Hello! I've gotten a lot more traction here lately so I thought it best to create some kind of system for people to find content on my page and have a little introduction to me.
First off, hi!!! I'm B and sadly my steddie brainrot is terminal.
My Ships:
Steddie
Ronance
Jargyle
I have other but these are my mains
FAQ's
What Do I Write?
Anything for my ships (headcanons, ficlets, fics, drabbles)
No smut (on here, find my filth on @eddiesnipple) Although this is still a 16+ blog. So be mindful.
Random thoughts about Stranger Things
Can I Submit a Prompt/Headcanon?
YES! My ask box is always open for prompts, headcanons, thoughts, and just saying hi!
@stevesbipanic B HAPPY VALENTINES!!! Tis I! Your secret admirer!!! I loved this prompt and I had so much fun with it thank you so much and I hope you love it!!! Special thanks to @thefreakandthehair and @hairstevington for listening to be a little feral and insane about the first thing I'm writing in a very long time
Read on AO3 instead
If there was one place Eddie never expected to end up at on Valentine’s Day, it was the mall.
When Steve had asked to ‘take point’ this year, Eddie had imagined a day at the lake, maybe a secret picnic, perhaps even a scenic road trip. Something that was their style. A tucked away moment, quiet and held close, so it belonged to just the two of them.
There was no way the mall - the epicenter of American greed and capitalistic cannibalism - would have that.
“I can’t believe I found this parking spot!” Steve crowed, tossing Eddie a winning smile as he threw the car into park and grabbed his phone from where it was charging, “Wasn’t that lucky?”
“Sure, Stevie,” Eddie agreed, trying to hide his disdain, but definitely failing given the way Steve’s smile dipped. The mall loomed over them, blocking out the sun with its oppressively boxy architecture, and Eddie couldn’t help his own glow starting to dim.
The day had started so promisingly. Steve had woken up early and slipped out of bed without Eddie realizing, coming home with ludicrously over decorated heart shaped donuts and coffee from their favorite bakery. They had traded lazy sugar-filled kisses, cuddling and watching Labyrinth.
Hell, Steve had even managed to almost hide how much he disliked the movie, commenting on David Bowie’s ass and conveniently ignoring the plot and puppets. He hadn’t even texted Robin all morning!
And now…well now they were at the mall.
“Are we going to a movie or something? We could’ve just gone to The Hawk. You know IMAX movies give me headaches.” Eddie said as they exited the beemer. Steve came around the front, grabbing Eddie’s hand and squeezing it twice - their signal for needing the other person to listen.
“Trust me?” Steve offered, chewing on the inside of his lip and giving Eddie the big puppy dog eyes he could never resist. Eddie groaned, grumbling softly to himself as he lifted their joined hands up to his lips.
“Always,” he whispered back, sealing the promise with a kiss.
As much as Eddie hated to admit it, the mall actually wasn’t as bad as he had imagined. His brain had conjured up tortuous images of packs of useless husbands trolling around for a cheap gift to pawn off on their wives, or hordes of angsty teens lamenting not having someone to share the holiday with.
But at almost four in the afternoon it was sleepy, practically dead. And besides, it was hard to look around when Steve was dragging him forward with a single-minded determination. All Eddie could do was try and keep up, shooting glances at his boyfriend to try and catch his eye, wondering why Steve was suddenly loath to meet his gaze.
Then they were stopping short, Eddie stumbling and nearly tripping as Steve let go of his hand out of nowhere. He righted himself, about to tell Steve off for acting so weird, when he looked up and was struck speechless.
“You mentioned that you always wanted to go here, but that Wayne never had the money for it,” Steve mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck and leaning out of Eddie’s space as he continued to avoid eye contact.
Eddie had told him that, but just once. Only once. He could remember the exact moment. The two of them in the kitchen of their apartment right after the move, unpacking mugs as Eddie told the story of each one and placed it with care on the shelf. It was the last mug, the final story of that night.
“My dad promised me he would take me to Build-a-Bear for my fifth birthday. And my sixth. And my seventh. By my eighth, I stopped answering when he asked me what I wanted, ‘cause I knew it didn’t matter. By ten I was already living with Wayne, and I didn’t even want to ask him, I knew we couldn’t afford it. Wayne found out anyway, because he’s Wayne, and so he got me this mug for my eleventh birthday, and told me it was an IOU. I don’t even know why I wanted to go to build-a-bear so badly, I just got it in my head that having my own bear would be special. Something that was mine, and always would be, you know?”
And now here Eddie was, standing in front of an ostentatiously yellow store with his heart settled neatly in his throat.
“I know it’s kind of silly now, because we’re almost thirty. You might not even care anymore, but I thought maybe it would be a nice Valentine’s Day gift? We could build you a bear, and then you would have him forever and always,” Steve explained, his thoughtfulness continuing to choke Eddie to death.
Eddie didn’t believe in God, but it was hard to believe there wasn’t something looking out for him. Something had to have given him Steve. There was no way this wonderful, beautiful man just landed in his lap.
“I’m sorry I-” Steve began, obviously misinterpreting Eddie’s silence.
“I love it,” Eddie said, cutting off the apology before it could truly begin.
He couldn’t let Steve doubt this, not even for a single second. Eddie cleared his throat roughly, blindly reaching out and latching onto Steve’s wrist, pulling his boyfriend close and wrapping him in the tightest hug possible as he continued to ramble.
“I do, I love it and I- thank you, Stevie. You’re so- you’re just- thank you, thank you, thank you,”
“Easy, Eds,” Steve murmured, the tips of his ears turning pink as he pressed their cheeks together and gave Eddie a parting squeeze. Eddie let him pull away, but didn’t let him go, interlocking their fingers as he began to bounce in place.
“We’re going to Build-a-Bear!” Eddie giggled, his joy beginning to spill all over the place.
Steve nodded, smiling just as brightly as Eddie. But, when Eddie went to pull him forward, Steve held fast, keeping them both in place.
“There’s just one rule. I don’t want you to look at prices at all. You get whatever you want, however you want it. Got it?” Steve said with a mock stern look. Eddie opened his mouth to agree, then hesitated.
It wasn’t like they were destitute. Between Steve’s job as a sub and Eddie’s work at the garage, they were making good money. But with rent, Steve's tuition, and the regular expenses, they didn’t exactly have a lot of cash to blow on fulfilling a childhood dream.
“I’ve been saving for this, baby. Been doing extra tutoring on the nights you were with the guys playing dungeons and dorks,” Steve admitted, a pretty blush sitting high on his cheeks. Eddie’s heart clenched up again, and he couldn’t resist dragging Steve into a chaste but forceful kiss.
“You’re the most amazing partner, you know that, right?” Eddie whispered against his lips. Steve ducked his head, pulling away and squeezing Eddie’s fingers silently as they walked into the store.
The store was almost empty, even quieter than the mall itself. A couple of parents were watching their daughters giggle over clothes for their new stuffed animals, and a young couple was chatting by the little clawfoot bathtubs in the back, but other than that it was just the two of them. There was some bubblegum pop playing in the background, the kind of thing Steve liked to listen to when he made dinner at night. The sound of it settled Eddie instead of setting his teeth on edge, and he couldn’t help leaning against Steve as they approached the bins of unstuffed bears.
“Go on, pick your new friend,” Steve said, nudging Eddie forward and taking a step back to watch.
It was easy to eliminate some choices off the bat. Eddie took away anything that was themed for Valentines, or promotional, and he pretty quickly decided against anything that wasn’t a traditional bear. Normally he would’ve loved the contrarian energy of building a dragon or a unicorn, but he wasn’t just making this for right now. This was also for the little Eddie that had dreamt of having that perfect plush bear to snuggle with at night.
But the problem was, he had never really imagined what the bear looked like.
“Help me?” Eddie whined, turning back to Steve who shook his head fondly but walked forward anyway. Steve perused the options for a second before reaching into a bin and pulling out a charcoal black bear with brown eyes.
“What about this one? If you give him a battle vest and a band tee he would be a mini-you,” Steve offered, holding the bear out. Eddie took it, letting his fingers run over the fur and imagining the bear properly stuffed and dressed.
It was perfect.
They walked past the bear bins, up to a stand with plastic cases and the words “HEAR ME” above it in bright red letters.
“Okay, one more rule for today. Cover your ears and turn around,” Steve ordered, putting his hands on his hips and giving Eddie a no-nonsense look. Eddie raised a brow, briefly considering putting up a fight, just for the heck of it.
But there was something in Steve’s face, a glint in his eyes that just bordered on the edge of panic and a crook in his smile that made it sit not quite straight on his face. Whatever he was doing, it was probably something big.
So, instead of being a gremlin, Eddie remained obedient, turning on his heel and cupping his ears, humming one of the band’s latest creations for good measure. He managed to get all the way through the first two choruses and up to the bridge before he felt a soft hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes.
“Time for the best part,” Steve said in a soft sing-song tone, pushing Eddie towards the machine filled with stuffing where an employee was patiently waiting for them.
“Hi there, guys!” She said with a bright grin, “My name is Rosie, and I’m here to help you bring your friend to life.”
Steve, being the amazing boyfriend he was, somehow sensed Eddie’s hesitancy, speaking for both of them as they got closer. “I’m Steve, and that’s Eddie. It’s his first time here.”
“That’s so great! Okay so I am going to stuff your new friend exactly how you’d like him, then you’re going to pick a heart out of this box and follow all my instructions,” she explained in a patient but authoritative tone that reminded Eddie so much of Nancy he almost laughed out loud. He willingly handed over the bear, watching as she lined him up with the machine.
“Firm or soft?”
“Soft,” Eddie answered automatically, going with his gut.
Rosie nodded and went through the process of stuffing the bear, methodically filling up each paw and giving them a good squeeze before handing the bear to Eddie for a quick check.
“Before we do the heart ceremony, do you want to add a smell to your bear? We have some of our scents here, and I can go to the back and get you any one off this list if you want.” She offered as Eddie held his bear close.
“Remember our rule,” Steve whispered loudly in his ear, and Eddie rolled his eyes, his heart almost filled to the bursting. He pointed out a lemon scent on the list and they watched Rosie leave to grab it.
“Why lemon?” Steve asked, cocking his head to one side.
“Reminds me of how the house smells on Sundays,” Eddie replied. “All your favorite cleaning products smell like lemons, and all you drink from May to September is lemonade.”
“It’s a refreshing smell,” Steve grumbled, not a trace of heat in his tone. Eddie chuckled and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“Whatever you say, Lemon Boy,” he managed to get out just as Rosie returned, a yellow bear paw held in her hand.
“Now while I put this in and add some final touches, you choose your heart and then we will do the heart ceremony.” She instructed.
Eddie peered into the box, his eyes immediately locking onto a plaid heart. He plucked it out, showing it to Steve who couldn’t resist laughing. It was the exact same pattern as the god-awful wallpaper he had in his room when they first started dating, and, without words, they both knew what they were thinking about.
“Okay, are you ready?”
Eddie nodded, bouncing on the balls of his feet as Rosie stood in front of them and held out her hands.
“So you’re going to hold the heart just like this,” she demonstrated, cupping her hands and beginning to rub her palms together, “and you’re going to make the heart all nice and warm and toasty for your new buddy over there!”
Eddie followed her directions to the letter as she had him flip the heart and tap three times (“To wake up his heart and get it beating!”) and lifted the heart up to the sky and waved it back and forth to give his bear very high hopes. He even turned in a circle, delighting in listening to Steve laugh at his antics.
This was the exact kind of thing Eddie loved to do most - put on a show and lose himself in being a little silly.
“Now, rub the heart down your back, that way your buddy always has your back. Rub it down your side, so they stay by your side forever and always. Rub it across your cheeks, so your buddy is always smiling each and every day, and hold the heart to your chest to make a nice big wish!”
Eddie paused for a second, closing his eyes and taking a second to think. He had lots of wishes. He wished his van would hold out for just one more paycheck, that the kids would enjoy the campaign he put together for them. He wanted Wayne to stay healthy, for Steve to pass his classes, for someone, anyone, to find the band and give them their big shot.
But there was one wish that was more important than the rest.
“The last thing is giving it a nice big kiss, so your buddy is always full of love.” Rosie said with a flourish.
Eddie was about to lift the heart to his lips when he paused, turning to Steve and holding it out. Steve’s lip curled in a small, indulgent, smile, and he leaned forward, pressing a long kiss right in the middle of the fabric heart. The edge of his lip touched Eddie’s thumb, sending a shiver down his spine.
From there the process moved quickly. Rosie sewed up his bear with deadly efficiency, and Eddie and Steve tag teamed the wall of outfits to find the perfect battle vest for Eddie’s bear. Before he knew it, Eddie was sat at a tiny little computer with his bear in his lap and Steve’s chin hooked over his shoulder, both of them staring down at the blank bear birth certificate.
“I don’t know what to name him,” Eddie moaned, leaning back against Steve, who appeared to be deep in thought.
“Beddie.”
“Beddie?” Eddie repeated incredulously, turning to look at Steve properly.
“Bear Eddie,” Steve shrugged, as if that made any sense at all. “He does look just like you.”
Eddie snorted, leaning forward and typing out the name, then hesitating and typing some more.
“What do you think?” he asked, trying to hide the sudden nerves that were lighting up his veins. The last name wasn’t a huge risk to take, but it meant something, something far more than either of them were willing to admit just yet.
“Perfect,” Steve said with a kiss pressed to Eddie’s cheek.
And that was how Beddie Bearington ended up nestled between Eddie and Steve that night as they lounged on the couch. Steve had fallen asleep two episodes deep into their Survivor binge, and Eddie was content to stay exactly where he was for at least a few more hours. He dipped his head down, pressing his face to the center of the bear’s chest and smelling the candied lemon scent that permeated through the fur. As he continued to cuddle his bear, Eddie felt something hard and square in the left paw. He pulled back, perplexed by the sudden change, carefully feeling around the object and wondering what it might be.
With a jolt, Eddie finally put together Steve’s behavior from before. He had somehow hidden a sound box inside Eddie’s bear, that was the secret Steve hadn’t let him hear before. Eddie slapped his forehead with a palm, unable to believe he could’ve missed something so obvious. The boys would’ve had words to say about their DM being so unobservant.
Eddie took a cursory look down to make sure Steve was still asleep, and then pressed it, putting the bear's paw up to his ear. He had expected a song, or even some funny sound.
Nothing could have prepared him for the soft tone of Steve’s voice, fulfilling the secret wish he had put into his bear’s heart.
“Hi Eddie, it’s me, your boyfriend, Steve. I want you to know that you are the funniest, sweetest, most creative person I know, and I’m so happy that I get to love you…because I do. I love you, Eddie.”
“It’s true,” a voice whispered from below. Eddie moved the bear and there was Steve, staring up at him. “Sorry I couldn’t say it before.”
“I love you too,” Eddie whispered, almost in awe that he could finally say it and hear it back.
He could hear it whenever he wanted. Eddie pressed the button on the box again just because he could. Steve’s words filled the air as Eddie nestled Beddie into the couch and dipped his head down, hair falling in a curtain around them as they shared another kiss.
Steve was settling in for another cold winter, everyone was out of Hawkins visiting family for the holidays. He laid in bed watching the snow fall softly out his window clutching the denim vest. A single red bulb, glowing brighter than the rest, and then. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. SOS. The Christmas lights wanted to bring another lost boy home.
Boy for All Seasons
What started as a joke to take down Emporer Steve, in effect murdering Eddie's crush on him becomes an effort to make the King blush through all holiday seasons.
aka
A story whose plot grew from an Ides of March crack fic.
Under the Tree
“Um, I got you something.” / “You got me something?”
Please Please Please, Let Me Get What I Want – The Smiths
Terrible Things – Mayday Parade
Careless Whisper – George Micheal
The Night We Met – Lord Huron
Teary Tuesday 🥺
"Who did this?"
"Please, stay?"
"I didn't know where else to go."
"I thought we agreed it was over."
Wordy Wednesday ⌨️
Moonlight
Lake
Please
Tomorrow
Trope Thursday 🎭
Second Chance
Miscommunication
Childhood
Missing Scene
Future
Freaky Friday 🦇
Ghosts
Upside Down
Halloween
Skull Rock
Vampire
Speaking Saturday 🗣️
"The sunset looks lovely, don't you think?"
“Where were you?”
"Keep breathing, please."
"Go, see if I care."
"I'm not going to beg you to love me."
Sobbing Sunday 😭
Angst with a Happy Ending
Temporary Character Death
Right Person, Wrong Time
Soulmates
Can't believe we're less than a month until the beginning of this event! This is the first event I've ever run and I'm so excited!! Stay tuned for the event rules post for extra details! In the meantime, I hope the prompts get those writing worms flowing!
Thank you for being a part of Steddie Angsty August! It's truly been amazing to see so many fics here on Tumblr and Ao3 and how everyone took different takes on the prompts. Whether you completed one prompt or all 31 thank you! I hope to do this again next year but it's been amazing to see such a response to my first ever event! Please enjoy all the amazing fics from all our prompts of the past month and show them and their authors some love.
@steddieangstyaugust Day 31: "I'm not going to beg you to love me."
It's not the first time Eddie's been in love, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
He made the mistake of telling a boy once when he was younger, his nose is still a little crooked because of it. It doesn't stop him falling for the beautiful person that Steve Harrington has become.
He won't tell him though, wouldn't risk the friendship he cherishes so dearly over something so silly like the way his heart beats out of his chest when Steve just smiles at him. Steve is straight, he loves girls with soft cheeks and long lashes. Eddie is sharp and jagged compared to them, Steve could never want him.
It doesn't stop him dreaming though. He lets himself think how nice it would be if Steve shared his bed every night and not just when they've smoked too much weed. Tells himself it doesn't mean anything when Steve comes to every show, he's just being a good friend. Jokes around when Steve throws back the same amount of flirting, Steve is just affectionate.
He never expected Steve to kiss him.
For a moment he kissed back, too lost in the feeling to realise this wasn't a dream this was real and it would break his heart.
So he forces himself to push Steve away.
"Wait, Steve, stop."
There's a cute scrunch between Steve's eyebrows, "I'm sorry I should've asked first, did you not want me to kiss you, I just thought..."
Doesn't Steve understand, "No, Steve you don't want this, you can't want this, you're confused."
The confusion on Steve's face morphs into anger, "Confused? I'm not confused Eddie, I care about you, I like you, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you!"
Eddie gets up from the couch, "No, you don't, you like girls, Steve, you love girls, you don't love me, this was a mistake."
Steve pinches his nose, a habit Eddie knows means Steve is trying not to cry, "I'm not going to beg you to love me." Steve moves towards the door grabbing his shoes and jacket. "You know I thought you were different, Robin let me believe you were different, that you weren't Nancy, that you weren't my parents. I thought you cared about me, that you loved me too. But I'm not going to stay and be told what my heart is or isn't feeling, Eddie."
Eddie thinks he can pinpoint the exact moment he realises how bad he fucked up, somewhere between different and loved he realises how mistake sounds just like bullshit.
It's too late though, Steve's car is already gone, and this is why he doesn't fall in love, no matter what he does he always fucks it up. He just hopes he can get Steve to forgive him before Robin breaks his nose again.
He had once, centuries ago. He'd loved a boy bathed in sunlight. Who's simple smile improved his day. Someone who completed him. His name doesn't even exist anymore, a language lost to history.
Time fades all wounds except the loss of love. They had plans to grow old together, to always keep their home full of love. That was all ruined when Eddie had gotten attacked in the woods one night.
A week of fever, his lover not knowing what to do except try and keep him drinking water and breathing. When Eddie had gone cold he'd called for the village's healer, that had been a mistake.
The healer took one look at Eddie's cold pale figure and screamed, "Vampire!" Before Eddie's lover could do anything their home was overrun with scared, angry people. Eddie barely had any strength to fight them off, his lover standing between him and the blade.
His lover's body laid dead and still in their once blessed home while people who they called their friends burnt it to the ground. Eddie could only watch on, too weak to save his love or his home.
He hid in the woods, taking shelter in an old home that would one day stand tall and strong deep in the woods. He watched and listened as the world changed around him, only thinking about his lover. Cursed to live forever without him.
The town called itself Hawkins these days, Eddie would sometimes brave a chance into town late at night, he enjoyed the music and stories of the world even if those same stories had led to his love's demise. He'd recently discovered movies, enjoying the moving pictures and sounds, his love would've called it magic.
He was sneaking into the store that held many movies late one night, the lights were all out, the room only bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight. Suddenly the room was flooded with bright yellow lights, Eddie hissed turning around hearing a noise by the door.
"Hey what're you doing in here! The store is closed dude!"
Eddie stopped in his tracks, could it really be? Eddie moved swiftly to the man at the door, soft tan skin, wavy brown hair, one two, yes three moles, just like how he remembers.
The man looked at Eddie confused at his closeness. "Are you ok?" He asked but didn't move away, if anything he seemed to lean closer to Eddie.
"You're as beautiful as the day I lost you, my love."
"Do I know you?"
"You will," Eddie said and he learnt forward kissing the lips he'd dreamt about for a lifetime.
The man gasped, eyes becoming clearer in recognition. Eddie smiled, "Hello, Steve."
He can feel it, how his body is getting colder, how the world feels quieter. He's not in much pain anymore, that's how he knows he's dying. Dustin is crying but he can't really hear him much anymore.
With every blink he sees his past. Can see the first time he sang with his mother in the living room, how he misses her so. He's glad his mind doesn't remind him of any memories with his dad.
Another blink and there's Wayne, teaching him guitar, it's the first time he felt at home since his mother died. He hopes someone tells Wayne, that he's not left wondering why Eddie ran, he hopes Wayne forgives him.
Another blink and there's his boys up on stage at the talent show, Chrissy is in the audience, he remembers now. Another blink and they're at the Hideout, less of a crowd but no less fun.
The blinks are slower now, he's slipping away, he can feel it. Hellfire, school, the kids, the band, Nancy, Robin...Steve. One date, that's all they got, they were meant to have more this Spring Break.
There are no more memories but the images keep coming. He sees himself taking Steve for a drive up to Indy. They dance in a club Eddie found last summer, he's kissing him, oh how he wishes they had more time.
He sees himself graduate, flipping off Principal Higgins, everyone is there to cheer him on. He watches Steve pack up their bedroom, they're moving, following Robin to college.
He sees soft mornings and late nights and tears and smiles and love.
He wishes they had more time, he wishes they got that future.
Oh, there's Steve, sweet, sweet, Steve. He's crying, don't cry. Eddie can barely keep his eyes open now, Steve sounds so far away.
Blink...
Blink..
Blink.
The next time he opens his eyes Steve's still there smiling, maybe there's a chance for that future after all.
I understand that you were writing for angst august but can you still give a warning for major character death? That's a pretty big trigger to not warn ppl about
MCD is not something I will always tag if it's the canon death of Eddie in my Angsty August posts, I do try to for Steve deaths or if Eddie dies for a non canon reason such as illness. It's an angst event and canonical death is something most readers can assume I will be writing into some of the prompts. However if I haven't tagged an MCD on a post without Eddie's canon death, feel free to let me know and I can review it.
Maybe he will dream of the first time he met Eddie, dressed in his sailor attire on his first day of work. He'd felt so stupid in it until Eddie told him blue was his colour, Eddie kept coming back after that.
He might dream about how over summer Eddie would drive them out to the quarry to smoke their worries away. It was easy to blame laying close together on the night air and the weed.
He hopes he dreams about the first time he kissed Eddie, Starcourt wounds still aching but his split lip now healed. A dream about how Eddie wouldn't let Steve out of his sight when he showed up on his doorstep battered and bruised.
The pillow smells like Eddie so maybe he'll dream about all the nights he's spent in Eddie's arms, it's been forever since he's even slept in his own bedroom. The trailer feels more like home anyway.
Wayne will be home soon so he might dream about how nervous Eddie was when he first introduced Steve to Wayne. He didn't have anything to worry about since Wayne saw how happy Steve made Eddie.
He'll dream about every moment he's spent with Eddie, every kiss and touch, every precious moment. He'll dream about all the love he's been given and given in return.
He'll dream peacefully tonight about Eddie, because tomorrow he's got to say goodbye to an empty coffin dressed in the suit he'd bought for the wedding.
@steddieangstyaugust Day 27: "I thought we agreed it was over."
Eddie saw Steve's beemer pull up outside the trailer before he heard the knock at the door. The words were already leaving his lips as he opened it, "I thought we agreed it was over."
It had hurt, the break up, but Eddie had been expecting it. He knew Steve would never be his forever no matter how much he wanted him to be. It was all too easy for him to push back the tears and agreed when Steve said things like it was for the best and that they'd never work.
He had tried not to think about all the times Steve had said how much he loved how they were different, that it meant they got to share things with the other person. How Steve whispered love confessions when he thought Eddie was asleep weeks before he was brave enough to voice them in the daylight.
It was over, and that was that, so why was Steve here?
The sentence fizzled out though when he took in Steve's features. A quickly blackening swollen eye, a split lip, knuckles bruised and bleeding. Steve was trying to hold his side while also tightly gripping the backpack on his other shoulder.
"I'm sorry."
Eddie hadn't heard from Steve in months besides the occasional update from the kids or a glance at him from hellfire pick ups. The sound of those words made him realise how much he had missed Steve's voice despite how broken it now sounded.
All the hurt he'd felt melted away, stored for a later time when Steve wasn't swaying so much, when his face wasn't so pale. Eddie gently guided him inside, taking the backpack and placing it on the couch before leading Steve to the bathroom.
He methodically cleaned up his cuts and checked his ribs and tried not to think about the fact that the doctor said Steve shouldn't risk another concussion. He got Steve a change of clothes and sat him upright on the bed.
"Can't sleep yet, sweetheart, got to make sure your heads ok for awhile, alright?"
Steve's eyes became misty again, "Didn't think I'd ever hear you call me that again, Eds. I'm so sorry."
Eddie took Steve's less injured hand in his, gently stroking the back of it, "What happened, Steve?"
The question didn't help the tears that now seemed to flow freely down Steve's cheeks, "I thought if I broke up with you I could keep you safe, keep the both of us safe."
Eddie's grip tightened slightly, "Stevie."
"I was stupid I should've given the box of stuff from you to Robin or someone but I wanted to keep a piece of you close, and he, he found a picture of the two of us, the one Jonathan took at your birthday party."
Eddie knew the picture, it was his favourite, he still kept it tacked to his wall, didn't have the heart to take it down and put it with every other part of Steve that now sat in a box under his bed. Jonathan had caught the exact moment Steve kissed him while he cut his cake, they looked so happy, they were happy.
Eddie could infer the rest, "Your dad did this then?"
Steve nodded, "Kicked me out too, I'm sorry I would've gone to Dustin's but he's at his grandparents and Robin is at college and I just." Eddie pulls Steve closer, "I'm glad you came here, baby, you're safe here." Steve seems to finally relax at those words, like he'd been holding his breath since the day they'd parted.
"I didn't mean anything I said, Eddie," Steve cried.
Eddie gave Steve a sad smile. "I know, let's talk about all that later, just rest now I'll wake you up in a little bit to check your head again," Eddie said pushing Steve softly down onto the bed. They had a lot to discuss, a lot of hearts to mend but for now Eddie just needed Steve to be ok.
@steddieangstyaugust Day 26: The Night We Met – Lord Huron
The beginning of summer 1985 will always be Steve's favourite. He will remember it fondly with his breaks from Scoops being spent in the back of a warm van, hands tangled in brown curls.
Eddie was there every shift waiting for him, they'd gotten close after Steve spent some nights smoking with him to chase away the nightmares. His parents were never around so he'd spend all his nights with him too.
After the Russians happened it was different. Steve was a bit more distant, he would wake in the middle of the night screaming about things he couldn't tell his boyfriend about. Eddie stayed though, reminded Steve he was safe and loved.
Eddie had to learn to share too, not just sharing his boyfriend with the horrors but with Robin. Eddie didn't mind though, he had most of Steve's heart and Robin had the rest.
Once school started they had to see less of each other, Eddie promising to graduate this time so they could run away together, the three of them now as part of the plan.
Some nights Steve waited for Eddie to finish hellfire and some nights Eddie waited for Steve to get home from work, but the love didn't fade. Someday they knew it would all be worth it.
They never counted on being separated. Steve had never wanted Eddie to be dragged into his mess. He'd give anything to keep Eddie safe, would face Vecna himself just to keep him safe with Dustin.
He thought Eddie would be safe, that if anyone was going to be left behind it would be Eddie. If anyone was going to die it would be Steve.
They made so many plans about their future, but Steve never counted on a future with none of Eddie's life in it. He wishes he could go back to the night they met and tell Eddie to run far away from Hawkins. He'd lose all those memories of love if it would stop him from burying an empty box.
Steve had spent his whole life looking for his soulmate. As a child he'd love to read the fairytales of how two people would kiss and the world would burst into colour.
As he grew older he earned the title of player by making his way through the female population of Hawkins High, treating girls to a magical date night and sealing the deal at the end with a kiss.
He'd never been on a second date until Nancy. She wasn't swayed by his easy moves, insisting on being treated right before finding out if they were soulmates, wanted to like him for him and not date first. Maybe if they'd shared their first kiss earlier they wouldn't have been so disappointed up in Steve's room while Barb got killed.
He hadn't wanted to make the same mistake with Robin as he had with Nancy, he knew he liked her, he couldn't help but tell her in that bathroom.
"I wish platonic soulmates existed."
"Don't love you any less, soulmate or lesbian, you're still my Birdie."
With Robin the world seemed less black and white in its own special way. If he could decide he thinks robins laugh would be like yellow, her smile like orange and her heart as red as red could be. Maybe, one day Robin would find her soulmate and tell him all about the colours around them.
He stopped looking for his soulmate, he was content. He had the kids, he had Robin, he was ok. He didn't need to think about dreams or fairytales anymore.
He wished he'd kept looking.
He wished he had a time machine, could go back to freshman year and tell young Steve to just kiss everyone in school, everyone, especially that dorky metalhead who's loud and nerdy and so so pretty even if he won't admit it.
If he had kept searching maybe he could've avoided this.
He could've avoided their first kiss being through CPR.
Steve thinks for the rest of his life his favourite colour will be the deep brown of Eddie's eyes.
His least favourite would be the red blood that matches the colour of the sky.
He thinks he could've loved green if it was a grassy field they laid in and not the burnt green of this hellscape.
Black somehow seems darker here.
He wished they could be under a bright blue sky, with a shining yellow sun.
He now knows bruises could be purple and orange.
He thinks Eddie's cheeks would look prettier pink instead of a pale white.
Most of all, he thinks the worst colour of all, is the grey he watched it all turn again, before he even had the chance to say goodbye.
Eddie wishes that the last thing he'd said to Steve before he left their apartment was something kind and loving. Something like the I love yous they shared before leaving for work every morning.
Eddie wishes it wasn't an argument that had made Steve leave their safe space, their home. That it wasn't Eddie that had shouted at him through tears.
"Go, see if I care!"
Of course he cared, he didn't want Steve to leave but that's what the argument has really been about hadn't it. That Eddie was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Steve to realise that Eddie wasn't what he wanted, that he should go and be happy elsewhere.
Maybe if Eddie hadn't been so insecure they could be curled up together in bed right now. If he hadn't chased away Steve like he did with so many people before. Did Steve know Eddie still loved him, that he loved him so much he feared losing him?
If they hadn't argued then Steve never would have grabbed his keys and shoes at the door. If Eddie had told Steve what he was feeling then he'd have never got in his car to go for a drive. If Eddie hadn't yelled so much Steve wouldn't have been so upset.
If Steve hadn't been so upset he wouldn't have missed that red light.
Eddie just hopes he wakes up so he has the chance to apologise.
