There's a Japanese aesthetic called "kintsukuroi" or "kintsugi" meaning "gold-mending/repairing". Basically broken pottery is mended back together or cracks filled with melted gold. The idea being broken things with time, patience and effort can be repaired or put together back together; still flawed, still imperfect but still functional and beautiful.
I feel that, deeply.
For too long, I've hid behind a veneer of perfectionism, too afraid letting the cracks show and reveal how broken I was. I gave the illusion of "having my s*** together" for the sake of work, gigs, friends and lovers, meanwhile I was still cracking. I still have a problem with vulnerability and reaching out for fear of being a burden or drama or negative or weak and was brainwashed into believing pushing things down, avoiding them, moving on and being "perfect" and "together" was the "adult" thing to do. Recent events have made me reevaluate things and do some real soul searching and introspection. I have years of unaddressed, unresolved and unhealed trauma that has affected my relationships with people and stunted my own growth and evolution. I'm no longer hiding my cracks but I do want to fix them.
Much like kintsukuroi, healing trauma is a hard and time consuming process. That said, adressing the problems and actually putting in the work yields great end results.
I'm broken but not unfixable or unlovable or unattractive. I'm broken but still beautiful.
