Why I Wrote a Book About the Adult Industry
In 2010 I entered the adult industry and spent half a decade making choices that would forever change my life, until I "retired" in 2015. In 2020, after hiding everything for 5 years and trying to pretend my past was perfect, my life fell apart completely in almost every aspect, and it was in that moment that I chose to stop living in the dark. I started a step program and worked with a therapist on some deep issues, which revolved mostly around my past. I started to write about my experiences, and combining that with journal entries over those years in the industry, a rough draft of a book started to form.
I wrote this book mainly to prove to myself that you can’t heal from trauma by keeping it hidden away in a closet. Healing cannot be silenced. Healing doesn’t come from hiding away. You can try your hardest to run or create new realities but the darkness will lurk under at all until you revisit it time and time again. When you’re no longer afraid to share about it and to help others lives using your story, that’s uncomfortable recovery for me, and it is much needed for me to heal fully. It took years, but I finally realized that if I wanted to continue on in life without living any type of a double life, I had to stand on a rooftop with this book in my hand and shout to the world that the words are indeed on the pages.
HERE is a video talking more about why I wrote the book and the process it took to write it and publish it:
Purchase a Paperback Version of the Book from Amazon HERE or Barnes & Noble HERE (Cost: $20.22 plus shipping)
Book Title: The Girl She Thought She Was
Book Summary:
Once an innocent, happy-go-lucky teenager from a small town in the midwest, she does whatever it takes to break out of the mundane life she knows all too well. She chooses a fake name for herself, "Ruby," and enters the world of adult films. Her curiosity brings her from one adventure to the next as she discovers her independence while feature dancing at clubs, meeting her fans for film sessions, and learning to edit and produce her own videos. Eventually she finds herself just outside of Las Vegas, in a small town known for its brothels. All she ever wants is to make her mark on the adult industry. Does she have the courage and strength to stand up to everyone who tries to take a piece of her soul along the way and make it to the top? Or will she discover that chasing her dreams is a dead end, or worse?
Here is a video clip of me reading a bit from Chapter 1:
In this first chapter you can start to get a glimpse of how easy it is to be sucked into the adult world, thinking it is innocent and creating more independence in your life. Boy was I wrong about that! Here is a video clip of me reading a bit from Chapter 2:
Chapter 2 shows you the path it took for "Ruby" to get from the idea of porn to actually on set. It seemed so thrilling, so exciting, so safe. She could hardly see how the men around her were completely taking advantage of her whenever they could. The business she creates for herself takes some wild twists and turns and in the end, she is left with a LOT of guilt and shame, and not much to show for it. Here is a video clip of me reading a bit from Chapter 10:
Chapter 10 is filled with emotions as the main character discovers that the road she has been on is a red brick road to hell. Nothing has been what it seemed at the beginning, and she is ready to take the most courageous step of all, getting OUT of the industry.
I hope you enjoy the book and know that you too can speak your truths no matter what you have been through! Being unafraid to continuously talk about my trauma and my healing is what will help others heal and in turn, help me understand myself more fully. If you're looking to begin to heal from your past, feel free to reach out!