why not?

we want our film to be beautiful, not realistic

[vidabellaxo-deactivated20190222]

😂😂😂

[yourexpensivehobby]

MY GOD DELETE THIS 

[strangesugar-blog1]

So my question is about Tinder. I made one, originally just for friends/vanilla, but there actually seemed to be some pretty high quality men on there, and i know a bunch of you use it for this, and I couldn't keep up with messages anyway so figured may as well narrow it down, so last night I switched up my profile to strongly hint at exclusively wanting sugar. This morning the app was logged out and i couldn't figure out how to log back in. If your profile gets shut down do you get a warning or anything or is it just gone? I use a password manager thing, and I have an email address and pw saved for it, but when i go to log in it doesn't give me that option, only FB or phone number, and when i try to follow through with either of those it just starts signing me up with a new account instead of logging me in. Does that mean my old one got shut down, or is it just being weird? No big deal to make a new one but i was talking to a few people I was interested in.

[strangesugar-blog1]

Well, yeah, I drifted. Mostly from this blog at first, I just felt like I couldn't relate to a lot of the posts I saw, was over-sharing, and just generally it all seemed kinda pointless so I just stayed logged in to my regular. But then i definitely drifted from sugar too. Life got really overwhelming and it was too hard to predict when I'd be free for dates etc and like, I wasn't doing all that well anyway, so yeah, I didn't make a conscious decision to stop as such, just kinda... drifted. Life isn't really much more under control now but I really want to try again, properly, so I'm back, ish. Not sure how much I'll be on tumblr but decided to log in again anyway. Also because i have a question to ask in a separate post haha. Anyway, talking to a bunch of different men, too early to post about any of them specifically yet, but I'm trying again. One I'm really excited about but of course we can't make scheduling work for this week, bummer.

[jokerandthethief63]

[strangesugar-blog1]

I think i need to drop my SD. So much drama, and very little cash to show for it. I feel like I COULD possibly make it work to my advantage? Maybe? But then I wouldn’t get to call him out for his manipulative as fuck last message, and would probably be setting myself up for more of it in the future I guess. I objectively know I should probably end it, and I will, but I do have reservations, he’s actually really genuine and sweet, we connect, I’m attracted to him… but he’s so much work and definitely kinda manipulative. He even said as much, but that he’s working on it and to call him out on it, which i thought was pretty woke of him. But apparently when I actually do he gets hurt/emotional/guilty. I know what I gotta do, I just don’t wanna actually do it. Ugh. Drafting my message.

[strangesugar-blog1]

Hahaha. Fuck. We talked for like. 3 and a half hours. And still don't really have a solution. I'm such a fucking sucker. Fuck. I wanted to try and make it work bc I really like him when it's not this, lol. Basically he needs a reeeeally pulled back version to continue. He wants strings. He accepts he can't have them. So too much is too hard for him. But also doesn't seem to want to fully commit to the pulled back version he needs. I've given him every option i can think of. He said he'd almost rather just text. I said ok, we can do that, just buy me something nice every month or whatever. I think that offended him but we literally just got done discussing that it was incredibly unfair of him to ask for that as a "friend". And then that would end up making him cross his emotional boundaries anyway. I suggested ending it entirely, and him finding someone he CAN be casual with which keeps his emotional boundaries in tact. Didn't really acknowledge that. I don't know what else to offer. I need a straight answer. We're both burnt out and going to bed, but if he doesn't give me a solid "I want this" in a very specific way soon I'm gonna be super pissed. I know, I'm an idiot for dealing with it. Please don't remind me. I'm aware I'm being stupid.

[strangesugar-blog1]

I think i need to drop my SD. So much drama, and very little cash to show for it. I feel like I COULD possibly make it work to my advantage? Maybe? But then I wouldn't get to call him out for his manipulative as fuck last message, and would probably be setting myself up for more of it in the future I guess. I objectively know I should probably end it, and I will, but I do have reservations, he's actually really genuine and sweet, we connect, I'm attracted to him... but he's so much work and definitely kinda manipulative. He even said as much, but that he's working on it and to call him out on it, which i thought was pretty woke of him. But apparently when I actually do he gets hurt/emotional/guilty. I know what I gotta do, I just don't wanna actually do it. Ugh. Drafting my message.

[strangesugar-blog1]

So to be fair, I was late, but it was less than 15 minutes. When I get there he says he can't stay long as he had a work thing at 6 (i got there about 5.15). I was annoyed but ok. He already had a coffee when i got there (fair since I was late) but didn't offer to get me one or even wait while I got myself one, didn't offer any transport money, looked noooothing like his pictures (he actually looked better haha but that's not the point, pretty sure they weren't him but they were so filtered it was hard to tell, he asked me for one and I sent it, I asked him for a less filtered one and he sent me a different but equally filtered one 🙄), he kept his dark sunglasses on until i asked him to take them off (then put them back on again), was incredibly brash and to the point and just rapid-fired invasive questions at me (including acting surprised at answers that were in my profile, like the fact I'm in a relationship), barely gave me a chance to answer each one before rapid-firing the next, they weren't in any order and jumped around between topics, it was hard to follow what he was asking, didn't give me a chance to ask anything in return, it was like a really aggressive job interview, and the decent sounding budget he mentioned (to be fair this point I should have clarified beforehand but I prefer to negotiate in person and am trying to not leave too much of a paper trail now if I don't trust them) was for fucking 1 or 2 meets a week, my profile mentions how many meets I'm interested in/month, so his budget for THAT amount we were on the same page, it seemed like he'd read my shit but i guess not lol. To be fair I should have asked more beforehand I did slack but ugh. Anyway yeah then he said he had to go and he'd text me. Less than 15 minutes after I arrived. Even if I was on time who makes a date for 5 when they know they'll have to leave at/before 5.30 wtf?? Gross. Oh well, this was the worst one I've had so I guess I'm pretty lucky really lol.

[strangesugar-blog1]

So this "date" was I think the biggest fucking joke I've been on yet. Gotta laugh. What a waste of makeup. More later.

[strangesugar-blog1]

I've been so overwhelmed with life. My dog had a bunch of seizures and has had to be baby-sat pretty much 24/7 (even more than normal) ever since due to adjusting to new medications and basically being high as fuck. Taking a big toll on us both. He usually sleeps with my husband but has been falling off the bed, waking up and restless a lot, etc. He (hubs) isn't getting much sleep and it's effecting his mental health. I try and help (taking him out - we used to just let him roam but it's an ordeal now, he falls over and stuff and takes forever), taking him when I can at night etc, but I'm finally kinda out of my "I can't do anything" phase and been getting little things done and feeling like "I can do it!" and if I don't follow through on that when I'm feeling that way it can be weeks/months until I can again, but that means I'm probably not really taking my fair share of dog stuff and I'm feeling guilty. But I'm illogically impossibly tired too (idk what's up) and my nerves are frazzled and I have a first date tonight but my husband doesn't get home till like 2 then I have to go check on my friend's dog bc she's out of town and get back and get ready and get to my date at 5 and it's gonna be a huge rush. I was too anxious/exhausted last night to shower and do my nails (I'd rather shower just before date but if i don't have time the night before will have to do - can't shower with dog he howls after a few minutes) so I'm trying to do my nails now but he won't fucking settle and I love him so much but I'm getting so frustrated I'm not gonna have time, i owe so many people messages, my husband keeps texting me for updates, he's finally kinda lying down and I have to poop now fml (getting up will disturb him). I haven't replied to SD's monologue yet either and it's been like 2 days, I'm terrible, I just haven't had a second or the leftover energy to deal with his drama. Hahaha and guy for tonight just messaged asking if we could do earlier like 4. Nope buddy 😂 It'll all be ok. Just frazzled. Hopefully he'll adjust to the medicine soon.

[strangesugar-blog1]

Ugh he’s being such a baby. Apparently since it’s the weekend we should be focusing on our own shit. Ok, funny how that’s never bothered you before until after we fight. It wasn’t even a big deal, like either move on, or let’s talk about it. I’ll give him his space, but if he doesn’t try and resolve this like an adult soon I’m donesies. It’s just so frustrating bc he was waaayyy too in, now he’s pulled right tf back. How hard is it to operate on reasonable middle ground?

[strangesugar-blog1]

Ah, ok, he gave me warning he's writing a "giant monologue" now that I may not want to speak to him after? Oook.

[strangesugar-blog1]

Ugh he's being such a baby. Apparently since it's the weekend we should be focusing on our own shit. Ok, funny how that's never bothered you before until after we fight. It wasn't even a big deal, like either move on, or let's talk about it. I'll give him his space, but if he doesn't try and resolve this like an adult soon I'm donesies. It's just so frustrating bc he was waaayyy too in, now he's pulled right tf back. How hard is it to operate on reasonable middle ground?

[runwaydoll]

 📷 by Chris Schoonover

[greelin]

$50,000 immediately dropped into my bank account wouldn't improve EVERYTHING but boy it sure would be a grand, sexy little start to a good, happy life path, don't you think

[bloomflowersbloom]

[fluffgawd]

Pls teach your son how to apologize.

[90svigilante-deactivated2018022]

Pls teach your daughter to not measure her strength by how much pain she can endure

[growthandsecrets]

Woooahhhh….that was a carpet burn drag if I ever seen one

[strangesugar-blog1]

I reached out first to clear the air. I mentioned I'd listened to a song he shared with me and how much I'd loved it etc, and if he'd like to talk through the other night I was here when he was ready, essentially. I think he's ignoring me. It's been hours and he's seen my message but not responded, and this time of night is generally when he's available. I feel like my points were very valid, but I came back first to figure it out, with compassion, being an adult. But I guess that's too much to ask of a 40 year old man, huh?

[strangesugar-blog1]

Currently calling my SD tf out. You don't get to complain about my selfies not being "real" enough while I'm going above and beyond even sending them to you... messaging you every night - a lot - even on my nights out with friends. You asked for pictures, you got em. I'm sorry they weren't to your liking. You want real? Fucking pay me! We're not monthly. He pays me per meet - and makes sure to point out it's more than other girls he's seen at that. You're lucky as all fuck you're getting what you're getting. Constant messaging. Pictures. Fuck you. I know you're like, in love or some shit, but you knew what you were signing up for and how you were supposed to "prove" this and honestly you've been pretty underwhelming on that front so far, so fucking be appreciative.