.

so while jisung quietly finished high-school and then started university, attending lectures and submitting assignments, spider-man had this other new life.

spider-man swung between skyscrapers before dawn.

spider-man helped firefighters evacuate burning buildings.

spider-man chased armed robbers across streets. 

spider-man hung car thieves upside down from traffic lights until the police arrived. 

some nights, it was nothing more than helping an old man whose cat had climbed too high into a tree. other nights, there were gunshots and explosions, screams echoing through streets that had once felt safe.

crime in new york never sleeps and neither does he. 

the newspapers had started calling him their friendly neighbourhood spider-man years ago and they still do. children love him, adults trust him and people wave whenever they catch a glimpse of red and blue swinging overhead, sometimes they even applaud when he lands nearby after stopping another crime.

jisung never stays long enough to hear all of it. he isn’t comfortable with praise, he is only trying to help, trying to make sure people make it home, trying to give someone the chance he’d failed to give others, because sometimes, helping isn’t enough.

sometimes the city demands more than one masked hero can possibly give. there are threats that can’t be solved by webbing someone’s hands together or stopping a getaway car.

there are monsters out there, people with abilities that defy explanation, machines built to destroy entire cities, men who believe that power gives them permission to decide who deserves to live.

and five years ago, new york had almost disappeared beneath one of those threats. even now, jisung can’t think about it for too long, his chest tightens before the memories fully form.

the battle had lasted hours but to him, it had felt like days. 

smoke had swallowed the sky until afternoon looked like midnight. buildings collapsed one after another, glass rained from skyscrapers, sirens never stopped, the streets became battlefields and people screamed and ran and some of them even prayed. 

he hadn’t been alone and for once, the weight of saving the city hadn’t rested solely on his shoulders. there had been others with him, people gifted with abilities just as impossible as his own - some of them could fly, some controlled things no human should ever be able to control, some fought with technology decades ahead of its time, and others possessed strength that rivaled his.

together, they had stood against something far bigger than any one of them and together, they had won. the city still stood and the threat had been stopped, the world kept turning and the headlines called them heroes.

however, the victory came with a price no newspaper could ever fully capture. entire blocks had been reduced to rubble, thousands of families had lost their homes and hundreds had lost people they loved.

jisung spent hours afterwards helping search through debris, refusing to take off the suit because somehow wearing it made facing the devastation a little easier, but that was until he found her.

his aunt may.

the woman who had raised him after life had already taken too much from him.

the woman who had patched scraped knees when he was a kid, stayed awake helping him study before exams, celebrated every tiny accomplishment like it was the greatest achievement in history, cooked his favourite meal for his birthday every year.

the woman who had loved him with every piece of her heart. 

the woman who always told him to come home safe, every single time, was the one that didn’t come home safe, not that day.

there had been no miracle, no last-minute rescue, no impossible save, no amount of strength or superpower had been enough to pull back time.

jisung still remembers kneeling beside her, he remembers the dust covering her face, he remembers crying and begging and promising impossible things to someone who could no longer hear him.

five years later, he still wakes up some nights hearing his own voice from that day. he still reaches for a phone that will never receive another call from her. he still catches himself buying her favourite tea before he remembers there is no one waiting to drink it.

but aunt may isn’t the only person he’d failed to keep close to him that day. she isn’t the only name that haunts quiet nights on the rooftop. he had lost-

ding.

jisung blinks when he hears his phone, the weight of old memories slowly dissolving as the present pulls him back, back to now, back to responsibility. he grabs his phone and the screen lights up with the notification from the app he has to keep track of the crimes in the city.

it’s just a dark screen covered with a live map of new york, constantly updating with alerts pulled from police scanners, emergency dispatches, traffic cameras, public reports and a handful of algorithms jisung had spent a lot of time writing himself. it’s not perfect but it’s fast.

there’s a red marker blinking insistently is western queens.

possible armed robbery in progress.

national bank.

multiple suspects reported.

hostages possible.

jisung’s eyes scan the details in seconds then he locks his phone and muscle memory takes over. he takes his clothes off and then puts on the suit. red and blue, a little faded around the gloves. he slips into it, fastening the web shooters around his wrists before flexing each hand to make sure they work.

he then picks up the mask and stares at the white lenses. he can see himself in them, messy dark hair and his gentle eyes. he pulls the mask over his head and then the world narrows behind the lenses.

han jisung disappears and spider-man straightens his shoulders. 

outside, a siren wails in the distance and he steps towards the window and pushes it even more open.

a faint smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, “i guess i’ll save the existential crisis for later”

with one fluid motion, he climbs onto the fire escape, fires a web into the skyline and then disappears between the buildings, swinging towards yet another day where someone needs their friendly neighbourhood spider-man.

“one day”, inspector lee says, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looks at the line of robbers cocooned in thick white webs, “i’d love to arrive at a crime scene before you”

jisung, or rather, spider-man stands upside down from a streetlight a few feet away, his arms folded over his chest as if he’s giving the situation serious thought.

“mmhm”, he hums as inspector lee waits, “have you tried driving faster?”

a nearby officer snorts and inspector lee shoots him a look. the officer immediately coughs into his fist and pretends to be deeply interested in taking photographs of the crime scene.

“you know”, inspector lee says, turning back to the masked hero, “that wasn’t funny”

“it wasn’t?”

“no”

“it was a little funny”

inspector lee sighs, he is the sigh of a man who has had this exact conversation far too many times, “get down”

jisung flips effortlessly from the streetlight, landing lightly on the ground without making a sound. the scene around them is already under control - police officers move in and out of the bank, escorting frightened employees outside while paramedics check them over for injuries. curious onlookers gather behind the barricades with their phones held high, eager to catch another glimpse of new york’s most recognisable masked hero.

six robbers remain firmly attached to the traffic light at the corner of the street and well, jisung perhaps has gotten a little creative with how he leaves criminals - one hangs upside down, another is stuck sideways, a third somehow had both shoes webbed together, but none of them are going anywhere.

inspector lee glances towards the traffic light before looking back at him, “was all of this really necessary?”

“they can still breathe”, jisung says as he shrugs his shoulders.

“they’re hanging from a traffic light”

“no, they’re securely hanging from a traffic light”

inspector lee closes his eyes and then sighs, “i have paperwork because of you”

“you have paperwork because of them”, jisung says, pointing towards the robbers, “i just… left them there for you”

the same officer from before laughs again, loud enough that inspector lee hears him again.

“officer yang”

“sorry, sir”

inspector lee turns around again, shaking his head, “i spent years studying criminal investigation. i graduated at the top of my class. i climbed through the ranks and i became head inspector”

“i know. congratulations, by the way”

“and every single week”, inspector lee continues, ignoring what jisung said, “i arrive somewhere to find criminals wrapped like oversized dumplings”

“they’re burritos”

inspector lee gestures towards the traffic light, “does that look like a burrito to you?”

jisung tilts his head, “a little”

inspector lee stares at him and jisung stares back, none of them saying anything until inspector lee shakes his head again and exhales.

“i hate talking to you”

“no, you don’t”

a reluctant smile threatens the corner of inspector lee’s mouth before he forces it away, “no, i don’t”

their conversations always end up like this. the first few months after spider-man appeared in new york, things had been difficult, the police had considered him a threat, something unpredictable, and they didn’t particularly trust him. over the years, however, it’s become something close to a partnership. spider-man doesn’t interfere too much with investigations and the police don’t waste resources trying to arrest the man who keeps saving lives.

if a situation grows too dangerous before officers arrive, spider-man handles it.

if spider-man uncovers evidence connected to larger criminal organisations, it somehow finds its way onto inspector’s lee desk.

“so”, inspector lee says, pulling a small notebook from his pocket, “anything i should know?”

jisung nods towards the bank, “eight hostages”

“already confirmed”

“one security guard broke his shoulder trying to stop them”, jisung says and inspector writes it down, “ambulance has him. the guy with the tattoo”, he says as he points towards one of the robbers hanging from the traffic light, “is the leader. he’s carrying a burner phone in his left jacket pocket. they keep mentioning someone called dragon, might be worth looking into”

inspector lee writes everything and then pauses, “anything else?”

“they came in through the underground parking garage”

“good”

“they also complain a lot”

“i imagine getting webbed to a traffic light does that”, inspector lee says as he laughs before snapping his notebook shut, “well, i suppose this is the part where you vanish before i can officially thank you”

“you say thank you every time”, jisung says as he turns towards him.

“i know”, inspector lee says as he steps closer, lowering his voice just enough so only spider-man can hear him, “you all right?”

it’s a simple question, one that he has been asking him lately, every time something happened. he doesn’t ask because the robberies are particularly dangerous, he asks him because he has known spider-man long enough to notice the days when his movements are a little slower, when his jokes don’t come as easily or when something behind those white lenses seems heavier.

jisung answers with the same response he always gives him, “i’m okay”

inspector lee studies him for a second and he knows that’s probably not the truth but still, he nods his head, “try to stay out of trouble and rest a bit, okay?”

jisung lets out a laugh, “you know that’s impossible, right?”

“i know”

a web shoots upwards with a familiar sound, attaching itself somewhere high above the buildings and jisung gives inspector lee a casual salute before he leaves.

“officer yang is laughing again”

“i’ll put it in his performance review”, inspector lee says.

“harsh”

before inspector lee can answer, jisung pushes off the pavement, the web goes taut and then his body lifts into the air, soaring above flashing police lights and the gathering crowd. a chorus of excited cheers follows him down the street, children point excitedly towards the sky and people scream for him. within seconds, the red and blue figure disappears between the buildings, becoming nothing more than a blur and only when he is several blocks away does he finally slow.

he lands on the rooftop of an old laundromat tucked between two apartment buildings, hidden from the busy streets below. no one ever follows him there, that’s why he keeps some clothes hidden there for situations like this. he slips through the rooftop access door, changes quickly into clean clothes and then folds the suit into the bag that never leaves his side.

by the time he steps back onto the street, jisung is just another boy walking through queens. his hair is messy from pulling off the mask, the bag hangs from one shoulder and his hands are tucked into the pockets of his hoodie as he blends into the stream of people but no one gives him a second glance.

when he reaches his building, the adrenaline has long since begun to fade and the familiar ache in his body returns. his wrists feel sore from firing web after web and he’s sure there’s a bruise forming somewhere beneath the sleeve of his hoodie where one of the robbers had clipped him with the butt of a rifle.

it’s nothing serious, nothing he’s not used to by now. 

the city is calmer now, people walk home with their grocery bags and restaurants spill warm light onto the sidewalks. somewhere down the block, someone plays music through an open apartment window, the melody drifting between the buildings before disappearing into the traffic.

he pushes open the front door of the building, the familiar creak of old hinges greeting him.

“jisung!”

he barely takes two steps before he hears his name. mrs. kim is walking towards him, with her bag hanging from her arm and her glasses perched near the end of her nose.

“there you are”, she says the moment she gets closer to him.

jisung smiles at her, “hi, mrs. kim”

she narrows her eyes as she looks at him properly, “you look tired”

he laughs softly, “i always look tired”

“you look extra tired”

“well… i’ve had a long day”

she hums and then pats his arm as she walks him towards the lift, “did you eat today?”

“... kind of”

“kind of?”, she sighs so loudly that it echoes through the lobby, “you children are impossible”

jisung laughs again, “i’m not a child, mrs. kim”

“you sure behave like one”

jisung chuckles quietly, shaking his head as he waits for the lift, “i’ll eat a proper dinner today”

“you promise?” “i promise”, he says as he nods his head.

the lift arrives then, the doors sliding open just slowly enough to remind everyone in the building that replacing it would probably be a good idea.

mrs. kim doesn’t step inside, “i’m going to a restaurant with my sister”

jisung nods his head when he steps in, “tell her i said hi”

“i will”

he presses the button for the top floor and just as the doors begin closing, mrs. kim suddenly snaps her fingers.

“oh! jisung!”

jisung reaches out, stopping the doors from shutting completely, “what?”

“you have new neighbours”

he blinks, “i do?”

“yes, the apartment across from yours”

he glances towards the ceiling instinctively, as though he might somehow see through it to his hallway.

“i thought nobody wanted that apartment”

“well, someone has rented it now”

“huh”

mrs. kim smiles at him, “they moved in today. there’s two of them and i think they might be around your age”

jisung gives a small nod again, “that’s nice”

mrs. kim tries again, “they seem lovely”

“glad to hear”, he says as mrs. kim watches him expectantly and he watches her back, “... what?”

she points an accusing finger at him, “you should introduce yourself”

“i…”, he says, scratching the back of his neck… “sure”

“you will”

“i just said i will”

mrs. kim shakes her head, “no, you just said “sure””

“isn’t that the same thing?”

“no”

jisung laughs, “okay, fine. i’ll introduce myself, happy?”

“very happy”

the lift doors try to close again and jisung finally lets them, “have fun with your sister”

“eat something!”

“i will”

“and sleep!”

“i’ll try”

the doors slide shut before she can say anything else. he hears her mutter, something like “kids these days”, from the other side, making him smile despite himself.

the lift begins its slow climb and his smile fades naturally. his thoughts drift back to the robbery, to what he had heard the robbers saying and the burner phone. he mentally retraces every second, he’s almost sure he didn’t miss anything, but you never know.

the lift jolts slightly as it reaches his floor and the doors open. jisung steps into the quiet hallway, only two apartments occupying the floor, his and the one directly opposite.

mrs. kim wasn’t exaggerating, someone has definitely moved in. there are cardboard boxes in the hallway, stacked against the wall with labels scribbled across them in thick black marker.

kitchen

books

bedroom

bathroom

FRAGILE!

a rolled-up rug leans against the opposite apartment’s doorway, which stands wide open. from inside comes the muffled sound of furniture scraping across hardwood floors. he can hear someone laughing and then another voice responding, too quiet for him to make out. he glances towards the open apartment for only a second, long enough to notice more boxes scattered inside, but then, he looks away.

he’ll meet them eventually.

probably.

maybe.

he shifts the bag on his shoulder and fishes his keys from his hoodie pocket. the metal jingles softly and the key slides into the lock. he twists it and just as his fingers curl around the doorknob, he hears a voice that comes from behind him, warm and curious.

“hello?”

a/n: okay so first of all, i refuse to name spider-man’s aunt other name that isn’t may, i’m sorry but that is simply her name and i can’t change it!! also… this series has officially made me break my own rule of not posting a series until i’ve either finished writing it or have most of it written, but i’m just way too excited about this one and i can’t keep it to myself anymore. the downside is that, because i don’t have a lot of it written, updates are gonna be a little slow (especially right now), so i’m sorry for making you wait between chapters, i promise i’m working on it. i hope you love this story as much as i already do. thank you so much for reading and sticking with me 🩷

the library

likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated 🌟

if you want me to add you to the taglist of this series, please comment this post!

dividers by my darling @lariesographic 🩷

permanent taglist: @v3n7s @emmiesoverthemoon @kloversung @inniemeenymineymoe @hathoryan6868 @cherrycheolie @sheerfreesia007 @yessirfelix @hanjinology @luvvvivi @fantasy-addict354 @applesrpeak @lavunyan @channiesswift @skinnyjeans-tanktops @wonderlandforthelonley-blog @bellacj1 @karmaminho @hyunjinxxs @xallyouneedislovexx @niki-the-american @skzbyemmy @kpopishgirlie @daisylove3 @bunbunbl0gs @miniseungkimcami @geni-627 @bsk-brn @pvppymin @viisstrayy @ann-gell @mitsuri1221 @lost-in-the-stars03 @channlust @staygenesblog @persassyismysecrettwin @tsunderelino @minastronaut @minhocinema @staytinycassichu @nyaaa-cat @bangchansnipples @pinknymphkisses @wompwompgang @inlovewithstraykids @sturnsxbitvh @enchantedlov3r2 @certainstarfishmiracle @lixxstay

[starlostjisung]

question for my native english speakers: why is it “friendly neighbourhood spider-man” and not “friendly neighbour spider-man” if he’s a person???????

honestly i was going crazy with that while writing

[starlostjisung]

the boy behind the mask

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: spider-han!au

wc: 4.1k

warnings: mention of a character’s death; robbery; mention of weapons

summary: if with great power comes great responsibility, then who takes responsibility for han jisung?

next part >

a/n: this series is heavily inspired by tom holland’s spider-man movies (especially no way home and brand new day) so expect some very spider-man inspired feelings yay yay

han jisung is not the kind of person that people notice. it’s not because he is invisible, he simply has a habit of folding himself into the background, like he believes that the world works better when he takes up as little space as possible.

he lives in new york, in queens precisely, in an aging brick apartment building that has seen decades come and go. the lift only works when it feels like it and the pipes groan every morning as though they are stretching awake alongside the people living there. it isn’t glamorous, not by any means, but it is home, or at least, it has become one.

his apartment sits on the highest floor and the rooftop is only one flight of stairs above him. most of the people living in the building go up there to smoke or watch the fourth of july fireworks. jisung goes there because it is the only place in the city where the noise feels manageable. 

from the edge, new york stretches endlessly beneath him - fire escapes climb apartment buildings like ladders to nowhere, taxis buzz through the streets, the subway rattles overhead every few minutes, shaking loose tiny clouds of dust from nearby rooftops, and sometimes, he can hear children argue over a basketball game while an ice cream truck plays the same melody over and over again.

it is loud and messy and despite everything, jisung loves it.

his apartment looks exactly like what someone would expect from a nerd who spends more time building things than sleeping. there are circuit boards covering nearly every flat surface as well as screwdrivers and soldering irons that only he seems capable of using. there are sticky notes plastered along the walls with reminders written in his rushed handwriting, some of them crossed out and others forgotten entirely. 

the apartment isn’t large enough to separate his bedroom from his workspace, so everything blends together into one organised chaos that only he can navigate. to anyone else, his apartment would look cluttered, but to jisung, everything is exactly where it belongs. 

every morning, almost without fail, jisung leaves the building with a bag slung over one shoulder and his headphones resting around his neck rather than over his ears. he likes hearing the city, the familiar chatter from the corner shop owner greeting his customers, the cars and the bikes, the children running and the dogs barking. 

mrs. kim, who’s lived in the building longer than anyone can remember, often catches him on his way out.

“morning, sweetheart”

he immediately straightens up when he hears her, “morning, mrs. kim”

“you eating enough?”, every morning the same question.

“... i’m trying”

she narrows her eyes, “that means no”, she sighs before disappearing back inside her apartment, only to return a few seconds later with a foil-wrapped sandwich she’s undoubtedly made herself, “here, take it”

“you don’t have to-”

“i know”

he smiles sheepishly at her, “thank you”, and then he finally leaves the building.

he always smiles, always thanks people, always holds doors open, always helps carry groceries upstairs if someone looks like they are struggling. 

when mr. seo on the second floor complained about his television not working, jisung spent an entire saturday fixing it despite insisting he wasn’t really an expert. 

when mrs. kim’s grandson needed help with his science project, jisung stayed up until midnight helping him finish the prototype. 

he never asks for anything in return, never expects anyone to notice. he just does things, quietly and kindly. everyone knows him as the sweet kid upstairs, the one who smiles with his eyes crinkling before ducking his head like he’s embarrassed by the attention. 

“the nicest boy you’ll ever meet”, mrs. kim would often tell newcomers.

“too nice”, mr. seo would add.

people like him, but they don’t really know him, because once conversations move beyond polite greetings, jisung becomes difficult to read. he’s not shy, he can speak and joke, and sometimes he’ll even ramble excitedly about programming languages or robotics if someone accidentally stumbles onto one of his favourite topics.

but those moments are rare. more often than not, he listens instead of talking, he laughs instead of telling stories. there is always the strange feeling that every conversation stops just before reaching who han jisung really is, as if there is a wall no one quite knows how to climb.

most people assume he is a harmless nerd with messy dark hair, oversized hoodies and permanent eye bags from staying awake too late building whatever impossible invention currently occupies his desk. and maybe they are right, maybe that is all he is, a quiet boy from queens and a tech genius who spends more time talking to machines than people.

but if someone looked closely, really closely, they might notice something lingering beneath his gentle smiles, something heavy and dark.

his laughter always seems to end a second too soon and his eyes always linger on couples and families walking together just a little longer than necessary. every now and then, when he thinks no one is watching, his expression falls completely, and it’s replaced by a loneliness so profound it almost looks out of place on someone barely in his mid-twenties.

it disappears the instant someone calls his name, when a smile returns and his shoulders straighten. he becomes han jisung again, kind and helpful jisung, as though sadness is simply another thing he carries in his bag every day, hidden where no one would ever think to look.

there’s a part of jisung that exists in complete isolation, a part no one knows, a part that remains hidden in his bag and then shoved beneath his bed, between unfinished inventions, rolls of reinforced fabric, mechanical web shooters, cracked goggles and a suit that has been stitched together more times than he cares to count. a part of him that belongs to someone else entirely.

spider-man. 

it has been years since a genetically modified spider crawled somewhere it shouldn’t have and sunk its tiny fangs into the back of his hand. years since he woke up convinced he was sick, only to realise his body wasn’t the same anymore. his reflexes had become impossibly fast and his strength had grown too. walls stopped being obstacles and gravity became more of a suggestion than a rule to him.

it terrified him at first but then, it fascinated him until eventually, it became his responsibility.

so while jisung quietly finished high-school and then started university, attending lectures and submitting assignments, spider-man had this other new life.

spider-man swung between skyscrapers before dawn.

spider-man helped firefighters evacuate burning buildings.

spider-man chased armed robbers across streets. 

spider-man hung car thieves upside down from traffic lights until the police arrived. 

some nights, it was nothing more than helping an old man whose cat had climbed too high into a tree. other nights, there were gunshots and explosions, screams echoing through streets that had once felt safe.

crime in new york never sleeps and neither does he. 

the newspapers had started calling him their friendly neighbourhood spider-man years ago and they still do. children love him, adults trust him and people wave whenever they catch a glimpse of red and blue swinging overhead, sometimes they even applaud when he lands nearby after stopping another crime.

jisung never stays long enough to hear all of it. he isn’t comfortable with praise, he is only trying to help, trying to make sure people make it home, trying to give someone the chance he’d failed to give others, because sometimes, helping isn’t enough.

sometimes the city demands more than one masked hero can possibly give. there are threats that can’t be solved by webbing someone’s hands together or stopping a getaway car.

there are monsters out there, people with abilities that defy explanation, machines built to destroy entire cities, men who believe that power gives them permission to decide who deserves to live.

and five years ago, new york had almost disappeared beneath one of those threats. even now, jisung can’t think about it for too long, his chest tightens before the memories fully form.

the battle had lasted hours but to him, it had felt like days. 

smoke had swallowed the sky until afternoon looked like midnight. buildings collapsed one after another, glass rained from skyscrapers, sirens never stopped, the streets became battlefields and people screamed and ran and some of them even prayed. 

he hadn’t been alone and for once, the weight of saving the city hadn’t rested solely on his shoulders. there had been others with him, people gifted with abilities just as impossible as his own - some of them could fly, some controlled things no human should ever be able to control, some fought with technology decades ahead of its time, and others possessed strength that rivaled his.

together, they had stood against something far bigger than any one of them and together, they had won. the city still stood and the threat had been stopped, the world kept turning and the headlines called them heroes.

however, the victory came with a price no newspaper could ever fully capture. entire blocks had been reduced to rubble, thousands of families had lost their homes and hundreds had lost people they loved.

jisung spent hours afterwards helping search through debris, refusing to take off the suit because somehow wearing it made facing the devastation a little easier, but that was until he found her.

his aunt may.

the woman who had raised him after life had already taken too much from him.

the woman who had patched scraped knees when he was a kid, stayed awake helping him study before exams, celebrated every tiny accomplishment like it was the greatest achievement in history, cooked his favourite meal for his birthday every year.

the woman who had loved him with every piece of her heart. 

the woman who always told him to come home safe, every single time, was the one that didn’t come home safe, not that day.

there had been no miracle, no last-minute rescue, no impossible save, no amount of strength or superpower had been enough to pull back time.

jisung still remembers kneeling beside her, he remembers the dust covering her face, he remembers crying and begging and promising impossible things to someone who could no longer hear him.

five years later, he still wakes up some nights hearing his own voice from that day. he still reaches for a phone that will never receive another call from her. he still catches himself buying her favourite tea before he remembers there is no one waiting to drink it.

but aunt may isn’t the only person he’d failed to keep close to him that day. she isn’t the only name that haunts quiet nights on the rooftop. he had lost-

ding.

jisung blinks when he hears his phone, the weight of old memories slowly dissolving as the present pulls him back, back to now, back to responsibility. he grabs his phone and the screen lights up with the notification from the app he has to keep track of the crimes in the city.

it’s just a dark screen covered with a live map of new york, constantly updating with alerts pulled from police scanners, emergency dispatches, traffic cameras, public reports and a handful of algorithms jisung had spent a lot of time writing himself. it’s not perfect but it’s fast.

there’s a red marker blinking insistently is western queens.

possible armed robbery in progress.

national bank.

multiple suspects reported.

hostages possible.

jisung’s eyes scan the details in seconds then he locks his phone and muscle memory takes over. he takes his clothes off and then puts on the suit. red and blue, a little faded around the gloves. he slips into it, fastening the web shooters around his wrists before flexing each hand to make sure they work.

he then picks up the mask and stares at the white lenses. he can see himself in them, messy dark hair and his gentle eyes. he pulls the mask over his head and then the world narrows behind the lenses.

han jisung disappears and spider-man straightens his shoulders. 

outside, a siren wails in the distance and he steps towards the window and pushes it even more open.

a faint smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, “i guess i’ll save the existential crisis for later”

with one fluid motion, he climbs onto the fire escape, fires a web into the skyline and then disappears between the buildings, swinging towards yet another day where someone needs their friendly neighbourhood spider-man.

“one day”, inspector lee says, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looks at the line of robbers cocooned in thick white webs, “i’d love to arrive at a crime scene before you”

jisung, or rather, spider-man stands upside down from a streetlight a few feet away, his arms folded over his chest as if he’s giving the situation serious thought.

“mmhm”, he hums as inspector lee waits, “have you tried driving faster?”

a nearby officer snorts and inspector lee shoots him a look. the officer immediately coughs into his fist and pretends to be deeply interested in taking photographs of the crime scene.

“you know”, inspector lee says, turning back to the masked hero, “that wasn’t funny”

“it wasn’t?”

“no”

“it was a little funny”

inspector lee sighs, he is the sigh of a man who has had this exact conversation far too many times, “get down”

jisung flips effortlessly from the streetlight, landing lightly on the ground without making a sound. the scene around them is already under control - police officers move in and out of the bank, escorting frightened employees outside while paramedics check them over for injuries. curious onlookers gather behind the barricades with their phones held high, eager to catch another glimpse of new york’s most recognisable masked hero.

six robbers remain firmly attached to the traffic light at the corner of the street and well, jisung perhaps has gotten a little creative with how he leaves criminals - one hangs upside down, another is stuck sideways, a third somehow had both shoes webbed together, but none of them are going anywhere.

inspector lee glances towards the traffic light before looking back at him, “was all of this really necessary?”

“they can still breathe”, jisung says as he shrugs his shoulders.

“they’re hanging from a traffic light”

“no, they’re securely hanging from a traffic light”

inspector lee closes his eyes and then sighs, “i have paperwork because of you”

“you have paperwork because of them”, jisung says, pointing towards the robbers, “i just… left them there for you”

the same officer from before laughs again, loud enough that inspector lee hears him again.

“officer yang”

“sorry, sir”

inspector lee turns around again, shaking his head, “i spent years studying criminal investigation. i graduated at the top of my class. i climbed through the ranks and i became head inspector”

“i know. congratulations, by the way”

“and every single week”, inspector lee continues, ignoring what jisung said, “i arrive somewhere to find criminals wrapped like oversized dumplings”

“they’re burritos”

inspector lee gestures towards the traffic light, “does that look like a burrito to you?”

jisung tilts his head, “a little”

inspector lee stares at him and jisung stares back, none of them saying anything until inspector lee shakes his head again and exhales.

“i hate talking to you”

“no, you don’t”

a reluctant smile threatens the corner of inspector lee’s mouth before he forces it away, “no, i don’t”

their conversations always end up like this. the first few months after spider-man appeared in new york, things had been difficult, the police had considered him a threat, something unpredictable, and they didn’t particularly trust him. over the years, however, it’s become something close to a partnership. spider-man doesn’t interfere too much with investigations and the police don’t waste resources trying to arrest the man who keeps saving lives.

if a situation grows too dangerous before officers arrive, spider-man handles it.

if spider-man uncovers evidence connected to larger criminal organisations, it somehow finds its way onto inspector’s lee desk.

“so”, inspector lee says, pulling a small notebook from his pocket, “anything i should know?”

jisung nods towards the bank, “eight hostages”

“already confirmed”

“one security guard broke his shoulder trying to stop them”, jisung says and inspector writes it down, “ambulance has him. the guy with the tattoo”, he says as he points towards one of the robbers hanging from the traffic light, “is the leader. he’s carrying a burner phone in his left jacket pocket. they keep mentioning someone called dragon, might be worth looking into”

inspector lee writes everything and then pauses, “anything else?”

“they came in through the underground parking garage”

“good”

“they also complain a lot”

“i imagine getting webbed to a traffic light does that”, inspector lee says as he laughs before snapping his notebook shut, “well, i suppose this is the part where you vanish before i can officially thank you”

“you say thank you every time”, jisung says as he turns towards him.

“i know”, inspector lee says as he steps closer, lowering his voice just enough so only spider-man can hear him, “you all right?”

it’s a simple question, one that he has been asking him lately, every time something happened. he doesn’t ask because the robberies are particularly dangerous, he asks him because he has known spider-man long enough to notice the days when his movements are a little slower, when his jokes don’t come as easily or when something behind those white lenses seems heavier.

jisung answers with the same response he always gives him, “i’m okay”

inspector lee studies him for a second and he knows that’s probably not the truth but still, he nods his head, “try to stay out of trouble and rest a bit, okay?”

jisung lets out a laugh, “you know that’s impossible, right?”

“i know”

a web shoots upwards with a familiar sound, attaching itself somewhere high above the buildings and jisung gives inspector lee a casual salute before he leaves.

“officer yang is laughing again”

“i’ll put it in his performance review”, inspector lee says.

“harsh”

before inspector lee can answer, jisung pushes off the pavement, the web goes taut and then his body lifts into the air, soaring above flashing police lights and the gathering crowd. a chorus of excited cheers follows him down the street, children point excitedly towards the sky and people scream for him. within seconds, the red and blue figure disappears between the buildings, becoming nothing more than a blur and only when he is several blocks away does he finally slow.

he lands on the rooftop of an old laundromat tucked between two apartment buildings, hidden from the busy streets below. no one ever follows him there, that’s why he keeps some clothes hidden there for situations like this. he slips through the rooftop access door, changes quickly into clean clothes and then folds the suit into the bag that never leaves his side.

by the time he steps back onto the street, jisung is just another boy walking through queens. his hair is messy from pulling off the mask, the bag hangs from one shoulder and his hands are tucked into the pockets of his hoodie as he blends into the stream of people but no one gives him a second glance.

when he reaches his building, the adrenaline has long since begun to fade and the familiar ache in his body returns. his wrists feel sore from firing web after web and he’s sure there’s a bruise forming somewhere beneath the sleeve of his hoodie where one of the robbers had clipped him with the butt of a rifle.

it’s nothing serious, nothing he’s not used to by now. 

the city is calmer now, people walk home with their grocery bags and restaurants spill warm light onto the sidewalks. somewhere down the block, someone plays music through an open apartment window, the melody drifting between the buildings before disappearing into the traffic.

he pushes open the front door of the building, the familiar creak of old hinges greeting him.

“jisung!”

he barely takes two steps before he hears his name. mrs. kim is walking towards him, with her bag hanging from her arm and her glasses perched near the end of her nose.

“there you are”, she says the moment she gets closer to him.

jisung smiles at her, “hi, mrs. kim”

she narrows her eyes as she looks at him properly, “you look tired”

he laughs softly, “i always look tired”

“you look extra tired”

“well… i’ve had a long day”

she hums and then pats his arm as she walks him towards the lift, “did you eat today?”

“... kind of”

“kind of?”, she sighs so loudly that it echoes through the lobby, “you children are impossible”

jisung laughs again, “i’m not a child, mrs. kim”

“you sure behave like one”

jisung chuckles quietly, shaking his head as he waits for the lift, “i’ll eat a proper dinner today”

“you promise?” “i promise”, he says as he nods his head.

the lift arrives then, the doors sliding open just slowly enough to remind everyone in the building that replacing it would probably be a good idea.

mrs. kim doesn’t step inside, “i’m going to a restaurant with my sister”

jisung nods his head when he steps in, “tell her i said hi”

“i will”

he presses the button for the top floor and just as the doors begin closing, mrs. kim suddenly snaps her fingers.

“oh! jisung!”

jisung reaches out, stopping the doors from shutting completely, “what?”

“you have new neighbours”

he blinks, “i do?”

“yes, the apartment across from yours”

he glances towards the ceiling instinctively, as though he might somehow see through it to his hallway.

“i thought nobody wanted that apartment”

“well, someone has rented it now”

“huh”

mrs. kim smiles at him, “they moved in today. there’s two of them and i think they might be around your age”

jisung gives a small nod again, “that’s nice”

mrs. kim tries again, “they seem lovely”

“glad to hear”, he says as mrs. kim watches him expectantly and he watches her back, “... what?”

she points an accusing finger at him, “you should introduce yourself”

“i…”, he says, scratching the back of his neck… “sure”

“you will”

“i just said i will”

mrs. kim shakes her head, “no, you just said “sure””

“isn’t that the same thing?”

“no”

jisung laughs, “okay, fine. i’ll introduce myself, happy?”

“very happy”

the lift doors try to close again and jisung finally lets them, “have fun with your sister”

“eat something!”

“i will”

“and sleep!”

“i’ll try”

the doors slide shut before she can say anything else. he hears her mutter, something like “kids these days”, from the other side, making him smile despite himself.

the lift begins its slow climb and his smile fades naturally. his thoughts drift back to the robbery, to what he had heard the robbers saying and the burner phone. he mentally retraces every second, he’s almost sure he didn’t miss anything, but you never know.

the lift jolts slightly as it reaches his floor and the doors open. jisung steps into the quiet hallway, only two apartments occupying the floor, his and the one directly opposite.

mrs. kim wasn’t exaggerating, someone has definitely moved in. there are cardboard boxes in the hallway, stacked against the wall with labels scribbled across them in thick black marker.

kitchen

books

bedroom

bathroom

FRAGILE!

a rolled-up rug leans against the opposite apartment’s doorway, which stands wide open. from inside comes the muffled sound of furniture scraping across hardwood floors. he can hear someone laughing and then another voice responding, too quiet for him to make out. he glances towards the open apartment for only a second, long enough to notice more boxes scattered inside, but then, he looks away.

he’ll meet them eventually.

probably.

maybe.

he shifts the bag on his shoulder and fishes his keys from his hoodie pocket. the metal jingles softly and the key slides into the lock. he twists it and just as his fingers curl around the doorknob, he hears a voice that comes from behind him, warm and curious.

“hello?”

a/n: okay so first of all, i refuse to name spider-man’s aunt other name that isn’t may, i’m sorry but that is simply her name and i can’t change it!! also… this series has officially made me break my own rule of not posting a series until i’ve either finished writing it or have most of it written, but i’m just way too excited about this one and i can’t keep it to myself anymore. the downside is that, because i don’t have a lot of it written, updates are gonna be a little slow (especially right now), so i’m sorry for making you wait between chapters, i promise i’m working on it. i hope you love this story as much as i already do. thank you so much for reading and sticking with me 🩷

the library

likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated 🌟

if you want me to add you to the taglist of this series, please comment this post!

dividers by my darling @lariesographic 🩷

permanent taglist: @v3n7s @emmiesoverthemoon @kloversung @inniemeenymineymoe @hathoryan6868 @cherrycheolie @sheerfreesia007 @yessirfelix @hanjinology @luvvvivi @fantasy-addict354 @applesrpeak @lavunyan @channiesswift @skinnyjeans-tanktops @wonderlandforthelonley-blog @bellacj1 @karmaminho @hyunjinxxs @xallyouneedislovexx @niki-the-american @skzbyemmy @kpopishgirlie @daisylove3 @bunbunbl0gs @miniseungkimcami @geni-627 @bsk-brn @pvppymin @viisstrayy @ann-gell @mitsuri1221 @lost-in-the-stars03 @channlust @staygenesblog @persassyismysecrettwin @tsunderelino @minastronaut @minhocinema @staytinycassichu @nyaaa-cat @bangchansnipples @pinknymphkisses @wompwompgang @inlovewithstraykids @sturnsxbitvh @enchantedlov3r2 @certainstarfishmiracle @lixxstay

[starlostjisung]

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[starlostjisung]

the boy behind the mask

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: spider-han!au

wc: 4.1k

warnings: mention of a character’s death; robbery; mention of weapons

summary: if with great power comes great responsibility, then who takes responsibility for han jisung?

next part >

a/n: this series is heavily inspired by tom holland’s spider-man movies (especially no way home and brand new day) so expect some very spider-man inspired feelings yay yay

han jisung is not the kind of person that people notice. it’s not because he is invisible, he simply has a habit of folding himself into the background, like he believes that the world works better when he takes up as little space as possible.

he lives in new york, in queens precisely, in an aging brick apartment building that has seen decades come and go. the lift only works when it feels like it and the pipes groan every morning as though they are stretching awake alongside the people living there. it isn’t glamorous, not by any means, but it is home, or at least, it has become one.

his apartment sits on the highest floor and the rooftop is only one flight of stairs above him. most of the people living in the building go up there to smoke or watch the fourth of july fireworks. jisung goes there because it is the only place in the city where the noise feels manageable. 

from the edge, new york stretches endlessly beneath him - fire escapes climb apartment buildings like ladders to nowhere, taxis buzz through the streets, the subway rattles overhead every few minutes, shaking loose tiny clouds of dust from nearby rooftops, and sometimes, he can hear children argue over a basketball game while an ice cream truck plays the same melody over and over again.

it is loud and messy and despite everything, jisung loves it.

his apartment looks exactly like what someone would expect from a nerd who spends more time building things than sleeping. there are circuit boards covering nearly every flat surface as well as screwdrivers and soldering irons that only he seems capable of using. there are sticky notes plastered along the walls with reminders written in his rushed handwriting, some of them crossed out and others forgotten entirely. 

the apartment isn’t large enough to separate his bedroom from his workspace, so everything blends together into one organised chaos that only he can navigate. to anyone else, his apartment would look cluttered, but to jisung, everything is exactly where it belongs. 

every morning, almost without fail, jisung leaves the building with a bag slung over one shoulder and his headphones resting around his neck rather than over his ears. he likes hearing the city, the familiar chatter from the corner shop owner greeting his customers, the cars and the bikes, the children running and the dogs barking. 

mrs. kim, who’s lived in the building longer than anyone can remember, often catches him on his way out.

“morning, sweetheart”

he immediately straightens up when he hears her, “morning, mrs. kim”

“you eating enough?”, every morning the same question.

“... i’m trying”

she narrows her eyes, “that means no”, she sighs before disappearing back inside her apartment, only to return a few seconds later with a foil-wrapped sandwich she’s undoubtedly made herself, “here, take it”

“you don’t have to-”

“i know”

he smiles sheepishly at her, “thank you”, and then he finally leaves the building.

he always smiles, always thanks people, always holds doors open, always helps carry groceries upstairs if someone looks like they are struggling. 

when mr. seo on the second floor complained about his television not working, jisung spent an entire saturday fixing it despite insisting he wasn’t really an expert. 

when mrs. kim’s grandson needed help with his science project, jisung stayed up until midnight helping him finish the prototype. 

he never asks for anything in return, never expects anyone to notice. he just does things, quietly and kindly. everyone knows him as the sweet kid upstairs, the one who smiles with his eyes crinkling before ducking his head like he’s embarrassed by the attention. 

“the nicest boy you’ll ever meet”, mrs. kim would often tell newcomers.

“too nice”, mr. seo would add.

people like him, but they don’t really know him, because once conversations move beyond polite greetings, jisung becomes difficult to read. he’s not shy, he can speak and joke, and sometimes he’ll even ramble excitedly about programming languages or robotics if someone accidentally stumbles onto one of his favourite topics.

but those moments are rare. more often than not, he listens instead of talking, he laughs instead of telling stories. there is always the strange feeling that every conversation stops just before reaching who han jisung really is, as if there is a wall no one quite knows how to climb.

most people assume he is a harmless nerd with messy dark hair, oversized hoodies and permanent eye bags from staying awake too late building whatever impossible invention currently occupies his desk. and maybe they are right, maybe that is all he is, a quiet boy from queens and a tech genius who spends more time talking to machines than people.

but if someone looked closely, really closely, they might notice something lingering beneath his gentle smiles, something heavy and dark.

his laughter always seems to end a second too soon and his eyes always linger on couples and families walking together just a little longer than necessary. every now and then, when he thinks no one is watching, his expression falls completely, and it’s replaced by a loneliness so profound it almost looks out of place on someone barely in his mid-twenties.

it disappears the instant someone calls his name, when a smile returns and his shoulders straighten. he becomes han jisung again, kind and helpful jisung, as though sadness is simply another thing he carries in his bag every day, hidden where no one would ever think to look.

there’s a part of jisung that exists in complete isolation, a part no one knows, a part that remains hidden in his bag and then shoved beneath his bed, between unfinished inventions, rolls of reinforced fabric, mechanical web shooters, cracked goggles and a suit that has been stitched together more times than he cares to count. a part of him that belongs to someone else entirely.

spider-man. 

it has been years since a genetically modified spider crawled somewhere it shouldn’t have and sunk its tiny fangs into the back of his hand. years since he woke up convinced he was sick, only to realise his body wasn’t the same anymore. his reflexes had become impossibly fast and his strength had grown too. walls stopped being obstacles and gravity became more of a suggestion than a rule to him.

it terrified him at first but then, it fascinated him until eventually, it became his responsibility.

so while jisung quietly finished high-school and then started university, attending lectures and submitting assignments, spider-man had this other new life.

spider-man swung between skyscrapers before dawn.

spider-man helped firefighters evacuate burning buildings.

spider-man chased armed robbers across streets. 

spider-man hung car thieves upside down from traffic lights until the police arrived. 

some nights, it was nothing more than helping an old man whose cat had climbed too high into a tree. other nights, there were gunshots and explosions, screams echoing through streets that had once felt safe.

crime in new york never sleeps and neither does he. 

the newspapers had started calling him their friendly neighbourhood spider-man years ago and they still do. children love him, adults trust him and people wave whenever they catch a glimpse of red and blue swinging overhead, sometimes they even applaud when he lands nearby after stopping another crime.

jisung never stays long enough to hear all of it. he isn’t comfortable with praise, he is only trying to help, trying to make sure people make it home, trying to give someone the chance he’d failed to give others, because sometimes, helping isn’t enough.

sometimes the city demands more than one masked hero can possibly give. there are threats that can’t be solved by webbing someone’s hands together or stopping a getaway car.

there are monsters out there, people with abilities that defy explanation, machines built to destroy entire cities, men who believe that power gives them permission to decide who deserves to live.

and five years ago, new york had almost disappeared beneath one of those threats. even now, jisung can’t think about it for too long, his chest tightens before the memories fully form.

the battle had lasted hours but to him, it had felt like days. 

smoke had swallowed the sky until afternoon looked like midnight. buildings collapsed one after another, glass rained from skyscrapers, sirens never stopped, the streets became battlefields and people screamed and ran and some of them even prayed. 

he hadn’t been alone and for once, the weight of saving the city hadn’t rested solely on his shoulders. there had been others with him, people gifted with abilities just as impossible as his own - some of them could fly, some controlled things no human should ever be able to control, some fought with technology decades ahead of its time, and others possessed strength that rivaled his.

together, they had stood against something far bigger than any one of them and together, they had won. the city still stood and the threat had been stopped, the world kept turning and the headlines called them heroes.

however, the victory came with a price no newspaper could ever fully capture. entire blocks had been reduced to rubble, thousands of families had lost their homes and hundreds had lost people they loved.

jisung spent hours afterwards helping search through debris, refusing to take off the suit because somehow wearing it made facing the devastation a little easier, but that was until he found her.

his aunt may.

the woman who had raised him after life had already taken too much from him.

the woman who had patched scraped knees when he was a kid, stayed awake helping him study before exams, celebrated every tiny accomplishment like it was the greatest achievement in history, cooked his favourite meal for his birthday every year.

the woman who had loved him with every piece of her heart. 

the woman who always told him to come home safe, every single time, was the one that didn’t come home safe, not that day.

there had been no miracle, no last-minute rescue, no impossible save, no amount of strength or superpower had been enough to pull back time.

jisung still remembers kneeling beside her, he remembers the dust covering her face, he remembers crying and begging and promising impossible things to someone who could no longer hear him.

five years later, he still wakes up some nights hearing his own voice from that day. he still reaches for a phone that will never receive another call from her. he still catches himself buying her favourite tea before he remembers there is no one waiting to drink it.

but aunt may isn’t the only person he’d failed to keep close to him that day. she isn’t the only name that haunts quiet nights on the rooftop. he had lost-

ding.

jisung blinks when he hears his phone, the weight of old memories slowly dissolving as the present pulls him back, back to now, back to responsibility. he grabs his phone and the screen lights up with the notification from the app he has to keep track of the crimes in the city.

it’s just a dark screen covered with a live map of new york, constantly updating with alerts pulled from police scanners, emergency dispatches, traffic cameras, public reports and a handful of algorithms jisung had spent a lot of time writing himself. it’s not perfect but it’s fast.

there’s a red marker blinking insistently is western queens.

possible armed robbery in progress.

national bank.

multiple suspects reported.

hostages possible.

jisung’s eyes scan the details in seconds then he locks his phone and muscle memory takes over. he takes his clothes off and then puts on the suit. red and blue, a little faded around the gloves. he slips into it, fastening the web shooters around his wrists before flexing each hand to make sure they work.

he then picks up the mask and stares at the white lenses. he can see himself in them, messy dark hair and his gentle eyes. he pulls the mask over his head and then the world narrows behind the lenses.

han jisung disappears and spider-man straightens his shoulders. 

outside, a siren wails in the distance and he steps towards the window and pushes it even more open.

a faint smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, “i guess i’ll save the existential crisis for later”

with one fluid motion, he climbs onto the fire escape, fires a web into the skyline and then disappears between the buildings, swinging towards yet another day where someone needs their friendly neighbourhood spider-man.

“one day”, inspector lee says, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looks at the line of robbers cocooned in thick white webs, “i’d love to arrive at a crime scene before you”

jisung, or rather, spider-man stands upside down from a streetlight a few feet away, his arms folded over his chest as if he’s giving the situation serious thought.

“mmhm”, he hums as inspector lee waits, “have you tried driving faster?”

a nearby officer snorts and inspector lee shoots him a look. the officer immediately coughs into his fist and pretends to be deeply interested in taking photographs of the crime scene.

“you know”, inspector lee says, turning back to the masked hero, “that wasn’t funny”

“it wasn’t?”

“no”

“it was a little funny”

inspector lee sighs, he is the sigh of a man who has had this exact conversation far too many times, “get down”

jisung flips effortlessly from the streetlight, landing lightly on the ground without making a sound. the scene around them is already under control - police officers move in and out of the bank, escorting frightened employees outside while paramedics check them over for injuries. curious onlookers gather behind the barricades with their phones held high, eager to catch another glimpse of new york’s most recognisable masked hero.

six robbers remain firmly attached to the traffic light at the corner of the street and well, jisung perhaps has gotten a little creative with how he leaves criminals - one hangs upside down, another is stuck sideways, a third somehow had both shoes webbed together, but none of them are going anywhere.

inspector lee glances towards the traffic light before looking back at him, “was all of this really necessary?”

“they can still breathe”, jisung says as he shrugs his shoulders.

“they’re hanging from a traffic light”

“no, they’re securely hanging from a traffic light”

inspector lee closes his eyes and then sighs, “i have paperwork because of you”

“you have paperwork because of them”, jisung says, pointing towards the robbers, “i just… left them there for you”

the same officer from before laughs again, loud enough that inspector lee hears him again.

“officer yang”

“sorry, sir”

inspector lee turns around again, shaking his head, “i spent years studying criminal investigation. i graduated at the top of my class. i climbed through the ranks and i became head inspector”

“i know. congratulations, by the way”

“and every single week”, inspector lee continues, ignoring what jisung said, “i arrive somewhere to find criminals wrapped like oversized dumplings”

“they’re burritos”

inspector lee gestures towards the traffic light, “does that look like a burrito to you?”

jisung tilts his head, “a little”

inspector lee stares at him and jisung stares back, none of them saying anything until inspector lee shakes his head again and exhales.

“i hate talking to you”

“no, you don’t”

a reluctant smile threatens the corner of inspector lee’s mouth before he forces it away, “no, i don’t”

their conversations always end up like this. the first few months after spider-man appeared in new york, things had been difficult, the police had considered him a threat, something unpredictable, and they didn’t particularly trust him. over the years, however, it’s become something close to a partnership. spider-man doesn’t interfere too much with investigations and the police don’t waste resources trying to arrest the man who keeps saving lives.

if a situation grows too dangerous before officers arrive, spider-man handles it.

if spider-man uncovers evidence connected to larger criminal organisations, it somehow finds its way onto inspector’s lee desk.

“so”, inspector lee says, pulling a small notebook from his pocket, “anything i should know?”

jisung nods towards the bank, “eight hostages”

“already confirmed”

“one security guard broke his shoulder trying to stop them”, jisung says and inspector writes it down, “ambulance has him. the guy with the tattoo”, he says as he points towards one of the robbers hanging from the traffic light, “is the leader. he’s carrying a burner phone in his left jacket pocket. they keep mentioning someone called dragon, might be worth looking into”

inspector lee writes everything and then pauses, “anything else?”

“they came in through the underground parking garage”

“good”

“they also complain a lot”

“i imagine getting webbed to a traffic light does that”, inspector lee says as he laughs before snapping his notebook shut, “well, i suppose this is the part where you vanish before i can officially thank you”

“you say thank you every time”, jisung says as he turns towards him.

“i know”, inspector lee says as he steps closer, lowering his voice just enough so only spider-man can hear him, “you all right?”

it’s a simple question, one that he has been asking him lately, every time something happened. he doesn’t ask because the robberies are particularly dangerous, he asks him because he has known spider-man long enough to notice the days when his movements are a little slower, when his jokes don’t come as easily or when something behind those white lenses seems heavier.

jisung answers with the same response he always gives him, “i’m okay”

inspector lee studies him for a second and he knows that’s probably not the truth but still, he nods his head, “try to stay out of trouble and rest a bit, okay?”

jisung lets out a laugh, “you know that’s impossible, right?”

“i know”

a web shoots upwards with a familiar sound, attaching itself somewhere high above the buildings and jisung gives inspector lee a casual salute before he leaves.

“officer yang is laughing again”

“i’ll put it in his performance review”, inspector lee says.

“harsh”

before inspector lee can answer, jisung pushes off the pavement, the web goes taut and then his body lifts into the air, soaring above flashing police lights and the gathering crowd. a chorus of excited cheers follows him down the street, children point excitedly towards the sky and people scream for him. within seconds, the red and blue figure disappears between the buildings, becoming nothing more than a blur and only when he is several blocks away does he finally slow.

he lands on the rooftop of an old laundromat tucked between two apartment buildings, hidden from the busy streets below. no one ever follows him there, that’s why he keeps some clothes hidden there for situations like this. he slips through the rooftop access door, changes quickly into clean clothes and then folds the suit into the bag that never leaves his side.

by the time he steps back onto the street, jisung is just another boy walking through queens. his hair is messy from pulling off the mask, the bag hangs from one shoulder and his hands are tucked into the pockets of his hoodie as he blends into the stream of people but no one gives him a second glance.

when he reaches his building, the adrenaline has long since begun to fade and the familiar ache in his body returns. his wrists feel sore from firing web after web and he’s sure there’s a bruise forming somewhere beneath the sleeve of his hoodie where one of the robbers had clipped him with the butt of a rifle.

it’s nothing serious, nothing he’s not used to by now. 

the city is calmer now, people walk home with their grocery bags and restaurants spill warm light onto the sidewalks. somewhere down the block, someone plays music through an open apartment window, the melody drifting between the buildings before disappearing into the traffic.

he pushes open the front door of the building, the familiar creak of old hinges greeting him.

“jisung!”

he barely takes two steps before he hears his name. mrs. kim is walking towards him, with her bag hanging from her arm and her glasses perched near the end of her nose.

“there you are”, she says the moment she gets closer to him.

jisung smiles at her, “hi, mrs. kim”

she narrows her eyes as she looks at him properly, “you look tired”

he laughs softly, “i always look tired”

“you look extra tired”

“well… i’ve had a long day”

she hums and then pats his arm as she walks him towards the lift, “did you eat today?”

“... kind of”

“kind of?”, she sighs so loudly that it echoes through the lobby, “you children are impossible”

jisung laughs again, “i’m not a child, mrs. kim”

“you sure behave like one”

jisung chuckles quietly, shaking his head as he waits for the lift, “i’ll eat a proper dinner today”

“you promise?” “i promise”, he says as he nods his head.

the lift arrives then, the doors sliding open just slowly enough to remind everyone in the building that replacing it would probably be a good idea.

mrs. kim doesn’t step inside, “i’m going to a restaurant with my sister”

jisung nods his head when he steps in, “tell her i said hi”

“i will”

he presses the button for the top floor and just as the doors begin closing, mrs. kim suddenly snaps her fingers.

“oh! jisung!”

jisung reaches out, stopping the doors from shutting completely, “what?”

“you have new neighbours”

he blinks, “i do?”

“yes, the apartment across from yours”

he glances towards the ceiling instinctively, as though he might somehow see through it to his hallway.

“i thought nobody wanted that apartment”

“well, someone has rented it now”

“huh”

mrs. kim smiles at him, “they moved in today. there’s two of them and i think they might be around your age”

jisung gives a small nod again, “that’s nice”

mrs. kim tries again, “they seem lovely”

“glad to hear”, he says as mrs. kim watches him expectantly and he watches her back, “... what?”

she points an accusing finger at him, “you should introduce yourself”

“i…”, he says, scratching the back of his neck… “sure”

“you will”

“i just said i will”

mrs. kim shakes her head, “no, you just said “sure””

“isn’t that the same thing?”

“no”

jisung laughs, “okay, fine. i’ll introduce myself, happy?”

“very happy”

the lift doors try to close again and jisung finally lets them, “have fun with your sister”

“eat something!”

“i will”

“and sleep!”

“i’ll try”

the doors slide shut before she can say anything else. he hears her mutter, something like “kids these days”, from the other side, making him smile despite himself.

the lift begins its slow climb and his smile fades naturally. his thoughts drift back to the robbery, to what he had heard the robbers saying and the burner phone. he mentally retraces every second, he’s almost sure he didn’t miss anything, but you never know.

the lift jolts slightly as it reaches his floor and the doors open. jisung steps into the quiet hallway, only two apartments occupying the floor, his and the one directly opposite.

mrs. kim wasn’t exaggerating, someone has definitely moved in. there are cardboard boxes in the hallway, stacked against the wall with labels scribbled across them in thick black marker.

kitchen

books

bedroom

bathroom

FRAGILE!

a rolled-up rug leans against the opposite apartment’s doorway, which stands wide open. from inside comes the muffled sound of furniture scraping across hardwood floors. he can hear someone laughing and then another voice responding, too quiet for him to make out. he glances towards the open apartment for only a second, long enough to notice more boxes scattered inside, but then, he looks away.

he’ll meet them eventually.

probably.

maybe.

he shifts the bag on his shoulder and fishes his keys from his hoodie pocket. the metal jingles softly and the key slides into the lock. he twists it and just as his fingers curl around the doorknob, he hears a voice that comes from behind him, warm and curious.

“hello?”

a/n: okay so first of all, i refuse to name spider-man’s aunt other name that isn’t may, i’m sorry but that is simply her name and i can’t change it!! also… this series has officially made me break my own rule of not posting a series until i’ve either finished writing it or have most of it written, but i’m just way too excited about this one and i can’t keep it to myself anymore. the downside is that, because i don’t have a lot of it written, updates are gonna be a little slow (especially right now), so i’m sorry for making you wait between chapters, i promise i’m working on it. i hope you love this story as much as i already do. thank you so much for reading and sticking with me 🩷

the library

likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated 🌟

if you want me to add you to the taglist of this series, please comment this post!

dividers by my darling @lariesographic 🩷

permanent taglist: @v3n7s @emmiesoverthemoon @kloversung @inniemeenymineymoe @hathoryan6868 @cherrycheolie @sheerfreesia007 @yessirfelix @hanjinology @luvvvivi @fantasy-addict354 @applesrpeak @lavunyan @channiesswift @skinnyjeans-tanktops @wonderlandforthelonley-blog @bellacj1 @karmaminho @hyunjinxxs @xallyouneedislovexx @niki-the-american @skzbyemmy @kpopishgirlie @daisylove3 @bunbunbl0gs @miniseungkimcami @geni-627 @bsk-brn @pvppymin @viisstrayy @ann-gell @mitsuri1221 @lost-in-the-stars03 @channlust @staygenesblog @persassyismysecrettwin @tsunderelino @minastronaut @minhocinema @staytinycassichu @nyaaa-cat @bangchansnipples @pinknymphkisses @wompwompgang @inlovewithstraykids @sturnsxbitvh @enchantedlov3r2 @certainstarfishmiracle @lixxstay

[hanfocus]

HAN — THIS & THAT TEASER IMAGES

[starlostjisung]

hi my loves 🩷

i know i posted a poll a while ago asking which fic from my drafts you wanted to read first and after you all voted, i went back and reread the winning one (like i always do before i post a fic) but while i was reading it, something just didn't sit right with me. i rewrote some parts but even after that i'm still not happy with it, and one thing i will never do is post a fic that i'm not happy with or that i don't genuinely like

so for now i'm going to leave that one (and the other options from the poll) in my drafts, and i'll probably come back to them when i can look at them with fresh eyes. instead, i'm going to keep writing other fics i'm currently working on because i'm really happy and excited about those. i'd rather post those than force myself to post something just because it won a poll (that i posted, i know, i'm sorry 😭)

this is why i've been silent these past few weeks, and i'll probably update a bit slower for a little while longer until i have more of these stories written and ready to post. i'm really sorry for making you all wait, thank you for being so patient, and i promise i'm still writing. i'd rather give you stories that i truly love than rush out something i'm not happy with 🩷

[starlostjisung]

wait i got the timing wrong and i thought we were getting the skz replay on saturday BUT we’re actually getting it in less than 24 hours???? LET’S FUCKING GOOOOO

[starlostjisung]

A SPIDERHAN FIC? GIVE IT TO ME I NEED IT

-🎹

i did start one months ago!! but i never got around to finishing it, i might need to get back to that one now

[starlostjisung]

i just saw the new spider-man film and this is all i can think about