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Private blog please leave

[just-shower-thoughts]

If you get married in Japan then fly to Hawaii and immediately die after you land, your marriage certificate will be dated after your death certificate

[maxipaddy]

Rare photo of John Mulaney killing Princess Diana

[catchymemes]

[knowwhatimeme]

[lesbiskammerat]

guys please stop with the “we dont know who created minecraft its just a mystery” jokes. it’s really inappropriate and disrespectful to erase someone’s legacy like that, especially considering all the hard work hatsune miku put into creating minecraft all on her own

[agetwellcard]

coming soon: the duolingo owl will break into your home at night and beat the shit out of you if you don’t know the word for potato in french

[thatsbelievable]

[besamu-deactivated20210329]

older sisters are the backbone of society and deserve financial compensation

[swordsdance-deactivated20191029]

who cares about the troops. what about older sisters

[catsbeaversandducks]

Public service announcement: DO NOT attempt to take panoramic photos of your pet. The results are traumatic.

Via Countryside Veterinary Hospital

[lexaproletariat-deactivated2018]

[imnotnoura-deactivated20190728]

tumblr is like a group therapy with no therapist.

[notlocalbisaster]

[the-space-ace]

When you get bored and have been rewatching cartoons.

[allofthefeelings]

I hope Avengers sometimes go to Strange like “I need your help” and he’s like “What’s wrong? Skrulls? Hydra?” and they’re like “I’m congested and it hurts when I swallow.”

[magistrate-of-mediocrity]

You think they ever approach Vision in a similar manner to complain about how the wi-fi router keeps kicking them off the network?

[allofthefeelings]

Well, NOW I do.

[thelibrarina]

Peter Parker calls Steve Rogers at midnight and he shows up at Aunt May’s in full uniform, shield at the ready. “You said something about Nazis? Let’s go.”

And Peter’s standing in the doorway in pajamas and like, pikachu slippers, and he’s like, “The AP history test is tomorrow. I need you to tell me everything you know.”

[moonblossom]

Alternately, I’m now picturing Wanda going to basically anyone else and trying to talk about some issues she and Vis are having, and universally, they all just go “Have you tried turning him off and turning him back on again?”

[allofthefeelings]

There are so many good comments on this post but this one deserves a special shout-out.

[indifferent-kiwi]

Peter: So what do you remember about the JFK assassination?

Bucky: I think I killed him

Peter: alrighty then

[marvelxs-universe]

this entire thing is glorious

[bubonickitten]

oh boy i just had an Adventure™ in minecraft 

so, i was exploring the map and i was pretty far away from my home base, basically using a boat to cross deep ocean biomes and investigating islands and smaller landmasses and such 

one of the islands i came across had an ABSURD amount of wolves roaming about. “holy shit,” i thought, “this swamp biome is full of free dogs.” 

so of course i go on a wolf-taming spree. i wasn’t paying attention to how many i was amassing. by the time i’d covered the island, i had a pack of about twenty dogs in my entourage. 

i think, ok, perhaps it’s time to go home, at least so i can leave some of these pups in a safe place while i keep exploring. 

problem: there’s a huge fucking ocean between Dog Island and the continent my home base is on. 

my stubborn ass thinks, “ok. ok. dogs can swim. we’ll FORD this river ocean.” 

this, obviously, did not go well. the dogs are v good swimmers, but also very slow, and if i get too far ahead of them, they don’t catch up, because they can’t teleport to the player if you’re not on land. it took forever to get to the nearest small island, and i’d lost about a third of my dogs. 

“i need a better plan,” i think to myself. i mean, i could abandon this ridiculous ‘transport 20+ dogs at least 5000m across multiple deep ocean biomes to my home base’ idea and find some free dogs closer to home. i mean, they’re not really that hard to find. but these are my dogs. i gave them bones and now they love me. i must not abandon them. 

…and that’s how dog water skiing was born: 

ishouldhavejustdonethisinthefirstfuckingplace.jpg

anyway, by the time i got to the next landmass, i hadn’t lost any more dogs. success!

and not only had i not lost any more dogs, but this new landmass was ALSO full of free dogs. and i still had some stacks of bones, which obviously trumps my own sense of self-control. 

fast forward ten minutes:

look at all these pups! and also a really rude spider.

still more pups!

…oh jeez. 

this is basically Homeward Bound, but instead of two dogs and a cat, it’s just me and like thirty goddamn dogs. they were continuously teleporting in front of me, i was tripping all over them. it was chaos. 

now, i should mention, this was a long-ass trek home.  at some point my sword AND my backup sword broke, because frankly i just was not expecting my expedition to last this long and i did not bring a backup backup sword, so i was flailing at creepers with an axe. i definitely lost some good pups, especially since at least half that travel was at nighttime peak monster spawn time. AND i have the Mo’ Creatures mod installed, so not only do i have to worry about the standard monsters, but also lions, tigers, bears (which are usually pretty chill but apparently can become hostile when thirty dogs suddenly teleport on top of them), manticores, ogres, SPECIAL wolves that instead of being tamable are just Very Angry All The Time, etc. 

but the thing is, i kept finding more free dogs. and, sometimes when i’m walking, two dogs will just breed out of nowhere, so occasionally i’d turn around and there’d be a puppy. who did this. we’re, like, climbing a mountain here. control yourselves  

anyways, by the time i got back to my home base, i counted forty-eight doggos. 

just look at these Good Dogs. i couldn’t get them all to fit in the frame. 

i have nowhere to put them. i feel like Roger and Anita at the end of 101 Dalmatians. 

all i know is i love every single one of them.

[jumpingjacktrash]

this is what minecraft is for.

[sangled]

a tip for writing female characters: don’t be afraid to make her feral. just absolutely batshit. her actual intelligence? that can vary. but bring out the chaotic stupid tendencies. embrace her as a one brain cell enemy of the state

[donnasweettttttttt]

weird little girls are literally the most powerful creative beings on the planet like i promise you no art made by an adult man can even begin to touch the plotlines of an elementary school girl’s pretend game