[stone-walls]

Days like today genuinely make me wanna kms bc I was so excited to be going to hang w friends only to be blindsided by enormous amounts of pain from my first post surgery period. It is incredibly isolating to deal with this shit and I am so over it. I want my life back

[stone-walls]

I am so incredibly tired of feeling so alone in this life. I don't know what to do or where Im going anymore. I had dreams once. I remember giggling often. What is wrong with me?

[stone-walls]

Sleeping more because i can see everything I miss

[stone-walls]

A woman I once loved dearly passed away yesterday. I have so many feelings but mostly I'm sad. She once meant so much to me and my heart. Things got rough but we loved each other passionately. We got a puppy together. The day before this, all of our memories starting popping up on various socials.

Im heartbroken for her family and for her current partner. I wish this weren't true. She introduced me to some of my closest friends. The world feels different today.

[stone-walls]

I don't want to have to wear extensions for my hair to look like this

[stone-walls]

Training an avoidant bf is hilarious bc yeah I'll leave you the fuck alone

It might be forever but if you're willing to take that risk instead of sacrificing a smidge of your comfort to spend time being affectionate then so be it lol

[stone-walls]

Something that is infuriating, something that burns my throat whenever I try to swallow it is the fact that the pain my body goes through was a horrible gift from the assault I endured as a child. I get migraines where I can't stop puking during menstrual cycles, accompanied by cramps, and leg pain I cannot shake.

I will likely never be anything special. I have wasted my life and I don't think I can come back from it. I want to bury myself 6 feet under and join Eira. They love you more when you die.

[stone-walls]

I'm thinking about joining Eira a lot lately. Nothing feels real anymore and my nervous system feels like it has been struck by lightning every three minutes for the past two years.

I know my poor heart needs some love, the anxiety and isolation and lack of exercise is not good for her. My limbs feel heavy, and it is a feat to lift them from bed most days. My entire body is screaming for solace.

Messages go unanswered. Messages go unsent. Things left unsaid. I am choking on the blood from my bitten tongue. I don't reach for help anymore, because my body has learned it hurts to.

I want to be with my girl Eira. She was the one soul who has been nothing but pure love and I miss her every day. I feel like a burden to this world and the people who claim to love me. I don't know why they do.

[stone-walls]

If anyone wants to donate to my "grief relief" fund lemme know, I have been in this awful job market for months now so being able to take time to process and rest is hard to do.

Donate:

Paypal: @nuthaus

Luv y'all

[stone-walls]

My sweet girl is gone and she was one of the things keeping me tethered to this earth

I wish to join her and leave this life behind but what an embarrassing legacy I have

[octoberbrunette]

[lucifers-queen]

Dread (2009)

[stone-walls]

Sleeping until I wake up in a reality that is warm

[stone-walls]

I cannot stop wanting to d*e

I am trying to live

But I cannot stop thinking about how much of a failure I have become

I don't know how to make things better

I don't have a ton of motivation to

Everyone is getting engaged, moving to a new place, pursuing their dreams

And here I am

Trying to live

I am so tired of just existing

[stone-walls]

I feel hopeless but I cant tell anyone

Two years of me silently pleading for someone to hear me

It's tired

I'm tired

I will stop treading water & let the depths take me away

[stone-walls]

It's probably best if I leave

Things aren't getting better

I'm tired of being a burden

I don't know what I offer the world anymore

From flesh to ash

Everything changed May 2023 and I am tired of pretending it didn't

I am tired of pretending that people care about my dreams enough to not taint them

From flesh to ash

[stone-walls]

Slowly removing myself from everything and everyone

They won't notice

Life will go on

I wish I had a Katie to notice me drowning