I Fear I’ve Confused Myself @stuffedjuicebox - Tumblr Blog

The urge to change this blog to a POV of a juicebox…

Like twilight fanfiction but I get slam dunked into a trash can by an itty bitty child

I have these fun little bruises on my forearms (five total, three on my right, two on my left) and I’m not sure if it’s from helping my bestie move or bc my gf was in town

Bc I was carrying a lot of rebar but also my gf is reallyyyy strong

Found out Kermit the Frog’s birthday is Feb 29th (a leap year baby ) AND that they’ve done a Muppets adaptation of a few Pirates of Penzance songs but CRUCIALLY Kermit wasn’t playing Fredric!!

Disney, I have a fantastic business proposal for you. Most of it is Miss Piggy dressed as a pirate

#i need to see miss piggy as a pirate #it’ll fix me istg #it’ll be like the sequel for muppet treasure island #I think the major general should be the Swedish chef so that we get to hear th beauty of modern major general in fake Swedish #a nice post Midsommar treat

Love love love my manager~ that’s my Pisces bestie right there.

I’m on my period with super low iron and functionally no sleep so I’m suuuuuuper chatty and spacey rn and I’ve been rambling with my coworkers all day bc she’s giving off bubbly pixie vibes

But my sweetie pie of a boss listened to me ramble about when I would be submitting my admin report and then hard left go into my dmv picture and gas and taking time off and weddings and we concluded with me being like yeah I’ll get it to you on the 2nd and she was like 🥺 but I’ll miss your “happy [month]!” emails on the first so much

😭😭😭

And I was like I’ll send you a text wishing you a happy June 😊 and she just smiled and wiggled and was like ah! Don’t I feel special!!

Literally the cutiest patootiest person ever

#love you babe!!#genuinely she’s an amazing manager and like 60% of why I love my job #being able to help older folks and getting paid are also high on the list of why I love my job

Does anyone know that one TikTok audio from like years ago that started “makeup isn’t cakey. Beauty gurus lied to you” and the something along the lines of “they sold you products while donning skin smoothing filters and lighting. Makeup will always look like makeup.”

It’s this soft lilting British accent and my saved copy of it got deleted

Why did the joke “she’s more pirate than parrot” come out of my mouth to describe a monogamous relationship 😭

#my whimsical nature and sense of humor is genuinely only funny to me #bc most of the time people will laugh along with me bc of sheer charisma and then like ten minutes later I end up explaining it #the connections my brain makes. truly a fascinating study on how sleep deprivation impacts critical thinking

Is it the desire for intimacy in any form, even if it’s just the physicality and brutality of beating the shit out of each other?

#this is about sports btw #and that one fucking girl in my gf’s group that explicitly wants her to be poly so she can try to fuck #which she has refused multiple times and I’m uncomfy that it’s continued #but the girl is also a young suicidal trans woman so I’m wary of being too harsh bc I’ve met her once for 5 seconds #and genuinely I do think she needs so much positive reinforcement and a support system #but sometimes you need platonic relationships and you can’t just rely on romantic love to save you #she’s also not getting any therapy or treatment which I’m sure is ravaging her but I don’t want my gf caught in the crossfire #ahhhhhhhh #just. boundaries woman

We must emulate the brave and Noble microwave

Warm gentle spinning and vibrate your molecules until you feel Different

Me nodding sagely: the reason they’re called nipples and not sipples is because they always point north when you lie down

Coffee does make me erupt into anxious shakes and so nauseous that it’s making me sick but sweet drink…

#I am weak #it is perhaps becoming an issue #I maybe just need to bring my kettle in and delete the dunkin app #deleting the app is genuinely a great solution bc my anxiety and timing means the convenience is the only draw #also sugar. and the fact that it’ll mean I actually eat something instead of having my first meal at 6pm #I fucking hate being in the office bc my sleep and food and workout schedule has been ruined

Connections

Puzzle #1064

🟩🟩🟩🟩

🟪🟦🟦🟦

🟪🟦🟪🟦

🟪🟦🟦🟦

🟪🟦🟨🟦

Fuck me sideways but at least I made an A

#connections is a psyop #this is actively harming my mental health lmao #connections

My girlfriend thinking she’s not a U-Haul lesbian is crazy bc two sentences after telling me she wanted to date she followed it up with “I want you to know I want this to be long term. I’m doing this with the intention of marriage.” And then after two months of dating she let slip that she has the specifications for a specific proposal that we joke about all the time that would need to be custom made and then after three months of dating, I met two of her friends and one of them went “oh your wife?” Bc that’s what she calls me, it’s either “my partner” or “my wife”. Like madame, acknowledgment is the first step 🙄

Basking sharks are such a top tier shark. Like Hammerheads are classic, as are lemon sharks, but I can’t deny the sheer aura of having visible bones

#they’re just babies #the size of a school bus but a baby #it’s a filter feeder so it’s just going around mouth open #a behemoth uncaring of anything but slowly trudging forward consuming anything that enters its maw #it’s the biggest shark after whale sharks 💖#I love basking sharks so much

All I wanted was to remember the name of the Sacred Band of Thebes 🫠

#I love learning new things but not like this #rhaphanidosis?#legit all I tried to type was Greeks fighting to impress partners #the sacred band of Thebes #typo #outlook can eat my entire ass #Microsoft? yeah I bet you are 😡

Messed up that the dude who invented the ice pick lobotomy was actually really funny. How do you do such egregious violations to bodily autonomy and then call the van you’re doing them in the lobotomobile

And when you’re discovered secretly pioneering this bc you hid it from your surgical counterpart, you say “actually can you hold the ice pick? I wanna take some pictures!” (Who in fairness to Watts immediately was like wtf are you doing, severed the relationship, and smeared him the papers! Not that it lessened his influence until like 10 years later when chemical/pill lobotomies were used and then everyone was like actually Freeman, you’re a freak and keep killing people and we don’t like you anymore, go away)

#thank fucking god that LRH and Freeman never became besties #thank goodness LRH hated psychologist so much #the actual damage that would have done to the 1950/1960s? it’s not like they could get much worse but oof #god I love this history so much #psychology is so fucked up #thank goodness we fixed it back in the 80s and now have 0 issues in the profession #I do actually recount this to a ton of people to be like how much of my weird will you tolerate lol

Video call date night is always so fun bc she wants more space in her apartment and was contemplating getting rid of her couch in order make space for more swords and her immediate counter to her own argument was “wait no, we make out on that couch, I can’t get rid of it”

(It’s also fun bc my gf is the cutest, funniest, best woman ever who makes me laugh like no one else)

#no but it was super silly and weirdly productive?#I got really upset like three weeks ago and finally had the space to talk about it and she was so sweet about it #just being like no your upset is valid and I'm so sorry that everything went down the way it did and she was like we'll plan to communicate #so we settled on her getting a pager so I can contact her in the middle of her fighting (also one of her new friends bit her??)#that’s my job mf. it was on the arm so I’m tentatively okay with it but you’re on thin fucking ice #apparently the girly is super into wwii reenactments and has fun helmets so I want to meet her #also fun to keep the running total of how many times she asks me whether I want kids (she has no memory) it’s up to 8 #she’s only asked 3 times since we started dating so I guess that’s an improvement lol

My favorite thing about having a “shake to turn off” alarm is getting to violently and repeatedly slam my phone into my bed

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I Fear I’ve Confused Myself