2019 the year I said yes to a lot of things...
This was a year of me saying yes to opportunities, and not just yes to things that made me excited - I said yes to things that made me scared and I said yes to some hard choices. Overall 2019 was a hard year to get through but also one of the greatest in terms of self growth and joy.
A look back:
- I helped found a theatre collective called Whiskey Ginger Collective and I helped produce our first festival; my Western got a staged reading and good feedback! Something I had been wanting to do for years!
-I rode a horse and started to learn to shoot a bow from horseback.
- I left two jobs that made me mentally unwell; I learned that boundaries are healthy and necessary for good health. I had an interview for what I thought was the job of my dreams and never got it... but then started working on contracts that fulfilled me and filled me up that I started to dream in new ways.
-I started several new contracts and continued to work for people that paid me to be creative and valued my contributions, and I am very lucky to have that in my life. I say thank you to the universe daily. I would like to thank Dylan Trowbridge and Eric Woolfe for believing in me even when I didn’t (the picture above is from my summer social media contract that blew my mind I was signed on for) it’s a down right joy to do what I do for money and I know I’m stupid lucky to do it.
-I started to work as a personal support worker part-time and it has been very rewarding on many levels. I had no idea what to expect going into it but I can safely say that I am very lucky to have this opportunity and I’m glad I said yes to something that on paper it looked like I was no good at, when in fact it has been such a wonderful experience. Thank you Zahra for having me as your PSW, and your mom for making it happen.
-I flew, no for real, I did that flying thing in a wind tunnel that spins you around! And I flew to many places by plane too: Disney World and Korea. I built my own lightsaber, and will ring in the new year in Seoul.
-I said yes to supporting my friend in her adventures around the world even though I knew it would be well out of my comfort zone with my anxiety disorder. But somethings are bigger than you, and sometimes you have to say yes even though you don’t know if you can do something... and I sit this typing in Seoul, Korea mere hours from the turn of the decade into 2020 and I’m so glad I said yes to this to be there for her and to be adventurous in ways I have never been before. A gift truly.
-I became an in-class, partial load college Professor and it was much harder than I expected but much more rewarding than I expected too. Investing in strangers who grew to be my students who I mentored felt... amazing! My heart grow a bit larger to accommodate them all and I am excited for all they will do going forward.
-I played openly and geeked out without shame, and will continue to do so. I never feel regret over geeking publically and I usually make authentic friends from doing so. I am thankful for Wayne, Elizabeth, Jay, Nik, Tyler (and all the Mur’s Nerds) and several others I consider my “nerdy-friends” as that’s our touchbase: we share a joy for all things nerd and that brings us together and THAT makes my heart swell.
- I spent more time with family and friends, made it a priority by scheduling time for them and I love it. The fact that my Dad and I have a standing Star Trek date makes me ridiculously happy. When my brother calls me up to hang out my heart jumps. It’s a very lucky thing to boast about.
More: puppets, creation time (writing, acting, photography...), adventures with friends and family (near and far), active thankfulness, feeling grounded in my career(s), and saying yes to more opportunities even when they may seem scary.
Less: self-doubt, worrying about... well everything.
As I stare down what to me is a significant year in my life, it will be the 10th anniversary of my brother Andrew’s death, I would very much like to close a door on grief that weighs me down and move into a more passive grief that seeks to remind me of how much love and joy there is in my life. I want this year to be not of a chapter closing but a whole damn book. I want a new adventure. I want this one to be titled Everything I Took Back.
May your 2020 be full of critical hits, and say yes more.