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How many times should I decline?

How many times do I have to shrink away or cower for you to stop?

Arent you running out of delusions to fuel your determination?

Why?

Isnt once enough for you to get the point? How many lines do I need to tell you that I dont want to?

I’m so fucked up

2nd (Atleast Virtually)

It’s been two months and I’m slowly losing my self-control. I’ve unintentionally called you by names which I plan to spoil you with when we’re along together. We know more and more about each other and understand deeper the love that’s been given to us. We thank God more, which is the center of our love. How we acknowledge the fact that we can lose it anytime and it’s not ours to take yet from the hands of our Maker. I’m not sure if I’m already in love but whatever we have is a gift to both of us, a beautiful and unbelievable gift...

1st

I wonder what ran through your thoughts when I asked if you were willing to marry me and laid down my rules. Did you freak out or was appalled and thought I must be crazy? I don’t know, you handled it pretty well. It was my turn to be surprised when you asked me to clear the lines and assured me all the way. Then I thought “Finally, someone who gets it”. You weren’t like the other guys who thought it was ridiculous and futile, you respected the boundaries and were willing to stand on the other side while you look me straight in the eyes. Ever since I met you, I knew this is a chance and a test given by God. The same night you confessed, I really did freaked out. I prayed multiple times for the Lord to take control of my heart since I cannot trust it. I surrendered you to God and gave Him our plans: The five kids, our studies, our beach wedding, our list of dates and the dishes that you promised to cook for me (It’s amazing how much we’ve discussed about our future). I laid down our “Us” and have faith that He’ll give us the time and sign to be together like how we planned it. I like you JM and I really do.

Confusion 12/14/2021

Your poetic love gives me hope In a world where I try my best to smile and cope The Cheshire grin plastered sincerely, to your words that scream flattery and are ever pronounced so clearly Your midnight confessions spark confusion, To my little heart that screams, "It's just an illusion” Stunned and breathless, your poems leave me So I pray to God, “Lord, please let us be”

We continue to know each other day by day and whisper each other’s names as we kneel down and pray The secrets and plans we make under the midnight sun’s rays each night we trust each other and to the One we both relay.

Oh trust me I’m not going back. I don’t care anymore I’m done waking up to your screams I’m done with you making me feel so stupid I’m done being everyone’s punching bag Ruin my name I don’t care At least I get to keep my peace this time And I’ve been waiting for the day That I’ll never worry about how I walk and talk To finally find solace And I do love you Pero if it means that I’ll daily live in an empty shell I’d rather die and be part of this family I told you it would never work With your closed eyes and unhearing ears I never made the cut And I’m happy with that Everyone who sees can see it I don’t have to worry about it anymore More people live to see you for who you are Be careful

You want it to be me

And I know that for sure

You feel guilty and ramble

Because he looked so torn

But why am I calm and steady?

Shouldn't I be crying with scorn?

Maybe I made peace with the idea

That someday there's got to be the storm

Good morning H.E.R

a-moonlit-poet

US.

I looked into the mirror

and

I didn't see myself.

I saw the person

who has seen a lot more

than I ever did.

I saw the scars;

which others found fake.

I saw all the pain

which others call mistakes.

I traced my fingers over the wounds

that no longer hurt.

The dried up blood

from the deep cuts of bloody words.

I devoured the eyes

which are tired yet beautiful.

I tasted the lips,

which are hiding some unspoken truth.

Yet;

I love her.

I love the person she has become.

I fell in love

With the flaws that make her.

All her imperfections

That slowly builds her up.

She is everything

I ever hoped to be.

And also someone

I could never ever be.

Eros

To be able to love while you are still crippled by your thoughts seems difficult to impossible. You can’t seek love because you won’t be able to see it if every time you open your eyes all you see is pain, darkness and your self. To love is give up yourself for the other, how can you love if you don’t know what it is you should be? Love isn’t an escape nor should it be treated as a band-aid. Yes, it helps conceal and suppress the emotions aside but does it heal you? Does it knit the tissues broken or just stop the bleeding? Does it stop the thoughts that keep you up at night or the ones that made you stare into space when no one’s looking? You can’t be with someone and expect them to heal you, too. Not everyone wants to play “shrink” and no one can heal you. It’s up to you. Just you.

Continuity

Every second the planets maneuver, somewhere a heart beats for the first time and a heart beats for the last time on the other side. Everyday the sky is a new canvass and everyone holds the privilege to marvel and behold the different hues swirling from above.

Life goes on whether you’re ready for it or not. Should you keep up and blindly stumble around or take a step back till you find a stable ground? Life goes on and there’s no time for “buts”. You chase and run to feel you’re still bound but what happens when you’re not in sync of what surrounds?

Tiresome

When you have the perfect supply of love and energy, it’s easier to remember to recharge. It’s easier to be reminded that taking a step back isn’t so bad after all, but you’re also bound to get tired sometimes. You feel your face sagging and your heart weary, the tingly buzz in your head and numbness of your fingers. It’s normal. You’re normal.

qvotext

And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.

Kiersten White; The Chaos of Stars (via qvotext)

Captain of the soul

“I know where to go” the captain said. He boarded his one manned ship and hoisted the anchor, set sailed and navigated with the beat of his heart. “This is my ship and my journey” he set forth travelling from east to west looking for a treasure that’ll make the journey meaningful leaving the waves that slams the smaller ships he can’t see from where he steers. Finally, the sun sunk and he dropped his anchor and saw the captains who’ll never set sail again. How do we steer the vessels that we think we’ve created? The same ship that portrays the image of what we perceive it to be. May it be a small canoe or a warship, it desires a destination. What would yours be? An island for provision? Or set five more knots to nothingness and sojourn to every inch of the vast ocean? The decision is yours to make but what of the waves when you steer?

#second layer

1st Layer

How amazing would it be to have the courage and the strength and ponder into the unknown. Isn’t it disturbing and fascinating to uncover hundreds of answers that’ll confuse or adhere to answers already sought out by some. Would you dare and leave the world you find tiresome and skip into the oblivion that makes your head hum? Why dwell amongst the burden? Why sink into the familiar pit and still expect comfort? “The world is many things” You said it yourself. Continuously, you deny the longingness. You deny and let the fear cripple you. You denied. How will you see? How?

#firstlayer

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