Hi! Long time no blog. I've been quite busy with law school for the past 5 months or so. I honestly didn't have time to think about what was going on inside my mind... and it is during this moment of nothingness that I feel all these feelings all at once. All the disappointments, rejections, and everything.
My first half of 2022 was not good. I somehow struggled during our finals week (that we did for a month) on the first month of the year, and in a short span of 1 or 2 weeks after that, we immediately started the 2nd semester. Thankfully, I finished both semesters of my first year in law school sane... but it had its setbacks. Right after the end of the academic year, we had a 2-month break and during that break, I think all the feelings that I failed to express or to vent out intensified—coupled with the fact that I lost most of my pets during the last quarter of 2021 up to the 1st quarter of 2022. My suicidal thoughts came back, and I'm in an unexplainable pain until the end of August. I honestly had no idea how I managed to pull my shit together and enroll in my 2nd year in law school. Now, I'm living alone after moving out in December.
I just really wanted to share how important it is to check up on yourself every once in a while... and be honest about how you feel. You cannot fake your way to your goals... you cannot misrepresent everything. Although this seems like a letter without closure, I do hope that you get to rest your mind, body, and spirit after working so hard or every time you get tired. I hope no one feels how terrible it is to not be able to feel things. Take care of your mental health!