One of the lessons i can honestly say i’ve learned throughout the seasons of TVD is to always know your worth.
The tragic downfall of the character of Elena Gilbert is a sad story on this show that many people overlook. She went from being a broken girl who lost her parents, to meeting this man who brought light back into her life. She was the best version of herself, and Stefan brought that out in her. When they were together, it was a literal thing–together. They were a team. He always respected her choices, even if it was something she didn’t agree with he still went along with it because its what she wanted.
Fast forward to S4, and we have the unfortunate story line of the sire bond. Oh, this show tried their best to make us forget about that but they forget we have eyes and remember ALL of that shit. The sire bond was the prime catalyst for Damon and Elena to get together and the start of Elena’s character declining into a not-so-best version of herself.
Now for a brief backstory of her future abuser, Damon Salvatore, all you need to know is that this a man who in S1 terrorized Vicki Donovan, raped and abused Caroline, killed Jeremy on numerous occasions, almost killed Bonnie, abused Andie, and killed Stefan’s best friend, Lexi. Now he’s done other cruel shit but if i tried to list all of them, we’d be here all day. Moving on, Damon wasn’t aware that he’d been linked to Elena basically controlling her so that every demand he made of her she had to follow. He does eventually figure this out, and the logical thing to do when you find out you’ve been controlling someone is to take them out of it but we forget Damon is an asshole so that’s not what he does.
He keeps her in the compulsion, and we see a steady decline again in Elena’s worth and consent as a woman. As the season goes on, the humble parts of her character that I loved about her character in the beginning are starting to fade and a person who has in the past said “i don’t to be a vampire, Stefan”, “I never wanted to be one”, is slowly becoming a person opposite of those feelings but that wasn’t the problem here. It has been told on this show that becoming a vampire isn’t suppose to change who you are, it only heightens the person you were. Clearly something was wrong here, because Elena as a human was compassionate, selfless, brave, and caring. When she became a vampire those traits weren’t heightened. If anything they started to fade and in its place a character who was a different mirror of who Elena use to be.
For the Elena who didn’t overlook the selfish and abusive actions of Damon before, she starts to come up with excuses for his behavior. She even at one point, wants a human life with him to which he tells her “i’m not stefan.” Let’s all remember here again Damon has no problems being an asshole. He has no regrets about the horrible things he’s done. He’s absolutely right, he’s NOT Stefan. Stefan has done horrible shit too but he actually deals with it, and is working to make amends with his past demons. He cares. Damon however doesn’t care. He only cares about something if it benefits HIM. He didn’t care about stealing Elena from his brother, after SE broke up he was gloating about it. He slept with Elena the NEXT episode and at the end of the season felt no guilt about seeing Stefan walk out the door of their house while he celebrated with the love of his little brother’s life.
Over the course of S5-S6, Elena is altogether a different person from the girl we knew in S1. She settled for Damon, she accepted her life for what is was as a vampire. What they had wasn’t love, it was far from it actually. What Delena fans like to reference about them is that they had an all-consuming love. “Consuming” is the key word here because it literally means to destroy or expend by use; use up. Yes, that really sounds romantic doesn’t it? Didn’t think so. An all-consuming love is exactly what Delena had, because it destroyed the foundation of Elena.
She’s completely right. Things changed the minute she went over that bridge, the Elena we knew was gone. Now I know this is long but my point is coming. So now we get to the S8 series finale, and Elena has been asleep for almost 2 seasons now so we see her awake with (thank god) Bonnie also alive and i’ll admit i stopped watching after S6 so i had no idea what had been going on up until this point but i don’t think i missed much. I’m still not over what happened at the end of that episode so i’m just going to say that Stefan as the selfless man that he is sacrifices himself for everyone and in turn tells Elena that Damon is the “better man” and to be happy with him. Elena in turn does live a life with Damon, she dies and goes to be with her family in the afterlife.
First of all fuck this show for making Stefan actually say the words “he’s the better man” about Damon because that was some BS of highest level. There’s simply no comparison to who the better brother is, and we all know that ain’t Damon. Second, realize that Stefan is gone. For all of his flaws, he was a good man, an honest man who just wanted to be happy. He went out heroically, but he didn’t deserve to die. He deserved a long and full life with the love of his life. Not to die for a man who promised him an eternity of misery and took everything good in his life away from him. Damon, the asshole who terrorized almost everyone on this show got the happy ending with the girl he didn’t deserve. This is where the lesson comes in.
Let me already say it, Stefan wasn’t perfect. No one is, but he worked to become a better person. He treated Elena with love and respect and always let her make her own choices no matter if they were together or not, or if he didn’t like it. She called him her best choice. Damon never respected Elena, he treated her a prize to be won, and if her choices weren’t in line with HIS benefit then that was a situation to control. Love isn’t suppose to be cruel, its kind.
My point ladies and gents is to never settle for the wrong person. Be happy with the person who puts a smile on your face every time you look at them. Never settle for someone who makes you question if your becoming a different person. That’s not love, that’s abuse. Know your worth, know that you deserve better.
