Unprocessed...

Real and extra chocolaty opinions, observations and whatever.

[strangecocoa]

I'm not looking for any bras at the moment, but FB still puts ads in the feed because of COURSE YOU NEED THIS. You don't even have enough money to make it to the end of the month, but buy this shit because we said so.

Anyway it's embarrassing the disparity between bras for smaller chested people vs us with gazongas— smaller chested people: delicate, gossamer, ephemeral. The latest unicorn faery dream bra made from literal butterfly wings, spun sugar and elfen tears. It's like you're not wearing anything at all! They come home from a long day to take off their bra, they undo the hooks, it vanishes into thin air it's so light.

Bigger chested people have battle armor bras, molded like chest plates (if women/afab knights even existed in the 13th century, they didn't...actually history is a bit more complex than that but that's another discussion) with reinforced straps that almost look like buckles on a tactical gear vest and material that NASA used for the space shuttle. Am I going to the grocery store or reentering the earth's atmosphere titties first? And there's no guarantee that your boob won't punch a hole in the wall with the force of mach fuck when you undo the hooks. It's like the fear you get when you open refrigerated Pillsbury biscuits.

Anyway ain't nothing cute for people like me to wear, but I also don't want to go braless in public fighting off Nat Geo photographers, either. Know what I mean?

[strangecocoa]

Guess I got tired of running. Maybe the wolf chasing me wasn't really a wolf, but a big, snuggly husky that wants to slobber you down in kisses. Of course this husky isn't perfect— tears up your couch while you're at work, sings the song of her people at 3am when you're trying to sleep, and isn't 100% housebroken. By the way, I'm not good at metaphor. I just know that after almost 3 years of raw dogging existence without psychiatric medication, including the death of my mother this past spring, one is better off just taking the fucking things. It's only day one, so stay tuned.

[strangecocoa]

There's a time and place.

I don't know about anyone else, but wow do I like it when I get disgusting messages logging in to my dating apps 🙄 these dusty assholes like to try your patience these days. These days where we're inching closer to embracing sexual positivity, openness and acceptance there's always the ignorant, the extra and the insensitive trash that comes to ruin the party.

Women, non men, femmes, trans, people with vaginas don't have a safe space to date and frankly I'm fucking sick of it. I and others just want to date without people shoving their fetishes and kinks in your face. Shockingly I'm still all for letting your freak flag fly high and proud, but I hate to break it to... *checks paper* mostly cis men, but your whole "all cards on the table" approach is creepy. Yes Brad, you indeed like to collect and smell women's soiled undergarments which is all fine and well, but can you... I don't know...not give the game away so soon in your profile or even worse-- message me soliciting such or desperately shoehorning a thing so soon into the initial conversation? Yes, it does give me an idea of what I'm getting into, but it also hurts your chances because it lets me know that you don't know what boundaries are, you gotdamn walnut.

For example today, I reinstalled Tinder because I'm a glutton for punishment, and lo, I see some doofus messaging and asking me about "liking small white cock". Immediate unmatch.

Sidebar: I know kink shaming is fundamentally wrong, but I honestly cringe hard at small penis humiliation; maybe I come from a school of thought that if it's working, what's the problem? I know that the human psyche is more complex than just "if it works, what's the problem?" So please don't "at me", thanks. I think what annoys more is bringing race into it as a qualifier. What does the color of your genitals matter to me? Small white, brown, black, Asian, indigenous cock it doesn't matter. I'm not going to shame your cock because I'm not putting your alleged faults on display so you can get off to it because you, a cis white guy assume this is something endemic to women, especially women of color: sitting around judging tiny dicks. Truth be told, only men seem to be concerned about the size of their and other guy's packages. Maybe guys with the sph kink should find other guys to make fun of it? Yeah, really.

Anyway, back from that- my point is that I don't care about what you're into; for all I know it might be my kink too, but with the advent of sexual openness, it gives people carte blanche to abuse a progressive movement by foisting their sexual proclivities on people in so called safe spaces without consent or consequence. THAT is what grinds my gears. I want to know a lot of other things about you before the obvious. Give me that much, please and thank you.

[strangecocoa]

2020 Thankfuls

2020 being what it is, no one could blame me for cursing it, but instead on the eve of Turkey Day USA (to distinguish between the Canadian one for the only Canadian friend I have) I'll mention what I'm thankful for...

I'm thankful for the fact that I'm healthy and covid free despite a rotation of overconfident/ignorant-ass lackadaisical family members interacting with each other maskless especially in this cramped apartment. Shouting, talking and laughing really loud, because black people. Despite a 1st cousin and an acquaintance getting it, no one else I know of has it as of writing this. I'm thankful for that.

I'm thankful for you insane, beautiful and amazing people that I call my friends. You folx have propped me up and kept me from going over to the dark many times with your kind words, encouragement, emotional support, common sense and reason. Your grace, strength, humor and steely tenacity through these shitty times with your own personal issues, heartaches and setbacks inspire me. I'm thankful that you dinguses are still with me and put up with my fits of anger, disappointment and frustration. Not to mention my funky-ass attitude at times. I love you and can't wait to actually see you more than just briefly in the future.

I know that I have mentioned him often, my lover who actually has a name: Brian. Normally I don't mention guys that I'm seeing by name because nothing lasts with me and romance. Ever. But I figured he's important because he's shown up for me ever since lockdown with grocery money, gifts, especially to support my hobbies, access to his internet hotspot, household needs, etc. Ya'll know I'm cynical as hell about men and still can be because of how I've been treated this past year and year before that and the year before that, but he's one of the good ones. I'm thankful he's stuck around. Definitely can't wait to see him again and do a lot of bad stuff to him 😈

Lastly, I'm grateful for the better side of humanity, and science.

Without it, we wouldn't of made the breakthroughs we have thus far concerning Coronavirus and understanding it. We wouldn't have gotten a slue of vaccines and therapeutics without their tireless work to help us all. I feel like even though they don't want it because it's their job and what they're (barely paid) to do, scientists need to be put on high and given as much praise as possible compared to an overpaid professional athlete or celebrity.

The better side of humanity like Dr Fauci, the medical workers who deserve better than faux news brainwashed hillbillies who call covid a hoax but ironically end up under their care, the people out there still marching and protesting who have fallen in battle to prop me and millions BIPOC up from systemic racism and violence, people like Bernie, AOC, and Stacey Abrams amongst many people in our government speaking up and pushing back against that festering boil in the WH and his avaricious ghouls trying to take away or delay our livelihoods and basic rights. The voters this year…damn. Thank. YOU!

Like I said, the better…nay, best of humanity right down to the single parents and caregivers, teachers, retail workers, bus drivers, pharmacy staff, custodians, nursing home staff, food service workers, delivery drivers, Uber/lyft drivers and so many more essential workers who resist choking a bitch in these trying times.

I guess lastly for reals, me. I'm not trying to be narcissistic, although I understand that some would think that. I'm proud of myself for little baby steps and fighting through my rampant executive dysfunction and debilitating depression and anxiety acerbated by the isolation of the pandemic to just keep going. I won't lie to you, but there's been a few times where I thought death would be a better option because that's how much emotional pain I'm in because of the abject cruelty of this world and how it's treated me and people I love. I'm still struggling greatly not gonna lie, but I'm here. Broken, beat down and busted but here. I'm thankful.

[strangecocoa]

I always see on dating sites people who say that they "got their shit together", e.g. car, house, post secondary education, decent paying job and so on. Yet it's like, they're lacking in emotional maturity, they're emotionally repressed, they want someone to rescue them, or themselves to do the rescuing, or they haven't really resolved wounds of trauma and thus create "trauma bonds" with others in the form of codependent drama. I'm not trying to say that I'm better because I don't have my shit together in either respect, but why is this society's metric for what's considered a good partner?

To be a well rounded person is hard work, but people out there only want to seem to half ass it and you end up doing their half of the emotional labor. Kinda tired of running into men like this; yeah, sure - you can afford to have your own home, nice car and pick up the tabs for dinner, drinks and dessert but you can't express your feelings in earnest or anything else? Gimme a break. 🙄😒