– CLAIRE ISN’T SURPRISED BY HIS REACTION. she expects him to look disappointed, bothered. actually, if anything, she’s surprised that his reaction isn’t quite so extreme. after all, part of her always expects to be snapped at, like she’s done something wrong and – she’s generally on the offense, ready to fight back. but he looks at her gently, and she lowers her guard. she can tell that it’s not a fight he’s looking for, that’s not what he wants from her at all. in that moment, she’s hit with the magnanimity of how much he might care about her – because if he was looking for an out, this was the perfect excuse. she wouldn’t even blame him. but he doesn’t take it.
“ yeah, i know. she liked you too – ” claire presses her lips together, and she’d probably LAUGH at the irony of all of this if it wasn’t so damned confusing, “ but she already told you that. ” just the words make her feel guilty, like she has a happiness that maybe should belong to kass, or…something she doesn’t deserve. “ you did ? ” claire laughs at the memory, the stunned feeling when he pulled her close on the courtyard, melting into his arms to pull him down to kiss her again, fierce and passionate. she didn’t hold back then, after all – so, maybe he knew. “ you know, you’re more of a romantic than i think you know,” claire teases, leaning up to comfortably kiss his nose, his lips, pulling him close, “ or maybe i just bring that out in you, huh ? ” she wrinkles her nose playfully as she pulls away, and his words make her feel warm, make her feel wanted. she’d started this conversation feeling like she had everything to apologize for, like she was going to lose him, and…quite the opposite.
she presses her lips together. “ it doesn’t feel right to…be your girlfriend when kass and i are fighting about it, i…after she kissed me like that, it’d feel like stabbing her in the back or…i don’t know, i don’t want to ruin my shot at saving our friendship by hurting her feelings. ” claire is surprisingly sensitive when it comes to her best friend – or perhaps she’s just doing the bare minimum, a bar she doesn’t often meet when it comes to friendship. she lifts her hand to caress his cheek gently, “ but i do want to be with you, okay ? because we help each other, and…you’re worth it to me. just…don’t go disappearing while i try to fix things, okay ? i need you right now. ”
he isn’t picking a fight with anyone and he’s honestly become exhausted with the whole situation. he knew it wouldn’t come easy , but he wasn’t about to regret any of it --- he’s just tired. nothing in his life has ever come easy , so why did he think a serious relationship would ? why did he think she would pick him ? of course she wasn’t saying no and he knew that , but his brain had a way of manipulating words that made it almost seem like a rejection. he took a step back , mentally and actually listened to what she said. it only made him realize how much he actually liked the woman and how he needed to change his ways , but he was leaving soon so that made him feel a deep sorrow , one he couldn’t quite explain but kept off his expression.
“ well that’s fucked , “ he chuckled lightly. they were in a big mess , a mess that could have been avoided if he had just not spoken to either of them. a mess that he could have avoided if he would have just stuck to his plan , but it was too late now. he didn’t confirm nor deny her statement because he promised kass , although it did seem like they might have done more than kissed. “ i wouldn’t go that far , you’ve only known me for a couple of months. “ yet he trusted her with his life , was that too cheesy ? lips touch hers and suddenly everything is clouded , the doubt seems to fade , its surprising how she could make him feel better. he’s going to miss that most. “ if that’s what you wanna think sure , “ he chuckled slightly.
he listens to her once again and he can’t help the sigh that escapes his lips , “ i get it. “ he pauses unsure of what to say. he almost want to take it back because he knows what it feels like to lose a great friendship , one he barley got back. but he stays quiet as she keeps talking. “ i think it’ll get easier once i leave. “ its what he genuinely believes , he’d stay in contact as much as he can , he’d try and visit as much as he could but he would be interfering in their lives anymore , at least not physically. he leans into the touch as she speaks , “ i won’t. “ he says as he kisses the palm of her hand. “ i’m here --- and i was serious , you’re going to get so annoyed of me. “ he smiles as he kisses her forehead. “we’ll be fine , “ he mutters from the top of her head , “ i promise. “
