[strictly-plat0nic]

I miss you more than ever. I just know you have something spectacular planned for the holiday. You never missed an opportunity to go all out. I hope you’re happy wherever you are

[dafancyuhinspiration]

[thanksbrunette]

[aidashakur]

[strictly-plat0nic]

In the last two months I’ve lost all desire to keep going. I wake up and it takes 20 minutes to will myself to get out of bed and do this shit all over again.

I feel very little for my life except anxiety. I don’t care about my business and I don’t care about my goals and I don’t care about my relationships. I just simply don’t care. If anything, they mildly irritate me. Everything in my life feels like the equivalent of tag in the back of my shirt rubbing my neck. Tolerable until it’s not. Couple that lack of feeling with the suspicious feeling that something bad is about to happen at all times and I’m always on edge.

I don’t feel safe at home and all of my current “friends” are business relationships. Money came first friendship second. Those kinds of friendships couldn’t withstand a strong breeze so I don’t put much stock in them.

I don’t know what to call this feeling. It’s like I’m too tired to be depressed. I feel void. I am the void. I’m only persisting because I have an office full of people depending on me.

The people and faces I wanted to be around me at this point in my life have long since forgotten me. I’m not sure what to do.

I’m only writing this here because I want to remember I felt this way if it gets better and then this happens again. Maybe it’s burn out. Maybe it’s my relationship. Maybe this isnt what I wanted.

[strictly-plat0nic]

I still think of you every single day

[strictly-plat0nic]

“How do you do it how do you keep livin’ carryin’ on with such a big piece missin’”

[strictly-plat0nic]

I’ve always been the type to vent. I work a thing out by talking about it. By wrestling with it verbally in front of an audience who can jeer and chant and interject when needed.

But the older I get the smaller the room grows. There are no ears left to listen and no one cares to know and I’m left working it out on my own.

[strictly-plat0nic]

I feel like I felt you let go finally. I hope you’ve found peace.

[lilybrandin-deactivated20170419]

[perriaeyjeve]

[mournfulroses]

Simone de Beauvoir, from a letter to Nelson Algren, featured in "A Transatlantic Love Affair,"

[strictly-plat0nic]

The way I haven’t spoken to you in over a year but you’ll just randomly block and unblock me is crazy

[04k96]

[strictly-plat0nic]

Life started when I met you and ended when you left. The before and after are largely unremarkable. All there is to write about those parts is the immense pain.

The vacancy in not knowing you at all and the immense anguish in having known you.

I take a breath and the only comfort I have is knowing we share the same air. Everything else is quite miserable

[strictly-plat0nic]

Missing you

[strictly-plat0nic]

No I’ll never get over it

Because when I close my eyes I’m driving those backroads late at night heading home to you