Simplistic Trance-Like Getaway

Est. 2009 Sometimes you never know that you can write anything when you're in doubt.

[styhes]

[styhes]

Things I can’t do until now

Some people believe that no matter how many times you did something good to others, people will only remember you by your mistakes. even if it’s just one mistake. I used to think that it’s rude, well we live in a cruel world anyway. But as the time goes by, i realized that one mistake indeed will remain forever in our mind.

and I, belong to that ‘some people’. But the difference is, i pretend to be blind about that before. I believe that people can change for good. I believe that feelings can change. but in the end, it didn’t end well for me.

I ended up hurting myself all over again, believe that ‘this person’ would change for good, or at least trying to and all those good things that ‘this person’ did, all covered up by one mistake. The one mistake that i can’t forget maybe for the rest of my life, the one mistake that i can’t forgive maybe for the rest of my life.

Why? because it hurt me so bad. I quoted from How I Met Your Mother line “Sometimes hours can feel like minutes; and sometimes a single second can last a lifetime” and as for me, that time when ‘this person’ did that mistake, it feels like my world just stop spinning, time froze, and so does everyone around.

I used to believe, i can forget this, i can forgive this. but in the end, i just can’t. not now. not in a million years. This thing just keep spinning around in my mind, hiding in my deepest thought and suddenly popped-up out of nowhere. When things went bad between us, this mistake came back to me and made me realize i was a fool, but i keep trying to give another chance.

As we getting older, i’m getting tired. Tired of keep giving ‘this person’ another chance and tired of hurting myself and feeling like a fool everytime. i know i’m not a perfect person, maybe that one mistake happened because i wasn’t good enough, maybe i was never good enough and i will never be.

If anyone say just forget and forgive about that. i’d say no. i just can’t do that. it’s not that simple, not that easy.

[styhes]

When in doubt, re-read the old conversation from the start and realized, we were so happy back then

Now i understand why you say sorry so many times until now

[styhes]

I kinda miss our old conversation

There’s like a concrete walls between us now

[styhes]

Why does this unrealistic feels so real. Stuck in reverse.

[styhes]

Pelangi by HiVi! First time using Adobe After Effect after a really long time curious about how to do those effects and those swirly-rotate-thing. Actually, this is just a short verson that i used as a trial. I already made one video dedicated to my working team (with different content of course). Maybe i'll share it tomorrow. After all, this tumblr is kinda like time machine for me, so i want to put some stuffs that i can reminisce later. 😊

[styhes]

Begitu Saja

Begitu saja, dirimu lelah. Dengan sikapku yang terkadang membuatmu gerah. Begitu saja, dirimu menyerah. Dengan sifatku yang terkadang membuatmu harus mengalah. Hanya begitu saja, Kukira perjuanganmu masih ada. Berjuang bersama untuk kita. Disaat dirikupun selalu terus mencoba, Menutupi segala keluh kesah di dada Akan sifat dan sikapmu yang selalu menguras pikiran dan tenaga. Tapi ternyata hanya begitu saja, Kau angkat tanda menyerah. Dan pergi begitu saja, meninggalkanku tanpa sepatah kata. Hingga akhirnya begitu saja, aku pun menjadi sangat lelah. Kan kubiarkan kau pergi saja. Takkan ku ganggu, takkan ku rayu. Karena dirikupun masih banyak menyimpan sisa, sisa janji palsumu.

[styhes]

So please tell me, could you please leave without ripping apart all those time we've spent and memories? But never mind, so i won't reminisce them next time

[styhes]

It happened to hurt like hell. But then again it came, the one reason that shouldn't waste your tears in the first place. You know and you realized that, he was never into you all this time.

[styhes]

And it all gone. Like a dust in the sun. Fly away to nowhere. Wondering no more.

[styhes]

I used to think that you're different. You're not gonna believe everything they said. But i was wrong.

[styhes]

There goes another little birdie talks. Little birdie got jealous so he/she ripped apart everything we had.

[styhes]

I know there's no future for us. And we never will. But i'd like to hanging around with you. Because i knew that i always have a shoulder to lean on.

[styhes]

Just right now, i can't decide whether my expectations are better than my reality or not.

If only i had a chance to see my future just for a 10 seconds

[styhes]

Tiba Saatnya

Akan tiba saatnya, Dikala hati tak merindu, Namun hati terasa sendu. Seakan dunia telah hancur Menjadi serpihan-serpihan kecil layaknya abu. Bukan hanya tentang cinta, Tapi melainkan tentang sebuah rasa. Rasa yang memang tumbuh sedari dulu kala. Rasa untuk membahagiakan kedua orang tua. Namun dunia berkata, Tidak gampang begitu saja. Memang begitu terasa. Bahwa ini memang sulit luar biasa. Dan kini tiba saatnya, Akupun mulai merasa Bahwasanya memang rasa itu ada, namun aku masih belum sampai disana. Yang ada hanyalah rasa, Bahwa aku belum bisa apa-apa. Selain berkeluh kesah, Ingin menggapai mimpi tapi masih kurang usaha.

[styhes]

Ternyata aku salah

Dan begitu saja, jutaan detik yang ku habiskan bersamamu ternyata hanyalah bualan belaka.

Dan begitu saja, jutaan air mata yang ku teteskan selama ini ternyata sia-sia.

Dan begitu saja,

Yang kupikir aku menghabiskan waktu bersama dengan orang yang tepat. Ternyata aku salah

Yang kupikir aku mencurahkan seluruh perasaanku kepada orang yang kupikir adalah orang yang tepat. Ternyata aku salah

Yang kupikir aku bahagia bersama orang yang memang juga bahagia bersamaku. Ternyata aku salah.

Dan begitu saja,

Semesta memang selalu menentang apabila ku memikirkanmu. Namun selalu kuanggap ‘tak apalah’

Ternyata aku salah.

[styhes]

Ternyata

Dan ternyata, memang semua hanya khayal belaka Dan ternyata, memang semua hanya pemikiran dalam kepala Dan ternyata, itu bukanlah diriku. Namun dirinya Terima kasih tuhan telah kembali membukakan mata, hati dan telinga Hingga pada akhirnya akupun tidak jatuh kedalam lubang yang sama.