for the last decade, tumblr has been more or less of a safe haven for me. it's been a place i can escape from real life, get away from stress and heartache and feel welcome and loved amongst some of the greatest friends i've ever made. most importantly, it's been a source of happiness for me. sadly, i can't say that's the case anymore.
since 2019, being a part of the rpc has done more harm than good for me mentally and emotionally. unfortunately, not everybody can be as friendly and incredible as the friends i've made. i've always tried my best to stay in my lane, be respectful and likeable and i've wanted nothing more than just to make friends and for people to like me. this is something i've always struggled with in my real life. but what i've learned in the last couple of years is that there are always going to be toxic people. there are always going to be bullies. there are always going to be people who make you feel unwanted, or even unsafe on this platform. there are always going to people you just can't please, no matter how 'perfect' or 'likeable' you try to be.
in the time since i've taken a step back from tumblr, i've found some semblance of contentedness again. it's bittersweet, because i love writing, and this is the best place to do it--- but the moment i came back to tumblr after that break? i already felt unwanted and unvalued. i feel like just another blog to people i thought were my best friends at one point or another. i've been questioning lately why the hell i keep coming back if this is how it makes me feel, and i've come to a couple of conclusions:
the first one being, tumblr is the one place i've truly felt like i belong in the last ten years. it's the only way i've known how to be happy. the second reason being, that i don't want to let terrible people drive me out of my happy place. i've been staying to prove a point. neither of these are valid or healthy reasons for me to stay.
and so, i've decided that this is my goodbye to the tumblr rpc. i won't stop writing--- i still have plenty of that in me, and whether or not people still want to write with me is not my choice, but this platform is not a place where i feel comfortable or happy doing so.
for those of you who have made my time on tumblr bright, thank you endlessly. i love you more than you could possibly know, and if you'd like to stay in touch, whether it be to write together or just to chat here and there, it would mean so much to me.
and to those of you who choose to continue making tumblr a toxic and unsafe environment for others due to your own insecurities, i truly and sincerely hope you find happiness in life where you require it.
so thank you all for the memories, the laughter, the tears, and everything in between. you've saved my life more often than you may realize. i love you all beyond the stars. <3