Obi-Wan’s lightsaber feels uncharacteristically heavy in his hand; his chest tightens uncomfortably. Even now, despite all of it, Obi-Wan’s feelings towards him are familiar warmth, if marked with flaming desperation. He could see it and feel it as much as he could see well past Obi-Wan’s intentions and know that he was being nothing but foolish.
It would end in death, always. He himself—no, the man Obi-Wan waited for, the one he held out hope for, was long dead, or at the very least he was supposed to be. If he truly had been, perhaps Obi-Wan’s provoking words would not have caused him to hesitate as he had.
A shiver, an unpleasant one, passed through him as he thought of what might be of him should he refuse to follow the order he was given. Would it be worse, than knowing he had ended Obi-Wan’s life instead? That he had done away not merely with Obi-Wan, but a second part of him, bound to him through the Force itself. No one, not even the Emperor himself could challenge such a bond—or could he?
“Let me show the Emperor that I came to finish my task—and that I came upon something better. If I let you go, he will kill me. But if I bring you back and you have … if you would swear to be under my command, in front of him, he might not say no.” He paused, taking a deep breath.
He knows that we are connected. It’s … It is a Sith legend, after all, this connection between us.
It would be foolish in the extreme to place himself in such a treacherous position but the moment the suggestion was made, he already knew that he would do it. This was not the outcome he had hoped for, and yet it felt like an offering of peace. Anakin was right, Obi-Wan thought, the Emperor would not allow him to go unpunished. But he could well imagine the delight his own public supplication would bring to that most devious Sith Lord. This was the only way for both he and Anakin to stay alive and to remain together.
So what if he meant giving up his freedom? What good was freedom if it meant a life without Anakin? He couldn’t recall the moment it had happened, the moment he had crossed the point of no return, the moment that he his fondness for Anakin had spilled over into heart-burning, undying love. It had happened slowly, imperceptibly, until one day his heart was no longer his own but belonged instead to Anakin. Not that he had allowed himself to show that. Not until now, when all pretence had fallen away with both of them revealing hidden truths and long-kept secrets. With threads of his sanity becoming undone by the revelations and the fear of losing Anakin, he would have agreed to anything in that moment. Having abandoned any notion of clinging to normality, Obi-Wan moved closer once again, resting a hand upon Anakin’s cheek.
“You are better acquainted with him than I am, so I rely on your judgment. If you believe he will be convinced, I will do it. I will swear my allegiance to you.”
I trust you. Despite everything, I trust you.