once he’d started kissing ren, he couldn’t believe he’d ever been frightened of this. how was he supposed to stop knowing what this felt like ? how would he ever come away from this without a full fledged lovesick addiction ? where he touched him jaune lit up, and it was warm and pleasant in a way that was dangerous. like this he could burn alive and not notice, not care the slightest bit, because he was kissing ren and the euphoria was so much louder than any of his anxieties. this was pleasure the likes of which he’d never experienced before, erupting like fireworks in his chest, spreading throughout the rest of him, igniting his bones and sparking from the tips of his fingers. every novel, and every cheesy love song he’d ever heard about a first kiss suddenly made so much sense the longer he lost himself in this moment. ren’s lips were soft, so much softer than he’d thought another boy’s could be. he’d been fantasising about what this could be like for months, and all of it had paled in comparison to the real thing, no matter how chaste or quick. he could get drunk on the vulnerability in ren’s touch, hearing the breathlessness upon a reluctant parting.
he didn’t dare stray too far, still lingering against ren’s temple as he tried to even out his own breathing. the wolf didn’t think he’d be able to so long as he was this close to his crush. ren made him feel more at ease more than anyone else in remnant, but he was the only one who could make his heart beat this fast too. blue eyes had fallen shut during the kiss but widened some upon the sight of ren’s tongue sliding against his bottom lip, prompting jaune to desperately repress a shudder. he wanted more. he wanted more of ren’s soft gasps, and the hidden passions lotus hid so well. he was infatuated to the highest degree, and the fact that those affections were reciprocated still had him reeling … they were reciprocated, right ? that’s what ren meant when he asked to kiss him ? he shoved the thought to the back of his mind, unable to keep his gaze off of ren’s lips for very long. second only to ren’s eyes, and the way the firelight reflected in them. had they always been that pretty ? did they get prettier ? was that even possible ? everything ren did in this moment was so enticing, even the way his name sounded on his lips. he’d never loved the way someone said his name more than the other did in that moment. he’d never … he’d never loved like this in general.
jaune felt like his skin was thrumming, heart pounding, tail swaying lightly from side to side. “ is this what kissing is supposed to feel like ? ” the words hit him harder than he realised, feeling his limbs turn cold like his blood was rapidly freezing over. knight let out a small shaky breath and wondered whether it came out like vapour. his tail had drooped unintentionally. he’d been trying to keep the memory of his first kiss buried, unable to think about it for too long without undoing all the work his teammates put into their reassurances. something pricked in the back of eyes, a lump forming in the back of his throat as he wondered temporarily if this feeling would ever go away. would he ever be able to kiss ren without feeling guilty ? without recalling the scent of ash, and blood, and the distant screech of a mighty wyvern ? it left a bitter taste in his mouth, cold and unfeeling, threatening to extinguish the sheer joy that had been running rampant through his limbs. it’s not the same, he thought. ren’s safe. we’re safe. he would get stronger, and he would never allow ren to face the same fate as pyrrha, not so long as he lived.
‘ i don’t … ’ jaune found comfort in touch, in a small caress of his thumb tracing across ren’s jawline, remaining there where his hand rested in the crook of the warrior’s neck. the wolf tried to keep his voice as steady as possible, closing his eyes for a second and steeling himself, clear his mind of anything but the sound of ren’s breathing. ah, so it turned out those meditation lessons worked after all, huh ? ‘ i don’t know, ’ he confessed truthfully. ‘ mine won’t either. ’ no, it was definitely not the same. here, jaune felt safe. no one was in danger, and he didn’t feel confused, or scared, or lost. he felt … cared for, at home in a way he hadn’t in a very long time. was that ren invoking those feelings ? he placed his free hand down where ren’s lay on his leg, tentatively lacing their fingers together. expression softened some as gentle blue gaze watched over the object of his affections. by simple touch alone he felt the frost crystals from only moments before thaw like flowers greeting spring sun. ‘ can i — ? ’ his voice an invitation coaxing ren to look at him. a sigh, and then a gulp. it’s not the same. calm down. this is different. i might be in love — oh dear gods — i might be in love ?
‘ can i kiss you again ? ’
A sick feeling pooled in Ren’s stomach as he felt Jaune wilt, had he said something wrong? He knew that words were not his forte, and he also knew that even his best attempts were still not all that he intended them to be. He felt cold, much colder than he remembered being before they’d shared their kiss, before he’d asked his quiet question. Still unable to bring himself to turn back to face his teammate, he silently attuned himself to the wolf’s body language. He could sense, in a way, the chill that emanated from Jaune’s heart. It was the sound of his voice, however, that really solidified the idea that the gentleness of their kiss would not cover deep wounds.
Despite the way that Jaune had made himself smaller, his soft touch against Ren’s jawline pulled a small sigh from the warrior, and he leaned just a bit more into Jaune’s hand. The wolf hadn’t pulled away, he hadn’t retreated from Ren’s touch, from his presence, in ways that might make Ren think that his uttered words had hurt his leader too much. No, instead, Jaune had laced their fingers together and kept up the gentle brush of a thumb over Ren’s jaw. At the initial touch of the blond’s hand to his own, Ren had tensed up, instinct telling him that the unfamiliar touch was unwelcome. It was only when the warrior’s fingers slid into the spaces between Jaune’s own that the lotus melted into the touch. It was so welcome, it was a different sort of intimacy, and he curled his hand to accept the knight’s soothing presence.
Jaune’s voice came once again, his unfinished question indeed luring Ren to turn back to look at him. His heart was racing now, faster than before, nervousness melding beautifully with excitement and pure infatuation. He took a moment to simply look at the wolf, just to take him in as they were in that moment. The feeling that had developed over time grew from Jaune’s very being like vines, like wildflowers, pure in their existence and yet so pervasive. He couldn’t so much as glance at Jaune without seeing the love that grew there, like seeds he himself had planted and cared for. By the time the knight had finally asked his question, Ren was already overwhelmed by the need to kiss his teammate once more.
Resituating himself just enough to properly face the blond, Ren shakily tucked black hair behind his ear. The vulnerability he felt right then was uncharted territory, and he moved his now unoccupied hand to rest atop Jaune’s shoulder to steady himself. Glancing from blue eyes to inviting lips, Ren leaned forward and initiated their second kiss. Second kiss. Something about that notion made Ren’s heart skip erratically once more, This time, a little bolder than before, the young warrior moved with the kiss, lips forming to Jaune’s own like they were made for that. The sensation came as a surprise, and elicited the slightest excitable gasp from Ren’s throat. He tightened his grasp on the wolf’s hand, just a bit, and pulled him ever closer with the other. His fingertips dug eagerly into the other’s shoulder, and he found himself still kissing the knight who’d very quickly stolen his heart. His head was swimming, endorphins almost too high to think, when he finally broke the intimate connection.
Breathing hard, he let his palm slip down to Jaune’s collarbone, where he let his fingers roam for a brief while. “Jaune ... if I’m not careful, I may never stop.”
