as im getting older, its not just the grief that knocks the wind out of me. its the surprise. its the “oh, you were still here?” and the remembering right after: “oh, you’ll always be here.”
its a fact i know down to my core. i knew since this all started. it was never going to go away. just going to fold itself neatly away and come out when you least expect it
this is such a strange comparison but i learned how chicken pox leads to shingles. the chicken pox virus doesn’t go away. it just slithers inside one of your dorsal root ganglia, sitting, right next to your spine, for decades, until something activates it and it ravages one section on half of your body. its an interesting virus and grief is nothing like that bc it doesn’t wait decades and it doesn’t neatly contain itself to one section of your life. but it does lie dormant, folded neatly into your bones, until something knocks on its door and wakes it up. and it ravages you.
