stopallthisnonsense

i laugh at all my jokes

[statsdead-deactivated20200602]

idk why diamonds are so expensive they taste like garbage

[lmaonade]

you’re supposed to cook them

[stability]

[bogleech]

our friend’s two year old niece apparently somehow saw the movie poltergeist and now DEMANDS to watch it on repeat and just sits there on the floor saying “….OH NO!…..OH NO!!!!!!!!…………OH NO!” along to Poltergeist but like she loves it and isn’t scared of anything ever

[bogleech]

UPDATE her grandma filed this formal complaint about her that has been passed on to us and now to you:

[maplefiasco]

[monsterleadmehome]

THIS IS THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.

[ravenamore]

You left out the best part.

She left the last one at Carrie Fisher’s memorial.

[finnglas]

oh that’s fine i wasn’t using my heart anyhow

[awwww-cute]

[blackandmildwithgod]

If you scroll pass this you don’t got ten dollars

[apollonne-deactivated20201016]

Need my $10

[apollonne-deactivated20201016]

Guys i literally just got tipped $10 at work

[miles-b-morales-deactivated2026]

I aint risking it.

[hiscutewittlekitty-deactivated2]

10 10 10

[apocalyptotyler]

Always reblog money cat

[xueyangapologist]

a nsa agent in a suit looking through my laptop camera: she’s on her phone…….. our data shows that she’s got tumblr open on her laptop but she has tumblr open on her phone………. double check her browser?

some nerd hired straight out of college: *types rapidly* she’s definitely got tumblr open on her laptop

the nsa agent, softly: so why is she looking at it on her phone…..

[hollyjpaulsen-deactivated202204]

My husband and myself have served in the military. When we call home from overseas, our lines are monitored and on a short delay so no sensitive information is revealed. The line will just go dead if you say something you’re not supposed to.

Now, these calls are monitored by a department in the military called Signal corps. When we’d talk on my husband’s last deployment, we had a running joke that we said hi to “Signal Guy Fred.”

So this continued for his entire 12 month deployment, and we made sure we said hi or bye to “Signal Guy Fred” every phone call. On his final phone call before returning home we made sure to thank “Signal Guy Fred” for his time and wish him farewell.

So, before I disconnect the call, I wish “Fred” the best and thank him for his service. My phone was on speaker mode (I was cooking dinner) and my finger was hovering over the end call button when I hear the softest little, “My name’s Jason.”

[taliabobalia]

when millennials were first heading into high school and college there was a huge trend in news stories about how stressed out our kids are, how their backs are getting messed up from carrying so many books, how they’re sleeping less and doing more school work, and how we should do more to help our kids have the childhoods we had because our kids are falling apart from stress and being forced to be more productive than kids should be. but then once millennials started hitting the workforce all the news was about how millennials are lazy and narcissistic and entitled lmao you were real concerned about us until you found out a 23 year old is more qualified to do your job than you

[youreyesinstarsabove]

Omg I forgot about this

[tinderfinds]

“I’ve been getting nothing but lesbians”

[hyundaimovietheatre]

wholesome

[chaeronaea]

“i’m a fool in a man’s shoes” is the most powerful thing i have ever read

[somethingclassic]

[captainspensaurus-deactivated20]

the fact that there’s only about 5000 people who’ve reblogged this scares me. That means that less that 5000 people know where these come from.

I feel old…

[sahltyy]

very odd

[nosdrinker]

literally every person on earth has read the very hungry caterpillar

[punksandcannonballers]

no earth spoilers please, i’m only up to the cambrian explosion

[punksandcannonballers]

i’m really loving these new dinosaur characters, i hope they stick around awhile

[punksandcannonballers]

oh fuck off

[dekutree]

mood: the mexican dude who told judge judy “this is your show but this is my episode”

[myerstumbluh]

things that are nOt okay:

going through your children’s things (phone, journals, backpack)

talking badly aBout your kid to other people

insulting your kid both to their face and behind their back

“this is my house you have no privacy”

hitting your kid

compare them to other kids

[sliceofham]

• telling your kid you’re doing them a favor by providing the essentials (food, clothing, education, etc)

[porterr-robinson]

[slumberinggirl-deactivated20210]

Oh my god

[gloriousruin-deactivated2018070]

Jesus fuckin Christ..

[listener-blue]

@concentrated-sunshine

[bunjywunjy]

I like how he managed to both destroy a laptop and annoy a hamster in pursuit of reading the newspaper

[ihaveremade]

do u ever go to school confident in what ur wearing and then u actually get there and ur kind of just like wow well this was an awful idea

[maahleek]

ALL THE FUCKING TIME

[peoplegettingreallymadatfood]

[divine-noire]

Dear White People,

THIS is how you ally. THIS is how you use your privilege to help us. THIS is how you earn our respect. The White college students in Cape Town, South Africa knew the police would not shoot or harm them so they created a human shield to protect the Black protestors. I’m crying. I’m crying.

[poetiic-motion]

BOOST THE SHIT OUT OF THIS!!!!

[pacsdaughter]

Yo I’m fuckin crying

[arachnaboy-deactivated20240429]

When you have privilege and others don’t, you use that privilege to help others. You don’t just stand there and watch the less fortunate suffer.

Privilege ain’t shit if you can’t do anything good with it.

[showerthoughtsofficial]

Air conditioning is just domesticated wind