steviemicks

aaaaaaaaaaaahh

[steviemicksworld]

Has anyone else noticed the world slightly warping? I feel like visually everything around me is just at a slightly different length or angle these days. Or is it just the CIA trying to kill me by making me kill myself?

[steviemicksworld]

Here’s some of my favourite things to do when I’m sad…

- Mess up the lyrics to the song “I’m Just Ken” so it never says ‘Ken’ just everything that rhymes with ‘Ken’ (eg. Pen, den, hen etc)

- drink V8 juice then crop dust old people at the supermarket

- turn gross chatroom boys into respectable princes

- pretend I’m a cowboy, yeehaw

- consider buying an erotic advent calendar for Christmas

- wear sunglasses in a dark room

- think about a small child falling over …hahaha

- or sometimes I like to just walk around the neighbourhood and drink grape soda

[steviemicksworld]

Every morning, I choke on my cereal.

What are these tags?? I was talking about cereal 🥣 😭

[steviemicksworld]

I have a particular set of skills. Some of those skills involve making grown, 33 year old, Turkish men sexually attracted to garden gnomes. I’m doing God’s work and as it turns out; he’s pretty sick and twisted.

[steviemicksworld]

I love those words that are the name of something but also can be taken as a ominous demand like-

YODEL

[steviemicksworld]

“Oswald, what time is it?!” — “I only have sea salt crisps!” — *sits in a flower bed* — “Oh! I want to go to the torture room!” — “We’ll guard it with our lives unless someone kills us!” — *is ginger*

- a little British kid I saw at the Tower of London

[steviemicksworld]

The truth is that we are a planet of losers. We all suck. We’re all fucking weird.

[steviemicksworld]

Extra Spice Girls:

Thpithy thpithe

Diaper spice

Caucasian spice (the least spicy)

(I’ll be adding more soon)

[steviemicksworld]

If you come to London; don’t pay to see a west end show- get a curry and sit in the street; you’ll see all kinds of entertainment

[steviemicksworld]

I bike in the streets and shit in the sheets.

-Wait I mean I shit in the streets and bike in the sheets……….…. wait

[steviemicksworld]

Acne? That’s cool, just pretend you did it on purpose

[steviemicksworld]

I want to be as cool as the guy who doesn’t care when his ice cream drips over his hand and on to his shirt

[steviemicksworld]

Winston Churchill had swag but he was too vanilla for his own good. Chur-CHILL bro.

[steviemicksworld]

Blabididee blabididaa blabididoodaa 👍

[steviemicksworld]

Not having to give your money to the government makes having a job make more sense.

[steviemicksworld]

Earth is the cheapest planet to live on; the only problem is that it has governments.

[steviemicksworld]

I believe anyone with superior titties should automatically be called ‘lieutenant’.

“Lieutenant Titties, reporting for duty.”🫡