I know we don't know each other but... WHY!? YOU SHOULD BE RESTING- QUIT UR JOB I'LL GIVE YOU.. umm A MONTHLY ALLOWANCE OR SOMETHING It's not healthy to work so much all the time :< you'll fall sick...
Hello, I would like to know if you accept the request? Thanks 🥰
Hi! I'm really sorry. If your request was one I just answered, then yes! If not, I didn't recieve it and will happily take it if you resend. I'm currently up to my eyelids with work and my own store. I'll get to these as soon as I possibly can ♡♡
"to be fully seen by somebody, then, be loved anyhow is a human offering that can border on miraculous."
proof read: kinda
warnings: none
note(s): the format might be garbage, im mobile.
Love is a weird thing but so are the conditions that come with it; the limits that people decide need to be in place. You understood boundaries or not wanting to take too many steps before you knew the relationship would hold but some things never sat right with you. It took a few years but it wasn't until you overheard some of your project group talking that it finally hit you; most people you knew didn't want to date their best friends for two reasons.
1. It could ruin their friendship. This reason was obvious and of course you understood.
2. They'd seen way too much.
You remember hearing those words and your head lifting, confused and wondering what that could even mean. When you were in a relationship that would eventually progress, weren't they just going to see those things anyway? You never could let that thought go, not once you decided that would only make it better; it would make a relationship stronger. Well, in your eyes.
Dating was something that seemed to come easier to you before those thoughts started polluting your mind; no one seemed to understand or see you in a way you really wanted. The ideal person for you was someone who saw everything; the bad days, the good days and the maybe okay but not so great days. It was really starting to mess with you. By not wanting to date certain friends, were you restricting yourself from the relationship you really wanted?
Only one person, one friend, knew you better than you knew yourself, you were positive of that. Your best friend of nine years, Junhee, had probably been through almost every bad thing possible in life with you. You began recalling all the situations you'd been in with each other that were memorable; the things you wouldn't have faced with anyone else because you didn't want anyone else to see.
'Do you remember when you got your belly button pierced?'
And that's when it began.
The question came out of nowhere, breaking the silence of your apartment and leaving Junhee to look up from his book confused and blinking. 'Uh.. yes?' His response came out slow, hesitant like he was missing some weird in-between the lines meaning of the question.
Your head tilted, finally looking over at him. 'Do you remember the way you squeezed my hand to the point it was purple because it hurt so bad you nearly passed out?'
His features flushed at the ridiculous memory being forced back into his head. 'You mean the same day you had to cling to me, crying because your first tattoo felt like your leg was being seared off?'
You hated crying in front of people for any reason but you couldn't go alone; you'd never go alone for something like that. You just nodded in response before returning to your own book, continuing to read like you hadn't brought the subject up at all.
Your first date after you began recalling things and getting far too deep in what could only be sentimental thoughts went okay. A friend of your friend's, Sehyoon, who was an art major and knew of you but didn't know you; he'd never really integrated himself into the small friend circle on campus but Byeongkwan spoke highly of him.
He was sweet; a gentleman. Pretty much anything you could really ask for but you noticed little things; minute things that didn't even matter. You felt like you were being unreasonable or judgmental despite only picking out things that didn't match. Didn't match what, exactly?
He wasn't Junhee.
The realization had you suddenly shooting up from your seat, interrupting the poor male's answer to your question about his major and spilling out several apologies as you even fought to put money down for your own food. It took quite a few more 'I'm really sorry's before you were speeding out of the small restaurant; you'd make sure to call him later.
You found yourself in the only place that made sense: banging hard on the door of the RA for your building, hardly caring if you disturbed anyone else.
'What?' was the greeting you received from a very frustrated Donghun, wanting nothing more than to be left alone again. And yes, you called each other your friend.
'We have a really, really big problem.'
Being a mutual friend and despite not wanting to get involved in anyone's "drama", he spent two hours talking you out of it, down from it and against it, reminding you just why your newfound feelings for your best friend were a problem. He even reminded you of your comment, three years ago, about how you could never possibly like Junhee; how he remembered that and you didn't, you didn't care to ask.
You returned home a wreck, tired and wanting to burn your own emotions. Were you really uncovering some unconsciously buried feelings or did you just like the fact that he /saw/ you? He'd seen you nearly on your deathbed sick.
He'd seen you living in a depression nest for two weeks, barely able to get out a bed and eating nothing but honey buns and cereal.
He'd seen you grieve family members and pets; seen you walk into the rain and scream at the top of your lungs because of how lost in despair you'd been.
He'd seen you drunk and stupid; he'd seen you the night after a one night stand and hungover to the point you wanted to fight the sun.
He'd sat by you absolutely throwing your guts up.
He had seen every single side of you and you'd seen the same from him but it only started to stack further and further.
You knew his favorite songs because God forbid he only have one. You knew his favorite color, favorite food and his weird retirement plan that involved a tiny petting zoo of his own that he refused to just call a farm. Your pins for everything were each other's birthdates and he was the only other name on your bank account. Why?
Staring down at the menu you'd seen over a hundred times, you were sure, you couldn't decide on just what sounded good and part of you just wanted everything. Those moments staring at words that started to blur, you noticed Junhee hadn't touched his menu and kept shifting around, visibly uncomfortable for reasons you couldn't possible figure out.
'It's unlike you to not be going off about the food here.. or already having ordered your favorite drink that, I recall, you said you'd die without if you didn't have it every time you came here,' you began, closing the menu and setting it down with narrowed eyes, 'what's going on?'
'It's stupid. Just.. order and get some food, I'll probably just eat later. I'm not really hungry.'
That was a bold faced lie and you knew it, the concern growing. 'And, what's the oh-so-stupid reason, exactly?'
It took him a minute, shifting more and acting like a child who had gotten in trouble. 'I, uh.. I can't really..' he gestured around, lips pursed and growing even more upset by the second, you could tell by the way he was trying to stop himself from frowning. 'Can't really afford it.' You were college students, it wasn't the world's biggest secret if you couldn't afford something.
'Do you really think I'm just going to eat in front of you?' You snorted, avoiding any comment that would further his being upset over the situation, 'Don't worry about it and order, okay?'
Financial struggles were no quiet matter between the two of you and never had been since you started school. Junhee lived off campus in an apartment with two shitty roommates, a terrible part time job and parents that pretty much didn't care if he perished on the side of the street somewhere. You, on the other hand, which you didn't like bringing up, were doing fine but only because your parents dropped something of an 'allowance' into your account for foods and necessities.
You ignored his attempt to argue and told him if he didn't order something, you were going to do it for him; he shut up.
The next day, you took a trip to the bank.
You could feel eyes on you as you splayed across the couch, staring at the ceiling and contemplating life and all of it's annoyances. No question left you but even if you wanted to say something, you were cut off.
'So, are you going to tell me what's going on? For the past.. three weeks? You've been asking me all sorts of weird stuff,' Junhee inquired, frowning thoughtfully, 'Are you testing me or something? Trust me, yes, I remember every single second I've spent with you. I remember every word you've said, the names of every guy you've been with and the ones I'd like to fight. I remember every birthday and gift I've given you and the ones you've given me. Yes, I remember your favorite things and everything so, what's the deal?'
It sounded sentimental at first but then you noticed that all too familiar waiver in his voice and out of the corner of your eye, you noticed his hands fiddling with the chain bracelet that had adorned his wrist for five years; he wanted to cry. A crying Junhee was something no one ever wanted on your hands and you briefly recalled a phone call from a very panicked Byeongkwan because of just that but you were letting your thoughts get off topic.
'I think I'm in love with you.'
'If you don't want to be fri-'
You were both cut off as your head turned to finally look at him, soaking in the unreadable expression on his features when someone busted through the door; 'Look!'
Both of you looked towards your two friends that invited themselves into your door, one holding a new cat and the other looking just as pleased with the announcement but it gradually dropped. 'Shit, did we interrupt something?' Of course, you always knew when you finally and truly confessed to someone that it would be Byeongkwan who ruined the whole thing; you used it as an escape, though, reminding yourself of what the confession could do to your friendship.
'New minion, I see,' you chimed, sitting up and ignoring the question, both of them, as you rose to greet Donghun's new pet. You were ignorant to the looks shared between the three boys and you were happy about that.
Now, you just had to avoid it ever coming up again until it was forgotten.
Junhee, however, didn't want that to happen.
After about an hour of chitchatting and ignoring the gaze of your best friend, you excused yourself under the excuse of having a meetup for a class, despite it being your dorm, and managed to weasel your way out. There was really nowhere to go, no one to talk to and you surely didn't have any plans for the next week; you ended up at the café on campus. It was quiet and filled mostly with a few students doing work and the two members of staff behind the counter, one eventually joining you at the table. He didn't say anything, waited for you to stop your dramatic Disney scene and acknowledge him.
'Would you date me, Yu?'
Taken a bit off guard, he ended up snorting. 'I can't tell if this is a trap or you want the genuine answer,' he replied, crossing his arms atop the table, 'but, on the hand that it's serious.. probably. I mean, I definitely wouldn't turn you down. We've known each other for a few years, hang out on a regular basis.. get along and have a lot of similar interests. So, yeah.'
The answer made your lips draw into a deep frown and you tapped your fingers against the cup, soaking up every word. 'Even though we're friends? What if we broke up?'
A soft 'ah' came from him as he realized what was really going on and he shrugged, thinking it over for a minute or two. 'We're both adults and I don't believe either of us would do something so that the breakup would be something that could ruin our friendship. I understand it would be like.. friends then it being intimate then back to friends, but I think both of us are mature enough to deal with that and not let it bother us too much.' He spoke like he'd been through it several times and in reality, it had only been once, a small fling with a mutual friend but they still seemed pretty okay. 'Is this about Jun?'
'Does everyone know?' You groaned out, releasing the cup to lean back and rub your hands over your face in defeat, 'I.. I told him I think I love him then Kwan and Donghun showed up and I bailed because now I don't actually want to face him or admit to ever actually saying it. I do! I do love him! I don't.. I don't want to lose him, you know?'
You could see the way the latter looked at you, sympathetic and calculating what words wouldn't just stress you out further. 'Look.. I know you don't want to hear it from me or anyone else for that matter because you want to keep saying it'll ruin your friendship when in reality, you don't like the idea that you could hurt each other, I was the same way with Donghun, so I understand.. but, you should really see all this from an outsider's point of view. Junhee looks at you like you hung the moon and you look at him like he painted the stars; yes, it's been like that since I've met you and a reminder, it's been years. I don't know what took you so long to realize it or if you've just avoided it this whole time but anyone would have to be blind not to see it. Now,' he sighed deeply as he finished and straightened, 'I think you should probably go and talk to him about it considering you just confessed then ditched but it's your choice. I don't think you have anything to worry about.. for either of you. You're the most loyal person I know, so I have no doubt you'd ever hurt him in a way that would ruin you guys and he can barely swat at a fly or sit still through hearing thunder, you think he's going to do something? Regardless.. one of these days, soon, you'll have to face it and I really hope you don't go into it with the cliché reason of your friendship being ruined.'
The words sank in slow and you wanted nothing but to cry your eyes out because he was right; he always was and you hated it. It took a while for you to speak and he seemed okay with that, briefly leaving you to fill a couple orders before returning. 'I know you're leaving for break tomorrow.. tell him before then.' Those were his last words before he bid you good luck and a good night, heading back to his own dorm, most likely to call Donghun now that he'd projected just a little bit.
Irrationality was a word that would be in your character description box and the word stupid could very well be right next to it because when you got home, you packed your bag and decided to leave early, not bothering to let any of your friends know. You needed time and you were being selfish, so selfish to the point you thought maybe he'd just hate you when you got back.
Oh boy were you wrong.
Two days into being back home and confiding in your mother who promptly smacked you upside the back of the head, you found yourself sitting on the porch and moping, split between what to do. You suspected the boys were a bit angry with you when you noticed the ample amount of texts, voicemails, social messages and phone calls that had gone ignored; you caught a glimpse of the absolute book Yuchan took the time to send you, leaving you kind of scared to even open it. It didn't take long for the guilt to set in but you chose to wait until you were back on campus to deal with it.
Or at least, that was your plan.
'So, I know you've never been a fan of confrontation but.. you've never been the type to run away.'
The sudden voice startled you as you hadn't even noticed anyone pull up and of course, upon looking up, you were met with the face you were trying to avoid the most. Junhee stood at the end of the sidewalk looking pitiful and shifting his weight in a nervous manner. You didn't bother trying to speak, not knowing what to say but you did wait for the rant, the berating that you deserved; that wasn't who he was though.
He even stayed quiet for a minute or two, making his way closer to sit on the steps, looking up towards your figure. 'Did you mean it?'
You could have answered right away, poured your heart out and let out the tears you'd been holding in since the moment you left. Instead, you stayed quiet and pulled your knees closer to your chest, not trusting your own voice. He didn't relent though, reaching out to lightly nudge your knee.
'That's all I need to know.. did you mean it? If.. if you didn't I can just leave and we don't have to bother with it again.'
'And, if I did..?' Finally finding your voice, you looked over to him, chewing hard on your lower tier, nervous and kind of wanting to throw up.
You could see him thinking it over before a faint smile showed up. 'I'd most likely cry.. but I'm going to cry either way,' he began, shrugging his shoulders while moving up to sit next to you, 'I'd also tell you that I love you, too and I've been trying to tell you that for years now.'
The confession made your heart flutter, your skin burn and the butterflies being kept back burst in delight in your gut. 'Even.. after everything we've been through? Everything you've seen..?'
Junhee nodded. 'Mhm. I'd go through it all again and what do you mean? I've seen nothing but you.'
♤ : I'll start posting the cliche prompt requests soon! sorry for the delay, the electricity is out and my data service isn't holding up that well. Thank you for your patience.
pick a number and a bias : i write for a.c.e, stray kids, ateez and txt.
"In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine."
"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without."
"Do I love you? My god, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches."
"If I know what love is, it is because of you."
"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
"Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."
"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."
"Love is the thing that is always having the last word—even when those words are 'I'm sorry,' or 'Forgive me,' or 'I love you no matter what.'"
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you directly, without problems or pride: I love you like this because I don't know any other way to love, except in this form in which I am not nor are you, so close that your hand upon my chest is mine, so close that your eyes close with my dreams."
"You are the love that came without warning; you had my heart before I could say no."
"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more. That plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.”
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
"How in hell can you handle love without turning your life upside down? That’s what love does, it changes everything."
"I have for the first time found what I can truly love. I have found you.”
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get—only with what you are expecting to give—which is everything."
"Loving you never was an option. It was a necessity."
"To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous."
"Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
"It is love that makes the impossible, possible."
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love."
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, While loving someone deeply gives you courage."
"I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart). I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)."
"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope...I have loved none but you."
"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever."
"And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you."
"For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you."
"I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone."
"They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered."
"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are."
"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."
"The very essence of romance is uncertainty."
"I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone."
"My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite."
"Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars."
"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you."
"You have made a place in my heart where I thought there was no room for anything else. You have made flowers grow where I cultivated dust and stones."
"You make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way."
"He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began."
"I was made and meant to look for you and wait for you and become yours forever."
"Love is like a friendship caught on fire."
"There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage."
"For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.”
"I can conquer the world with one hand, as long as you’re holding the other."
"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other."
"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."
"You don't marry the person you can live with—you marry the person you can't live without."
"The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now."
"I swear I couldn’t love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will tomorrow."
"Thinking of you keeps me awake. Dreaming of you keeps me asleep. Being with you keeps me alive."
"You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought."
"A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you."
"My love for you is a journey, starting at forever and ending at never."
"There is only one happiness in life: To love and be loved."
"Those who don't believe in magic, will never find it."
"A life without love is like a year without summer."
"Who, being loved, is poor?"
"There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice."
"You're something between a dream and a miracle."
"Where there is love there is life."
"The water shines only by the sun. And it is you who are my sun."
"I look at you and see the rest of my life in front of my eyes."
"You are every lovely word I could think of."
"When I look at you, I see everything I've ever wanted."
"Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.”
"If I get married, I want to be very married."
"May this marriage be full of laughter, our every day in paradise."
"Great love affairs start with champagne..."
"Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat."
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