@stoplookingatmypage - Tumblr Blog

I am not okay in the slightest.

And it seems like no one really cares even when I provide any form of a hint.

Not a single person knows what is truly going on in my head and in my life and it is not a good time by any means.

I truly believe that not a single person that I feel close to at the moment cares enough to just take some time to be with me to help me feel content for just a moment.

I have experienced a loss and it has fucked me up more than anyone else who I have lost in the past. This is not the root of my issues, but it certainly did not help with any issues I had been experiencing prior.

Issues that literally no one knows about no matter how close I may be with them.

I do not think that I will ever be the same person. Call it pity, but I am genuinely hurting more than ever at moment and no words can really fully explain. I just want to feel content for just a minute.

I have never felt more empty, scared, or unhappy in my entire life.

I now know and am slowly accepting the fact that i will never have that moment of positivity at any time prior to moving at this point.

When anyone asks me how I am doing, even if it's asked on a daily basis, I will not feel fully okay discussing issues that I have never told anyone before as much as I would like to.

Nor do I feel that anyone wants to know or ask about what these issues are.

I just need a friend. To sit with me, enjoy the company, and make me feel somewhat real for a minute.

I do not know what to do with myself and it is getting worse and worse.

I just want to be able to express these strong horrid issues in brief that I am currently dealing with in my head alone.

I want to be heard and accepted even if there is no response, despite my typical self who craves those responses. I do not want advice, I just want someone to actually rely on.

I really do not think that anyone will understand how much shit I am dealing with at this point unless I am personally asked and when I am some kind of fucked up.

The way i express my emotions differ from most people I know in my life. But that shouldn't matter, should it?

I am too busy being concerned over people and how they haven't been able to sit with me and become aware of the complete emptiness I feel as dramatic as that may sound.

I fucking need someone who can be with me who I can trust to provide acceptance regarding the things I am going through.

It seems to me at this point that no one wants to know about my (what may come across as pure pity) true and genuine problems that I have been dealing with for months on end. Very VERY few people have asked, but I am also too scared and insecure to share anything right now.

I just want a little proof that someone cares to ask and be remotely interested in checking in and keep me just an ounce of company.

I feel completely abandoned and all I have is my brain.

I just want to be okay for the first time in years, especially within the past 5 months or so.

I feel like I get nothing when I plea for some form of help from anyone and everyone and this is purely a personal problem but I haven't had the slightest idea as to what will make me feel better, but I have an idea.

Just someone, please come help me feel normal again just for a minute.

RIP to the semi sanity I once had.

:~)