Ranting

this account is just my rants, its really nothing special, its just easier to talk to an imaginary crowd than real people

[strawberrybunnydiary]

this loser is in my dms crashing out because i wont delete my paragraph (i already blocked her) and then she started threatening me, THEN SHE LOGGED INTO HER ROOMATES DISCORD ACCOUNT JUST TO BOTHER ME (me and her roomate are friends) LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??

[strawberrybunnydiary]

decided i want to change this account and use it for some good rants too, so im rebranding

[strawberrybunnydiary]

i haven’t really been posting much, i havent been super angry about anything in my life. but i enjoy posting so i might change this diary or make a new blog soon

[strawberrybunnydiary]

UNREQUITED LOVE? NO. WORSE.

I HATE UNREQUITED LOVE, THE FEELING OF POURING HEART ONTO SOMEONE JUST FOR THEM NOT TO CARE FOR YOU BUT THERES SOMETHING WORSE.

BEING LED ON BY SOMEONE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

THIS HAS HAPPENED TWICE NOW. AND IM NOT TALKING ABOUT "BOO-HOO SHE HAS A GIRLFRIEND :(" IM NOT AN INCEL. BUT WHY IS IT I HAVE TALKED TO TWO SEPRATE PEOPLE AND WHEN I SHOW ROMANTIC INTREST AND I ASK THEM "DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND" THEY SAY NO TO MY FACE. THEN I GOTTA FIND OUT FROM SOME STUPIDASS THIRD PARTY THAT THEY LIED TO ME.

BRO I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR SIDE-WHORE GET A GRIPPP.

IM SO SICK OF THIS. I WANT TO BE SOMEONES NUMBER ONE. I WANT TO BE SPECIAL. LET ME BE SOMEONES FAVOURITE.

I DONT WANT TO JUST FUCK YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE YOU SON OF A BITCH. IF YOU NEED TO GET OFF SO BAD USE PORNHUB AND LEAVE ME ALONE YOU MAKE ME SO SICK. MANIPULATING ME FOR WHAT? FOR WHAT REASON OTHER THAN TO GET UNDER MY SKIN AND GET WHJAT YOU WANT? I HATE YOU. I HATE ALL OF YOU/.

[strawberrybunnydiary]

“you’re making her feel guilty for stuff she already apologized for!! >:(“

GOOD.



I DONT CARE THAT SHE ALREADY “SAID SORRY” SHE DOESNT GET TO JUST SAY “SORRY” TO SHIT AND THEN FORGET ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DONT GET TO FORGET ABOUT IT.

IF I HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE REMEMBERING EVERYTHING SHE SAID EVERY TIME I EVEN TRY TO LOVE SOMEONE THEN WHY DOES SHE GET PEACE?

WHY DOES SHE GET TO ENJOY THE PERFECT PURE FRESHLY LAID SNOW WHILE MINE IS STAINED WITH MY WRENCHED BLOOD? AND NOW SHES SAD THAT SHE DRAGS AROUND A RUSTED SWORD FROM THE BLOOD SHE DREW?

NO. CALL OUT HER SWORD, LET HER FEEL THE WEIGHT OF IT FOR AS LONG AS I HAVE TO BLEED FOR. I WONT LET HER FORGET THE WEIGHT OF WHICH SHE CARRIES, LET HER BE UNCOMFORTABLY AWARE OF IT FOREVER.

[strawberrybunnydiary]

I dont want to be host.

i feel like the closer i get to becoming host the more i lose myself completely. the more i feel like i know this isnt my body. things were so much better when i was just me.

but i cant exactly not become host. our old host is dormat, theres so much responsibility that existing is just exhausting.

ill get over it, its just so tiring

[strawberrybunnydiary]

“Now I'm going to very politely just leave you alone until you're better and not engage anymore”

FUCK YOU.

THIS GIRL IS LITERALLY JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE IM MAD AT HER AND INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY FIXING THE ISSUE SHES JUST IGNORING ME UNTIL I “COOL DOWN”

WHICH DOESNT MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER ACTUALLY.

AS SOMEONE WHO HAS, FOR TWO YEARS, COMMUNICATED THAT I HATE BEING IGNORED OR BLOCKED HER DOING THIS JUST FEELS LIKE A TEST OF WILL.

LIKE “LETS SEE HOW LONG SHE CAN BE ANGRY FOR BEFORE SHES TIRES HERSELF OUT AND COMES BACK APOLOGIZING.”

I ALWAYS DO. I ALWAYS COME CRAWLING BACK APOLOGIZING AND BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS BUT IM THROUGH. FOR ONCE ID LIKE TO BE HEARD, FOR MY FEELINGS TO BE CONSIDERED AND BE TREATED AS IMPORTANT.

AND FOR TWO YEARS IT HASNT BEEN.

AND BEFORE ANYONE GOES “well were you yelling? or being mean?” NOPE.

IVE BEEN ACTIVELY COMMUNICATING HOW I FEEL, WHICH YES IS NEGATIVE, BUT NO PERSONAL JABS WERE MADE. AND INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH IT SHES IGNORING ME.

ILL BE SURPRISED IF WE MAKE IT PAST DECEMBER.

[strawberrybunnydiary]

FUCK YOU BAILEY.

THATS RIGHT IM USING YOUR REAL FUCKING NAME. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. YOU HUMILIATED ME.

[strawberrybunnydiary]

I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU.

I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SO BLINDED BY LOVE THAT I LET YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT. I BEG FOR YOU. I WAIT FOR YOU. AND YOU CANT EVEN DECIDE WHERE I STAND IN YOUR LIFE.

[strawberrybunnydiary]

this account is really helping me emotionally regulate a lot better, i stopped using it because someone told me it was “not normal” but i genuinely feel really good and calm, and its a lot better for me than bottling it up and making my head hurt.

[strawberrybunnydiary]

I JUST HAD SOMEONE GENUINELY TELL ME THAT THEY WOULD RATHER HAVE MY INCURABLE (SOMETIMES NOT ONLY DEBILITATING, BUT ALSO LIFE-THREATENING) CHRONIC MIGRAINES OVER HAVING SEASONAL ALLERGIES.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’M SORRY NO OFFENCE TO ANYONE WHO HAS ALLERGIES BUT YOU GUYS HAVE A MEDICINE YOU CAN TAKE. IT’LL MAKE YOURSELF FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. THERE IS NO MEDICINE ON THE PLANET THAT WILL HELP ME WITH MY MIGRAINES.

BECAUSE OF MY MIGRAINES, I’M NO LONGER ALLOWED TO TAKE LONG BATHS OR SHOWERS WITHOUT THE DOOR UNLOCKED BECAUSE IF I GET A MIGRAINE, I COULD FAINT, SLIP, FALL AND CRACK MY HEAD OPEN. AND IN A BATH, I COULD DROWN.

I HAVE TO HOLD ONTO THE RAILING OF EVERY SINGLE FLIGHT OF STAIRS SO TIGHT BECAUSE IF I GET A MIGRAINE AND FAINT WHILE I’M GOING UP THOSE STAIRS, I COULD FALL AND DIE.

AND YOU WOULD PREFER THAT OVER SEASONAL ALLERGIES??????????? KYS!!

THIS PERSON HAS ALSO HEARD ME CRY AND CURL UP INTO A BALL, PRESSING MY PALMS INTO MY FOREHEAD IN PAIN BEFORE. LIKE?? YOUVE HEARD ME CRY IN PAIN BECAUSE OF THIS AND YOU WANT THAT??? YOU WANT TO SOB IN PAIN ALMOST EVERYDAY?? JUMP!! KILL YOURSELF AND I HOPE YOURE REBORN WITH WHAT I HAVE!!!!

[strawberrybunnydiary]

IF I COULD SCREAM I FUCKED WOULD!!!!!

[strawberrybunnydiary]

“your chronic migraines are most likely stress related” NO SHIT

I HATE YOU AND I HATE EVERYONE AND I HATE WVERYTHING FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE I HATE EVERYTHING JUST KILL ME ALREADY!! WHAT KIND OF MERCIFUL GOD MAKES ME LIVE THE LIFE THAT I DO!

[strawberrybunnydiary]

I HATE THIS GIRL SO MUCH IF IT WERENT FOR COMPLETE AND UTTER LONELINESS I WOULD NEVER TEXT HER AGAIN!!! FUCK YOU!!! YOU DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT A SINGLE THING IM INTERESTED IN.

[strawberrybunnydiary]

every breath that i take is gloomed with misery and pessimism because of my hatred for you.

i didnt know the definition of being angry before you. i was incapable of such a feeling.

i only knew how to cry and now i grit my teeth with every breath.

[strawberrybunnydiary]

I want you to know.

I want you to know that i never actually forgave you. I never stopped being angry about what you said.

but you wore me down until I was exhausted from fighting. until all I could do was apologize. So I tried to forget.

All of your friends told me I was “too emotional” and you agreed. truth be told, you dont know me. you dont know how i feel at all or ever.

you fucking bore me. you bore me with how repetitive and repulsive you are. you cry and cry.

you scream and yell at me and when i cry you go “am i not allowed to be angry?”

you are so fucking boring. i hope everyone around realizes that soon.

[mxlign]

“Stop acting like you’re the victim” But I was the victim. I am the victim. You did this to me. IM NOT MANIPULATING YOU. YOU DID THIS TO ME. IT’S YOUR FAULT I’M LIKE THIS. YOU DID THIS TO ME.