You're safe little one, chapter 4
summary: felix officially asks to be ollie's caregiver! felix comforts ollie during a thunderstorm.
cw: age regression, panic attack due to thunderstorm
a/n: this story is ongoing, you can also find it on wattpad here! sfw interactions/blogs only.
It has been a few days since Ollie fully regressed around me and I've noticed that they seem to be doing a lot better mentally since being able go into little space which makes me so happy. They seems less stressed out, more energized, and just overall happier.
Something has still be bothering me in the back of my mind though- I really want to ask to be Ollie's caregiver. I learned about the concept when I first searched up what little space was after I found Ollie's playlist and have done some more research since then. I just really want it to be official and leave no doubt in my partner's mind that they are truly safe around me, even when they're little, and that I will be there for them no matter what.
Ollie still gets a little embarrassed when I bring up things related to little space - which is understandable considering its so new for both of us - but I really do want to have that conversation with them and I decide that today is the day.
Things have been amazing between me and Felix ever since I allowed myself to fully regress around him. I've always wanted someone to take care of me so I could fully let myself slip and that someone being my boyfriend has been sort of a dream come true. I really want to ask him to be my caregiver officially but it's really hard for me to talk about anything related to littlespace.
It seems silly to be embarrassed about seeing that he's seen me in full baby-mode already but I can't seem to shake the discomfort of talking openly about something so vulnerable even to someone as loving and understanding as Felix. Something tells me that it's going to be a long time before I can embrace that part of myself openly, so far I can't even think about it without getting blushy. Plus there's still the back of my mind fear of rejection from Felix if I asked him, I mean it is a lot to ask someone- Felix didn't sign up to be my babysitter when we started dating.
I push those thoughts to the back of my mind as I walk to the living room to go hang out with Felix. "Hey doll" he greets me as I sit down on the couch with him. "Ooo is that a new video game?" I ask as I cuddle into his chest. He explains the game to me as I intently listen, watching his facial expression as he concentrates on the movement from the tv screen.
Over the next hour or so we switch from talking, to him letting me try out the game, to them playing and me contently laying on their lap. I love just being around him, no matter what we're doing if he's there I'm happy. Even though he's concentrated on the game Felix still finds moments to give me affection like when he reaches down to mindlessly play with my hair, eyes still locked on the screen. Instant butterflies in my stomach.
After I've had enough of my videogame Ollie and I lay together on the couch and listen to our record player. It's moments like these that I wish could last forever- the soothing crackle of the record blended into the music, the warm sunlight streaming in from the window washing over us, the slow rhythm of Ollie's chest as they breathe in and out. I love our little life together.
Alright, now time for the big question, I think a direct but casual approach is best. I hope he can't tell how nervous I am behind my calm exterior. "Hey baby," I start in a soft voice.
"Hmm?" Ollie replies, shifting slightly in my arms.
"It's completely okay if you don't want to talk about this yet... but I was wondering..."
"What do you think about me being your caregiver while you're regressed?"
I feel Ollie's breath hitch and worry that the question might have upset them, until they shift so I can see the wide smile stretched across their face (paired with a slight blush spreading across their cheeks of course). "Really?!" Ollie exclaims"I would love that so so much! I wanted to ask you but I got too scared" they answer with a sheepish grin.
"Aweee" I coo, cuddling them closer.
This feels unreal. After he asked me we cuddled for a while longer before Felix got up to grab something and came back with a purple notebook and some colored pencils. I wasn't quite sure what was happening but Felix explained that even though it's hard for me to talk about, we should talk about what my regression looks like and come up with some agreements.
Felix must have noticed that I was a bit uncomfortable and offered to get Corduroy (my teddy bear) for emotional support. "Yes please!" I replied, and with Corduroy in my arms I imediatly felt better. We talked and wrote out the important stuff we decided on together in the notebook as we went along (I was very helpful and doodled in the margins of the paper while Felix wrote). Here's what we ended up with:
May need help with: baths, changing, making food, reminders to brush teeth, potty, etc.
Activity Ideas: coloring, watching cartoons, reading stories, ipad games, playing with toys, playing at the park, taking a nap and cuddling
Other: Semi-verbal, easily overwhelmed
- Do your best to listen to me so I can keep you safe and healthy (- Felix)
- Ask for help if you need it and communicate your needs, if nonverbal then you can type, write, or draw to communicate (- Felix)
- Bedtime between 9-10:00 pm (- Felix)
- No swearing or talking about anything inappropriate (both)
- No raising voices when upset (both)
After we finished Felix smiled at me and I could see the adoration in his eyes. He kissed me on the head and said "I'm so proud of you hon, thank you for sharing this part of yourself with me. I can't wait to take care of you"
All I could do at that point was bury myself in his chest so they didn't see how red my face got, causing them to chuckle and hug me tighter. I have never felt safer then in their arms.
The rest of the day went by pretty normally, we had dinner then went out to a movie with our friends and had a great time. By the time Felix and I were snuggled up in bed together - Felix the big spoon to my little spoon - a light rain had started pattering against the window but neither of us thought much of it as we drifted off to sleep.
I startle awake, my mind still clouded in a sleepy haze as I blink my eyes trying to adjust to the lack of light. It's clearly not time to wake up yet, the alarm clock on the nightstand reading only 2 am. I am usually a heavy sleeper, however even deep into my dream state I was alerted to the absence of Ollie's warm body cuddled up to me paired with soft whimpers and cries.
I quickly flipped on the lamp and found Ollie sitting up against the headboard hugging their knees and shaking slightly with tears rolling down their cheeks.
I feel my heart wrench at the sight and imediatly scramble over to wrap them in my arms.
"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong baby?" I ask, my voice still raspy from sleep.
"Loud" they answer softly between sniffles.
I start to ask what they meant until I heard it: BOOM! Quite possibly the loudest thunder I have ever heard crashed outside followed by a flash of lightning that lit up the room. How did I sleep though this?! I felt Ollie flinch in my arms and reach to cover their ears- this must be what upset them.
I woke up around 1:30 in the morning to find that the light rain that I had went to sleep with had turned into a full on thunderstorm. I was so tired and disoriented which made it all seem so overwhelming. I tried to stay quiet as to not wake my boyfriend up but I was scared and felt myself starting to slip.
My mind went blank and before I knew it I was full on sobbing. Felix woke up and I soon felt his strong arms wrap around me but I was too deep into my headspace to register anything but the fear I felt at every thunder clap.
Felix held me tighter as I shuddered at a particularly loud rumble and I felt his hand run comfortingly through my hair. "Shhh shhh it's okay love" they whispered, but I only cried louder. Then he seemed to get an idea- "Do you want your paci baby?" he asked softly. I looked up at him with big watery eyes and nodded.
He let go of me for a second and hastily dug through a drawer to find the comforting item, returning quicky with my paci in hand to slide it into my mouth and scoop me up in their arms again. I immediately felt a wave of calm rush over me at the presence of a pacifier between my lips as I snuggled into Felix's chest.
"That's it baby, deep breaths" he encouraged, rocking me gently and reaching down to wipe the tears from my cheeks."I'm here."
My poor little one was so scared! I wish I had gotten up earlier to comfort them but all I can do now is try my best to calm them down and make this storm feel less scary. The pacifier seemed to help a lot and I could feel their body relax as I rocked them back and forth but they still tensed up at every thunder clap and lightning flash.
I grabbed a cup of water from the nightstand and helped Ollie drink it to make sure they didn't spill any on themself, I knew that they must be dehydrated after all those tears.
"You know star, thunderstorms also scares me sometimes," I start, settling back into the pillows.
"Really?" Ollie responds curiously, their tiny voice muffled by the pacifier making my heart melt.
"Mmhm, even a big tough guy like me gets scared too." I teased, flexing my arm which elicited a slight smile from Ollie. "But you wanna know what I think about to make it seem less scary?" They nodded their head, still sniffling slightly. "I think about the cloud people up in the sky playing bowling, and the thunder sound is just them knocking down the pins!" I continued, gesturing towards the ceiling to demonstrate.
I knew I had won them over as the sniffles suddenly turned to giggles and their eyes crinkled up, giving away the smile that was hiding behind their paci. "You're so silly Fe-Fe" they replied, still giggling, to which I planted a kiss on the top of their head. That laugh was music to my ears, not to mention the relief I felt that they were starting to feel better after such a rough night.
"I know it's scary now, but tomorrow we can put rain boots on and go look for snails, and race paper boats down the creek, and jump in all the puddles we can find!"
I could see their eyes light up at the last suggestion. "Does that sound good little one?" I asked, knowing the answer already. "YES!" they answered enthusiastically, so enthusiastically in fact that the pacifier fell out of their mouth.
I chuckled as I retrieved it and returned it, "Well then let's try to get some sleep then so we can be all rested up for the morning," I said. "And I'll turn some music on so we don't have to hear the cloud people's bowling game all night" I added playfully.
"Okay!" they agreed, the sleepiness seeming to have returned. I pull the covers back over us and settle back into the mattress, turning on their littlespace playlist* to drown out the thunder.
"Sorry for waking you up Fe" Ollie said softly, looking away from me. I cupped their cheek gently with my palm to make them meet my gaze as I replied "Oh baby, you never have to be sorry for something like that, I'm so glad you woke me up so you didn't have to be scared alone. You can always wake me up."
At hearing my words they breathed out what seemed to be a sigh of relief and snuggled deeper into my chest, holding their teddy close.
I rubbed their back in small circles as they drifted off to dreamland, thinking about all the fun we would have together in the morning.
Ollie's eyes drifted open first to see rays of light streaming in through the window- it was morning at last. They felt warmth wash through them as they remembered how Felix had taken such good care of them last night.
A little while later both Ollie and Felix were awake and, after cuddling in bed for at least an hour, sat at the table eating chocolate chip pancakes that Felix had made. Ollie's had the chocolate chips arranged in a smiley face pattern which made them smile from ear to ear when Felix had presented the plate There was however the short dilemma of not wanted to eat them because the faces were so cute that was resolved by taking pictures with Felix's phone to capture the memory forever, but now the pancakes were eaten and it was time for fun.
Felix helped Ollie get dressed in their raincoat and boots before pulling on his own, and the pair walked out to conquer the remnants of last night's storm. Ollie held Felix's hand as they went from puddle to puddle trying to make the biggest splash possible, soaking both of them in the process. Ollie pulled Felix along the sidewalk, practically shrieking with joy, and eventually Felix was roped into joining the puddle jump game as well. A particularly big jump from Felix caused Ollie to get soaked from head to toe, ending in both of them falling to the ground laughing.
After a few hours of fun they returned to their house where Felix drew Ollie a nice warm bath which felt amazing after the chill of the rain. While Ollie was bathing Felix dried off himself then returned to wrap Ollie in the biggest fluffiest towel he could find.
The rest of the day was spent with cozy rainy day activities, movies and popcorn, and lots of cuddles.
