A COG IN THE MACHINE

there's a blackbird sitting on a telephone wire

[stridemachine-blog-blog]

==>

[ectobiologistegbert]

He makes a little noise when you kiss him and you swear it’s the most wonderful sound you’ve ever heard in your entire life. Maybe even one of the sweetest sounds to ever be made in the history of humanity?Either way, there’s no denying the way it makes something seem to rise and swell in your chest, threatening to burst out at any moment.

Then his arms are around your waist and pulling you close like in the countless dreams (or were they memories?) you’ve had of moments just like this. It’s a very, very good day to be alive. And an even better day to be John Egbert.

"Yeah, Dave?"

Except you don’t quite manage to find out what he’s saying because his hands are cupping your face and—-

Oh.

The dreams you’ve had about him kissing you like this don’t even start to compare to the real thing. Your knees feel a little weak, like the soft pressure of Dave’s lips has turned them to jelly.

But you don’t want him to stop.

In fact, you only kiss back, gripping his shirt tightly like he’ll be snatched away from you if you slacken your grip.

[stridemachine-blog-blog]

You swear your heart's beating a million miles a second and it doesn't help with the way John pulls you closer and kisses you back and it feels like everything up until this point has been some fucked up dream and it's only now, with him beside you, that you're finally waking up and finally remembering how to live.

You have to pull away eventually, as much as you don't want to. But you press your forehead against his and take his hands because there's something he needs to know, something you need to tell him. Something you've told him many times before in past lives and past iterations.

"John. I love you." You squeeze his hands tightly, leaning in to kiss him again before whispering against his lips.

"I love you, you fucking asshole." Something tells you you won't be separating any time soon.

[stridemachine-blog-blog]

==>

[ectobiologistegbert]

He opens the door and the first thing you notice is that he’s wearing the necklace. Your silly, stupid, cheesy as hell necklace.

Well, of course he’s wearing the necklace, but. It still really means a lot to you, even though it shouldn’t be a really big deal or anything. You can’t bring yourself to look at his eyes quite yet, though, so you keep your gaze trained on your gift.

He likes it.

He really likes it, you can tell. And that makes you irrationally relieved and happy (even though you shouldn’t have been anxious about it at all in the first place).

But the real kicker is when he. Just, takes your hands and intertwines your fingers. And you’re transported back through time and space, to the first time you saw him in person. To the kitchen months later, knife in his hand. And for a second it feels like all your breath has left your body, and—- 

Oh god, don’t start crying now, John. 

"Yeah, they do," you say, not choked up in the slightest. (A poor lie.)

And you… move closer and gently press dave against the door with your body, leaning forward to bridge the gap between your lips.

“Happy birthday, Dave.”

[stridemachine-blog-blog]

And for a moment time slows to a crawl where each millisecond carries the weight of eternity. Except this time you aren't timetravelling and in truth each moment passes like each moment should. It doesn't stop it from feeling like years. A thousand of them. He presses you against the door and, oh. He's doing something with his mouth and you feel your heart skip a couple beats like a scratch on a record and you make a little sound when he makes contact and you feel like you've been waiting for this moment for so fucking long you can barely describe even a fraction of the emotions that you're constantly failing to describe anyway. You pull him closer, arms around his waist. You're no good with words. You were never good with words.  "John. I.." Even so, you try one more time with the words thing. And you end up shaking your head. There's an easier way to do this.

You cup his face and kiss him.

[stridemachine-blog-blog]

==>

[ectobiologistegbert]

You’re kind of just dicking around a little on your laptop, a little too nervous to do anything serious because you know he’s probably gotten your present and you wonder if it’s any good and if he likes it.

There’s no ignoring the sound of his padded footsteps making his way toward your door, though. Your heart is in your throat for some reason, you realize, as he stops in front of your door and you slowly rise out of your chair to make your way over to the door.

"Dave?"

[stridemachine-blog-blog]

You've got half a mind to tell him to open the door since you don't plan on talking to a slab of wood, but you know it's unlocked. He's got no reason to keep it locked anyway. So you gently turn the knob, opening it.

You're wearing the necklace he got you. It's cheesy as hell. But you are never going to take it off.

When you close the door behind you, you stare down at the floor. Unable to meet his eyes just yet.

"Your present," you start. "It's nice." Understatement. "S'cool and shit." Understatement. "I like it." Understatement.

And you bite your lip a little, searching for the right words to convey everything you want him to know.

"...Your hand. And mine. And stuff. You know."

You take his left hand in your right. And. Gently intertwine your fingers.

"They match."

[stridemachine-blog-blog]

==>

You show up after getting his letter, in front of his bedroom.  There's a million things you could say and there's a million things you're thinking but there's nothing that exists that can describe what you feel. 

How do you describe meeting your soulmate for the second time? You don't. You can't. 

You press your forehead against the door and close your eyes.  "John."

[stridemachine-blog-blog]

hey, dave.

listen… i know it feels like i’ve only known you for a few months, but. that’s not right, is it?

you weren’t just some stranger i happened to meet a couple months ago. it was destiny… we were bound to see each other again.

because a long, long time ago you came to the rescue when i was in trouble and you never left my side. because you’ve always been my best bro, my closest friend. and… because the more time we spent together once you started living at my place, the more i realized it…

we’re soulmates.

i know things have been weird lately, with us showing up here and being strangers again for some reason. and i still don’t understand what’s going or why all that stuff happened. heck, some days i wake up confused and forget who and where i am for a little while.

that’s not important, though. because you’re here. and, well, i love you.

i know it’s not much, but… i remember a long time ago there was a special spinning gear ring i showed you. we (semi) joked about getting engaged, and how if (when?) we did, i’d give you that ring. so when i saw this necklace with the moving gears, i just knew i had to get it for you.

this is really stupid and it doesn’t make much sense, but… i feel like it was made to be worn by you. the cog to my anchor?

so that, even if we lose each other again, the minute i see it around your neck i’ll know that it’s you.

okay, i’m done being sappy i think. it’s just, i really, really love you, dave. and it hurts too much to imagine living without you.

but we don’t have to worry about that anymore, right?

xoxo, john