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can i be vulnerable for a sec?

don’t you feel the heaviness of going to bed alone sometimes?

maybe it’s cause i spend most of my day outside my bedroom, making bedtime sort of reality facing time now

and, sometimes i can’t help but wonder if this is what my mom felt for most of her life

it has always make me uncomfortable seeing my mom passed out on the couch or even seeing her peacefully choose it over her own bed

until today

i know i could simply blame it on the book

but as i snugged in bed without feeling tired i thought to myself i should read a chapter or two and let my eyes close by themselves

but that never happened, i ended up crying my lungs out because edward left bella

i was picturing us the whole time tho, as awkward as it sounds, that’s all i see

and here is where my head starts spinning, i’m scared about us, our future and how long will it take for me to stop feeling like this

to a degree i feel whimsical about it, i’ve been living alone for a big part of my life and even if we go back a year ago i was doing perfectly fine by myself, i was new in hh and i was ready to give it all

but now i can’t help it, such a long journey even tho it’s been only two months. i’m aware i can keep going on w it, that i’d work it out

but i simply don’t want to, i don’t wanna be away from you. it makes my heart ache the way few things in life do, i could feel it being strangled by someone i cannot see

but it’s my head

ruhlare

the truth is that love requires effort. you have to invest. you have to give, but also receive. love is not a one-sided contract. you have to water each other. you have to take care of each other. love isn't easy, but the effort is worth it when it's reciprocated.