Stupid Job Post

These are real job posts that I've collected since I started looking at job boards daily for my service Workshop.

[stupidjobpost]

Sup? Could you help us find our next Millennial Super Fans with your party tricks?

[stupidjobpost]

We're one of the most innovative and rapidly expanding tech start-ups from Silicon Valley.

Some company you’ve never heard of

[stupidjobpost]

Love the inside of an office? Then stop reading. Now! We’re looking for a sales Rockstar. And it might just be YOU (yes, you) we’re after.

[stupidjobpost]

Our current web platform has hockey stick growth but we are looking for someone to take this to the next level.

[stupidjobpost]

Do you have a dog eared copy of ‘Secrets of the JavaScript Ninja’ beside your bed?

[stupidjobpost]

Are you incredibly organized? Does a beautiful list send chills down your spine

[stupidjobpost]

***Payment in equity until funding***

[stupidjobpost]

Are you a Rails swat ninja global superstar? Are you gaga for GitHub? Pirouette in Pivotal? Tippy for testing?

[stupidjobpost]

if you are into fitness, cars, guns, muscles, or anything of the sort then let's talk!

[stupidjobpost]

You may know Bad-Ass Rock Star Tech like the back of your hand, but if you don’t know how to rebase, we’ll still cringe.

[stupidjobpost]

It helps if you're a sponge, particularly the kind of sponge that thrives in freshwater, salt water, warm currents and ice floes. In other words, a superhuman sponge.

[stupidjobpost]

If Michelangelo had his Sistine Chapel, then you have the internet. With one hand on a mouse and the other on a keyboard, you create the world’s next masterpiece. And just like Michelangelo, you have a shell on your back. Oh, wait.

[stupidjobpost]

You are a DOM-savvy, SASS-fluent Javascript maestro who has considered naming your pets after CSS display property values.

[stupidjobpost]

If ’Swift’ makes you think object-oriented programming and not Taylor, it’s time we talked. And not just about your taste in pop music.

[stupidjobpost]

“Trollin’ on social media, booze cruising around Manhattan, or simply buying AdWords- it doesn’t matter to us how you get users to utilize your product.”

[stupidjobpost]

We’re holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night. They’ve gotta be fast and they’ve gotta be fresh from the fight. The fight for scaleable web apps, of course.

[stupidjobpost]

Why us? We’re awesome. Come and be awesome with us. (Or at least near us.)