i'm aware of how this sounds

Grey. 22. ISFJ. Libra with a Scorpio chart. Not dead yet.

[stillprettytenseaboutit]

Moving to stilltenseaboutit.tumblr.com

[stillprettytenseaboutit]

half-transitioned, pardon the mess

[stillprettytenseaboutit]

Moving to stilltenseaboutit.tumblr.com

[stillprettytenseaboutit]

i was another person the last time my heart wailed louder than guitars. i made myself new ten times over, sang new songs, cut off my own hands to avoid making notes. but i am still her. still nine, fifteen, seventeen, twenty-one, twenty-two. harpy’s call, banshee cry, woman in white, black canary. wail, wail, sing your past to sleep. 

– a perfect circle. gb

[stillprettytenseaboutit]

touch me again and i will kill you, because when you do i want to die. 

-- . gb

[stillprettytenseaboutit]

i know where every building over six stories high is in this town. there's a reason. there's a reason. i wish there wasn't, but there is. 

-- breathe, breathe, breathe. gb

[stillprettytenseaboutit]

where is the whip to beat this out, where is the fire to burn this away, where is the tide to take me under, where is the light of a better day 

how much fight do i have in me, how much more can my mind take, i promised myself i'd be a jumper, it might be a promise that i break 

where is the patience of the ages, where is the peace of wind through leaves, where is the girl who once loved lonely, did somebody crush the widow in me

it's coming at me from every angle, some days i swear it's all i see, i know you can never kill your demons, but i can't even keep mine leashed 

i want to run until i stop breathing, i want to hide til there's nothing of me, i want the horizon, all lonely and empty, let in the black and leave me be 

the waters are climbing, the fall's getting longer, the pit's getting deeper, the song's gonna end, i see it all coming in fast and slow motion, how many small breakings can you call a bend  

you made yourself deals, the promise of lifetimes, your own life's the only one you will give

breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, love, you cannot undo a decision to live.   

-- namesake. gb

[stillprettytenseaboutit]

there's a beauty to wastelands and emptiness. plants that survive on only light, sand that boils and whips in the wind, mirage oases. desolation looks different from the outside, but i remember watching the condors circle my head patiently. i know what they want, and sometimes i still feel the beat of their wings in my bones. 

-- you can only lead people through deserts you've already crossed. gb.