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@still-melancholy
LOST
I can't sleep
I can't stop thinking about you since last time
It's so overwhelming
I'm so lost with all those feelings about you
I don't know what to do with those thoughts
My body, my mind and my soul are shaking
I have so many questions now
Why now ? Why you ?
Why life do this to me?
I thought love at the first sight was a movie thing
A dreamy and unreal thing
And it happened to me just like that
So unexpected
So unpredictable
I don't understand
Do we meet people for a precise reason?
I don't believe in fate
This meeting have to learns me something, maybe
Maybe you shown me I don't leave my life at the fullest
Maybe I jail myself in this relationship
Meeting you makes me want to reset my life
Give up everything
Start a new life
Maybe with you?
But I don't know if it's the right moment
Why now?
I'm so lost
It would be easier if those feelings can pass
I will never forget you
I will never forget the way you make me feel
And I don't want to because it's the most powerful and beautiful thing I never felt in my life
THE SHINE
I remember this shiny guy I met by accident
Be around him made me feel the warm sun on my skin
I felt like a child seeing a rainbow for the first time
His smile and laugh still live in my mind
His heart is so big and tender that it melt mine
His kindness emotionally affected my soul
Like a big bang in my body
And I felt it changed me forever
I felt so peaceful and alive with him
For the first time I felt I was in the right place
How could you forget something so special ?
How could you forget someone so special ?
I remember this shiny guy life get on my pathway
I still don't know why and I can't forget him
Do I have food issues or is this just depression ?
POISON
"What a huge weight
To break the unsaid
I visualize the storm but not the lull
Apprehension is here, heart in turmoil
The anger is suffocating
Gnawing the body and even the bones
Get out of blindness with a dream
Eyes aren't closed anymore
And it has become unbearable
Because reality is now detestable
Disgust from head to toe
Killing me slowly"
04.04.2022
Ce soir là, quelque chose en moi s'est brisé.
Cette nuit là,
J'étais vraiment défoncée.
Je ne me suis jamais sentie autant dans le noir,
Mais ce n'était pas un bad trip ni juste un cauchemar.
J'avais mal.
Je ne pouvais pas bouger.
Je ne pouvais pas parler.
Sidération.
Je suis sortie de moi même.
J'avais l'impression de voir un film à la télé,
Un mauvais film.
Malaise.
Incompréhension.
Les larmes coulaient toute seule, sans bruit.
Mes mains se cramponnaient au coussin dans lequel se cachait mon visage,
Ou au drap,
Je ne sais plus.
Il n'y avait plus d'espace.
Que le néant,
Où je me suis sentie tombée.
Il n'y avait plus que le silence.
Le temps s'est arrêté.
Mon cœur avec.
Le souffle coupé.
Juste l'attente.
Insupportable.
Quand est ce que ça va se finir ?
Puis l'après.
Nausées.
Ta nonchalance.
Choc.
Acouphènes.
Et si tout était dans ma tête ?
Qu'est ce qui est réel ?
Est ce que j'existe ?
Brouillard.
Se sentir sâle.
Vouloir s'arracher la peau.
La poitrine qui se déchire.
L'envie d'hurler jusqu'à la mort.
Envie de vomir tout mon corps.
Le vide.
J'ai pleuré en silence pendant un moment.
J'entendais ta respiration,
Sommeil paisible.
Le lendemain,
Amnésie.
Tout ce qu'il me restait,
Était un sentiment d'étrangeté.
J'avais pourtant dit non, mais..
Cette nuit là,
C'était la première fois que tu me tuais.
But yet I am
I just want to be OK