An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
My first fanfic posted, this was originally my philosophy assignment on Thomas Hobbes's ideas. I passed with it so I thought it may be worth posting. Feel free to notify me of any mistakes.
Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs
Paring: Osamu Dazai X Nakahara Chuuya (soukoku), M/M
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Warnings: Dazai typical content warnings, Suicide Mentions
Words: 1101
Chapters: 1/1
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Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, all rights go to the original owners.
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Sun beams peaked over the horizon, illuminating the dark green branches of a vast sleepy forest. In the middle of the forest sat a large manor, hidden in the shadows. The coolness of the night lingered as fog swirled with a subtle breeze; cold curling tendrils of air crawled through gardens and up the ivy-covered walls to infiltrate the frosted windows. Slithering through hallways shrouded in darkness and the remnants of night, only pausing by the fading embers of a dying fireplace that lazily illuminated a large library. Allowing for the darkness to creep around the sides of bookshelves and chairs and latch on to the shadow of a sprawled-out figure. As if dead, Dazai laid unblinking on the cold floor, his thick night gown doing little to warm his figure. The chill still crept under doors, the floorboards and sunk into the very depths of his marrow.
A fitting mood for his morning sorrows.
Dazai was prone to spiraling thoughts, thinking of the state of the world, of people, their nature, their meaning. Anything to pass the time in this cold and lonely limbo. Tonight he was entertaining his favourite thought from that one guy Hobbes. Are humans inherently selfish? Are we motivated only by what benefits us? Is it within human nature to be generous?
“Moping as always, Dazai?” A gruff voice asks. “You ought to find better hobbies”.
“Ne, Chuuya do you think all humans are inherently selfish?” Dazai replies.
“Huh, what are you talking about now you bastard? Of course not,” The man now known as Chuuya stepped into the glow of the fireplace, the warm light highlighting his naturally copper locks. Chuuya took his place on a cushioned sofa, settling in with a glass of something red.
“No really, Chuuya, think about it,” Dazai groans, “Everything we do is for selfish reasons. It may not be evil, but we are selfish. We do things for ourselves, to escape the guilt or the grief. We may give up physical items or even our lives but isn’t that just so we can get the emotional relief. Gimme a scenario, I’ll prove it.”
“Fine, I’ll play. Ummmm, what about daily stuff? Like going to the market?” Chuuya suggested, taking a sip of his drink.
“Oh, easy, you need to eat, you need clothes. They are for you, it is selfish.” He resolutes.
“Fine, what about saving your dog from drowning?”
“Wow Chuuya bringing up those dirty mutts!! How surprising!!” Dazai exclaimed with a shit-eating grin.
“Shut-up you asshole! Dogs are great and you know it!” Chuuya rose sharply, pointing a finger at Dazai in irritation. “Just answer the goddamn question.”
“Fine fine,” waving a hand Dazai continued, “It’s your pet, your possession, it is selfish once again.”
“Couldn’t it be generosity, I don’t have to save the dog, but I do anyway.”
“It’s still selfish, you’re keeping your possession alive and you get a warm happy feeling for saving it. You wouldn’t save every dying dog you came across, would you?” Dazai concluded.
“First of all, stop calling my dog an it and second of all, I would save every dying dog I came across. That’s kindness, isn’t it?” Chuuya answers finally sitting back down.
“I’d say you’re more idiotic and selfish, risking your life for all those mutts. You didn’t ask those dogs if they wanted to live, did you? How you know they wanted to be saved?” Dazai shoots back teasingly.
“Not everyone is as suicidal as you, you bastard”
“Fine then, Chuuya will save every fluffy thing that comes his way. Let’s raise the stakes then.” Dazai finally sits up, his bones and joint cracking from disuse. “It’s a life or death situation, there is no chance of both pChuuyas surviving. There is an elderly couple in a burning building a couple houses down, if you save them, you will die but if you dont then they will die.”
Chuuya’s cool jade-like green eyes look towards Dazai.
“They are very old they could die in the next couple of days or the next couple of years we don’t know. But your young and spry Chuuya, you likely won’t die for a while. You’re also not trained for this, the professionals are probably on their way, but you don’t have that precognition. They are going to die. Do you save them for the selfish wish of alleviating your own guilt or do you let them die to save your own life?” Dazai’s eyes locked with Chuuya’s, his dark pupils blended into the solid matte brown of his iris. The flame behind groaned to life in little fiery roars, reflecting a red glow in Dazai’s eyes.
“No, I wouldn’t.” Chuuya growled back, crossing his arms over one another in a tense posture.
“HAH! So that means I was right even when we are doing good, it’s all for selfishness.” Dazai collapsed back onto the floor with flourish, wide cheshire grin on his face.
“No, it doesn’t, it just means my kindness is limited.” Chuuya rolls his eyes. “Surely you can’t expect it to be either or extreme. We exist only of selfishness or we exist only kindness, where is the balance? I suppose that is why we make connections then defend those connections, we open our hearts with kindness for our close ones. Then we can rely on ourselves and our selfishness to keep them safe.”
“Don’t tease me you douche”
“I guess, but isn’t that possessive Chuuya?”
Chuuya considered his words for a second, then shook his head.
“Would you save me? Oh no, Chuuya help me! I’m about to die in this burning building!” Dazai, still on the floor, theatrically acted out the part of a damsel with his hands as if he were a puppet master.
“Of course I would, don’t doubt me!”
“Of course I would save you”
“Isn’t that selfish? You should know by now that prolonging my life is prolonging my suffering. Is it kind to help me live or is it kind to let me die.” Dazai continued. “Isn’t it selfish to force me to live, to keep me around for your guilt or company. But isn’t it also selfish to let me die in order to not see the pain I’m in by living every day and aren’t I selfish for wanting to give up my life but wouldn’t I also be selfish to continue living because I can’t stand to guilt of making you cry. Tell me Chuuya, where is the kindness in that?”
“…” He didn’t have an answer.
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