ba da da da daaaa, we're dying here~

I work the overnight shift at a McDonalds in the south. These are some of my stories...

[stories-from-mchell]

The Sock Lady

I can’t believe I haven’t talked about the Sock Lady yet. I’ve been meaning to, since this stuff happened back in December.

Like I said in an earlier post, I decided late November to take some time off work to find work closer to home. My manager asked me to cover one last shift after what was technically my last day and I agreed. All in all, it was a fairly normal night.

So the weirdness started when I was stood at the bagging area, on my phone cause it was currently slower than hell. I hear some banging on the window to my left.  So I look over and there’s this old woman stood there. Having homeless people walk through drive through isn’t the weirdest thing that’s ever happened so I go over, confused more as to why she’d been banging on the window, and open the window and she asks me if anybody in in the store smokes. I say No because I genuinely forgot that the guy in grill does in fact smoke, and she’s like “aw man, I need a smoke!” I apologize and she asks if I could “use the grill” to light it. I say No, again, this time a bit more high pitched cause I’m fucking baffled. She asks why and I tell her “it’s a flat top. It’s electric. There’s no flame.” She asks, “well what about the fryer?” “That’s oil. No open flame.” “Oh, well that’s a damn shame.” Not mad at me or anything, just kinda upset in general that we have no way of offering her a light? And she just walked off.

A few minutes later, she walked back through line and ordered a coffee. I gave her a large and she was off again.

A few more minutes later, she walked back through for a refill, asked me what my name was (that I for some unfathomable reason told her) and she said that she would remember when when she came into her fortune or something?? Like okay, kinda weird but still harmless. She walks off.

Later, she appears at the window again. I start to grab the pot of coffee but she waves at me, saying No. So I put the pot down and go to the window to see what she needs. And she asks me what size shoe I wear. “Niiiiiine?” I reply slowly and kind of quietly because why on earth is this lady asking me that.

AND THEN SHE GIVES ME THREE PAIRS OF SOCKS. I try to tell her to keep them because she needs them more than me but she insists that I keep the socks so I finally give in and thank her and she walks off again.

She comes back, gives me two sodas, one for me and one for the guy in grill, then leaves again.

Now, at this point I get a customer I’m somewhat familiar with. And I’m stood there, baffled and telling him about this whole charade when the woman comes back, giving me two packs of crackers that she again will not let me refuse, all this while she is standing between the customers car and my window. Dude is just sat there looking as confused as I have been this entire time and I eventually manage to get him his food and get him on his way.

Now, it’s about 02.30 at this point because our systems are down. I get a customers that I really enjoy seeing but only know him as “the guy that gets a chicken biscuit and small coke” so we’ll call him CB. So he pulls up and I ask what I can get for him, forgetting to say we’re only taking cash, realize who he is and tell grill what I need. I go to the window and realize when he starts to give me his card that I forgot to say we’re only taking cash. He sort of goes wide-eyed and says that he only has his card and I tell him “dude, it’s alright, that’s my fault and I like you so i’m still gonna give you your food” and then i launch into telling him about this sock lady and he’s just dumbfounded and confused and laughing and I finally get him his food and tell him that I hope I made his morning a little more entertaining and he said that I most certainly did.

So a little time goes by and I catch sight of the lady at the BACK window. I go to see what she needs and she just leans forward and says  “I gotta shit” and I say okay because the fuck else am I supposed to say and was in there for a while before getting another coffee and heading back out.

At some point she gave me yet another pair of socks to give to my manager and at this point all I can do is walk around to where my manager is and in a sort of sing-songy voice say “oooh (manager’s name), you get a pair too” and we’re all laughing because what has this night become

Mind you, throughout this, she’s been talking about “you know those videos that get people to set up those go-fund-me’s and they go viral on youtube and stuff? we should do that! we’ll be youtube famous!” and I just kinda smile and nod my head. At some point she tries to get my phone number so she can “call me when she comes into her fortune” and all this stuff but like, I don’t give her my number because I’m not that stupid.

At some point, and the order of all this is a little jumbled because this happened back in december, but at some point my manager had to ask this lady to stop coming in for coffee and coming up to the windows because I was getting tired of having to deal with her and we were about to start getting busy because people would be heading into work. I don’t remember if I saw the lady when I left but just, that was one hell of a night.

And, yes. I kept the socks.

[stories-from-mchell]

“What are you doing here?”

So way back at the end of November, I put in for time off of work to see about getting a better job (which is why posts have become so infrequent) and I told the cops and some customers that I would be taking time off and pretty unlikely to come back.

So, I had to be in town all day to get something on the car fixed, so I rode in with my sister (who still works at the same McDonalds). Problem was, I had to wait for the part to come in so I pretty much just sat in the parking lot for a few hours. At some point, my sister texted me and asked me to grab her a red bull. I’d been on my way to the store anyway, mostly just to be able to walk around for a bit, so I agreed.

Now, when I made it back to McDs, my intent was just to swing through drive-thru and give her the drink. When i pulled up though, I saw one of the police SUVs and was like “ooh, who’re you?” because I’m a nosy bitch

So under the pretense of throwing something away, I pulled in the lot and headed inside. Lo and behold, it was officer M! He asked me what I was doing there and I told him “Well for one, my sister does still work here. And second, I saw the squad car and said to myself ‘I know that car and wanted to see who it was’” which made him chuckle. Followed him outside, asking him how he was doing since the last time I saw him, he’d just had a mini-heart attack. He said he was doing better, that they have him on blood pressure meds and he does look a lot better too, so I’m happy.

Then I told him what I’ve been up to, that I went and got my CDL and was leaving for Dallas to start training. And he’d put his sunglasses on at this point but even so I could tell he got a little wide-eyed and just asked “You’re going to be driving trucks?” sort of incredulously. I confirmed that, yes, I would in fact be driving a truck all over the country starting some time next week, and he of course wished me luck with it all.

Before he left though, I did ask a favor of him, that he tell Officer V to add me on facebook cause I haven’t seen him in absolute ages. “I can do that,” he said, and I replied that I’d go ahead and add him as well because, really, I gotta keep an eye on my guys

[stories-from-mchell]

Mouth full of food

Okay I don’t think I mentioned this story before but ages and ages ago I was about to get off shift or had just gotten off shift and was stuffing my face with an egg McMuffin cause wow big surprise I hadn’t gotten to eat that night.

So right after taking this massive bite to finish my sandwich guess who walks inside. Officer V, of course. So he comes up and I very very obviously have a mouth full of food and I cover my mouth and ask “what can I get you?” But again, mouth FULL of food and he just laughs and mimics what I ‘said’.

I get some of the food down and, now laughing, try to ask again and he does the same thing, also now laughing, and just mimes having food in his mouth and mumbles back at me. So I give him the finger and finish chewing, I think call him an ass, and then we get through his order.

At that point, we just kinda chat back and forth playfully at each other like we always do and he eventually gets his food and is on his way. Like, you would figure that his dorky ass would come in right as I shove a small mountain of food in my face. Because of course.

[stories-from-mchell]

I found a story from waaay back in like August and it goes like this:

So after I clocked out that morning, I got some food and then went out to the car to change clothes and eat. I ate then took my work pants off cause I was wearing leggings underneath and changed shirts. After I finished changing clothes, I saw a cop car pull up, then another. I decide to go inside and go to the bathroom with the intent of giving whichever cop hell when I was done cause we're all super friendly with each other.

So I go back inside and start toward the bathroom. One of the homeless guys (not one we see often, and haven’t actualy seen since) was sat by the bathroom and was like "hey, you just left". I said "yeah, had to come back though" literally standing in the bathroom doorway. "Do you need any help?" "Nah, I'm good"  cause I have zero idea what else to say. Went in, did my business, then walked back out. he then said, "You sure you don't need any help?" "Yeah I'm good," I tell him because dude that’s weird, back off please

 Anyway, I go to the counter and Officer V and Officer C are inside and a lady cop that I've not seen before. The manager that was working that morning shift asked me what the hell i was doing back behind counter when I'd been so gung-ho to go home. I told her, “ I’m loitering” which had both V and the lady cop laughing. So the manager, Officer V and I chit-chatted until he got his food (namely my not being able to hear over the frappe machine and talking about if they enjoyed working school functions).

While waiting, the homeless guy came back around to the front of the counter so when Officer V got his food, I took that opportunity to follow him out to avoid the weird homeless guy, telling him the about the whole "you need any help" thing which Officer V looked pretty sympathetically mortified. Then he said something about my leggings and I joked, saying I had to “show off my non-existent ass sometimes”, which got a laugh. He said "yeah I was gonna whistle at you after I saw them [rather than my far less attractive work pants] but when I went to whistle no sound came out" which of course had us both laughing super hard

Jeez, I do absolutely adore Officer V 

[stories-from-mchell]

“Go back to McDonalds, lady!”

So I’ve been talking a little bit of time off work because reasons. Two days ago, I went out to the mall cause I wanted to go by the bookstore. When I got there, though, I went straight to the bathroom, cutting through Belk to get there a bit faster. I slip past these two ladies and a mannequin and then from over my shoulder i hear “hey, get back to McDonald’s, lady!”

I turn around because, really, who else would that have been for, and see Officer C stood there! I say hey and then remember “oh yeah, you met my sister!” (my little sister works dayshift at the same McDonald’s) and he was like “yeah, i didn’t realize there was another one of you.” which was funny but fair.

That’s probably the best call-out I could hope for, and it was good to see him again! He’s such a dork but I do absolutely adore him.

[stories-from-mchell]

“A little less attitude”

Ages and ages ago, I was at work and had just clocked out and was just hanging out in lobby, waiting for my food, talking with Officer V who had ordered and was waiting for his food

So we’re just chatting and waiting for our orders to come up and this young woman came in like super pissy cause her order had taken a while (they were busy, short handed, etc) and she stormed out of the store and managed to knock over the wet floor sign on her way out

Officer V and I had been watching her throw this huge fit and he just stared after her and then went to the door, very pointedly stared at her while picking the sign up and called after her “a little less attitude next time!” Like yo bro fuckin same

[stories-from-mchell]

Officer V and some paramedics

So as you guys know, I burned the crap out of myself about a month ago. Ended up being second degree burns. of course, you’d figure that’d be the day that Officer V came through. Bless him, he said that if he had any of the prescription burn ointment that they sometimes carries, he’d have given it to me. I actually clocked out in time to follow him out and then motion him over to my car, since I’d told him about my sister’s lost dog and wanted to give him a flier. He came over and I gave it to him, and then he said something about “yeah, i was gonna pull up anyway and get a goodbye kiss and peel off” so I mimed blowing him a kiss which had us both laughing really hard before he started to leave, giving me a “drive safe and get that burn looked at” as he left. That man is so damn sweet.

Well, a little less than a week after that, two paramedics came through lobby. Since I wasn’t on the headset, I took their orders. The first lady ordered and then the second stepped up, but she kept staring at my wrist, which I’d wrapped (kinda sloppily) in a bandage to keep it from getting too hot while bagging food.

I noticed her staring and said I’d burned myself. She sort of nodded and I took the wrapping off cause I was about to leave anyway, and let her see it. She sort of chuckled and said “yeah, that’s a good second degree burn” and then asked if I’d done it at the fry vats. I said no, that it had been hot grease that splattered off the flat top back in grill. She made a face and I laughed, agreeing, and said something like “yeah, hot grease. Best thing to burn yourself on.” But it was funny and she actually said that they were all healing nicely, just to keep it clean and stuff.

I love some of my customers.

[stories-from-mchell]

Customer: can I get those two hot and spiceys with Mac sauce on the top bun?

Me: sure thing

Me: *relays message to the guy in grill*

Grill guy: sure, does he want a free backhand to go with it?

Me: he was nice about it though

Grill guy: okay, backhand rescinded

[stories-from-mchell]

And then some absolute asswipe ordered 15 McDoubles (five plain, ten regular) and five large fries and then drove off after they’d made like, seven of them. Like fuck you bitch, and go choke on a dick

[stories-from-mchell]

“Coworker got robbed yesterday.”

So I’ve talked about my coworker that nobody liked working with and is generally just Little Miss Incompetant. We’ll call her....Mary. Mary does not know how to shut the fuck up, will talk with people at the window for two or three minutes, and had the worst judge of character out of anybody I have ever met. It’s actually unreal.

So apparently yesterday, she got to chatting with someone in drive through who I guess offered to sell her weed or cigarettes, we’re not sure honestly which. So she goes outside with a $100 bill and they apparently “snatch” her money and peel off. What then kills me is that she apparently then called the cops??

“Yes Officer I was paying someone for weed but they took all my money and sped off” like how are you gonna try to report that?

[stories-from-mchell]

She honest to god couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t pull any cups....

[stories-from-mchell]

“Ya big dummy!”

So there’s this old homeless guy that we’ll call Dallas because he wears a Dallas Cowboy’s letterman jacket literally all the time that we don’t really like seeing around the store but he’s rarely actually an issue. That being said, I have pulled into work and found him just yelling at nothing in the lot so...

Anyway, we started locking our lobby during overnight. The sign on the door says that lobby is closed from midnight to about 0500, but it doesn’t actually open until the opening-manager gets there and unlocks the door. Again, this is rarely an issue.

On the camera, we see someone at the door. It’s about 0500, so we assume it’s the opening manager and I go to let her in. When I see it’s not her and Dallas instead, i mouth and sort of sign that lobby is still closed. He doesn’t leave so I go to the door to actually tell him. As soon as I open the door, he moved forward saying “let me in, it’s cold”.

I stand where I am and say, “uh no? Lobby isn’t open yet.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s about 0500.”

“Okay we’ll lobby opens at 0500.”

“Lobby doesn’t open until there are enough people to work. Lobby is not open yet.”

“Well you’re working!”

“Yes, I am, but it’s only me and the manager. I cannot let you in. Lobby will be opened when the other manager arrives.”

“Fine! Ya big dummy!”

“Okay.”

“Call the police then!”

“Okay.”

And then he walked off and I closed the door. Definitely the silliest name I’ve been called.

[sailorbrazil]

*enters mcdonalds*

I’d Like The Big Fries Please And Thank You

[stories-from-mchell]

This, kids, is what happens when you accidentally pop the whole lid off of a frappe bag trying to get the end-cap off. Thankfully I managed to slap my hand over the end of the bag and tilt the whole container and avoided splashing it all over my pants, but I got plenty on my hands and arms, not to mention the floor...

[stories-from-mchell]

Don’t you just really those coworkers that are like “why is so-and-so being made a manager and not me??? I’ve been here for longer!”

And you, your manager and your other coworker are just like “Because you’re incompetent, you’re lazy and your rude??? You’re not trained in every position in the store?? Oh and you literally got yourself fired from our sister store and was only hired here because the manager from your store didn’t relay that you were on no-rehire list before you got hired at our store???

Also anytime things start to not go your way you start crying and just walk off?? You steal food and vanish out the door the minute you’re scheduled to get off (when the guy they’re making a manager has literally pulled an almost sixteen hour shift)?? You argue with literally everybody and traded free meals with customers in exchange for cigarettes and weed??? Also we literally all hate working with you????”

Like child what the fuck do you mean, how actually delusional do you have to be???

[stories-from-mchell]

Are you actually shitting me?

Do you have any idea how sad it is that it would be at least doubly fast if I took orders, did the math, and made the food and just left my incompetent coworker to take cash and bag food? Because she’s taking absolutely fucking AGES trying to do pen-and-paper because it requires math and she keeps nearly breaking down in tears because we expect her to be able to do literally the simplest math????

I’m in grill, injured (burned my arms yesterday because I was in grill), and am still able to take orders, do the math in my bed (and I’m not Great at math) and make the food faster than she can do literally anything else. I hate to sound like that but holy fucking shit are you kidding me

And she’s saying that she can’t do the math because she “never went to school” like, girl, everybody went to school long enough to learn basic addiction and subtraction. Furthermore, all I’m asking you to do is to write down what they want and then use a bloody calculator, so stop crying and just do this shit

[stories-from-mchell]

yes hello i burned the shit out of my arm and hands at work. i was trying to clear grease off the grill and it splattered up onto my hands and arm. left arm got the worst of it but there will be blisters on both. So yeah, this is my life currently