a stealth dude

19 - he/him - blog for my worries 🔥 - huge hockey nerd (go avs and canadians)

[stealthblog2134]

Intro Post

- My name here is Cale, and i’m a 19 year old stealth trans man

- I am post top surgery and over a year and a half on T

- I made this account to share some of my thoughts regarding me being transgender, and I hope to educate some people on being transgender as well as making posts that are relatable

My interests (Hmu whenever my DMs are open always)

- Hockey, I’m canadian (quebec) and so it’s in my blood

- Languages, (Je parle français et j’apprends le russe et l’allemand) but I am also interested in etymology

- Painting, i’m currently in college with a focus in art

- Eurovision, I grew up watching it with my family and thus have learned to love it

DMs are always open, feel free to ask me things too :)))

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Idk what it is but lately i’ve been feeling so hopeless about my love life. I’ve been on dates, downloaded apps, tried just talking to random people, but I feel like I just won’t even find someone. It’s so bad but I obsess so much over my ex cause he was the only person I ever really had a long relationship with and who cared me. I don’t really miss him, he was boring, but I miss that feeling

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i hate being trans and i can’t WAIT for my top surgery scars to fade. like i was talking about nipple color (don’t ask it’s a long story) with my friend who doesn’t know i’m trans and she asked to see my nips to prove that they’re brown, so i have to pull down my neckline to show one of them. and then she’s like “dude just flip up your shirt” and i had to just laugh it off like i didn’t hear her or something. strange stuff.

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Man does anyone else with BPD just hit a certain hour and then instantly is just unable to trust their emotions cause they go insane and feel everything 100x more deeply or is that just me…

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Anyone else get this unbearable feeling when they look at cis guys playing sports knowing that you could’ve been there if you were born a guy or is that just me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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I feel like people don’t talk about how cluster b disorders, and in my experience BPD, can be so alienating. Like, I’m in college, and I make the mistake of telling someone I have BPD but i’ve come a long way and I haven’t snapped at anyone besides my parents in a long time, and they said they understand and don’t see me any differently. Well, they had like a minor issue with something I did and when talking to me about it to resolve it, they brought two other people as ‘moderators’ for our conversation to work things through to make sure that I ‘didn’t hurt them.’ They also said we had to do it in a public space so I didn’t make their own room feel unsafe. Really fucked me up and made me feel like some sort of monster. I’ve never hurt anyone in my life, why would I hurt someone now?

For reference, ever since going to DBT and doing CBT therapy, i’ve been a lot more in control of my anger and work through issues like it’s nothing. But this? It hurt and just reminded me that no matter how far I come, people will always read me as ‘unstable.’

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Had a weird epiphany last night while drunk lol. I was explaining to my friend that I hate telling people I’m trans cause I’m worried it would change how they see me, and she said that she doubts that it would change how they see me and told me the weirdest metaphor I have ever heard in my life. She said to “Imagine if you told someone you had a micro penis. Like sure, they might have a reaction at first, but they didn’t know your dick size before and just assumed you were average, so why would it change how they think of you now? It’s just going to be something they keep in the back of their mind and occasionally remember that ‘Oh yeah, he has a micropenis,’ but it won’t change anything,” and honestly as stupid as a fucking metaphor it is, it really helped me out.

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Thinking about how I was talking to one of my college friends who is also trans, but he doesn’t make much of an effort to pass, and I originally wrote him off as just someone who has no dysphoria and seems to just be attention seeking, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Turns out this guy basically gave up transitioning after what his doctor, who was transphobic, and his mom said to him and so he just gave up for the most part. He knew I was trans before I decided to go stealth (since we technically met before college,) and he mentioned how it was so nice to see that he CAN just become a “regular dude” because I was living proof of it, and it felt nice to know that I helped him like that.

We also talked about T and surgery and just our overall transition, because I didn’t have it easy when I first came out, and he expressed how grateful he was for the conversation.

Basically just don’t judge a book by its cover guys, if it wasn’t obvious already haha.