Attention Seeking & Manipulation
Fun fact: If I had a dollar - no, even just a nickel - for every time I heard a client refer to themselves as attention seeking or manipulative, I could take an amazing vacation!
My specialty is working with clients who have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder is a disorder of dysregulation - meaning, emotions are all over the place and often extreme. Relationships can be chaotic. Behaviors can be impulsive, such as self-harm, drug use, or risky sexual behaviors.
People with BPD, just like those who do not have BPD, are doing the best they can with the tools in their arsenal. Unfortunately, sometimes the tools don’t work. Either the wrong tools are used, or they’re used incorrectly. When this happens, people with BPD can exhibit behaviors that others might think of as attention seeking or manipulative.
“I Hate you - Don’t leave me!” is not only a great book, but also a very succinct and accurate phrase to describe what can sometimes go on in the mind of a person with BPD. Life is painful, and is sometimes described as being in hell. You try spending 24 hours in hell, and tell me how effective your skills are!
The bottom line is this - people who struggle with BPD are not attention-seeking and manipulative by nature. Most of the time, it’s the disorder that makes it look that way. Viewing those people through that framework can be invalidating at best, and damaging at worst.
Next time you encounter someone, and you notice the urge to describe them that way, try this instead: “Wow, they are really going through something difficult right now, but I know they’re trying the best they can!” That is much more validating and can lead to a better understanding of what living with BPD is like.
Link for the above mentioned book: http://a.co/2l8rWAd