MARTY: A BIRTH STORY, PART 2
My due date for Marty was January 16th. Harper was born 12 days early and really set my expectation for all my babies being that early, or earlier! Leo was only 5 days early and as Marty’s due date got closer I found myself getting more grumpy and antsy. I told myself I was just going to be patient and chill this time around (I had felt pretty annoyed when Leo wasn’t as early as I was planning) but I totally wasn’t. Once I got my Christmas decorations put away and the last few little things checked off my nesting list, I started feeling impatient. I felt like a jerk complaining, especially because several good friends of mine had gone well past their due dates in the previous months. But… that last stretch of pregnancy is brutal and I was definitely feeling it! Exhausted, uncomfortable, impatient, heavy, achy…
A few weeks before he was born, I started feeling like things were brewing. Most evenings I would have some contractions here and there, but nothing productive. I went on countless walks up and down the hills in our neighborhood in the cool dark evenings. Each night I would think that maybe this was the night, but the next morning I’d wake up, still pregnant. It did help me keep the house in great shape as I would get everything in order before bed, just in case!
Finally, on Monday the 12th I started feeling different. My contractions had the familiar edge of labor to them that I had been waiting for. McKay and I got the kids to bed and settled down with snacks and TV. I did little things around the house, hoping to move things along, but was disappointed as the clock neared midnight and everything had died down. Exhausted and bothered, I went to bed. The next morning McKay reminded me that my previous two labors had both started in the middle of the night. “Your body is probably over-tired,” he suggested. He encouraged me to get to bed early rather than stay up super late trying to bring on labor. Wise words. That night I went to bed around 9. I wasn’t feeling the cranky impatience of the previous days and I just sort of knew that the baby was on its way.
At 1:48am I woke up to what I thought was my water breaking. I heaved myself out of bed for the bathroom and felt like I peed a river in the dozen steps it took to get there. No doubt about it! I snagged a towel and awkwardly stuffed it between my legs as I hobbled back to my room, dragging another towel along the floor with my feet as I went, because I hate wet floors. I woke McKay up, who had fallen asleep on the couch watching TV. “My water just broke!” I announced, proudly. He jumped up and we inflated the little bathtub I had gotten to use during labor. I took a shower. We texted Kara to put her on alert. We got some snacks and turned on Jim Gaffigan. But then we got really sleepy and went back to bed for a bit. I didn’t sleep, but I timed my contractions which were about 6-7 minutes apart at that point. Every now and then they would get a bit painful, but nothing serious.
Around 6:30am Harper and Leo got up and bounded into our room, as usual. We told them the exciting news that today would be the day! Harper had called it the night before and was quite proud of herself. We quickly got them dressed and gave them bags of peanut butter puffs to eat in the car while McKay drove them over to our good friends’ place for the day. While he was out I filled up the tub and turned on some Ella Fitzgerald. Side note: the little tub we got fit nicely inside our long shower, but I had discovered during a few test-runs that when it was full of water it lay flush against the shower drain and made it impossible for any water to get down. It didn’t take long to fill up the shallow little shower and overflow all over the bathroom floor. So, we had the idea to stick some PVC pipes underneath the little tub to create a bit of space for the water to drain. I hadn’t gotten to that little errand yet, so on his way back from dropping the kids off he stopped by the hardware store down the street. I felt like he was taking forever, but was happy to see him back with pipes in hand! With the tub functioning properly, and McKay back home, I was ready to get this labor going.
Kara checked in with me a little before 9, at which point my contractions were getting stronger, but were still anywhere from 3-12 minutes apart. She suggested going for a walk, if I felt up for it, which would likely get things moving. So McKay and I set out for a stroll in our neighborhood. During that 30-minute walk I recorded about 15 contractions, most of which I had to stop and give my attention to. I had definitely moved into active labor. As soon as we got home I went back to my candle-lit, steamy bathtub sanctuary. We let Kara know that things were picking up and she and Michelle arrived around 10:30. From my memories of my labor with Leo (which may or may not have been perfectly accurate after 2.5 years), I was feeling like we should be getting closer to the end. I asked Kara to check me, which I really had no intention of even doing, because it’s one of my least favorite parts of the whole process, and midwives are rad and let you make your own rules. But, labor has a way of wearing you down… and I wanted some context. When she said I was at about a 6 (not the 9 I was crossing my fingers for) I had to kind of rally myself and mentally prepare for more. This labor was definitely feeling harder than my labor with Leo (which, interestingly, I had dreamed would be the case several weeks earlier. Also, in hindsight, I think it was more painful because my water broke first with Marty and stayed intact all the way until the end with Leo. Maybe?).
Michelle and Kara came with a whole bag of tricks for getting through labor. One of my favorites was the rebozo- a long strip of fabric that they tied around my belly to offer more support. I took quite a few contractions leaning on Michelle, rebozo tied around my belly and McKay and Kara pushing in on my hips from either side. Love me some counter pressure.
For the next little bit I changed things up and tried to get comfortable as I headed into transition. I laid on the bed, rearranged pillows, wrapped up in blankets, took off all my clothes...
Kara cranked the heat to offer Marty a nice warm environment to be born into but I got super hot so we turned it back down. Then I got back in the bath. A big contraction rolled in as I was on all-fours with nice hot water from the shower pouring on me. “McKay, NOW! I need pressure!” I ordered. Not missing a beat, but a little caught off guard, he hopped into the shower fully clothed and tried to get a good angle on me. Not good enough. Out of the bath and back to the bed. Things were really cooking along and I didn’t have much time between contractions to relax. I was in that zone where I couldn’t really think anymore. I remember Kara asking me something; I think a question about if something was helping or was comfortable, but all I could say was “I don’t know.”
The last hour or two was me on my bed, burying my face in some pillows with each contraction while McKay (still in wet clothes) and Kara pushed on my hips and back and cheered me on (and Michelle snapped some priceless photos of the whole thing). I think I did a pretty good job directing them as to what I needed them to do (for example: “harder, McKay. MORE!”). It’s kind of weird, as I think back on it, I remember feeling both like my brain was in a different place (as mentioned above) yet also like I was totally present and aware of each minute. The moments of rest that we did have between contractions we chatted and joked and my team made me feel like a rock star.
we DO, in fact, have a giant picture of ourselves above our bed
Soon enough, it was time for me to start pushing. This time around, the pushing phase was also much different than it was with Leo. The urge to bear down and push came on more gradually, and I felt like I had more control. With Leo, it totally caught me by surprise and slammed into me. I literally yelled out “URGE TO PUSH!” and about 10 crazy minutes later he was born. I felt so out of control with Leo- like I had been caught in a really strong undertow which resulted in him rocketing out and me tearing a lot- that I was really hoping I could feel a bit more conscious and in control with Marty. And I really was. It was really intense and hard, but it only lasted about 30 minutes. I remember thinking in between each push that we were almost there, and it couldn’t be much longer. I also remember thinking how I couldn’t imagine pushing for hours and hours like some people do. Still can’t imagine that.
As he descended more I was able to reach inside and feel his head, which I hadn’t done with my other two. I was surprised at how soft and squishy it felt! I almost didn’t believe it was touching him. A few contractions later, as his head was coming through that delightful “ring of fire” they told me to stop and wait a minute. I got my wish to feel more in control, but man! That memory is burned - literally - into my brain. As his head finally emerged Kara noticed that his cord was wrapped around his neck a couple times so that had slowed him down a bit on the descent. She was perfectly calm and walked me through when to push and when to slow down as she did a bit of fancy somersaulting to unwind him as he came out. Unfettered by his cord, the rest of his body slipped out and I felt that rush of relief that comes with having that tiny human out of your body! The time was 1:13 pm (or, even cooler, 13:13).
I turned over to my back as McKay and I both saw that we had a baby boy. We immediately lifted him to my chest and basked in the relief and excitement of having him here!
McKay was the best right-hand-man and was so excited that we got to use our boy name: Marty!
He had big lips and a decent amount of dark hair. He didn’t take long to pink up and start breathing. He must have cried, but my memories of those first few minutes and hours together are ones of total calm and peace. We were snuggled up in our own bed together. Marty was perfect and healthy and BIG. I delivered the placenta shortly after, while Michelle gave me little herbs under my tongue to help with the whole post-birth process. Kara and Michelle went about tidying things up while we just enjoyed our baby. They brought us some leftover mac and cheese and ginger beer from the fridge. After a couple hours of just being, I was helped up and to the bathroom. My organs felt like they had taken a beating from all that counter pressure I was yelling for! I got cleaned up, we took off the top throw-away sheet and drop cloth from the bed and had our nice clean sheets waiting for us underneath. I had a tiny tear and got a few stitches as we chatted and joked together (the jokes happened after the Lidocaine kicked in). One of our best friends arrived with her camera and took some beautiful pictures. Marty’s newborn exam was sweet and gentle. It’s honestly one of my favorite memories of that day. He was so alert and calm for it. I think the pictures tell the story best.
Kara clamping the cord
and McKay cutting it
tied off with a cute little ribbon
20.5 inches, just like Harper and Leo
9 pounds, 10 ounces!
Around 4ish, with everything in order and stable, we got hugs and kisses from Kara as she quietly left and said she’d see us again tomorrow. The kids came back home around 5 and our friends brought us burgers for dinner. It was such a joy introducing the kids to their new brother, getting some fun pictures together and then putting everyone to bed in their own beds and sleeping all night with no interruptions. No 2am monitoring. No uncomfortable hospital bed. No waiting for the go-ahead to go home. My mom arrived the next day and took over the cooking, cleaning and grandmothering.
Harper is such a goofball in pictures these days
my family of five
I’ve said it before, but I think the real magic of a home birth begins the second the baby is out of your body. Being at home with McKay in our own bed and getting five in-home postpartum visits was incredible. Having not only the physical check-ins to make sure my body was adjusting properly, but also the emotional support was huge. I truly looked forward to having Kara come by and check up on us and tell me how incredible I was and how beautiful Marty was (who wouldn’t like that?!). I always felt empowered and loved at each visit. It felt like I had discovered a fantastic little secret that I wanted to tell everyone about. It was kind of a sad day when we had our last visit. Building a trusting relationship throughout my prenatal care, and then going through something so intimate and personal was a really binding experience. And of course, I can’t say enough good about McKay’s invaluable support and love during this whole process. I’m a big fan of my people.
Now, over three months later, I still love thinking and talking about Marty’s birth. My healing was the best of all three births. My memories of the pain have dimmed a bit - no doubt nature’s way of perpetuating the human race - and I love that we had the experience we were hoping for. I’m really grateful that my body worked for me. I know there are plenty of people who do everything right and things end up going wrong, or differently than planned. Giving birth is such an emotional and personal process, and there can be so much pressure and guilt from society to do things a certain way, or have a certain type of birth experience. After having done it three times in three very different ways, I’m a believer that there are lots of right ways to have a baby. I just feel so thankful that I’ve been blessed with three healthy children and three happy birth experiences.
Marty Kenneth Thomas // Jan. 14, 2015 // 13:13 // 9 lbs. 10 oz. // 20.5 inches
Born at home in San Francisco
