PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE THIS and read through !! + reblog / share this.. thank you !Ā
This is to all my asian fams out there who are suffering a great deal of trauma and abuse.
Asian parents, according to the stereotypes, are extremely strict and I totally 110% agree with it. They give no fucks about your feelings and they will do whatever it takes to get your ass studying. They will do whatever it takes to get you an A. Disappointments arise when you get a simple āBā. They complain. They yell. They abuse you in ways you canāt even comprehend. Itās fucked up and ridiculous.
There was once a girl.. I believe.. in my community who called upon the police because she got beaten up by her parents. EVEN IF IT WAS MINOR bitch, I fucking praise her. I live for her. Everyone including my parents despised her and this is what they said.
āSheās killing her parents.ā āHow could she?ā āHer parents work so hard for her and yet her parents are going to jail.ā āThe parents didnāt even do anything to her.ā āItās normal.ā
Bitch, what? Itās normal? Itās normal for parents to beat up a child? Itās normal? Yes. āItās normal.ā
No one knows what happens behind closed doors. No one cares because itās not them. Itās not their business, but I do because I understand how hard it is to be a child of a ānon-abusiveā parent. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. āNon-abusiveā my ass.
I actually, again, never ever heard or seen other parents similar to mine and Iām not even sure if I should share thisā¦.? because itās so fucking sensitive, but I mean here I am, so please please share this because I really, desperately, want to hear anon or not if people really do experience these things. Itās very serious and I loathe this feelings.
Itās a stereotype that I always hear all the time. My parents expect me to get As. My parents are going to kill me, but I never hear stories about it. Having parents like these really discourages me and hurt me to no end.
I get guilt-tripped more than I realize. I am expected to more than I can handle. I still do it anyways because I āloveā my parents. No, I donāt really love them, itās more like I crave the feeling of being loved. I am not being cared for because āmental disordersā donāt exist in my family. Male gender is dominant above all else. I have to hide my period stains and I have to hide the fact that I am a woman. I must act weak and I must respect my parents even if theyāre always wrong. I canāt explain things because Iām a āchildā. I am not smart enough because my parents āhave more experienceā or ājust knowsā. Itās frustrating to be living in an environment where education is so competitive. I donāt want to study anything academic wise in the future. I rather seek a future of just art.
There are so many rules. I canāt go out with my friends because Iām a āfemaleā. I canāt take on a position because Iām a āfemaleā. Iām expected to hit high grades, do well in sports, get first place in everything, know everything, and yet do nothing. The logic is literally not there but apparently, it is to them. What I despise the most is that they donāt understand that theyāre living in America. America has a different education system. Time has changed. Technology obviously changed. Yet, my parents lecture me because I havenāt gone to college yet. Iām sitting there, not talking back of course, because Iād probably get hit. I sit there listening, but the irony is that heās never been to college. He never finished high school. I donāt even think my mom ever went to high school.
So, I sit. I sit and sit. There is a pile of homework next to me, but Iām in no mood to complete it because Iām drowning in guilt. Iām drowning in pain. I have mental disorders. Tons. I may resort to self-harm. I may have suicidal thoughts. I may wake up in the middle of the night because I have so much work to do. Sometimes I canāt sleep. Sometimes I donāt sleep.
Iām not allowed to eat. I canāt exercise. I sit all day and receive blows aka abusive language because thatās āhow it isā. I have to live with it because thatās āhow it isā. I know this is not ānormalā but it is within an asian household.
Many are extremely lucky to have āthoseā parents that are very liberal, but I donāt. I canāt make friends because they donāt suit my parentās likings. I donāt tell them anything because theyāll judge me and yell at me for not studying. They refuse to give me money. They refuse to let me go outside. They hate it when Iām not studying. They hate it when Iām complaining. Itās sickening to them and theyāll start blaming you.
I get blamed a lot for decisions I made that they wanted me to do. I get blamed for going out with friends. I get blamed for the smallest shit ever.
āOh your back hurts?ā āYou donāt exercise enough.ā āYou donāt eat enough.ā āYou donāt even get up from your chairā
ā¦ I donāt get it. I donāt exercise because Iām not allowed to. I donāt eat because I hate eating. I donāt get up from my chair because all you want me to do is study all day long. How else am I suppose to earn that A? Just like how money doesnāt fall from trees, As donāt magically appear.
ā¦but I canāt say any of that. Iām not allowed to. I am supposed to ārespectā and āloveā them. Iām suppose to be okay if my parents cheat on each other. Iām suppose to be okay if my back hurts. Iām suppose to be okay if my head hurts or if my stomach hurts. Iām suppose to be strong. Iām supposed to be so many things Iām not.
I learn to lie. I learn to cope. I learn to kill myself. I learn to destroy myself. I learn to disappear. I learn to be fake. I learn to be someone else.
I canāt be myself. I have to act. I have to because āthatās how it isā. I have to become a doctor or an engineer. I canāt pursue the arts that I dearly love. I canāt pursue shit. I canāt be myself and I really am desperately looking through this studyblr community that can share the same feelings.
Everyone is the studyblr community is studying hard and doing great things, but I really need to know how many of you out there is being treated like trash. It is devastating and it is so hard to be someone youāre not.
If you are reading this experiencing similar situations, please please message me or smth because mental disorders are not okay. The situation you are living in is obviously harmful. I basically kill my brain. I fry it in fire because I canāt cope with it in any other way. So please share this and let me know. Let me know itās real and that Iām not alone in this community.
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