A Star's Chaos in the Cosmos

Self expression

[starryuuto]

Let's figure out if something is wrong with me or me on this blog.

Half nonsense half vent.

[starryuuto]

Spent about 150. Lost my 50/50 but got an early, so that's good. NOW ALL OF THE REST OF MY 70K IS GOING TO AVENTURINE WAVEFLAIR. PLS. E1S1.

[starryuuto]

!!!HSR 4.4 fate collab spoiler!!! Kinda but not rly

Ratio having a wide eye shocked expression during half the quest in the fate collab is so funny to me. He can't chill or be neutral, he's so chalant lol. I love him sm

And, after seeing Gilgamesh and the little chimera, everytime I saw Gilgamesh's face, all I could think abt was how he looked so cute n so much like a chimera. I might be blind. But he's so... Cute.

[starryuuto]

!!!HSR 4.4 SPOILERS!!!

I'm trying to finish the story but... When Himeko was leaving and Caelus was crying, I was also trying not to cry.

However, the sight of Caelus crying... Looked too much like an omega it almost made me so distracted about their conversation. But it was also too sad to ignore. But Caelus buddy, he was so omega coded, my lord...

Idk how to feel. Am I a pervert?!

[starryuuto]

I am so ready to get out of this exhausting school filled with incompetent people. But even then, people outside my school are no different. Making friends is hard when no one had borderline good personality.

I'm not saying I'm a good person, but at least I'm trying and not being a burden to others. Meanwhile, everyone ik is slacking and blaming it on dumb shit just so they can skip responsibilities. It's really pathetic.

On another hand, some people aren't even decent in menial things, like showing up on time. It's really not that damn hard. Don't give me excuses about taking a shower, you could've done it earlier. If I say we meet at 1pm, we see each other's faces at most 1pm. Not that you start doing wtv tf at 1pm. How r yall even gna survive work??

Or honestly, being performative. Cuz tell me why is this one person copying everything I do. Literally to the littlest things they don't even know about. Sheesh, and I tot we got along.

Fk making friends. As much as I long for a lasting friendship, everyone is so fking irritating I wld rather be alone. At least then, my sanity won't be out the window.

[starryuuto]

I've been posting on tiktok. And I made a low effort foul ahh tiktok abt smth weird. And somehow that blew up cuz of it did. ://

[starryuuto]

I set it in days so it's better to visualise.

I have an exam. I need to do a recording of the presentation with my group (day 2). Fine. But. I also need to present the thing in real life to my teacher (day 1).

Why???

And then, I need to watch my teacher WATCH the damn video (day 3) so he can ask questions. In which, he will be already be asking that in the real life presentation (day 1).

So tell me WHY, DO I NEED TO GO THRU THIS 3 TIMES?! THIS IS WITHIN TWO ACTUAL WEEKS BTW. THERE IS LITERALLY ZERO POINT IN ALLAT TROUBLE.

[starryuuto]

I should probably stress about the report I haven't started. It was given out a month ago, due in a week. I should be panicking. Others said it was hard. I am panicking, but like, I'm preparing the panic for... The future.

...

Uh. Huh. Hopefully this procrastination can earn me an A like it did last time. Working better under pressure :D totally.

[starryuuto]

It's... It's not that hard in my opinion. Just very tedious. But I did about 1/3 of it and I think it's fine so far. There's an annoying part though, and I'm gna do it last. Probably not the best idea but it's fine. Not really, it's due tomorrow... Aha.

Better than doing it in 3 hours tho. I know my own limits. I'm not proud and bragging abt my own procrastination, but I've been doing better. So I count this as a win.

[starryuuto]

I hate when I tell someone I have a long history of terrible luck and they say "you should just do it, you never know" LIKE NO, I DO KNOW. I WILL NEVER WIN. LIKE GENUINELY, MY LUCK IS BAD.

SO BAD THAT I BLESS EVERYONE I GAMBLE WITH. No joke, whenever I do a gacha and I'm there, the other person ALWAYS WINS, AND I LOSE. I DONT WANT TO GAMBLE NOT BCZ IDW TO BLESS U, BUT BCZ I'M JEALOUS, OKAY?

Plus, they gamble bcz they know they've won bfr and have a chance to win. I DONT. I have never experienced such a win, so I don't want to gacha and lose all my damn money and win on the last one.

I'm not joking when I say I have bad luck. I'm literally Bennett from Genshin kind of bad luck. Not the usual "lol same I also have bad luck". I have issues running deeper than ur stupid haha laughs and jokes.

I will never give into peer pressure. Respect people's boundaries. The amount of times I have explained this to the same people multiple times is why I hate people and have no respect for society.

[starryuuto]

I have 500 pulls. I want Aven sp eidolons. But. I need Rin and Gilgamesh + their LC for collection. And the Gilgamesh LC is only free for this patch. 200 pulls, sob, gone. I hope I get them Rin and her LC early so I can pull Aven and Anaxa eidolons at least... :(

[starryuuto]

You cannot be serious. I lifted my phone for a brief moment and it fell on my face. So hard that my teeth pierced my lip, I can literally taste the blood. I'm praying I don't get an ulcer, PLEASE. SOB.

[starryuuto]

The way I flip my phone 360° when I pick it up again after setting it down. I'm laying down too, so I didn't want to accidentally swipe on the screen. So I twist my hand and help my phone sumersault.

[starryuuto]

Idk how many times my ears decided to ring. Should I be concerned? I'm having one right now, it's lasting a lot longer than I expected. The usual is about 5-10 seconds.

It's a minute now.

It's still going. Hm. Maybe I'm just too focused on the silence. Yeah no, that's not it.

At least there's no pulsing. I don't really like those.

[starryuuto]

I should probably stress about the report I haven't started. It was given out a month ago, due in a week. I should be panicking. Others said it was hard. I am panicking, but like, I'm preparing the panic for... The future.

...

Uh. Huh. Hopefully this procrastination can earn me an A like it did last time. Working better under pressure :D totally.

[starryuuto]

How do people stick to one fandom?? I keep finding myself in different fandoms, tho thankfully the same old ones, but they're still a lot. And everytime I get back to one, I just can't control myself and buy merch. But I don't dedicate to a certain fandom so I feel like I'm wasting money even if I love them a lot.

[starryuuto]

WAAAHHG!!! IM SO UPSET. There's a really pretty standee of my oshi but it was ALREADY SOLD. BUT THE SELLER DIDNT PUT THAT INFO IN THE DESC SO I GOT MY HOPES UP. I'M SO SAD RN URHHHH. Plus, my oshi isn't very popular, so I was very surprised seeing it was the third to be sold among 20+! :(

[starryuuto]

I just had a random thought abt ppl who can see the red string. I mean those who see strings endlessly. Like if a couple are apart, the user can just follow it to locate the other partner.

Now. The strings, you can't touch them. But you can see them. So, does the user just... Sometimes see it and subconsciously step over it, or think they'll trip by accident, so they're super careful when they walk, but they just look like a weirdo on the streets?

"I know it doesn't hurt me, but I should still be careful" subconsciousness lol.

Or: *trips over nothing*

*everyone thinking they're just clumsy*

"fuck. I'll never get used to this" *mutters while they stay still, seeing themselves bundled in red strings in the crowd*