and i've got a palette of stardust.

hello, i love you; won't you tell me your name?

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Perhaps, after all, I’m not looking to fall in love. Maybe this tired writer is just looking for someone to speak through her lips, For someone to give her hands purpose.

stellarr.

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“When you fall out of love is it like being sick? Throwing up butterflies, putting petals back on flowers. I wish you didn’t know; tell me you don’t.”

— out of love. stellarr.

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It’s movies and movies and movies. I say dine in and you say take out. You say it’s faster but it always comes at the same time. You get a paper bag and I get a tray with your heart on it, So it seems that you’re killing trees and I’m killing you. Does it hurt to sit across from me? I heard love works in mysterious ways, Just like all of the medication that has different symptoms for different people. Do you like the heart burn? When you look at me and your heart aches and aches But you feel like you’re inching closer and closer to my heart when your chair screeches in? Or is it the dopamine from making me smile and laugh so awfully that everyone stares at us? I can’t quite tell. Two years ago you said all of the love passed. I should believe you, But I don’t think I can. I’d say that I wish it was true, But ultimately I’m a selfish girl. They say we should fall in love, But unfortunately the locksmith didn’t make the right key, And I buried the first one under the oak tree that collapsed with my youth. And so you say your love has moved on, But is that the same as me telling myself that I love you? Sometimes I think we tell ourselves what we want to hear.

they say we’re in love. stellarr. (via stellarr)

[stellarr-blog1]

It’s movies and movies and movies. I say dine in and you say take out. You say it’s faster but it always comes at the same time. You get a paper bag and I get a tray with your heart on it, So it seems that you’re killing trees and I’m killing you. Does it hurt to sit across from me? I heard love works in mysterious ways, Just like all of the medication that has different symptoms for different people. Do you like the heart burn? When you look at me and your heart aches and aches But you feel like you’re inching closer and closer to my heart when your chair screeches in? Or is it the dopamine from making me smile and laugh so awfully that everyone stares at us? I can’t quite tell. Two years ago you said all of the love passed. I should believe you, But I don’t think I can. I'd say that I wish it was true, But ultimately I’m a selfish girl. They say we should fall in love, But unfortunately the locksmith didn’t make the right key, And I buried the first one under the oak tree that collapsed with my youth. And so you say your love has moved on, But is that the same as me telling myself that I love you? Sometimes I think we tell ourselves what we want to hear.

they say we’re in love. stellarr.

[stellarr-blog1]

hello my feelings, it has been so long.

stellarr.

[stellarr-blog1]

I call him old Hollywood, he’s got pretty eyes but he can’t see the truth.  He never gets honor roll,  and he’s half surprised he graduated. Always saying he’s going to quit his job, but he needs the money. So, he cheats death on six flights of stairs; his hands cut two inches deep where it’s peeking white, but he’ll apologize before he lets it sting. He breaks walls instead of bones and is on his third fan, but tomorrow when his mom has more regrets he’ll have a new one. He never leaves town because he doesn’t trust his car. I put flowers where his rearview mirror should be. If I called him handsome he’d say he’s too dumb, so I lose my charm around him. He wants me to fall in love with him; I told him I might.

stellarr.

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You’re the kind of person people write songs about. I’m the kind of person who listens to them.

reasons why we’ll never work. stellarr.

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Like summer, I fall far too easily, but winter comes too fast and the shallow water always freezes over quickly.

stellarr.

[stellarr-blog1]

i. You strike my eyes in some off-kilter way, and I can’t explain it, but I must admit I’m embarrassed by it. You’d say the mirror was never your friend, and, while logic might agree, I’d choke on my heart while my brain tried to speak. ii. There’s labels on every piece of manufactured cotton you own. It gives you some material security while you kickflip over some underlying truths and insecurities. Maybe stranger hearts lie when you cover your name with designer brands, except there aren’t any lies in mine. There’s just a fire you’ll never claim that scared away all the butterflies I never got. iii. I’m seventeen by six months and I’ve never felt so beautiful. I’m drunk off melanin from Spanish islands but even after dipping my toes in volcano springs the thought of you still won’t burn away. I saw you from the clouds, you’re like a speck of dirt in a garden, yet you make it so goddamn beautiful. The flowers make me cry, so once they wilt I keep them on a bookshelf. iv. Two months later and I’m left on read enough that it becomes a constant, but old Hollywood green eyes replies indefinitely. When you’d ask, I’d tell you I’m testing waters, but everyone knows I like to burn my hands and melt my heart like the plastic I always thought it was. Besides, where’s the fun in being loved back?

ever since the bonfire. stellarr.

[stellarr-blog1]

[stellarr-blog1]

I’ve got a million alternate universes in my head, so I sleep because maybe they’ll become more real. Except heartbreakers aren’t so giving like that, and whether it’s swirling cosmos of stars or butterflies, it will always spell out ‘i don’t love you.

say it. say it out loud so i can move on. stellarr.

[stellarr-blog1]

I am the girl you’ve known longer than she’s known herself.

stellarr.

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i'm confused becausei know i can't love.i've tried and triedbut i feel nothingexceptremorse.regretpity.but here you areand here i am,at a moral crossroads;but you don't want this place in my mind,in my heart.and i couldn't tell you why it's you,but it is.and the lack of butterflies when i'm around you is concerning but nice andi don't know why i put myself in this situationbecause i know how it ends.

not that it ever started. stellarr.

[stellarr-blog1]

i haven’t been posting as much poetry lately. it’s because i’ve been writing incomplete poems and some that i’m too scared to share. but i am going out of the country for two weeks. i’ll be in panama. maybe when i come back i’ll have more stories to tell and better words to tell them with.

[stellarr-blog1]

The only remedy for heartbreak is time and eventually’s, But I can’t wait for eventually When the thread of my back is unlacing like a corset Until I’m not even a girl anymore, Just an apology. And I don’t know why I’m the sorry one when You gave me roses just so I could cut myself with the thorns

stellarr. (via stellarr)

[stellarr-blog1]

4.09.17. i feel like i swallowed a garden ( you did this to me ).

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in need of a love potion stat.