My Selective Ramblings

My name is Drew. I'm 22. This blog does a good job of reflecting my journey of maturation in faith and personhood. I post stuff I write on myselectiveramblings.tumblr.com

[storiestofacts]

Work in progress

I thought it would be a forest fire. Consuming the entire countryside. Wrecking everything that stood before it. I had felt the heat of love before so I supposed it would be the same just a bit bigger.

Oh how I was wrong. This love is a slow chill that has begun to seep past my skin. My bones ache with longing for you and all I am slows down.

Every other love destroyed but this one preserves. Every other love burned up in moments but this one deepens by the second.

And I don’t know how to say this in a pretty way, but I love watching you smile even if I wasn’t the cause. I love when you have good days even if I wasn’t around. I love seeing you captivated by something you enjoy.

I hope you find as much delight in me as I do in you.

Nothing I write about you is ever quite right because you are far too complex for 2 dimensional words to even cast a shadow of your beauty.

I have so much more to say but I guess I will pause here and see what happens next, because I will never want to stop writing a story with you.

[storiestofacts]

Work in progress

I thought it would be a forest fire. Consuming the entire countryside. Wrecking everything that stood before it. I had felt the heat of love before so I figured it would be the same just a bit bigger I supposed. Oh how I was wrong. This love is a slow chill that has begun to seep past my skin. My bones ache with longing for you and all I am slows down. Every other love destroyed but this one preserves. Every other love burned up in moments but this one deepens by the second. And I don’t know how to say this in a pretty way, but I love watching you smile even if I wasn’t the cause. I love when you have good days even if I wasn’t around. I love seeing you captivated by something you enjoy. I hope you find as much delight in me as I do in you. Nothing I write about you is ever quite right because you are far too complex for 2 dimensional words to even cast a shadow of your beauty. I have so much more to say but I guess I will pause here and see what happens next because I will never want to stop writing a story with you.

[fyp-philosophy]

“Don’t despise what you’ve been through. You needed lessons.”

— Anonymous

[insipit]

Kintsugi objects

Kintsugi (golden joinery) or Kintsukuroi (golden repair) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. As a philosophy it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.

[myselectiveramblings]

Transcribing

I used to say I never understood writing something down if you didn’t want people to read it, but that seems like a silly statement now. Because I think the only way I can start to shake my soul free of you is to bleed my brain into these broken lines. And I don’t know if you will ever read this. But that’s okay, because this isn’t for you, it’s for me.

[myselectiveramblings]

2:30 am

I haven’t slept much lately. The vacant moment between scrolling and shutting my eyes is secretly sheltering your ghost.

Each moment of silence I struggle against my superstitions as I sink into your spirit. Sometimes it is the ocean of our best memories, sometimes the worst, but always always it’s you drawing me deeper, and always always I follow your call.

Even if I escape and slip onto the shore I find my feet wrapped in the quicksand of my mistakes. Every moment I missed the mark mentions itself to me, reminding me what I lost. Reminding me every way I could have loved you better.

As I feel my way through the darkness and stumble into sleep you are there still, haunting me with every angle and edge of your face, every note and melody of your voice, every curve and line of your grin.

There was a time that I resigned to never let you go no matter the cost. I guess my subconscious is still a little too stubborn a little too lavish.

I’m sorry for everything I did girl. You deserved better and if I could have been that man I would. I wasn’t mature enough to love you and respect you as well as I should. I would go back and honor you more if I could.

But that cannot happen, so for now I will sit here and hope this is a season, and that God has a reason for making me say goodbye to the only girl I have ever loved.

[kieljamespatrick]

[enjoy-the-life-baby]

[ever-gazing]

Get into the habit of saying, “Speak, Lord,” and life will become a romance.

Oswald Chambers (via ever-gazing)

[storiestofacts]

4/14/16

Heartbeats I heard somewhere that when you sit or lay with someone, and your chests are together, your heartbeats will synchronize. I figure this works if your partner's upper back is pressed against your chest as well. There is a certain intimacy in that. My life being pushed and pulled through my body at the same pace as yours. I would give anything to feel the pace of your heartbeat. Would it get quick and nervous when I wrap my arms around you? Or would it slow into a deep comfortable bliss with me? Would you drift to sleep or remain awake to savor the moments? These are silly questions because I know they are only in my mind. I know that I have projected an image of you that could someday want me. The only person I am fooling myself. So I will sit here with my pulse racing. I am so angry that I let myself fall for another girl that will never know that my heart flutters when I see her. And I will never know if heartbeats really do synchronize.

[nothingtochance]

Laia Gutiérrez  / Images of Iceland

[observando]

It’s funny. When you leave your home and wander really far, you always think, ‘I want to go home.’ But then you come home, and of course it’s not the same. You can’t live with it, you can’t live away from it. And it seems like from then on there’s always this yearning for some place that doesn’t exist. I felt that. Still do. I’m never completely at home anywhere.

Danzy Senna  (via thatkindofwoman)

[fallinhisarms-deactivated201907]

What a fool I am, O God, to chase after other things when You are enough.

(via raininggrace)

[asthmas]

[davidlaviolette-deactivated2016]

Stair Step

Everything you say is a stair step decaying beneath your feet

[mrbenbrown]

Moving with confidence in Iceland ❄️ photo by @benjaminhardman 🇮🇸 http://ift.tt/20QGUJj

[myselectiveramblings]

11:05 pm

I had a crazy night last night. For those of you that don’t know, I have lived in NYC for the last 17 months. I moved here to be a student (intern) at the New York City Dream Center. Throughout the week my team meets tangible needs in the government housing communities in Chelsea and of homeless men and women in east Harlem. All of the students live at the New York School of Urban Ministry in Astoria, Queens. I tell you all of this to set up the story of what happened last night. At 11:05 I was walking home from the local RiteAid (CVS equivalent) with one of the girls that lives in the same building that I do. We walked past two young guys in all black hoodies. Out of the corner of my eye I saw them turn toward us. The next thing I know, one of the two young men grabbed my left shoulder from behind. With his alternate hand he pressed a small black simi-automatic pistol against the right side of my neck. His left hand became increasingly more forceful as it pressed down on my shoulder and his right hand dug the gun harder and harder into my neck. As an act of compliance I lowered myself and sat on the ground, their demands for “all you got” rang in my ears. This may come off as a bit dramatic but for a few moments I honestly thought I was going to die. I don’t buy into what they say about your life flashing before your eyes anymore. They continued to demand my wallet and everything else I had. I gave up my wallet to the man with the gun. During the course of all of these events Sarah (the girl that I was walking back from the store with) was backing toward the building and yelling at them to “leave him alone” and threatening to call the police. The unarmed man began walking toward her and she was yelling at him. He increased in speed so she turned and ran. As she fled she began screaming to draw attention to us. The young man with the gun in one hand and my wallet now in the other ran toward Sarah and his partner. This moment was perhaps more miserable than the robbery itself, because I though they were going to hurt her and that I would be unable to help. I stood up and began to run after them, hoping to help. The assailants turned, ran into the street, and jumped into their car which was idling at the intersection. They drove off. On the sidewalk in front of me was my wallet with everything still inside. I picked it up and put it away as I walked to check on Sarah. Two men ran up to us moments later and asked us if we were okay, because they saw the ending of what just happened. We dialed the police and spent the next 2 hours at the precinct. I’m uninjured, seemingly emotionally intact, and nothing was stolen. Praise God.