How is it like being a mother?
Every single time I see someone I havenāt seen in a while, they always ask me this. How is it like being a mother. Well, for one, I totally didnāt plan to be a mom at my age. Iām not too young, though I do act like it. I am 24 years old and in my opinion, that is not too young to have child, but this was definitely not on my agenda. I planned to be married at 26 and have my very first kid at 27. I wanted to graduate college first, especially after taking semesters off here and there. That was my plan.Ā
How is it like being a mother?Ā
Itās tough. I remember Eliās first night at the hospital, it was a breeze. Second day, he mostly slept the whole day, even when visitors came in. But the second night, oh man, Fitz and I only slept for maybe an hour total. The nurses like to call itĀ āsecond night syndromeā and this is when the baby wants to feed every hour. It was tough. My milk was not in, I only had colostrum coming out and even that was hard for me to do. The hospital I stayed at refused to give me formula because they were ābaby friendlyā meaning they push and push breastfeeding. Was I not trying? Honestly, I think I stressed out from trying too hard. Eli didnāt latch on very well so every time he was hungry I had to call the nurse to come in and help me to help him latch on. Before giving birth, breastfeeding was my plan, but at that point I thought it wouldnāt even happen. Even though Eli was getting the colostrum he needed to fill him up, he still cried every thirty minutes to an hour leaving me cranky and frustrated and angry. You should have seen Fitz. Welcome to parenthood, we both said to each other. I remember shedding tears thinking Eli would get dehydrated because even though he was slowly learning how to latch on to my breast, nothing was coming out.Ā
Finally, we were able to come home. First night out of the hospital, TERRIBLE. Once again, a total of one hour of sleep for the both of us. No milk yet, so we bought formula, but I kept Eli on my breast all the time and did skin to skin to encourage my milk supply to come in. After a few days later my milk supply was finally in and I was able to feed Eli strictly from my breasts. That sure made me happy and it made him happy too. I thought to myself,Ā āoh the rough part is over, now that my milk is in, maybe motherhood wonāt be so tough anymoreā but nope, I was wrong.
How is it like being a mother?
Itās painful.Ā Though my milk was in, it wasnāt sunshine and rainbows after that. Even though Eli was gaining weight perfectly, especially after losing more than 7% of his birthweight, we struggled with more things again. This time, painful things, emotionally and physically.Ā
About a week or two after I gave birth, I was always so sad. I would look at Eli and be amazed at how I was able to nourish and grow him inside of me, but once I looked away and especially once Fitz went back to work, emotionally, I wasnāt okay. I cried a lot, for no reason. I would lock myself in our room with Eli and just watch him sleep. Whenever family came over to visit, it bothered me. I didnāt want anyone near me and I didnāt want to leave the house AT ALL. I never wanted to hurt myself or my son, I was just so sad. I started thinking about other things and would make them a bigger deal than they actually were and would cry and cry again. Fortunately for me, this emotional phase gradually left my system. But that wasnāt all of it.
BREASTFEEDING WAS PAINFUL. My nipples were sore and cracked. At one point I saw them bleed, but not too much. Everytime Eli would latch on to my breast, there would be this unexplainable stinging pain that would last for ten seconds and just leave. I swear if they lasted longer, I probably would have stopped breastfeeding. In the morning my breasts were always full and engorged. I went through a phase calledĀ āoversupply and forceful letdownā and this did not just bother me, but it bothered Eli too. I had so much milk that when it was feeding time and Eli would drink from my breasts, so much milk would flow out all at once that it would choke him. I had to keep pumping before feeding him or else, heāll choke and that was worst because I would have to sit there and watch him cry of hunger while I was pumping out excess milk. I mean yeah, I was feeding him and he was getting everything he needed, even more and I saw rolls forming on his arms and legs, but those rolls came with a price.
How is it like being a mother?
Sometimes discouraging. When Eli turned a month, his face broke out! It literally came out of nowhere. The night before it was all clear, then the next day his face was just ALL RED. We took him to the doctors and the doctor said it was baby acne with mild eczema. MILD ECZEMA even though it was really bad in my opinion. He had patches of baby acne and then just red patches on his cheeks and his chin and they would bleed. I couldnāt believe that my one month old baby was going through this. Fitz has eczema, but I didnāt know Eli would get it so young. It was definitely discouraging. I had people tell me; Ā āmaybe itās your breastmilkā,Ā āmaybe you should stop breastfeeding for a while and see what happensā. I didnāt stop though I probably would have if it werenāt for the research I did on creams and lotions for eczema.
Eli also went through a period of extreme gassiness and (still) reflux. He would cry and cry because it made him so uncomfortable and it hurt him. Once again, I had people tell me to stop breastfeeding for a while to see what happens and once again I didnāt listen to them.Ā
As a mom, we can only do so much for our babies. The first two months of Eliās life, I learned so much. I learned that babies are going to cry. It doesnāt mean they donāt like you or they hate you. They just cry, thatās what they do. I also learned that baby acne and baby eczema is completely normal. In my head I just felt discouraged and upset because Eliās face was completely red while other babies were smooth and that was unfair for me to think. I also learned that they are going to go through phases of gassiness and also phases of reflux. Their digestive system is still so immature and still need time to work things out on their own.Ā
I learned that though Eli went through so much discomfort and pain his first two months of life, none of it is really my fault.Ā
How is it like being a mother?
ITāS REWARDING. And this feeling trumps all the tough, painful, and discouraging days of my journey of being a mother. Being a mother is so so great. Being a mother is getting four hours of sleep and being okay with it. Itās waking up in the middle of the night, tired, but happy once you see your babyās face satisfied from the milk. Itās shedding a tear when you see them smile at you for the first time. Itās crying with them when they get their first shots and giving them cuddles after. Itās your photo gallery filled with THOUSANDS of weird, silly, and cute pictures of them. Itās shopping more of them instead of yourself. Itās forgetting and not caring to put makeup on because you only care to make sure theyāre dressed right for the weather and make sure theyāre not too cold or too hot. Itās cuddling with them early in the morning and late at night. Itās giving them random kisses even when theyāre sound asleep. Itās looking at your husband or your significant other and telling themĀ āI canāt believe this is our son.ā Itās thanking God everyday for making you a mom and telling himĀ āThank you that even though I had my whole life planned out, you had a much better plan for me.āĀ
discoholicmusic
gummygunk
snowghoul
titsay
