This has been in my head since last december.
What’ll u say when someone asks u to describe what a mother is ?
Well for me, I dont have any particular definition about it until that last december.
I had this sickness for idk how long, but I kinda think that it is hereditary, and if it is then my father is the one who should take the blame lmao 😂
And here is what happened last december ( I’m not gonna describe the exact same thing that has happened to me, I will just use an analogy that matches well)
last december:
I was kinda put in a condition where I could not go out when I wanted to and I could not go in when I’m not being asked to.
The environment was that bad for me and I told myself that I had to endure it to made them proud and I also kinda wanted to make anyone who has been doubting me froze in awe.
As the time went on, I lost myself little by little. It was like the moment you woke up, you hate yourself for letting your own self do the things that was actually bad for your mental and health. And it got worse. Idk what was wrong with me, was it my capabilty to be social was lacking or was it just the changing environmet that was really killing me. But either way it really got me screwed.
I longed for help but others told me that I should kept hanging on a little bit longer, but some friends also agreed that what I’ve been through was not fine and I should get out while I can. Then dilemma really hit me that night until I finally called my mom.
Then I said all what I’ve been kept tight inside…… that I could not holding it any longer, because it was killing me, I swore that I didn’t even recognize myself back then; I lost too much of myself.
My mom told me that she would visit me so I could talk to her in person. Then she flew up right the next day to where I was. You know in that time, my mom told me implicitly that my father was a little bit disappointed in me and his sickness was raging up again so she told me to not telling my father anything about what I told her about.
The very next day, I met my mother. I run up to her while crying and ended up kneeled down as I stopped. She was confused and then realized that it really was killing me. Then she asked me one last time, was it really my final decision to do this, bcs she said it would take a lot of bravery. I said it is. Then we packed up my things and when to someplace we know to rest.
And suddenly in the middle of our way there, my sickness was raging up. My chest hurt so much I thought I had a heart attack or something; my hands and feet went cold as ice. We then stopped in a nearest hospital we could reach. I swear I thought that was my last moment there. In the car, my mother hugged me and kept me warm and told me everything would be okay. In that kinda moment who didn’t think that…that would be my last moment?
Then we arrived at the hospital, I got wheelchair ready for me. I was kinda sleepy and all I can remember was I got an IV.
As I sobering up, I overheard my father and mother talking on the phone saying that I must go home if it was that bad and what I found sweet was my father said “It’s my child’s life for god’s sake, I don’t wanna lose her”
Well then I got home in the very next day. Not home actually, but I got hospitalized a few days from then.
So, there is something that everybody should keep as a rule to themselves.
YOU CAN’T BE HARD ON YOURSELF. And yes sometimes it’s saddening that loved ones don’t believe you, so you must stand up for yourself but it’s okay; it is for your own self and little thingy inside you that’s been guiding you the whole time ;)
And for my mom, thank you so much for always looking after me. Thank you for always be there. Thank you for bravely got me out. Thank you that you got the nerve to do the things you didn’t applied for. Most of all, thank you for being my mother❤️
And now I can answer when someone asks me what a mother is.
A mother is someone who bravely jumped into a plane to save his daughter and not knowing what the aftermath will be :“)
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