Hello!! just wanted to ask what you meant abt the 'objectifiction' that happens in smut fanfics, no sarcasm or anything but, can you explain the topic further?? How can you tell if they're objectifying or not?? I'm just genuinely curious abt it,,,😮
This is such a wonderful question! I never realized there might be some who actually don't know what objectification is, or feels like, and might confuse it with love.
Let’s go back to the basics. All through history, men have been pushed to succeed in life with a good job, stable finance, have the perfect partner, and gain control over everything in their life. Women have been treated as tokens to trade for business through marriage (except for those few golden acceptions ie: Joan of Ark, Queen Elizabeth, Mulan). Since women have been used as objects for trading without the concern for their mental health, or actual needs or wants, or dreams in life, men want control over their partners too. Why? Because that’s all we’ve been seen as, just objects used for trading. And if we’re used for trading, we can be traded or bought (or married) to somewhere else. This is why men get possessive, they can’t lose us (one of their power tokens) or they lose some control or status. This is why the “possessive” trope is so toxic! It’s not about love, it’s objectifying us as property, yes, like we’re a piece of land that can be sold to whoever buys us. We were and still are used as breeding tokens, prizes, etc. to keep the bloodline ongoing. Because biologically, men have the need to want to dominate the world with their own blood. However, this is a biological vs nurture argument, and I will say more about that later.
So when men say, “you’re mine” or “you don’t belong to anyone else but me”, they think it’s love, but no, it’s just objectification wrapped in possessiveness and tied with a pretty bow that says “love”, but it’s no such thing. Would you rather be with someone who cherishes you, and cares for you and your happiness, even if they lose you, they want the best for you, and can move on, or be with someone who just wants you as a trophy of power (reminder it’s not you, it’s them that has the power) and get possessive, jealous, etc, because their ego is so wrapped up in their “status”, and they can’t stand to lose that status and power if you leave?
In a summary sentence: They don’t care about you, they just want to keep their power and control. Simple as that.
Now. In many books and the media these days (no thanks to twilight and fifty shades of gray, or after), it’s easy to warp the minds of young girls who want love and disguise objectification in a pretty “love” box.
Twilight: Possessive issues. They’re both so broken they work because they can’t survive alone and have to be dependent on each other. That’s not good.
FSOG: Horrible possession issues: stalks her work, constantly tells her she’s his (as in his property), rapes her, controls what she does in life, controls her job, her decisions, her LIFE with blackmail and threats disguised as “but I love you” when really he means “I hate myself and want to bring you down with me”. I’m not even going to go into the abuse in their sex life (he ignores her safe word), even the BDSM community hates those books. And when you have a whole community that the book is supposed to represent but they dislike them, there’s a huge problem there. But because we’re taught that sex happens between two people who “love” each other, everything I just summarised in this series is ignored. To those who liked the books, time to self-reflect (yes it’s supposed to feel uncomfortable), make yourself better.
After: Sex. Sex is the manipulation in this book. You know, Tessa left a perfectly good boyfriend and cheats on him with Hardin because “he’s sexy”? There are so many things wrong with that sentence in so many ways. He stalks her, appears in her dorm room when she’s alone (rape situation), seduces her, takes a dare that he can keep her (so he’ll win the goddamn dare). Possessive issues!!! Again... (I have a headache). Everything revolves around sex here. She’s a nice submissive toy for him to play with. And if she goes, welp, Hardin is distraught because there goes his fun, his control, and his power over her.
Sex, in our generation, despite being taught “it’s about love”, isn’t about love anymore. It’s about control, manipulation, right down to the small actions of how they control women in bed. Do this, do that, switch positions, suck me off, let me cum on you, swallow, “you’re so hot, so sexy, you’re a slut for me, and only me, nobody else, just me, your body belongs to me, not you, just me.” Oh look, possession issues, objectifying your body, taking away your control, look it’s all there. But we overlook it because “but we love each other, we have sex because we love each other” No, no, no no, no, all of that is not love, it’s objectifying.
Then we have the whole argument of nature vs nurture. They say, “men are programmed at birth to have the need to reproduce”.
You know, nature goes with everyday habits and personality. Nurture is about controlling yourself (not others, yourself) in what you choose to do.
So actually, that nature argument is invalid when it comes to “men have the urge to reproduce”. Sure, they definitely do, but it’s how they control that urge, how they can or could be nurtured into focusing on something else than sex. It’s the nurture part where a change needs to happen. Just because it’s in men’s nature to reproduce doesn’t excuse their horrible decisions to mentally and emotionally damage a whole other gender. There, I said it.
“Let the comments rain down on me like snow on a desert.” – Sideways (yt channel).
So women, when you feel that “thrill” or “excitement”, or “a tingle down your back”, it’s not love, it’s a warning sign.
Love should feel warm, comfortable, confident, secure, and peaceful.
Love isn’t supposed to hurt. It’s supposed to heal.
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